Eye Contact By David Wygant
Last night I saw the Movie Sex and The City and had so much to say about the dynamics between men and women that i had to create a free podcast today.
So what did i think of Sarah Jessica Parker and the crew?
And how real is the plot in Sex and The City The Movie to real life?
Give this a listen and you will see what really happens between the sexes.
Before the podcast give todays blog a quick read with your eyes….its a subject that would make a great Sex and The City Episode.
Do you report in with nothing to say?
Reporting In By David Wygant
So here you are: you’re spending a weekend with a friend. Let’s say you live in Austria and you’re visiting a friend in Amsterdam, and there are a couple of other guys that you’re going to hang out with too.
Really, the whole weekend is just a fun weekend of doing things that you like to do. It doesn’t really matter what it is – you could be taking a bootcamp, or you could be just hanging out with a friend going shopping watching some games whatever…..
But, you’re dating somebody. And you tell them, “look, I really can’t speak with you much this weekend. You can text me, it’s fine – but don’t call me, because my mobile phone is roaming and it costs a lot of money to talk to you. I’m going to be honest with you – I just kind of want to hang out with some friends this weekend, but you can check in with a text every once in awhile, that’s great.”
How come, in so many instances – and I think men are just as guilty of this as women are – that the needy person starts coming out? You tell them this on a Thursday morning before you leave, and by Thursday night, they’ve already called you twice!
Yet when you told them this on Thursday morning, they told you that they totally understood and that they wouldn’t call! They said they would just text you, and to have a good weekend.
Yet every time they call, they say, “I just really wanted to talk to you, and to hear your voice,” but then they have absolutely nothing to say! And they will say something stupid and crazy like, “have you met anybody else?” or “are you flirting with other people?”
This is what a needy, jealous person does. What happens is that this pushes the opposite sex away. If a woman does this to me – it drives me up the wall! I can’t take it. When I go off to do my thing, I’m doing my thing. I’m hanging with friends, I’m coaching people, I’m friends with a lot of the guys I coach – I’m enjoying myself.
Yes – I’m flirting with women! I’m not going home with other women, but I’m flirting with them. We’re all flirting with women. But I’m also talking to men, I’m also talking to children, I’m also talking to dogs.
And to have to explain yourself to someone is crazy. I’m sitting here with my friend, and he picked up the phone, and said to her, “I really can’t talk right now, I’ll talk to you later on Skype,” and she says okay. Then, he literally hangs up the phone and 30 seconds later, there’s a text! “I miss you – you don’t miss me as much as I miss you.”
That just makes me want to vomit. You should see the expression on his face – it’s just like GET AWAY. If you want to push us away, keep doing that annoying, nit-picking behavior! It doesn’t work.
If you like a guy that is independent, allow him to be independent! Be cool. I wrote a blog awhile back about being cool. You need to be cool with it. We’re not out there cheating. Let me tell you what we did that day in Amsterdam, so if this woman reads the blog, here is what we did all day:
We went to the gym, and got all pumped up. We walked around the city. We had an amazing breakfast-lunch, and then we went shopping around the city. We tried on jeans, and we tried on shirts. I found some great shirts, he found some great shirts. We figured out how to get the VAT back for me in creative fun ways. We looked at some great buildings. We walked we talked we ate we drank.
This is what we did. Did we flirt with women? Yeah, of course we did! We played with some women, we had a good time. Did we sleep with some women? No, that’s not what this is all about. I don’t teach seduction. I don’t teach how to meet a woman in a square in Amsterdam at 12:30 on a Friday, and have sex with her by 1:00 in the afternoon! That’s not what we’re about – that’s not the type of client or the types of friends that I hang out with.
This is an open letter to all women. If you want cool, amazing, confident guys: stop being so damn needy and annoying! If we tell you we’re going to hang out with our buddy, trust us!
I can feel all the women’s hairs just prickling on their necks right now, but the same goes for men: if your girl wants to go out and have some fun with her friends – maybe you can write a standard little text saying, “have a great time.”
Be supportive of her weekend. Don’t start texting with these annoying messages like “I bet you don’t miss me as much as I miss you.” Vomit – we are going to vomit that up. It just doesn’t work.
