Comments on: Sexual Inexperience http://www.davidwygant.com/blog/sexual-inexperience/4510/ Sex. Relationships. Dating. That's what I'm talkin' 'bout. Wed, 23 May 2012 07:53:07 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Steve http://www.davidwygant.com/blog/sexual-inexperience/4510/#comment-66621 Steve Thu, 29 Mar 2012 15:51:42 +0000 http://www.davidwygant.com/blog/?p=4510#comment-66621 I am in my 30's currently in a serious, long term relationship with a late 20's woman who, like many of the women above, has been waiting for that special someone. When we met she was a virgin, and I am divorced. My experience is far greater but I can tell you that sexual experience really dosen't matter to men. In fact, it's quite exciting to teach and explore her sexuality with her. The hardest hurdle for us to overcome has been fear and insecurity. Its been difficult because she's afraid of being embarresed or being open with what turns her on. She was taught that sex is dirty and that it must wait until marraige. She's also been afraid of it hurting. While I love her and encourage her to be open, I also realize that patience is required as its all new and scary. Sometimes what would happen is she would go stiff or go silent. For her, she's just not sure what to do and she's afraid of not pleasing me or being inadequate. Funny enough, she's done things for me that I've never thought possible and she's had no prior experience! For me, I felt as though I was not pleasing her, and my ego was bruised and I had a hard time dealing with it. More importantly I expressed it to her and she explained what was going on. We love it when a woman enjoy's herself! Being enthusiastic and communicating "Hey, I'm a little scared, lets take it slow but I really WANT this." was all I needed to realize that it wasn't that I wasn't turning her on, she was just scared. When we communicate we both win. So in summary, experience doesn't matter, its all about the enthusiasm and communication. I am in my 30′s currently in a serious, long term relationship with a late 20′s woman who, like many of the women above, has been waiting for that special someone. When we met she was a virgin, and I am divorced. My experience is far greater but I can tell you that sexual experience really dosen’t matter to men. In fact, it’s quite exciting to teach and explore her sexuality with her. The hardest hurdle for us to overcome has been fear and insecurity. Its been difficult because she’s afraid of being embarresed or being open with what turns her on. She was taught that sex is dirty and that it must wait until marraige. She’s also been afraid of it hurting. While I love her and encourage her to be open, I also realize that patience is required as its all new and scary. Sometimes what would happen is she would go stiff or go silent. For her, she’s just not sure what to do and she’s afraid of not pleasing me or being inadequate. Funny enough, she’s done things for me that I’ve never thought possible and she’s had no prior experience! For me, I felt as though I was not pleasing her, and my ego was bruised and I had a hard time dealing with it. More importantly I expressed it to her and she explained what was going on. We love it when a woman enjoy’s herself! Being enthusiastic and communicating “Hey, I’m a little scared, lets take it slow but I really WANT this.” was all I needed to realize that it wasn’t that I wasn’t turning her on, she was just scared. When we communicate we both win.
So in summary, experience doesn’t matter, its all about the enthusiasm and communication.

]]> By: vintagehoneypie http://www.davidwygant.com/blog/sexual-inexperience/4510/#comment-56760 vintagehoneypie Thu, 06 Oct 2011 08:50:50 +0000 http://www.davidwygant.com/blog/?p=4510#comment-56760 I am a virgin and female, 31, men mostly ignore me in public. I never been asked on a date. I am quiet and keep to myself. I have no idea how to get dates and not the type to go up to them and say something randomly. So I just accept being alone and being a virgin. I don't care about missing 'years of great sex' as this author put it. I don't want to get fu*ked by random guys -- it's not my thing but to each his own. I am mostly afraid of men and don't trust them so w/e if I die a virgin, oh well. I am a virgin and female, 31, men mostly ignore me in public. I never been asked on a date. I am quiet and keep to myself. I have no idea how to get dates and not the type to go up to them and say something randomly. So I just accept being alone and being a virgin. I don’t care about missing ‘years of great sex’ as this author put it. I don’t want to get fu*ked by random guys — it’s not my thing but to each his own. I am mostly afraid of men and don’t trust them so w/e if I die a virgin, oh well.

]]> By: Tammy http://www.davidwygant.com/blog/sexual-inexperience/4510/#comment-45459 Tammy Fri, 07 Jan 2011 14:40:20 +0000 http://www.davidwygant.com/blog/?p=4510#comment-45459 I feel like I have to say something to gina because its hard to go through an experience like that with a guy you like so much and then have him reject you (thats how it feels) but if there's anything I've learned from david it would be to recognize you didn't do anything wrong not being more sexually experienced and nothing was your fault. I can't speak for the guy but obviously he just wasn't for you but please don't blame yourself!! Love yourself!! believe in who you are! and do what david suggested for the person he wrote his post about :) take care! I feel like I have to say something to gina because its hard to go through an experience like that with a guy you like so much and then have him reject you (thats how it feels) but if there’s anything I’ve learned from david it would be to recognize you didn’t do anything wrong not being more sexually experienced and nothing was your fault. I can’t speak for the guy but obviously he just wasn’t for you but please don’t blame yourself!! Love yourself!! believe in who you are! and do what david suggested for the person he wrote his post about :) take care!

