Stop Counting Lovers!
November 15, 2007 
33 Comments
Stop Counting Lovers!
By David Wygant
You knew this one was coming after yesterdays post.
Let me ask you a few questions:
• Are you one of those people who has a running count on the number of lovers you’ve had?
• Are you a man who loves to boast to his friends about the number of notches on your bedpost?
• Are you someone who EVERY TIME you get laid has to add that person to the list so you can tell someone about it?
• Are you someone who has slept with very few people who is proud of the number of people you’ve slept with yet not proud of your lack of experience, so instead of experiencing people to become a better lover you protect that number like you do your credit rating?
It seems like we’ve become a number obsessed society . . . especially on the Internet. Everything is about a number.
On myspace.com or facebook.com, it’s how many so-called friends you have. Everybody wants to be your friend, so their number is greater than somebody else’s.
How about on online dating sites? Don’t tell me you never look to see who has viewed you and how many people view you on a daily basis.
What about practically every article on the homepage of Yahoo or AOL? They’re all about the number; they’re all about the “top three things . . .” or the “top ten ways . . .”
Life has become about being a number. The higher your number, supposedly the cooler you are . . . except when it comes down to counting lovers. It seems like the more lovers you’ve had, the more judgmental people are about you.
Take this hypothetical situation. Mary meets Bob (no relation to our resident psychopath doctor) and she likes Bob. Mary has slept with 3.6 people (the 0.6 person being a man she met on vacation who was only able to get 0.6 of his penis inside her). Bob meanwhile has slept with 73 people.
During their dating process, Mary asks Bob how many lovers he’s had. So Bob, being proud of the number, tells her.
Now I know what some of you are thinking. What about disease? Sleeping with a lot of people and being safe most likely means you won’t be getting an STD. STDs don’t count numbers . . .they count unprotected sexual encounters.
When Mary hears the number of lovers Bob has had, she freaks out. To her, this evokes the memory of Bill Belichick running up the scoreboard on her beloved Washington Redskins. She can’t get the 52 -7 score out of her head, so her attraction level for Bob dies. This is ridiculous!
It does not matter how many lovers someone has had before you. All that matters is the person they’ve become throughout all of their experiences.
As far as I’m concerned, I couldn’t care less if a woman has had a hundred lovers. I don’t look at her as being dirty . . . I just look at her as someone who has been free with her body, and who has experienced all the wonderful things life has to offer.
As for the guy who brags to his friends about the number of lovers he’s had, he really needs to grow up and stop trying to prove that he can “get” women. That’s all that kind of bragging really is . . . for when a person counts lovers, it is usually about their ego and about proving something to themselves.
Maybe we should start a website for people who like to count lovers called “myface.com,” where people could put up little pictures of all the people who have sat on their face. That way instead of bragging, you could just send someone to your “myface” page so they could check out all the lovers you’ve had.
When I was in my early twenties I used to count lovers because it was all about ego. I stopped counting lovers a LONG time ago. So please don’t ask me about how many lovers I’ve been with . . . just ask me what I can do for you.
Todays video is all about caffeine and how to use the power of caffeine to meet someone.
Thank you David. Leave the morality police at home and really find out about the person. We talk about being open to all types of people, and potentially missing out if we aren’t. Curious how it doesn’t extend to the numbers game. I just think its an unreasonable expectation of someone in their thirties or forties, and beyond.
THANK YOU DAVID for this BLOG and so timely it is too in it’s arrival per recent Blog exchanges. If you were before me I’d bow hands to heart center for these particular pearls of Wisdom.
I’m sorry David, but here’s a number for you …
1,000,000 x 1,000,000 times THANK YOU
NAMASTE
Bertie: People want to know about each other. The question would be, What are proper or respectful questions that can be asked? It must depends on each person. Sounds like your boundries are being crossed. Looks like a respect issue you are having. BTW…. I’m not asking!
The thing is Jim, I don’t know what the number is, if I did I’d use it as a way of excluding those men who would ask from my must see again list. I am much more concerned with how a man treats others around him, if he tries to do the right thing, if he gives back to his community in some way, does he engage in unprotected sex outside of a monogamous relationship, not how many women he has slept with. The germs don’t care how many times you’ve partaken, and neither do I. I only care if a man has had sex while stupid.
As to the respect issue, I found with the last first date, he always asks this question of a woman. So I don’t think the respect issue lies with me, but with him, or perhaps its a maturity issue.
DAVID:
“So please don
Bertie: You sound frustrated. Use whatever works for you. I was just offering a thought. People tend to have weak boundries, or dont respect others. You can weed through all the jerks you want.
But I thought it was all a numbers game… lol.
Brad…Behave!
Jim,
I’m doing that. I figure you have to weed through a lot of jerks before you find a man you want to be around for more than just the coffee meet. Its kind of like tending to your dating garden. If you’re not open to having to weed out, you might miss a perfectly wonderful sprout. I’m just crabby about it because I’m a perfectly fine specimen with a few exceptions, and I keep running into nitwits.
Brad:
The numbers game??
Thats connect the dots not collect wet spots:)) LOL
Bertie: Dont settle! I know you got it going on. Relax and keep your hands open. Good things will flow your way.
David-
First of all, I want to thank you for putting up the series of videos, which are really excellent. You do a great job of getting your point across in straight-ahead language, and the give-and-take of the questions and answers is fun to watch.
As for the counting, I’ve stopped, from time to time, to count the number of women I’ve been intimate with, but more out of an idle curiosity than anything else. The number is low enough that I’d just get laughed at anyway if I tried to brag about it. But I’ve never asked a woman how many guys she’s slept with. As so many people here have already said, “What’s the point?” Only what she does after you’ve met matters.
