Special Saturday Q&A
April 4, 2009 
16 Comments
Hey Everyone,
This is the third installment of my new Tuesday “Q&A” blog format . . . except that this week it’s coming to you on Saturday. If this is the first Q&A blog you’ve read, these are blogs where I’m posting answers to questions submitted from my newsletter subscribers. Each blog answers a question from a man and a woman.
So if you have not submitted a question and want me to answer something for you, I am accepting questions. The only limitation is that you need to be on my newsletter list to be able to submit a question (It’s a “subscriber-only perk!”)
If you are on my newsletter subscriber list and want to submit a question for me to answer, all you have to do is to respond to any one of the newsletter emails with your question. It’s fun, simple and easy!
If you’re not on my newsletter subscriber list and would like to be, all you need to do is go to the blue box at the upper right hand corner of each page of this website and submit your name and email. It’s that simple! Then as soon as you receive your first newsletter via email, you can submit your question!
Now, let’s move on to today’s questions!
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**Reader Question 1**
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Hi David! i have been following you for a long time now. I have found ur information better than any mystery method. I remember you once said in a blog to email me any excuses you have on approaching a woman. The one i have kills me to death.
Please don’t laugh but i have PE or Premature Ejaculation. Sex for me lasts 30 sec to minute. How can one approach a women, get her number, have sex with her that lasts a second and keep her?
Any advice would help me with this struggle. Its a struggle that has almost pushed me over the edge. all i could use is a push in the right direction. Thanks
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**My Answer To Reader 1′s Question**
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Hey Matt, that’s a great question!
There are a couple things you need to do, but let me tell you this first: premature ejaculation will end. It’s not going to be something you’re stuck with for the rest of your life.
One of the things to make sure you do so that women don’t get as bothered about this as you think they’re going to be, is a lot of foreplay. You need to go down on her. You need to bring her to orgasm with your mouth and your fingers.
You need to spend time playing with her, teasing her, and maybe giving her erotic massage where you touch her whole body. Make sure you spend a good hour just giving her a massage before you even touch any of her private parts or even a breast. By doing this, you’re going to be able to please her.
Here’s another thing you can do. After you please her, you’re going to want to have sex. So what you need to do is have sex slowly. Try having sex with the lights out, because if you can’t see her then maybe you won’t have premature ejaculation as quickly.
When you’re having sex slowly, try just concentrating on what she’s feeling. You just relax, breathe, take it slow. Don’t worry and don’t think.
The last thing you need to do is to realize that is not something that’s going to last a long time. You might have premature ejaculation now, but in the future you may not have it. So don’t worry about it. Everybody has a time in their life where they come too fast.
So, really, I think really you just need to relax. Enjoy it, and really spend a lot of time pleasing her. Then what happens is that she’ll understand your issue, and she’ll help you get past it.
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**Reader Question 2**
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What are your thoughts on guys claiming sexual harassment…
I was kind of flirting with this co worker at my job and we were sharing the smiles, the real ones not the I am friendly ones and he sends me this blank email forwarded from another co worker right, so I email him back and try to open him up, ask him about christmas etc. O.k. in the 1st email he was asked to give a student a “pep talk” to get them back on track with studies. I wrote that I would wanted a “pep talk” to used the quotes cause I was using the same wordage she used. He totally got offended and would not talk to me for 3 days. I didn’t know that till much later but from that point on, all my playful banter was basically forwarded and annotated to suggest I was harassing him.
I was trying to talk to him, gave him a nickname Viking boy, teased him about a piece of cake he missed out on. I mean that is it, the guy just totally freaked and complained to my boss. Which was embarrassing enough because I didn’t mean anything raunchy just friendly, I know you can’t read all the emails but I only sent like 4 over one week and nothing in there was suggestive. Save a nickname. I know you would have us keep going out and practice, but I am so floored by his reaction, I have stopped going out and smiling and talking to people. That sucks. What are your thoughts?
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**My Answer To Reader 2′s Question**
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So you’ve got this awkward situation at work with a guy with whom you were flirting and just having some fun. Here’s the thing.
You gave him a nickname and you teased him about a piece of cake he missed out on in reference to you. The reason why he freaked out about this, was because you went from just talking to really becoming sexual with him.
Nicknames are all about sexuality. Anytime a woman teases a man and calls him a nickname, there’s a sexual undertone to it. I’m sure you were looking at him too. You knew you were flirting. He probably was not interested, so when you started flirting more heavily with him he just freaked out.
Here’s the other major thing I see that happened here. So after this, you stopped going out, smiling and talking to people? That’s ridiculous. This is a one-time thing that happened.
