I managed to land a short coffee date with a very attractive girl whom I visited at her work (library FYI).

We got along awesome and talked about relationships and such, and it seemed like the perfect time to lead for a follow-up date. I asked her to join me the next time for something to eat. She laughed embarrassedly and then confessed the “B” word. yes, Boyfriend (ff*****UUUUU….). At first I felt really shot down right in my throat, as she mentioned that he had a tendency to get jealous of hearing other guys talk to his girl, so I kept polite and kept it open. Now, I said “fair enough, well have a great day and see you next time”. We left it on a friendly note, and parted ways. I may get to see her again, but I feel I might have screwed it up completely with her. What next? I do apologise majorly to anyone else who is posting as the boyfriend side of the fence. I don’t mean to break anyone’s relationship up as I feel that’d make me a hypocrite, but by the same token, I really want to make sure that she does think this guy IS in fact right for her. They’re not engaged or anything, and I forgot to tell her how lucky the other guy is! Help?

So, here’s some background info on my situation: This girl I have been interested in has a boyfriend that lives hourse away

So, I have done almost all of the things suggested in both posts. I build my friendship with her, complimented her, been agressive, and have been upfront with my feelings and with what I want. She eventaully got to that point where she ‘broke’ up with their boyfriend and we ended up expressing our romantic interest in each other.

My problem is, is that she doesn’t know how to let go if this other guy, who, by the way, lives very far away. I continue to be kind but also agressive with my feelings and she sends me signals back all the time. Then I learn today she is ‘back’ with him.

Is she just holding on to him because she is fearful she will be alone her and I am the fill-in when they don’t visit each other?

Should I Express my feelings more bluntly i she continues to flirt with me or should I be weary of her intentions?

or…..maybe,as John Lennon put it: “I’m just a jealous guy”

This is a great post. Thanks!

I don’t really know what to do.I got her phone numer(not from her) and I know where she lives.Don’t know maybe I should just go to her one evening and call her to come out.I don’t wanna say anything else online,really.

She said i’m unique,i’m hot i’m that and that.But she gives me all this bullshit about how she thinks that maybe she won’t feel atracted to me in a couple of days or weeks and doesn’t want to break up with her boyfriend,she doesn’t want to risk. I quote”I don’t follow instincts, that’s what whores do” . What could I have said to that?

Mike

she then dates the rebound guy. nicer guy, but going nowhere in life. dumps him a couple weeks later. then we don’t do anything all summer. i then invited her to a UF game. she went along. first thing she did when she saw me was told me how good i look (i lost some weight). then hung out with her again a couple weeks later. she told me I made her feel really good. she also said i can be mean but funny about it. then hung out a couple more times. I invited her to this Halloween dance a friend of mine was putting on, she said yes, got sick, and had to cancel. then another few months goes by. turned out she kinda dated someone again, but he was too needy (called her eight times in a day at one point).

finally, i see her before my birthday. i had a couple small things i picked up for her for x-mas (like i do for a lot of people). as soon as i picked her up, she told me again how good i looked. we just drove around for about an hour. i flirted with her a bit and used a little kino which she went along with. i kissed her on the cheek at night’s end, which isn’t much of a big deal i know but it was the first time i did it with her. she was cool with it (seemingly) and talked to me online like normal. it’s hard to meet with her often since i work FT and am in grad school. she works and she’s been getting sick a lot often (damn florida bi-polar weather)!

now she’s dating someone again. i think part of it is i refuse to be the rebound. but this article made me think since her relationships with guys she just met don’t seem to last. thoughts?

Me – anger management? No, but at work we frequently show each other e-mail replies that we received where we take offense and we want an impartial opinion of whether of not we’re being over-sensitive…maybe we’re just having a bad day and everything feels like a criticism or a jab or maybe the other person is having a bad day and was a little brusk. We know that we may get over-sensitive about certain subjects and we rely on each other to keep ourselves in line. No one wants to be known as the crybaby and to get in trouble with management.

If looks can kill how much more words from asshole’ s mouth but I like your approach reagarding the issue seems so cool to hear and will not appear over reaction. I think you attended an anger management seminar.

That’s it – don’t take it personally for yourself or on behalf of your friend. You don’t have to change tables but it IS good to mix it up from time to time. And you could probably learn a few more deflecting tips so that it doesn’t get to you and you don’t appear to others like a touchy, thin-skinned guy. Everyone should have an asshole in their circle of acquaintance just to remind you how NOT to go/be/act. I have a couple of cousins that fill my need for that…incredible jerks.

I come from an extremely diverse place (especially for a small town), went to a big university with totally different ethnic and international students in a very liberal white city, and now I’m in a big company with another very diverse employee population and an even larger international customer base. I see these misunderstandings all the time so don’t think that I’m picking on you. And by the way, it’s not peculiar to your culture. Many married women in the workplace tend to ‘mother’ the single men in their groups – especially if they have siblings or children that age or with the same challenges. Shared culture or a shared appreciation for another culture is a common binding element – even within a country. Look at how much Sandra loves her fellow hillbillies…(kidding, Sandra!). Just keep getting out there and trying new ways to connect.