Stop Texting A Friend Who Isn’t There
May 31, 2009 
18 Comments
Sunday is still by far my favorite day of the week. You know what’s so funny, though, is how many people beginning on Sunday afternoon experience what I call “Monday anxiety.”
The minute Sunday afternoon rolls around, they start thinking about work. They start worrying about the upcoming week. My Mom even used to lay out the clothes she was going to wear on Monday. People do all this, and in essence kill the rest of their Sunday.
What is really sad about this, is that people who have “Monday anxiety” are people who really only have a one day weekend. As far as I’m concerned, I couldn’t care less about Monday until it is Monday.
So today for those of you who suffer from “Monday anxiety,” just relax and enjoy your Sunday! I purposely posted this blog late today, because I know you “Monday anxiety” sufferers are already deep into your suffering and I was hoping that just maybe this might be your connection back to Sunday.
Today’s blog is directed to the women out there, but I know all you guys can relate to this situation as well.
You know, it is difficult for most guys to approach a group of women. Women are just brutal about going out in packs of three or four, and then just huddling together. It’s really intimidating for a lot of guys to approach the group to meet one of the women in the group in whom he’s interested.
There is something I see going on time and time again in these “packs” of women that I really wanted to address. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone out and seen a man approach one of these packs of women, and there will be one woman who sits there texting someone who is not even there but giving the absent party the blow by blow of what’s going on around her.
You can imagine the texts now. “Oh Mary, you should really come here. There are so many cute guys here.” I would want to ask our texter this: How would YOU know? You’re not even present!
When you’re out and with a group of people, don’t text another person who is not there. It’s hard enough for guys to approach you in the first place.
You don’t want to be that woman who is just texting away nonstop, because it means that you are not present in the moment. If you’re not present in the moment then you’re going to miss tons of opportunities to meet someone.
So from now on if you’re out with a group and feel compelled to have a text talk, then take yourself to the bathroom and do it when you’re alone. Don’t text people when you’re in a restaurant or bar when you’re out to meet people.
Don’t text people who aren’t there, because as you’re giving attention to someone who isn’t there you are also ignoring people who are there. In particular, you are ignoring any men with whom you could possibly be connecting at that moment.
So start opening up your energy. The truth is that if you are out in one of these “women packs,” you are going to have to if you want men to approach. Four women will be out together in a football-like huddle, and they will wonder why guys aren’t approaching them.
If you want men to approach you in this situation, your energy has to change. You have to smile. Â You’ve got to face the room, and not have your back turned to the crowd of people around you. When you do that, you make it virtually impossible to approach you.
When you open your energy, face the crowd and smile, you make it possible for men to break into your pack. So the next time you’re out and one of your friends is texting, grab her phone and tell her to remain open and present. You will all have a much more enjoyable night!
I am a recovering “Monday anxiety” sufferer… I used to actually have quite a bad case of it – so bad, in fact, that I would wake up on Sundays feeling that “Monday anxiety” in the pit of my stomach.
I feel badly to have to admit, that I used to really HATE Sundays back then…
After I changed jobs and went to work with people I really like, though, I became a recovering “Monday anxiety” sufferer — and now it only happens once in a blue moon when I forget that I’m no longer at the OLD job
Spot on David. Most men, a lot of them great guys, find it hard to approach women they do not know, why put up any extra hurdles ladies? It doesn’t make you look desperate, it makes you look more friendly. And we love that!
I have noticed that a lot of women feel like they always have to look busy. So they get their phones out, most of the time pointlessly opening and closing menus or reading old text messages, or writing texts that don’t need to be written anyway!
Looking busy does not make us guys think you are popular because people are contacting you. Always being busy isn’t an attractive trait in my view, because busy people don’t take the time to enjoy life and relate to people.
I think a lot of people, men & women both like to be seen talking on their phone and smiling & laughing because it sends out the message to all around them that they have friends, are probably popular or at least they’re not some antisocial loner. It kind of gives them a way of showing social proof, even if they actually have very little. They could be talking to their mother or just faking it completely as a way of making them seem less alone. Problem is, it is doing them no actual good. It’s of no actual benefit because they could be using everything you have to teach David instead of having to fake it.
And for those who are texting Mr or Miss Not There, it’s time to put down the phone or iPod or PDA and live in the moment. Because only then will you be able to effectively communicate & interact with people in the here & now. And speaking of iPods, I’m seeing more & more people walking around in the mall, on the street and even in a few restaurants with the friggin iPod & earbuds completely zoned out in their “iPod isolation” as someone here coined it. They’re also cutting themselves off from people which does NOT help them. And suppose there’s an emergency, and someone’s calling out to them like “Look out!!!” because they’re walking across the street in a coma not paying any attention & they get hit by a car? No doubt that’s happened some.
