You get in a fight with your partner. They did something that really angered you. You didn’t like their behavior or the way they treated you.

Whatever it was that they did, has that ever caused you to basically mirror that behavior back to them? Then you start blaming them for being the way that you are at that moment. You start getting angry at them for making you this way.

Sometimes you just can’t handle the way someone is processing something because it is not the way you would process it. They might process things negatively. They might process things positively.

There are so many different ways that people process things. If your partner processes things differently than you do, however, it might freak you out because it will feel like the person you’re with is disconnected from you.

It doesn’t mean that they stopped loving you. They might be unable to show you love at that moment or give you the love you need at that moment, but that doesn’t mean that they ever stopped loving you.

It’s just that right at that moment they need to process something in an entirely different way than you do. They are not getting space, but they really need space.

It is so important to give someone space in this situation. I know it’s hard because they might act mean or might be irritable. You’ve got to realize, though, that if they are taking the time (and the space) they need to process something, it is because they love you and want things to work out with you.

Now, there is a distinction between needing space to process and pulling back. If someone acts like this — mean and irritable — for weeks and weeks, then it’s not processing. It’s pulling back.

When someone’s actions cause you to feel stress, pain and anguish, what do you do? Most of us tend to mirror that person’s behaviors. You give them a taste of their own medicine and you act the way they’ve been acting.

You basically give them back what they’ve been giving you, and you rehash everything. The problem is that rehashing is poison. It is not healthy at all.

It is not healthy to rehash with all the “You-did-this-No-you-did-that” kind of talk. All you’re doing is rehashing the poison.

Maybe they didn’t do things the way you wanted to do it. Maybe they didn’t process things the way you wanted.

They may not come around until a day or two later, but isn’t love about forgiving? Isn’t love about understanding each other and being able to handle each other in ways that get us outside our comfort zone?

Love is about being able to say in that moment, “That’s just Bob (or Mary), and I can see by their behavior that that this is how they handle things. They’re trying to work on it but, in the meantime, it might still happen again. Nobody’s perfect.” Think about all of this for a minute.