Sex On The Beach
September 18, 2009 
38 Comments
I would like to introduce all of you to a friend of mine. She wishes to remain anonymous, but I can tell you that she is a sex and dating coach to men and women all over the globe. We’ll call her “The Fiery Redhead.”
Now you all know how I feel about nicknames, so I’ll encourage her to reveal at least her first name soon. I will tell you that she is a woman in her 30′s who lives in Los Angeles, and who thinks that ‘Sex And The City’ doesn’t pertain to Los Angeles (because, really, it’s more like ‘sex in the hills’ or ‘sex on the beach).
The Fiery Redhead really wants to help men and women meet people, so I’ve offered her the opportunity to be a guest poster on the blog. Plus, I’m sure you guys have to get sick of hearing from just me.
So you will be getting a different perspective from her about every couple weeks. I also thought it would be a cool to have a woman giving her perspective and helping the women and the men.
So let’s welcome our new guest blogger and enjoy her first blog today. It’s a great topic. So, without further ado, here she is…
Hey Guys and Girls,
You know, David asked me to start writing a little guest column because he figured why not have a female opinion every so often. And why not have one who really tells it like it is. That definitely describes me (as you’ll quickly discover).
I’ve got to tell you something. The other day some girl friends and I were sitting around with some guys who were talking all about how to “close” a woman. You will never hear a woman say something like that.
You’ll never hear a woman say, “You know, we went on a boat trip the other day and met some really cute guys. My friend was flirting with one guy, but at the end of the day she ended up going home without closing him.”
No, she didn’t “close” him. She didn’t hook up with him. What is it with you guys having to “close” us? Why do you need to “close” us?
We’re not a door — you don’t need to close us. Really, if you close us it’s actually because we’ve determined that you were cool to hang out with so we want to go and bang you. I mean, that’s really what it comes down to. We make that decision, not you.
I don’t understand it. Why don’t you just learn the way women are? If we like you and enjoy your company, and we give outward signs of that, then you don’t need to close us. You just need to go with the flow.
Why can’t guys just be a little more relaxed and a little cooler about things? You’d get laid so much more if you would just listen to the verbal clues. That’s all for my ranting and raving for this time. I’ll talk to you guys soon!
Okay, thanks again to the Fiery Redhead for this first post! To all of you, enjoy the last weekend of summer, because fall is here as of next week. Also, if any of you would like to know any of my football predictions, be sure to tune into the blog on Sunday. Why? Because I want to and it will be fun.
Now, since it’s the weekend and some of you go out to the bars, I thought this great video will help you out. It’s all about how to walk the walk and talk the talk to be able to successfully approach women in bars.
Nice to meet you fiery one.
Great post.
So women dont clsoe men?
Yes they do but they do it without really thinking. Men we over think all the time.
New Blood……….
Great video I am going to use this stuff tonight,
Thanks David have a greta wweekend
Late blog today was just about to shut down for the week and look what i found.
David I perosonally love your blogs but its great to see a female perspective!
Thanks
Can we see what she looks like?
David
You are allowing her to use a nick name. You are so against that.
Meow…….is all I can say right now.
David David David.
All his time I beg you to allow me to write the blog from time to time and you diss me.
You are going to be punished!
welcome Miss Redhead
No, we don’t close we nail the guys, an expression I have heard girls use about a guy they are interested in. In many ways we are not that different that guys on both sides are players and romantics. The main thing is being honest, if all you want is to get laid..fine, but don’t lie or make you into a hopeless romantic. Everything with integrity and treat all with respect.
Ha Ha thats funny lisa…traitor David…we have our own in house say as it is Lisa…It’s her turn, ok why not once a month choose on entry by one of us bloggers and let us be there to chat all day.
Hey David, welcome Ms. Fiery Redhead. ‘Fiery’ indeed. The tone of your post says it all. Going with the flow definitely works, I think its a two way street though. Just like she chooses to hang out with you, men can choose too. The guy’s cool, secure in who he is, friendly, so the woman is thinking ‘i wanna hang out with him’; but the guy wasn’t trying to ‘close’ her, he was just being himself and got her attention. Great video David, being in the moment does not fail!!! Thanx.
like Hristyan said: “Get out of your head and get in touch with your boddy.” I think men tend to think too much about the outcome. We tend to think with our “gun” instead with our emotions.
remember, women can read your energy and can detect your intentions. Just live the moment. ;D wait….I’ve got to go……….my “gun” needs to be loaded. lol ahahahha
Liked the video David. I usually find it easier to approach less attractive chicks because they’ll actually respond. When I approach more attractive chicks, they look you over and if you aren’t as hot as they are, they won’t give you the time of day.
I’ve never heard another woman talk about “closing” or “nailing” a guy–unless it’s to emasculated him!