Jim,
I did some settling about ten years ago with a man I had truly outgrown, but thought it was the right thing to do, to remain married to him. You won’t find me settling again.
Bertie – Where’s the fun in behaving? … I’m glad you told Brad to behave and not me
P.S. GO RAVENS!!!
Shelby,
I’m old enough to tell pretty much everyone here to behave…lol.
Actually, it was meant very playfully, and if we were all sitting in a room together talking, I would have gotten up and smacked his arm…..
Brad,
Don’t make me do the behave pinch.
Great post today!
Joe,
I suspect poor David posted this to get me to shut up and quit bitchin. LOL!
Bertie, i doubt that, if someone want to get to know you, they wouldnt ask such question. I mean who fucking cares. i dont. What matters more is that your both together at that moment, connecting and having a good time.
cheers,
Joe
I love it when women tell me to “behave”… it means I’m on the right track… lol
I totally agree with you. People who tell me the number of women they slept with, rather it be 1 or 10,000, seem so AFC to me.
Just food for thought—–but I think when a man goes around boasting of his brawn in numbers———he hasn’t done shit!!! AND if he has–it wasn’t WORTH the powder it would take to blow your brains out-so to speak!
I would see these insecure pocket pool players in the gym as they loved themselves in the mirror. I would hear them boasting of how many girls they “nailed.” WTF are you a man or a hammer. I had one ask me if I had any latin in me. Seeing as I am French-I said no.His reply woulg you like some in you???? LOL Mmmmm had I been a free woman—-NO! Too pretty boy.
Don’t get me wrong——–I like it when its “Hammer Time!” LOL BUT don’t brag and boast. It only shows your desperation to actually HAVE a number to count past your one hand—-the hand that has been seeing—er feeling–all the action thus far.
Can we get a “head” count by the “hand” count?? Yes I see all those hands in your pockets, and I know you ain’t packen—a pistol I mean! LOL LMAO
Hello Joe! Thank you. That’s my personal belief too.
Mack,
AFC? American Football Conference?
Brad,
I’d runaway with the track, train, tunnel, innuendo, but I’m trying to be good. I’ve been so pissy about the how many thing that I’m trying to behave…..
Speaking of numbers…I work with numbers every day….I like statistics…
I don’t judge people by numbers, but how I feel about them. And still…
Does anyone know how many sexual partners on average every american man has in a lifetime? Or a women? Just curious…
he average British woman sleeps with 6.9 lovers during her lifetime, according to a new survey.
But statistics rarely tell the whole story. While some women believe that more than one lover is too many, there are others seemingly happy to change partners as frequently as their handbags.
Here, SADIE NICHOLAS asks five women how many lovers they have had – and examines the emotional consequences of their sexual choices.
khater
CHRISTINA KHATER was in her early teens when she made the decision to remain a virgin until she married.
As a teenager at a state school, her only physical contact with the opposite sex were kisses with a boy she dated for a few months at 14.
Now aged 22 and a film studies graduate, she is still a virgin. She lives in a flat in London with her 22-year-old fiancee Gabriel Wakim. She has been seeing him for three years – but they have never had sex.
“I decided that when I had sex for the first time, I wanted it to be special and I would wait until my wedding night,” she explains, keen to point out that her vow of chastity is not for religious reasons.
And having watched her friends get hurt over the years, she feels vindicated in her decision.
to jessica,
…the average american male? Including prostitutes? hhhmmmhh, how funny?
Why it is funny?
to dw,
…..I know a man who admits to having 3 female partners in his life time….he went on to say, ” I have been married 3 times.”
hunter
that is funny.
its not the amount of lovers you have its what you do with them:)
Nice blog with good points. I don’t know, I’m reading the opinions and everyone sounds so politically correct. Sure it sounds great to say, It’s not about the numbers but what you can do for me and people should recycle, and eat healthy, and excercise is the real fountain of youth, but in reality people don’t always do that. With my dating experiences and relationships, I don’t ask how many but if a man volunteers that number and it’s 3x his age,..hell yeah I’m going to take a second thought. Because the number can also relate to “what can and will you do for me.” My thought is this, if you volunteer to me a large sexual number, I want to now know how much time did you take to get to know the person, will you take the time to get to know me, is your goal to “bang me” and move on, or…..are you at a point in your life that you want to have sex with me and enjoy the moment or am I a score. I don’t ask the question because it’s not my business but if the number is volunteered then I want to know your intentions for me, meaning, am I a score to get or do you really want to be with me. I’m in my thirties now and I use to think this was a twenty something concern but now that I date men in their 30′s and forties I find that there are some that play these numbers and are out to score Pu##@.
Bella,
The number crunchers are out there in every age bracket. I’ve found that the most fun, least likely to be judgmental group are in their thirties.
to jessica,
Wealthy men, maybe we shouldn’t say that, lets say, successful men, have dozens of partners in their life time. TV actors, athletes, good looking men, say, they can’t get to bed, witout a woman being in there already…….
Nice and i agree david…but now what to answer when women ask you: how many gf’s you had ?
Answer to the GF question is 3, but to how many girls I have had, X10 the number of GFs. Not my fault. Happened mostly when i was at school. Now, you alsmost have to pay for it. Currently don’t have any GF or lover. AIDS thing’s scary too. Luckily i play safe and I -ve. after I found that out I decide to to chill and wait for my “wife” where ever she may be