Yeah!… but when that happens,… isn’t that called love?

no gentleman asks a lady about her age and no lady has reason to tell upfront.
“Another problem is that I look 20 years younger than I am and I’m getting hit on by men the age of my eldest son..” isn’t that a cool thing? as for the condoms, have some with you, we guys tend to forget about them. you know how to put them on do you? if not at least he should know.
if you do compare, then compare. you will certainly find things that you like and haven’t experienced yet without having to lower the value of your past experiences and some will be rubbish, but hell ya, thats life.

just my2c. take care.

you are right, all of our experience is a reflection of ourself since we are constantly projecting our own inner awareness into the world and things we don’t like with us we don’t like with others and vice versa. i think this is part of the rationalization process and we certainly can overcome bad experiences this way if we look at the negative (or better neglected) parts within us and get at ease with them. “I am ok, you are ok”, isn’t that what they say in transaction analysis? But there are still things we simply don’t want to get along with, because they are not in our value- and beliefsystem, which are integrated parts of our personality. so you don’t want to get blind for your dark spots but you want to keep your boundaries as well. i think that’s the hard part to not lose yourself into constantly questioning yourself, but if you manage to establish a deeper connection by realizing that we are all human beings with our flaws and with best intentions but sometimes bad strategies to get there, all the better. i guess at this level it is were the change comes in.

and for the friend box… that’s a tough one. “lets just be friends” is a clear stop signal and as a man interacting with a woman it questions your role as a man. if you start out as “friends” and make out afterwards its much easier but i think much of our odd behaviour (as man) is related to panic that we end in that notorious zone. no panic, no odd behaviour, way better chances that things go the way they should go, i agree. i think the title of this post “stop complicating things” very much belongs here, as a matter of fact overthinking and thus overreacting is a manly disease. again it is all in our head, with some experience you know that it is what you project that you get, but for newbies that is hard to grasp. on the other hand having deeper connections to more than just one woman and exploring these connections on a physical level sounds very appealing to me. i like this idea of a man and a woman giving each other a better understanding of themselves by fully experiencing their existence as a complete different creature and still being able to connect in more than just a physical way. and i like icecream.

Let’s put the other stuff to rest…

Hi, I wanted to clarify based on your post (“searching for faults”) that the book I recommended is actually (paradoxically) about realizing that neither we nor anyone else has any faults. Hard to capture it’s magic power here, but when I realized that something I was annoyed with in another person was a reflection of something I was annoyed with in myself, I kid you not, both I and the other person changed. I’ve seen people I thought were “difficult” and all sorts of other labels change completely since I started this trek. Our beliefs create reality, so there’s something magical about shining the light of awareness on the shadow self. It becomes integrated and disappears into the perfection that we are.

Anyway, as for your other question about landing in the friend box, I was thinking of something today and I wonder if it would help… not sure. As I see it, the stable base for everything is connection. When you are authentically connecting with everyone around you, that is very stable. Then sexuality is kind of like a vibe (like an ice cream flavor, if you will) that colors certain connections. And I’m kind of curious to experiment with bringing that flavor in to longstanding connections that I already have. No need to get locked in a box my friend. Friendship is a beautiful thing. I’m sure our creative minds can find a way to work with it. Anyway, just thinking out loud here.

cheers,
Erika

although it can’t have been that awful, since he is still trying to get your attention. odd thing is i feel he really likes you, i mean he could go on and find another ONS but he is still hitting on you. ever thought about telling him what’s wrong? on the other hand i would have chosen a bar next to YOUR apartment so that you could feel more comfortable, that’s how sensitive I am.

“I hope it doesn’t come across like he wasn’t good in bed, but we had some differences that I think are related to the different ways in which we experience life.”
that sounds very interesting, first because even with a wide range of technique, a lot of passion and stamina we still want to know what’s “good” (ok, at least i do, i’m still in my learning phase)… and second … dunno how to put it right, i think this other perspective on intimacy and its relation to us as a person. i’m always keen on getting to know you girls better, too bad that this is not the right place to discuss things like that.

PS: so you are complicated. that’s cute. i actually never met a woman that wasn’t, seems like a genetic thing or so, just don’t let it get to you.