Show Me The Money!
July 23, 2009 
21 Comments
Let me say a little bit about inflation. Man, I just had the biggest dose of inflation today!
I was at an appointment talking to the woman conducting the appointment, and she was telling me how she pays her kids an allowance of $35.00 per week. I used to get $1.00 a week, and I was able to go out and buy as many Red Hots as I could consume and still have change left over. I remember as a kid being up in the Hamptons and finding $10.00 in the sand. I was rich! I could buy enough candy to rot my teeth forever.
This woman I was talking to today also informed me that babysitters get paid $10.00 per hour. I used to get a buck an hour to hang out, eat the parents’ food and drink beer. It’s funny. When we used to drink the vodka, we would refill the bottle with water . . . or we’d take one sip out of every liquor bottle in the cabinet so they wouldn’t notice.
Babysitting taught me life’s greatest lesson: the hangover. Speaking of hangovers, have any of you taken my recommendation and saw the movie “The Hangover” yet?
So next time a high school kid emails me and tells me he can’t afford my products, I’m going to come right back at him and say, “Dude, go babysit. Make yourself a small fortune.”
So onto today’s blog all about a different kind of payoff . .
In looking for love, like in so many other areas of life, too many people are always focused on finding “the big payoff.” Let me tell you a story to give you an idea what I mean.
A ways back I was in the market to buy a new home. There was a home I saw up in the Hollywood Hills that needed a lot of work. I could have gotten it for a price which would have left me with a couple hundred thousand dollars in equity AFTER I put all the money into it necessary to really fix it up the way I wanted. So I could have the big payoff, right? I could sell it or live in it, and it’s a win for me either way.
Here, though, was the bottom line: I didn’t want that house! I didn’t like the street on which it was located. I didn’t even 100% love the house. So even though I could have made money on it, i.e., even though there would have been a big payoff attached to it, I didn’t want it.
Why is it that everything we do in life has to have a big payoff at the end? So the majority of people who go out to buy a piece of property never buy the land that they love. They buy the property with the best resale value. You want to live in a place that you love, but we’re trained to choose the option that is going to give us the biggest payoff.
Here is how all this real estate talk is related to your dating life and to your life overall. Let me first say that I understand that we want to make wise financial choices. For instance, if we buy a stock there had better be a “big payoff” on that investment.
What has gotten lost in people’s lives and in their search for love, though, is looking for what they DO want instead of what they SHOULD want. What happened, for instance, to the time when home ownership was just for the purpose of finding a place that has an environment that increases your quality of life? What happened to picking a place just because it will mean coming home to a neighborhood that you love every day?
Why does everything now have to have such a huge payoff at the end? When you approach someone to whom you’re attracted, so many people are not present in the moment. They are just thinking about whether or not that other person likes them or whether they can get the other person’s number. Rather than approaching someone and just having a great conversation, people are worried the entire time about the payoff.
By worrying about if the other person likes them or whether they should ask for a phone number, they are never present in the conversation! On top of that, while they are so focused on the payoff, they never even take the time to think about whether they are even genuinely interested in that other person.
The whole point of approaching someone has become the payoff, whereas the focus when you meet someone should always and only be on whether you connect and have chemistry with that person. In other words, the focus should always be on whether you are interested in getting to know that person further.
You need to learn that many times in life, the quality of your day-to-day experiences are much more rewarding than that “big payoff” for which you always strive. It’s not that the payoff isn’t going to also happen. It will – the outcome you want is going to happen naturally.
If you’re 100% present in a conversation with someone and enjoying the experience, then guess what is going to happen? You’ll get the payoff that you were worried about in the first place!
You’ll get the phone number or you will go out on a date with them or you will find out whether or not they like you. Most importantly, you will get the real “big payoff” you need, i.e., finding out if you’re genuinely interested in them.
If you are so obsessed with the end result during a conversation, though, you will produce the opposite result than you wanted. Because you will be nervous and/or unfocused on that other person during the conversation, you will never intrigue the person or be able to get to know them. You will convey your nervous energy to them.