This is what I don’t understand about people who are single. They will try something once and if it doesn’t work, then they just shut down. I call it going on hiatus. I mean, think about it. This is a one-time thing that didn’t work. There are no 100% guarantees in life.
Think about your career. Think about professional sports athletes. Nothing we do is 100%. So you got blown off one time. Keep going! Don’t stop. Flirt with men and have fun.
It’s not always going to work out, but you are going to meet somebody a lot faster if you do it every single day and you don’t allow the rejections to get to you. Shutting down is the biggest mistake you can possibly make because it means that you’re not open to the wonderful world of meeting somebody.
No wonder I’ve always hated nicknames. The last girl who gave me one used me for my talents. I like to be called by my name. That’s it.
I have never heard that nicknames has special sexual undertones. Thats funny!
Never where I am from. But only something you would tease some with. Using a nick name all the times means a mutural understanding that’s it’s ok. The work places I have been at nicknames were not a big deal.
To Reader #1:
To add to what David said, I’d also recommend you read up on Kegel exercises, which will help condition your equipment against PE. There’s probably some other techniques too, but Google “Kegel exercises” or “Kegels” and you should find what I’m referring to.
http://www.biggerloads.com/penis-size/kegels-men.html
I think that in terms of sexual harassment, being offended, and what not as far as nicknames are concerned depends on the context and the person receiving such nickname. In just about any context, there is going to be some individual who will take offense to just about anything so it would be helpful to read the person one is going to nickname if possible. Granted, if one goes overboard with this stuff, there will be people that are offended. As for dealing with work situations, I think that one must be extremely careful because of all the sexual harassment laws and rules put in place these days, which is not completely bad by the way, because some of this can cost one his or her job if he or she is not. Looking at a lot of the sexual harassment issues, however, it seems to just come down to dating etiquette. Like where I work, it is not considered sexual harassment to ask someone out, but it is if you keep pushing the issue when they say no. Of course, sexual jokes are classic examples of sexual harassment in the books. It is amazing at how easily someone can be offended, however.
Dave
Tony,
Did not know there were kegel for men too. But I found this very informative tool (-:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BI3MkUgBA_s
I think it’s silly a guy would get offended by a stupid nickname. But then again I wasn’t there…
Viking boy? The men in my work group might have laughed once but not twice. When I asked them why they were so well-behaved in such a blue-collar environment, they all said that the sexual harassment rules had been hammered into them over the years by HR and management.
For a woman to follow any tagline with the word “boy” would not be acceptable to them after the first time that it was said and I have heard several of them say as much when others tease them. You also never know who is religious or insecure in engaging in banter with the opposite sex.
A sex-harassment case happened a number of years ago where a woman was the work group manager and a younger man in the group made a complaint against her. She was just teasing him but he turned out to be quite religious and newly married. It didn’t help when she wore little penis-shaped earrings to the office. The city lost the case and had to pay him. And e-mails are the single biggest factor in HR complaints these days.
I have a question that I don’t understand about most guys…In the song by Simon and Garfunkel The Boxer there is a verse…A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest looking for a place only they will know…Could this be part of the distant and withdraw a man goes through? I have noticed too that a man will blush like us women…I know what that means he is interested…
Just Curious
That seems strange why would the guy claim sexual harassment does know the difference between friendly and hey babe lets get it on? And the guy that has problems with longevity when he is with the woman have her to stop and just start kissing him but don’t move this will help him control a certain muscle inside that keeps him from having ejaculation..Or what he might be able to do is change positions while having sex with the woman…
To Reader #1 & Marina:
This is what I was referring to. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Du-svsaZEjo&feature=related
There’s also a website & vlog referred to at the end of that vid which may also have additional info.
As far as sexual harassment goes, its harassment only if you were asked to stop and you didn’t or the old offering a raise or some other inducement for sexual favors.
David, you really think that nicknames all have sexual undertones to them? I mean can’t it just mean camaraderie?
Viking boy!!!! lol
She probably said ‘Hey Viking boy, i really like them horns on you”
I used to know a guy that had a problem with premature ejaculation. He was a club dj and we called him “Dj Oops”. I can’t imagine how terrible this condition is, it’s times like this that make me happy I”m a woman.
I would recommend Matt to pay attention to his breathing as well. If he ejaculates prematurely, he’s probably too tense during the sexual act… and he’s not relaxed enough to truly enjoy and get immersed in the sexual experience.
Because he gets such performance anxiety, he will ejaculate too fast.
I was searching online and I found your site on google. Just finished reading a few of some of your other posts here. I’ve already added your site to my Google News Reader. Thanks for your good and educative posts and please keep up the good work as I look forward to reading more of your posts in the future.