I’m sorry that you had such bad experiences – but I’m sure that as life goes on, you’ll eventually see it from a different point of view. I’m five months out of a marriage, but we were solid friends from the very beginning, and although we don’t have as much in common now (which is part of the reason for the divorce) we still think of each other as friends.

Yes – it’ll probably be a challenge when one of us starts dating again; as David mentioned above, all kinds of feelings can float to the surface. Hopefully we’ll be civil about it though.

Anyhow, it so much depends on the situation, the reasons both of you had for getting into a relationship, etc etc. I’ve had five shorter relationships before I was married, and don’t keep in touch with any of the women from those relationships. I was younger and didn’t know much about relationships, and so were they, so there were lots of hurt feelings as the relationships ended. Also, those relationships came more out of exploring love and sexuality rather than trying to find a friend and life partner, so that probably accounts for a big part of the difference.

Johan W

Amiable breakup? Is there such a thing? Generally one person does the breaking and the other doesn’t or has a hard time with it. If there were anything amiable left, the two would still be together.

Breakups are never fun are they? No, I would say half have been stalkers. I’m pretty young. When I say half were stalkers, that means I have had two committed realtionships and I broke them off. One stalked me and the other didn’t. :0) I don’t feel the need to jump into big commitments as a habit, so there you go.

What would it say about me if I were stalked by a guy? Nothing. He’s a crazy jerk, it’s his problem. I know who I am.

I don’t think I said I regretted dating any of them did I? I think I said just the opposite.

I think I echoed David’s sentiment that when it’s over —-it’s just over. It’s old. I don’t like rehashing everything with the guy.

You know how you feel at the end of a relationship? Things are unpleasant. You’re growing apart. It feels bad because your realize that you have done the best you can and no amount of work or hope is going to make two people who are incompatible magically compatible some how.

If an ex contacts you it is to continue to beat a dead horse and/or try to get back into your life. Everybody needs to move on.

Extravagant????? Hmmmmm…..

Bunny

I agree with you that you should break ties with an ex to heal up and move on but your strict stand on it sounds almost extravagant.

Are all your ex breakups that bad? Do they all turn into psycho stalker boys? Have you ever had just an amiable and consensual breakup?

I would assume that if you dated the guy once, you probably liked something about him. Are you telling me that you stop contacting any of your exes because you regret dating them?

What does that say about you if you do so? I’m not trying to criticize you here… I’m trying to understand your point of view.

I did learn a lot. Sometimes I say I wish I had never met him, but I don’t think there is any way I could have learned the lessons I did, if I hadn’t met him. So, it was necessary. Things could have gone much worse.

glad to hear your not with him anymore, and moved past that stage, and have learned from that mistake.

i totally believe, if we don’t make mistakes, we don’t learn, if we don’t try, we don’t make mistakes, and if don’t make mistakes, we are not going anywhere.

I wish I had read this blog three years ago. I committed the same loathsome act on my ex. I wish It’d never have happened, but what’s done is done and I had to learn the hard way. It was one of those “heat of passion” moments where I thought I would lose her to someone else. I got her back and a week later I realized it was a mistake. Pain on both sides. Take it from me, I speak from experience.

I wonder if David speaks from experience himself.

It’s hard to let go, but it’s best!

Get along, little doggie, get along…don’t miss your fuzzy ass no mo’…when it’s over, it’s totally oh-vah. So, buzz off and quit trying to find me in the company e-mail system. I changed jobs and work locations and now work in a gated facility with 24 hour security (not because of you – don’t flatter yourself – it’s just a job) and I have blocked your work e-mail, your work IM, and rented out my condo to someone who will NEVER give me up and bought a new house with a new home telephone exchange and a garage with no windows for you to peek in and see my car. My new neighbors will never give a strange man any information about me, so forget that.

I went on with my life because you weren’t interested in where I was going so I decided to leave you in the dust. I figure that if you can’t get a hint after all that, then you are in serious need of one-on-one professional psychotherapy and probably some new meds..or at least a higher dosage. I think that your lack of growth (or lack of interest in mine) in the time that we were together should tell you that it’s only a matter of time before one of us has to say “So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye, adios, sayonara, arrivederci baby, ta ta. Apparently, I smartened up long before you did. And at least I’m out in the world and not sitting at home pining away for someone who didn’t even notice that I was slipping away for months before I was long gone. You snooze, you lose. And so it goes.

Don’t think bootcamp would have helped that one. He was way scary. Driving past my house and showing up at my office. He was way out of the norm….psych eval perhaps? I don’t want to be mean but he was frightening me. I’ve learned how to avoid guys like him since then, hard lesson to learn.

Bunny