I don’t mind the cute little “I miss you texts” but yes… each person needs to have their own lives.
That’s what made you attractive to the other person in the first place. You don’t want to lose your individuality b/c you met someone. Have your own stuff to do. Have your own activity… and come together stronger
So far, I like the women who understand that. Having a little bit of “distance” helps you appreciate the other person more and that’s what we all want.
When a person becomes needy, we take them for granted… and you don’t want that, do you?
This is a HUGE issue here!!
I was never able to explain this to my ex girlfriends that I AM NOT GOING TO SLEEP WITH OTHER WOMEN WHILE IM AWAY from them
Seriously, have some trust in me!
where are you going, who is going to be there, who are you going to talk to, are you going to miss me????? WTF????
I personally think that level of maturity plays a very important role here..
On the other hand I think certain level of jealousness is cute and sexy.
Piece of advice:
Send me a sms during the evening.
Hi honey, I hope you are enjoying yourself and having a great time. Looking forward to seeing you later on this night (tomorrow night etc). I have a surprise for you:-) xoxo
This will make me feel good
I def agree with Khiem that everybody needs his/hers own space. Then when you come back together you have stories to share about your journeys by yourselves (what you learned, who you met etc etc) and life gets more exciting
Where is Hope and other ladies from the community, I want to hear your opinions on this one..
theres just something about needy girls, its like the way they look at you, like they can drill holes on the back of your skull! anyways, great blog david!
oh my god. oh my god. khiem, where are you???? who did you go out with last night?!
I found this article interesting.
http://green.yahoo.com/blog/ecogeek/539/ecogeeks-get-all-the-girls.html
I agree about neediness = unattractive.
On the other hand, on occasions when a girl has started that with me, I can trace it back to two possible causes.
First, maybe I did a bad job picking a girl. Some girls are naturally needy because they’re insecure. Yes it’s annoying but we’ve all been there and felt that nagging uncertainty. If I see needy behavior on the first date or two, or before I get her number, I try to resist the temptation to let it keep going.
Second, if she’s not a naturally needy person, then I can mitigate her jealousy before it shows up: first by making her feel appreciated, and second by disallowing her poor behavior. Most girls will test at the beginning of a relationship to see if she can get away with being possessive — but she doesn’t really want me to let her.
So the key, I’ve found, is to pick a good girl to start with, and then not allow her to start acting possessive. Later on, when she’s not being needy, I can reinforce it by telling her exactly why I care about her or what I like about her.
That’s my 2 cents,
Patrick
Neediness is the big hairy mole of all dating and relationships. Enough said. Thanks for sharing your thoughts David!!
-Taras
It’s funny but from my experience, I know of far more guys who exhibit this kind of behavior than girls. Either way it’s EXTREMELY unattractive, and results in the opposite effect that the person is hoping for. Too bad more people didn’t know this…
Keep spreading the good word David!
Patrick, I like your 2 cents – pick the good ones first, and then preemptively inhibit that behavior from even taking place.
-Sean
http://sarahjessicaparkerlookslikeahorse.com/06.htm
LOL David!
I read that Eco geek article. That doesn’t happen in LA!!! Girls would rather talk to the sports car guy than the ECO guy ANY DAY!
Now, if you are in San Francisco, that’d be another story…
Patrick, I firmly agree with your way of going about meeting and keeping women interested.
Unfortunately there really are so many insecure people out there! So many people are incredibly damaged, or lack care, that it makes it virtually impossible to tell the difference!!
San Francisco is a great place to meet people more interested in the ECO guy, heck I am more into the ECO guy. In the end, I believe people lose interest in the guys/girls who ‘pretend’ to be secure and strut their ‘fake’ stuff. Look back at your experiences… Have you ever dated someone you got along with so well and you knew they could be the one, but you decided to go with the guy/girl who had the better bod/ better car/ better job… and they turned out to be needy or lack too much security?
Food for thought, think about it.
What I would do is this: say you want to meet and chat? Ok then we can like talk some to see how the conversation goes. Just to apease her then I would ask her to meet me at XYZ. So we meet if she shows signs of needyness I would ask whats up with your life. Hows your love life going.