Most of the women I know talk about getting a man to “open” and connect with her. I think it’s fair to say that a man who “opens” a woman has a better chance with her than a man who “closes” her.
Mac
You need to work on your mindset really bad!!
Do you have my mens mastery series or my whats your excuse program?
Clay
Women are less crude when talking about the opposite sex:)
Lisa
YOu will always be my favorite!
You go girl!!!!
Hercules
Are you a cat?
Meow right back at ya.
I am out see you all later/
Don’t get me wrong David. I approach the hot ones, but I guess what I’m saying is that I have more fun with the less attractive ones since they’re not into their looks as much. SOmetimes hot chicks aren’t all you expect them to be. they can be the most boring people to talk with.
Nice advice Fiery.
I have never ever posted before I hope this is how you do it.
Mac,
It’s easier to approach less attractive people because there’s less at stake. No matter. It’s all good practice. Keep at it, babe.
<3
Interesting topic.
Yes, if a woman will respond to you if you are confident and decisive in your approach. It is ingrained in our biology. Women breed with the confident men and because unconfident is not a desirable trait, it does not reproduce. Basically, one who lacks confidence is removed from the gene pool over time.
For me, what is interesting here is that sometimes those lacking in confidence are extremely well developed in other areas of their life, ie professionally, physical fitness, etc. It is my belief that, when not engaged on a healthy basis with the opposite sex, men tend to over-compensate in these areas This may lead to remarkable results, though unfortunately, for the purpose of survival, these areas will not suffice.
There are some great men out there with alot to offer the opposite sex. Their efforts, however, will go largely unnoticed until they overcome this critical aspect.
Greg,
You have a good point. Fortunately, there is no shortage of of women, and all of us have different wants. There is no need to over compensate. Just be authentic, even with all your “faults” and you will find someone. As long as your faults are compatible with hers, it can work. In fact, I think this is key. Everybody’s stellar qualities mesh well–no surprise there. It’s our faults that that need to be compatible.
clayhalo
I’m not saying you need to over compensate, rather that it may be a byproduct of not having one. The men who are not out there dating are still doing something. (as are the women)
The eternal question of ‘what ought we do?’ still remains. You have do to something if you aren’t socializing/dating.
Pleased to meet you! (Did I mention I adore red heads?
)
haha yes i am a Different Todd from above ^^. Anyways i thought this blog was about sex on the beach but then it turned to be more about advise on the beach. Anyways, I’m eager to hear the advice of our new advice woman.
~ T2
David,
I remember a couple of weeks ago i mentioned something about giving out some fantasy football advice since your so in to it. I don’t know if your getting into the fantasy football side, but will be anxious to hear your predictions on Sunday. Guess they kind of go hand in hand anyway.
Looking forward to it!
Dave, thanks for attempting to provide the female perspective.
Not sure I understand what she’s implying..
That men should not attempt to close women, or that we should defer to the woman for signals that we should close?
Bizarre rational to say the least.
I can’t say how many opportunities I’ve missed by waiting for a woman’s signal that she’s ‘interested’.
Younger, more sexually attractive women in most cases are not this self assured. They will simply make themselves available for a man’s escalation. And if the man doesn’t do so, then that opportunity is often ‘Gone with the Wind’.
No faster way to end up in the friend, creep or other unsavory category than to fail to frame an interaction with a woman then escalate/close depending upon the social context.
Furthermore, unfortunately in this culture it is the man’s duty and responsibility to be the leader in any interaction/relationship. This requires one to be goal oriented. This is the conundrum and an oxymoron for us guys. Because often this means that to be successful, we must both pursue ‘the goal’ but act as though there is ‘no’ goal with a particular woman. Clearly this is incongruence at its finest.
Of course we must have a goal. Otherwise, what’s the purpose of the interaction in the first place. Only from a woman’s perspective could a man both pursue an outcome and not have an outcome in mind at the same time.
And that’s why I’m glad I’m married to a wonderful woman. And one that hasn’t been polluted by such bizarre chick-logic.
It’s all about committing to a goal, without being attached to the outcome. This applies to men AND women. Isn’t that the ket to happiness in life?
There is no failure, only feedback.
ack! KEY to happiness in life…
Perhaps a better way to put it would be ‘committing to a personal goal, without being attached to an outcome with any particular person.’
Clearly some things and people are not going to work out for various reasons. Many of them not of our choosing. But then, nothing ventured, nothing gained. And that is the essence of attempting to close or escalate.
Closing is a skill that’s an absolute requirement not only in seduction, but in building a successful social or professional network itself.
I thought the ‘door’ analogy was sort of juvenile. It has nothing to do with closing a door. It has everything to do with leading interactions to future meetings or to their climax whatever they may be.
