Should She Ask You Out On A Date?
April 12, 2011 
18 Comments
How can you get a woman to ask you out?
Interesting question. Pretty often I run across guys who are like that. A lot of guys are thinking, “Why won’t women ask me out? I flirted with her, she looked interested in me. Why didn’t she just say, “Hey let’s get together sometime”? How do I get her to do that?”
To tell you the truth, in a way I’m a bit old-fashioned. I kind of feel like in today’s passive world, I still think there are situations where men need to take the initiative, and one of them is when to ask someone out on a date. In fact, I find pretty wimpy the way a lot of guys will have a conversation with a woman they’re interested in romantically, and then he’ll just hand his business card over and expect her to be so intrigued by him and just call him up casually. Mr. Business Card, the guy who goes around handing out his business card in social settings and then later wonders why the woman he really connected with never called him back.
How To Ask For A Date
I really think these guys just lack the balls to step up to the plate and ask a woman out: “Hey, let’s get together sometime, why don’t you give me your number and I’ll call you?” A big part of the reason is that a guy like this afraid of rejection. He’s afraid if she says, “No thanks,” that will be too much damage to his fragile ego. So instead of talking, and instead of asking her out, he basically hands over his business card.
Granted, women can certainly take the initiative if they want to, that’s great, but I don’t believe a man should try to get her to ask him out. She can drop hints, like, “Oh, it was so great talking to you,” or, “It was a blast hanging with you today, hopefully I’ll see you again someday…” But in all honesty, I just feel the man is the one who should be doing the asking, and the inviting, when it comes to dating. Just like I believe that when a man asks a woman out on a date, the man is the one who pays, period. Doesn’t matter if it’s a hot dog or a five-course dinner. He asked her out, he pays.
Women can take guys out too. Women can take guys out who they’ve been seeing and pay for a great meal, buy him a present, or whatever it might be. But when it comes down to that first date, I’m still kind of a traditionalist. I like the role of being a man. It feels good. It really does. I think that’s something that a lot of men need to understand when it comes to treating a woman right.
From my personal perspective, I totally agree. We are still brought up in very traditional gender roles and the romantic ideals still place the man in the position of the one that does the courting and the woman in the position of being the courted one. I would never ask a man out first. I would encourage him in very subtle ways to ask me out if I believed he liked me and was simply too nervous to ask. If we continued to date, I would step up to the plate as a modern woman with equal rights and take the initiative at times and invite him out, paying for it, etc. However, that initial step should be taken care of by the man
I’ve been asked out by women a few times… I don’t see anything wrong with it other than, it may be giving guys an imbalanced perception when it comes to dating and lose touch with their natural instinct to be assertive.
We’ve become so babied and pussified, especially younger generations, that even the slightest breathe of rejection can cause us to crumble.
David that is so true,Stepping up and being a leader makes you feel like a man. I think its funny the idiot clueless guys out there that hand women their buisness cards, talk about having no balls.
I don’t think this is an issue of what’s the man’s responsibility or the woman’s responsibility so much as it’s an issue of being an active person versus being a passive person. If a man likes a woman, he should ask her out. If a woman likes a man, she should ask him out. To do other wise is to give your power over to others and wait on them to give you permission to achieve what you want to achieve in life.
Personally, I don’t want to pay to take a woman to dinner. After bills, I’ve got maybe $200/month to pay for food and gas because I’m a college student. So you know what I do? I invite them over to my apartment, and I cook them dinner. That’s what I’d rather do, so I do it. Most women love it. Others would rather see a guy spend money on them. I’m ok with that though. I do what I want to do, and I do what makes me happy.
In the end, that’s really what matters. If you do what makes you happy, you won’t have to wait on others to make you happy. If you’re a man, ask out who you want to ask out. If you’re a woman, ask out who you want to ask out. Being passive only leads to disappointment.
I totally agree with you David. I’m in my early 30s and I always felt that if you took the initiative to ask a woman out, you are the one inviting her to spend time with you, so that means that she is worth it to you. If you are with her she is worth your time and worth paying for. Stepping up and taking the role as a man, asking her out, taking care of her when she is with you, speaks a lot about a man’s integrity and character. And if things don’t work out, she will always remember that about you.
Patrick James- im 17 and thats so true that a male these days cant even be like o well she doesnt like me, next time or who cares if she said that to me im a man and i dont care. now i have come across many feminized men that cant even approach a girl, they make up pussy excuses why not to approach or ask out. guys grow your balls again and become men instead of weak ass pussies. Its really not that hard to grow some balls just stop caring about what people think. and stop caring if she is gonna say no or yes and just do it. its better to try, fail and learn from a mistake than do nothing at all.
That picture makes me laugh because its so true for me.. I have a girl in my public speaking class that I swear eye fucks me all class but it’s sooo hard for me to look her in the eyes when I know this and carry on a conversation especially given her sexyness. I sit next to her and its just ridiculous. She starts rubbing herself down in class with her little girly scented lotions and I feel like she’s messing with me
I feel like i’m doing things right and engaging people around her and lots of girls in class like me (I’ve never said that before so it feels so damn conceited haha) but It’s so annoying being nervous!