Woman really crave attention sometimes. And i think we all need to be more open to just having talks with each other. This world can be very troubling to some and opening up to people is a good start to improving yourself and helping others to improve their’s as well. Afterall isn’t that what this web site all about.
Yes, neediness is unattractive. I tend to agree with Patrick.
I wonder about people who choose needy partners– like, if their partner was very secure in the relationship if they would become the needy ones– i.e. flip side of the same coin. Anyway, it happens, and I’m only curious about the neediness of the ones who repeatedly pick needy partners.
I’m having a deja vu here
or is that deja écoutez?
Slava, you said it all!! That will make me feel good also.
I agree with Patrick – more guys than girls going around doing this! They should just go read Slava’s advice and turn it around.
This all kinda reminds me of Keeping Up Appearances. “Richard, where have you been!”
Hey Pete
the deja vu is all mine
:D and you know why!!! ha ha
Hope you have a good time in Amsterdam. Me in Cancun now, trying not to fall asleep (long day in the sun & lots of food)
stay tuned
markus
Markus!! Deja vu all the way mate :p ha!
You’re in MEXICO?? By the sea? Fantastic man! How is life there?
I’m in Utrecht, but way busy lately and sleeping far too little. Vacation soon and then I’m heading to Amsterdam again. I love it, as well as the ‘tempo bellisimo’!
Check your box.net e-mail address. I mailed you way back.
Ciao!
Pete
This checking in crap is exactly why I aborted my last relationship. I say aborted because it wasn’t quite a relationship yet and I pulled the plug.
I have a demanding job and for the most part that doesn’t bother me. About once a month I have to work long hours and I mean LONG. I happened to meet a guy who wanted to go out to dinner with me right before one of these long hour weeks.
We hadn’t even gone on a date and this fella was so needy that he wanted me to call him like every night when I got home — no matter what time it was. That’s like the type of thing m y over-protective mother used to want me to do after I drove across country.
“Call me whenever you get there sweetie — no matter what time it is so that I know you’re safe.” — Okay mom.
I went on one date with this guy — on a Sunday afternoon — and at the end of the date he wanted me to set a time to call him the next day. Besides being unbelievable it was also annoying. I was trying to give him a fair shot so I said yes, I would call him around 9 the next night.
But, at 8:45 p.m. Monday night I realized I didn’t want to talk to him. I had nothing to say and I didn’t really want to talk to anybody. So I didn’t call him. At 9:05 he called me. He called again at 9:15…and 9:30. Holy stalker, Batman. If he was like that after one date I can’t imagine what it would be like to be his girlfriend. I would probably go insane.
There’s almost no one I want to talk to every day. In fact, if a guy wants to see me and talk to me every day he is going to have to marry me and live with me. Otherwise it ain’t gonna happen. And it sure as hell ain’t happening in the first week of our relationship.
Okay, I’ve said my piece.
This is the curse of everyone that follows David’s method, and I’m so glad you’ve posted about it.
I’m embroiled with an extremely needy girl who I believe has an adult version of ADD – she gets chronic boredom and needs stimulation. But other than this one critical flaw she is amazing.
I’m heading overseas (for a whole year) in a month so we spoke about “us”, and agreed it shouldn’t progress further, but under different circumstances I wouldn’t hesitate to make her my girlfriend.
We didn’t have sex that night even though her body language and behavior was begging for it.
If that wasn’t hard enough for me already, in the four days since she’s texted me a lot with things like, “I miss you already….I want to kiss you….I can’t believe you’re going for a year, you suck…..why don’t you cancel overseas and come live here with me” and also random thoughts like, “I’m feeding baby lambs right now!”
I could easily go round and show her a good time but things would definitely get worse! Don’t know how to handle it without causing her serious emotional damage (we’ve sorta been friends for a year and has always said I’m the only person that makes her feel good about herself).
Where are all the non-needy people?
CJ – your date actually sounds psychotic! The last thing I want to do after a date is call :p
fun love test for a couple to take free…
I am thinking of doing a blog, how many times a week do you think I should post?…