And sex just happens.. LOL
It happens because some guy had the balls to pursue the possible outcome. The same can be said for 90% of all romantic interactions between the sexes. And I think Dave covers this well in his material when he’s addressing confidence.
If you doubt that premise as a man, I want to adopt the attitude that most women have that ‘sex just happens’ then go out, and tell me how often you find it happening. Very simply it wont. You will simply find yourself surrounded by a bunch of pissed off women wondering why you’re gay, impotent, weak or something. LOL
And that my friends is the ultimate Contradictio in terminis.
You are correct, Sir. I have some women friends who, if a man hasn’t initiated sex within whatever they think is the “appropriate ” time frame, they think something is wrong with him–physically (impotence or a third testicle) or emotionally. Other women will wonder “what’s wrong with ME? Doesn’t he want me?” So it can be pretty messed up.
Admittedly, we can be contradictory at times. But if you pay attention, you will know when the time is right! Women love feeling desired–they may interpret tentative behavior as “he doesn’t really want me.” So, go for it! If you misjudged her and it doesn’t turn out the way you expected, then, what the hell? You took a risk and got some excellent feedback. Good for you! Work those triceps patting yourself on the back.
That being said, I believe we are always attracting the “right” people to us by virtue of who we are and how we feel about ourselves at any given moment. There are no “missed” opportunities, because if an opportunity is missed, we weren’t ready for it.
You make some very good points.
Particularly the one about hesitation, as it regards closing/escalation. LOL
Starbuck,
I see your point of the contradiction in logic… but honestly, I don’t see the man leading while not having an outcome as contradictory.
To me, the essence of being man is to really pursue what you love. The outcome is never guaranteed. It’s really about following thru on your intent.
So when I see a woman I like, I make sure I “lead” and take the necessary steps to give the interaction a direction… and an intent so that she knows I’m in it for romantic purposes.
But I don’t need to “close” the girl. By setting the tone of the interaction, by showing her my intent through my behaviors, she knows what she’s in for.
For me, most guys need an outcome to understand the step-by-step logic of meeting women… but the reality is… you don’t need the outcome if you understand the process.
If you go through the process, most of the time, the outcome happen just fine… but as long as you stick to doing the process, you won’t feel bad about whether or not you closed the girl or not.
You did what you had to do to be true to your own romantic intent. If she likes it, things will happen.
[quote]Starbuck,
I see your point of the contradiction in logic… but honestly, I don’t see the man leading while not having an outcome as contradictory.[/quote]
Well my friend, then where are you leading too?
I mean if one is to lead, then one must have a destination in mind.
[quote]To me, the essence of being man is to really pursue what you love. The outcome is never guaranteed. It’s really about following thru on your intent.[/quote]
Intent- the state of a person’s mind that directs his or her actions toward a specific object.
‘Specific object’ and ‘outcome’ are synonyms.
[quote]So when I see a woman I like, I make sure I “lead” and take the necessary steps to give the interaction a direction… and an intent so that she knows I’m in it for romantic purposes.[/quote]
Ok. So you’re saying that once you express your interest in a woman for romantic purposes, you are expecting her to take the lead?
[quote]But I don’t need to “close” the girl. By setting the tone of the interaction, by showing her my intent through my behaviors, she knows what she’s in for.[/quote]
How exactly do you ‘lead’ her to ‘what she’s in for’ if you have no outcome in mind?
[quote]For me, most guys need an outcome to understand the step-by-step logic of meeting women… but the reality is… you don’t need the outcome if you understand the process.[/quote]
I understand what you’re saying with this.
Question? Do you wear a condom when you have sex with a strange woman? You know, to prevent a possible ‘outcome’?
[quote]If you go through the process, most of the time, the outcome happen just fine… but as long as you stick to doing the process, you won’t feel bad about whether or not you closed the girl or not.[/quote]
I’m a firm believer in learning to enjoy the journey, which is what I think you’re trying to say.
But then this would sort of be like trying to take a trip someplace, but not knowing where you’re trying to go.
[quote]You did what you had to do to be true to your own romantic intent. If she likes it, things will happen.[/quote]
Interesting points Ken. And I agree with much of that. Things may happen, things may not. It often depends upon the actions you take, or not.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve failed to ‘close’ and found out later the woman thought I wasn’t interested (I’m not ugly or fat). I mean getting a number is simply a bridge to a future meeting or outcome. Otherwise it’s meaningless numbers.
I think where we part company with all this is on our definition of ‘closing’.
It’s nothing more than a sales term meant to denote completing the ‘sale’.
And after all, that’s exactly what we are doing. Attempting to sell ourselves to women, and particularly that young lady standing before us.
Then the question becomes, where exactly are we trying to take her?