Plus we always seem to leave class at different times or she’s walking out with people or i’m just too wussy! Maybe I need to challenge her and engage her a bit more but it’s so humiliating when my voice shakes! bahhh.
@Mario: I can only say that because I see it from my group of friends (we’re in the mid 20s), and so if we’re pussified…. it must be even worst for those younger than us. I don’t like to point fingers, but the media doesn’t really paint a good picture of strong masculine role models. If anything, media teaches us to be whipped, wear nail polish, speak about ourselves in the 3rd person and have really aweful hair styles. What we call a badass these days is someone who steps into a caged ring and makes the other guy bleed. Uhm no, that’s more like the release of too much testosterone (though I do enjoy combative sports). Social conditioning has turned guys into girly-men which throws off the sexual polarity. And yes, it’s not difficult to grow a pair of balls, you just got to have the right person influencing you.
@B: Yes, she is messing with you.. because she’s saying to herself “When is this dude gonna step up and talk to me?” You know she likes you, all you have to do is open her up to conversation
Embrace that nervous feeling, embrace the fear… that’s part of what makes this all fun. Man I don’t get it anymore, but sometimes I do get that nervous feeling when I’m thrown off guard, and it can be quite a rush! Like David says, just have FUN with it man!
Hey thanks Patrick, sound advice. but what happens if I’m doing everything right but run out of shit to say anyway? I get so freakin tense. In a class where my nerves are through the roof anyway (public speaking) its pretty rough. I don’t want to turn my head but I don’t want to just stare at her like a moron.
I guess I’m just giving her too much power or putting her on a pedestal. She probably thinks I don’t even like her that much but I do think shes pretty interesting.
Maybe I should think about what I want to say a bit before hand rather than completely wing it.
Again thanks for advice Patrick.
Bobby
Hey that’s what we’re here for! I used to have the same sticking point and I’ll never forget what David said that really stuck with me. You’ll never run out of things to say when you LISTEN. Based off of that, you share an experience of yours that correlates or you be curious about it. Then you challenge her. Here’s a scenario that happened earlier this week.
A new cafe opened right across the street from my office. I wanted to check it out and see what they had. A cute blonde girl was doing the meet and greet offering samples. I noticed that there were two different samples and so I ask her. “Okay there’s two different samples here, what did you enjoy most?” She said, “I like this one because it tastes sweet, but I like that one because it looks better”. So I challenge her by saying “Oh, so you only like things because of the way they look?”. She got a good laugh and told me to try it. I declined and said “No I’ll take your word for it and try what you tried, but if it doesn’t taste any good, I know who to blame for it”. If there’s one thing I like about Caucasian girls is that when they blush, they get as red as a tomato
Oh and speaking of your situation in the classroom. Here’s something I learned from Bear Grylles of Man vs. Wild. He said that when you’re in a situation (in his case, lost in a forest), slow down… take a deep breath and take in everything surrounding you. You’ll notice that time starts to slow down and everything is in slow motion. You’ll be in a relaxed state and more in control of your fears and emotions. Embrace your surroundings and let it reflect and amplify your good energy
same shitt happens to me with B. the eye contact is number one thing to check, i got to a point where it turned akward, barely talk..i always get nervous like b. But once u initiate a conversation anything…ull instantly become comfortable…gotta grow a pair thats all it comes down to. I started a conversation, talking about a test…then just listen on what she was saying, said a sly remark to get the interest/challenge, listen and go on from there.
Well I have heard of guys getting asked out by girls before. I never have had that happen to me once. I am old enough too. Does this mean I’m not attractive enough to women if they don’t ask me out?
For the most part, women want men to make the first move. I’m not being asked out by women all the time, but on a few occasions it does happen.
In your case, maybe you’re not giving out an approachable “vibe”. And second, maybe you’re not going out meeting enough people. But in any case, why play the waiting game when you can be proactive and make things happen?
I agree completely!
You guys who say, “women have asked me out every now and then”, all i can say is , IT MUST BE NICE.
Oh John, it’s very nice. It’s something that any man can acquire, but not every man does. Stick around the forums, stay persistent, give out good positive energy and keep learning. Trust me, you’ll get there.
hey peoples! update on me!
still dateless but i’m not sad about it. right now i’m just practicing and forging friendships. i’m bolder and not as likely to pass up a chance to stroke a man’s ego (example: “here’s the life of the party!”) pretty soon i’ll work up the spunk to initiate a conversation with that cutie from church/school!
planning on meeting up with a highschool classmate sometime this weekend! since i brought up the idea of meeting for coffee, does that mean i’m practicing asking men out? lol. nah i’m not interested in dating this guyfriend. it’s just easier to catch up over coffee than it is to catch up on facebook chat
that’s it about me, gotta get ready for a hair-trim, window-shopping and maybe the mall