So in dating and in all aspects of life, stop worrying about what the future holds Stop worrying about “the big payoff” all the time and begin always being present in the moment. The more present you are, the better decisions you’ll make and the richer every part of of your life will be.
I really like this last paragraph, I will have to save it in my pc “So in dating and in all aspects of life, stop worrying about what the future holds Stop worrying about “the big payoff” all the time and begin always being present in the moment. The more present you are, the better decisions you’ll make and the richer every part of of your life will be.”
Yea I agree Lance about being in the moment is one of the biggest lesson i ever learned, and i am still working on it!
awesome blog today David!
Great point its hard to be in the present when you’re thinking about big future pay off, it helps tremendously when we remind ourselves the importance of being in the present moment.
how can one learn to be in the moment consistently?
That’s what I am going have to tell my nephew to babysit and make some small fortune, I am getting him to buy your MMS he doesn’t know how to meet high school girls:)
I wonder if the MMS would be right for him????
Steve-
yes he can use that in high school, can you imagine how powerful he will be when he gets in colllege.
he will start bring home girls for uncle Stevie:)
Jacob-
You are crazy I see why David picked as his coach LOL
Steve-
you are a great uncle looking after him, he must be really proud to have an uncle like you!
Jacob- thank you, and i am trying to do my best since his mother past away few years ago.
sorry to hear about that Steve, i wish the best for the family!
Steve- sorry to hear about that news.
About today’s blog- i think we all were guilty of wanting the big payoff in life, but happiness derives from doing the things we love that is what i am getting from here.
how can one learn to be more in the moment consistently???
Why worry if the person is going to like you or not. Look at it like this if they took the time to give you their attention does not prove anything to the person. I myself if I like you and want you in my circle then I will talk to you…But if I say hi and keep on walking maybe I feel like that person does not want to be bothered with me and sometimes I don’t talk at all. Take time to get to know the person you want to be with even if they want to be friends in the beginning take one day at a time there is an expression: Good things come to those who wait. Then you will be thankful you did.
The reason why we’re all looking for that big payoff is because we’re taught by everyone that opportunity knocks, or the window of opportunity is only open for a few seconds. So EVERYONE looks for that thing that pays off well because we don’t know when we’ll get the next chance. I agree that we should take things slower, and it gets frustrating when my girlfriend gets impatient and starts yelling at me because I drove too slow and the light turned red.
Yes, i saw the hangover from your recommendation. The funniest part was at the end when the pictures were shown. I laughed my ass off! Great Recommendation.
Amazing post today, David!
Hi David,
to me, the most impressive sentence in today’s blog is this one:
“What has gotten lost in people’s lives and in their search for love, though, is looking for what they DO want instead of what they SHOULD want.”
It’ll be my “food for thought” this weekend…
John,
You learn to be more present in the moment by practicing your mindset and attitude every minutes of the day.
Being present really mean being more aware of yourself and your surrounding. By being more aware of yourself, you get to truly appreciate more of what’s around you.
By being more aware of your thoughts, you also learn to let go of unproductive thoughts. THAT is really what being in the moment really means.
See your thoughts, fears and insecurities for what they are. They are just emotions manifesting themselves now… about something you most of the time can’t control.
So instead of focusing on what you can’t control, learn to focus on the things you see and feel and appreciate them.
If you haven’t done it already, I recommend you start journaling your little wins every day. That will help you learn what it truly means to be in the moment.
Awesome post David.
In my case, the “pay off” also applies to my social life where I try to make new friends. It’s rare to find ‘good’ friends today what with all the distractions of modern life. When I get into a casual conversation with someone (not necessarily someone attractive) I tend to sabotage myself by wandering into the future DURING the conversation… wondering if the person is someone I could meet up again in the future – talk about irony.
We all need to train the mind to behave and not let it wander. Always be focused in the present and drop the expectations.