]]> By: Gina http://www.davidwygant.com/blog/sexual-inexperience/4510/#comment-41842 Gina Sun, 25 Jul 2010 23:44:30 +0000 http://www.davidwygant.com/blog/?p=4510#comment-41842 I was curious about this topic as to why a guy I was interested in just stop communicating with me. I'm 30 and have not been fully intimate with a guy. I was dating a guy in his late 20s, and thought things were going great (enjoying each others company: movies, dinners, theme parks and just hanging out). I really was looking forward to having my full intimate experience with him. When it came down to it after he had me in the "mood" he completely stopped. I was preparing myself for him to continue, but he said he couldn't (and no he is not sexually inexperienced). There was another time when the "mood" was right again and the same thing happened. Is my lack of sexual experience the reason why communication stopped? Do most men want a sexually experienced woman? I feel that this really messed up what could have been a great relationship. I was curious about this topic as to why a guy I was interested in just stop communicating with me. I’m 30 and have not been fully intimate with a guy. I was dating a guy in his late 20s, and thought things were going great (enjoying each others company: movies, dinners, theme parks and just hanging out). I really was looking forward to having my full intimate experience with him. When it came down to it after he had me in the “mood” he completely stopped. I was preparing myself for him to continue, but he said he couldn’t (and no he is not sexually inexperienced). There was another time when the “mood” was right again and the same thing happened. Is my lack of sexual experience the reason why communication stopped? Do most men want a sexually experienced woman? I feel that this really messed up what could have been a great relationship.

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.davidwygant.com/blog/sexual-inexperience/4510/#comment-41783 Anonymous Wed, 21 Jul 2010 06:58:23 +0000 http://www.davidwygant.com/blog/?p=4510#comment-41783 I am a late 20-something yr old woman who has never been in a serious relationship with a man and am a virgin (Ive dated and 'hooked up' but never had sex). The primary reason is that up until this point, I've wanted to meet the right guy, fall in love, and experience sex within the context of a truly loving relationship. Unfortunately, having not met the right guy yet and feeling more and more dismal at the prospect of not meeting him, this hope of mine has not become a reality as friends of mine have coupled up and gotten married. I fear being the 40 yr old virgin, but at the same time, I still believe that sex is something that should be shared with someone you love, and ideally, the person you are married to. I think the problem is that men no longer value women who want to wait until marriage because the majority of women are sleeping around in non-committed relationships. Why would a guy want to wait to have sex with me in a loving, committed relationship when he can readily have sex with the majority of single women? THe fact is that the promiscuity in society is making it difficult for those who do value the nature of sex and want to wait until marriage. In our grandparent's generation, it was considered immoral for a woman to have pre-marital sex, but I think it's no coincidence that the majority of people in our grandparents generation wanted to get married, remained married and value their marriages waaaay more than our generation who don't have a clue on how to preserve a loving relationship. It's sad, in my opinion, that women like me feel worried that we may not find the loving relationships and get married, so in order to have sex/intimacy, we're going to have to compromise our values. I agree with Joan Rivers who jokes but also means quite literally that women have screwed themselves into the ground with the womens' movement... all its really done is created a society where people have non-committed sex with multiple sex partners and the rate of STDS going through the roof...if women stopped having sex before marriage, I think we'd see a radical change (and a positive one at that) in dating... men and women would be more concerned about finding the right person for a long term relationship and marriage, not in gratifying their sexual needs and then moving on when that person no longer excites them... I believe men would again try to court women, the way that it should be, and not women trying desperately to hold a man's attention.... but unfortunately, things wont change and so women like me who do have values will suffer as a consequence I am a late 20-something yr old woman who has never been in a serious relationship with a man and am a virgin (Ive dated and ‘hooked up’ but never had sex). The primary reason is that up until this point, I’ve wanted to meet the right guy, fall in love, and experience sex within the context of a truly loving relationship. Unfortunately, having not met the right guy yet and feeling more and more dismal at the prospect of not meeting him, this hope of mine has not become a reality as friends of mine have coupled up and gotten married. I fear being the 40 yr old virgin, but at the same time, I still believe that sex is something that should be shared with someone you love, and ideally, the person you are married to. I think the problem is that men no longer value women who want to wait until marriage because the majority of women are sleeping around in non-committed relationships. Why would a guy want to wait to have sex with me in a loving, committed relationship when he can readily have sex with the majority of single women?
THe fact is that the promiscuity in society is making it difficult for those who do value the nature of sex and want to wait until marriage. In our grandparent’s generation, it was considered immoral for a woman to have pre-marital sex, but I think it’s no coincidence that the majority of people in our grandparents generation wanted to get married, remained married and value their marriages waaaay more than our generation who don’t have a clue on how to preserve a loving relationship. It’s sad, in my opinion, that women like me feel worried that we may not find the loving relationships and get married, so in order to have sex/intimacy, we’re going to have to compromise our values. I agree with Joan Rivers who jokes but also means quite literally that women have screwed themselves into the ground with the womens’ movement… all its really done is created a society where people have non-committed sex with multiple sex partners and the rate of STDS going through the roof…if women stopped having sex before marriage, I think we’d see a radical change (and a positive one at that) in dating… men and women would be more concerned about finding the right person for a long term relationship and marriage, not in gratifying their sexual needs and then moving on when that person no longer excites them… I believe men would again try to court women, the way that it should be, and not women trying desperately to hold a man’s attention…. but unfortunately, things wont change and so women like me who do have values will suffer as a consequence