So folks, you need to unplug more and be more aware & in the moment. Be in the here & now!
Great blog will comment later though…
If anything I used to look forward to work as I had an amazing time doing it. But anxiety no. Can’t fuss over things that I can’t control. When it come to people txt/sms in others company I find it highly amusing to watch all the subtle ways people sneak in a sms. It makes great people watching. Recently I saw this one on Ted. It has some nice observations.
http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/renny_gleeson_on_antisocial_phone_tricks.html
I can’t even remember what life was like before texting anymore! Everywhere I go I see people texting whenever they’re just sitting around by themselves. It’s kind of sad really…
Kudos to you for inventing these words, David! I used to be a “Monday anxiety” sufferer… But nowadays, whenever I feel like that, I’ll speak to myself, “I don’t give a shit about that, I’m just going to enjoy every moment that’s in my life.” =) And yes, I actually do feel intimidated to approach a group of women.
I was just in a bar the other night and I saw tons of women texting in packs of 4 or more. When my friends and I see a big group of girls like that we’re usually like, “suicide mission, forget it.” When I’m talking to a group of girls and one is texting I usually interpret that as either, “I’m not interested” or “I have a boyfriend.” So girls, if your interested don’t text while talking to us! It sends mixed messages.
Justin:
I’m one of those people. I tend to do that when I’m in an unfamiliar, uncomfortable place. But I’m learning not to rely on it.
No, no, I don’t have “Monday anxiety”, because this Monday is a public holiday in Germany. Unfortunately, I am suffering from Tuesday anxiety now. I have a two-pronged strategy against this anxiety. First of all, I try to be more in the moment, concentrate on what’s important NOW. Secondly, I’ll change my job later this year.
The world would be a better place if more girls would get David’s advice. It was such a nice and sunny day in Hamburg yesterday with thousands of people strolling around Lake Alster. Lots of good vibrations, but also lots of cute girls with closed or angry faces. Fortunately, not all of them.
david,
it’s been a while.very true here. i found out that women start texting while hanging out with their bunch of friends and it’s hard for me to approached them. they texting NON-STOP all night long.
the moment i approched them they keep holding the phone/texting and i tried to have a conversation still i don’t feel the urge to continue the conversation and i just walk away because i don’t give a shit and i feel the energy is so low and make me feel tired.
same goes too guys as well, a few friends of mine did the same things eventually. to me i just switched off the phone at that moment and only on it back when i move away from the crowds.
Nice blogs david.
thanks
Vern’s
Did you know that I wont talk to anyone who uses the phone or cell phone but there are sometimes i will say hi but keep walking. That to me is being rude to other people that is like telling your friend hey i want you to pay attention to me. If I am with a group of girls and I am scooping the territory looking for men don’t be showing me your text message because i might make a comment to hurt your feelings. Anyway why take competition when a woman is looking for a man go by yourself too many distractions when women get together especially when you have one in the crowd that has a chip on her shoulder and wants others to see men the way she does. Choosing Adam over Eve, Eve will leave.
Great blog! Texting it seems has been replacing socializing these days. I also find that people tend to hide behind their texts when they want to avoid talking so it definitely can impact meeting people. I think this applies to both men and women!!!
Personally, I hate a woman who’d be constantly texting during a date… that’s even worse that looking busy while waiting for men to approach.
At least if she’s doing something, I can still go up and talk to her about how she could become the next “fastest texting finger of the East/West” LOL
I feel exactly the same way David. I find it less appealing to approach a woman if she is not in the moment or emotionally available. When they are on their phones it seems like they are trying to hide behind them. ( I think you talked about that in another blog )
Khiem,
Great approach idea. I’m thinking that approach is why your dating people who text on their dates?
Kismet,
We men do not look down on a woman who is by herself, or looks a tad uneasy or uncomfortable. In fact that is likely to attract men to you as they can see you’re perhaps bored and could do with being engaged. The “I don’t want to bother her” mentality goes immediately.
David
Great fucking piece of advice I just wish most of the women who didn’t text to third person when their actually not with them it’s kinda annoying and plus it makes the guys seconds question themselves before going to talk to them I guess it’s problem from both sides but if they stop texting it will make this a lot easier.