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.davidwygant.com/blog/sexual-inexperience/4510/#comment-41782 Anonymous Wed, 21 Jul 2010 06:53:33 +0000 http://www.davidwygant.com/blog/?p=4510#comment-41782 I am a late 20-something yr old woman who has never been in a serious relationship with a man and am a virgin (Ive dated and 'hooked up' but never had sex). The primary reason is that up until this point, I've wanted to meet the right guy, fall in love, and experience sex within the context of a truly loving relationship. Unfortunately, having not met the right guy yet and feeling more and more dismal at the prospect of not meeting him, this hope of mine has not become a reality as friends of mine have coupled up and gotten married. I fear being the 40 yr old virgin, but at the same time, I still believe that sex is something that should be shared with someone you love, and ideally, the person you are married to. I think the problem is that men no longer value women who want to wait until marriage because the majority of women are sleeping around in non-committed relationships. Why would a guy want to wait to have sex with me in a loving, committed relationship when he can readily have sex with the majority of single women? THe fact is that the promiscuity in society is making it difficult for those who do value the nature of sex and want to wait until marriage. In our grandparent's generation, it was considered immoral for a woman to have pre-marital sex, but I think it's no coincidence that the majority of people in our grandparents generation wanted to get married, remained married and value their marriages waaaay more than our generation who don't have a clue on how to preserve a loving relationship. It's sad, in my opinion, that women like me feel worried that we may not find the loving relationships and get married, so in order to have sex/intimacy, we're going to have to compromise our values. I agree with Joan Rivers who jokes but also means quite literally that women have screwed themselves into the ground with the womens' movement... all its really done is created a society where people have non-committed sex with multiple sex partners and the rate of STDS going through the roof I am a late 20-something yr old woman who has never been in a serious relationship with a man and am a virgin (Ive dated and ‘hooked up’ but never had sex). The primary reason is that up until this point, I’ve wanted to meet the right guy, fall in love, and experience sex within the context of a truly loving relationship. Unfortunately, having not met the right guy yet and feeling more and more dismal at the prospect of not meeting him, this hope of mine has not become a reality as friends of mine have coupled up and gotten married. I fear being the 40 yr old virgin, but at the same time, I still believe that sex is something that should be shared with someone you love, and ideally, the person you are married to. I think the problem is that men no longer value women who want to wait until marriage because the majority of women are sleeping around in non-committed relationships. Why would a guy want to wait to have sex with me in a loving, committed relationship when he can readily have sex with the majority of single women?
THe fact is that the promiscuity in society is making it difficult for those who do value the nature of sex and want to wait until marriage. In our grandparent’s generation, it was considered immoral for a woman to have pre-marital sex, but I think it’s no coincidence that the majority of people in our grandparents generation wanted to get married, remained married and value their marriages waaaay more than our generation who don’t have a clue on how to preserve a loving relationship. It’s sad, in my opinion, that women like me feel worried that we may not find the loving relationships and get married, so in order to have sex/intimacy, we’re going to have to compromise our values. I agree with Joan Rivers who jokes but also means quite literally that women have screwed themselves into the ground with the womens’ movement… all its really done is created a society where people have non-committed sex with multiple sex partners and the rate of STDS going through the roof

]]> By: David Mariano http://www.davidwygant.com/blog/sexual-inexperience/4510/#comment-41203 David Mariano Fri, 11 Jun 2010 03:27:29 +0000 http://www.davidwygant.com/blog/?p=4510#comment-41203 I'm 19, and i'm a virgin, i've had only one girlfriend, i had quite some girls who i could slept with, but i just feel like i should wait to that "magical night" with the person i love, what do you think? I’m 19, and i’m a virgin, i’ve had only one girlfriend, i had quite some girls who i could slept with, but i just feel like i should wait to that “magical night” with the person i love, what do you think?

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.davidwygant.com/blog/sexual-inexperience/4510/#comment-41201 Anonymous Thu, 10 Jun 2010 23:07:58 +0000 http://www.davidwygant.com/blog/?p=4510#comment-41201 i am 18, not religious and have no sexual experience. being so young i'm not looking for a serious realtionship because i feel like there's so much to learn from different people that there's no need to commit to just one. however, i feel that i am finally ready to explore my sexuality with someone i trust to take things slow. i have a lot of respect for myself so i'm not going to be 'sleeping around' but i think that society has taught me to feel guilty for wanting to explore this without being in a long-term relationship. does anyone else understand this? i am 18, not religious and have no sexual experience. being so young i’m not looking for a serious realtionship because i feel like there’s so much to learn from different people that there’s no need to commit to just one. however, i feel that i am finally ready to explore my sexuality with someone i trust to take things slow. i have a lot of respect for myself so i’m not going to be ‘sleeping around’ but i think that society has taught me to feel guilty for wanting to explore this without being in a long-term relationship. does anyone else understand this?

]]> By: Cathy J http://www.davidwygant.com/blog/sexual-inexperience/4510/#comment-41195 Cathy J Thu, 10 Jun 2010 10:48:22 +0000 http://www.davidwygant.com/blog/?p=4510#comment-41195 From a Christian point of view, one only has to look at Song of Songs, to know that it can be considered one of the most sacred and wondrous acts of love- within marriage of course from this perspective. I recently saw the ABC documentary, Secrets to Love, and understood a whole lot more about sex and commitment issues (from science and social science perspectives). Unfortunately I haven't seen this video still showing however a summary is available. The actual act of sex raises certain hormones in our body resulting in men enjoying the experience and women imagining marriage and babies..... To the writer of the letter, I say 'go within' - you already know the answer for you. If you meet someone and want to explore and feel safe with him, then of course you are an adult and can do that. From years of counseling women I also am aware that most often unless that is within a committed relationship, the event itself (even if it was really enjoyable at the time) is tarnished soon after. Regret is an emotion that can be avoided. If on the other hand you choose to change your mindset and attract your true love, then the rest will take of itself!!!! From a Christian point of view, one only has to look at Song of Songs, to know that it can be considered one of the most sacred and wondrous acts of love- within marriage of course from this perspective.

I recently saw the ABC documentary, Secrets to Love, and understood a whole lot more about sex and commitment issues (from science and social science perspectives). Unfortunately I haven’t seen this video still showing however a summary is available. The actual act of sex raises certain hormones in our body resulting in men enjoying the experience and women imagining marriage and babies…..

To the writer of the letter, I say ‘go within’ – you already know the answer for you. If you meet someone and want to explore and feel safe with him, then of course you are an adult and can do that.

From years of counseling women I also am aware that most often unless that is within a committed relationship, the event itself (even if it was really enjoyable at the time) is tarnished soon after. Regret is an emotion that can be avoided.

If on the other hand you choose to change your mindset and attract your true love, then the rest will take of itself!!!!

]]> By: Bob http://www.davidwygant.com/blog/sexual-inexperience/4510/#comment-41192 Bob Thu, 10 Jun 2010 03:01:31 +0000 http://www.davidwygant.com/blog/?p=4510#comment-41192 This is a simple subject. It makes no difference how sexually experienced either of you are, IF THEIR IS CHEMISTRY. That is the only key. If you find someone and have that instant spark and butterfly feeling, the sex will come naturally and you will both be happy just being in the same bed together, exploring all the things you can do. The more experienced will teach the less, or you will naturally learn together. Sexual experience is of no matter. If it really does matter that much to you, then you are shallow and immature. Chemistry, and the wanting to be together, is all that matters. This is a simple subject. It makes no difference how sexually experienced either of you are, IF THEIR IS CHEMISTRY. That is the only key. If you find someone and have that instant spark and butterfly feeling, the sex will come naturally and you will both be happy just being in the same bed together, exploring all the things you can do. The more experienced will teach the less, or you will naturally learn together. Sexual experience is of no matter. If it really does matter that much to you, then you are shallow and immature. Chemistry, and the wanting to be together, is all that matters.

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