Let’s talk about another kind of relationship right now: what is your relationship with money?
This should be one of your best and most well managed relationships.
What is your relationship with money?
Let me share with you what my relationship with money used to be. Growing up in my household, money was doled out when we were being good. You went to Grandma Frankie’s house, and if you were a good grandson, you’d leave with a couple of hundred bucks for a pair of new sneakers.
If you weren’t a good grandson (or granddaughter) you wouldn’t leave with anything. And the whole time, she would sit there and make sly remarks about what a bad grandchild you were.
My dad couldn’t show love in any way. But when my dad and I were not talking, he was great at paying my car insurance bill. He tried to use his money to show me his love.
My mother has pissed away money four times. My brother and I are basically supporting her now. That shows you my mother’s relationship with money. I don’t mind taking care of my mom. I love her, but she has a bad relationship with money.
Most of my adult life I also had a bad relationship with money. I thought about it too much, I wanted it too much at times, and I hated spending it. Chalk it up to my Jewish upbringing. Chalk it up to my Grandmother, who taught us that we should save every dime and only buy things on sale. I would feel guilty if I bought something that I had wanted. I felt guilty if I stayed at a nicer hotel.
My relationship with money over the last four years has been phenomenal. These days, all I think of is abundance. I don’t let money control my life, and I won’t let the power of money suck me in.
There are always going to be people that are richer than you and there will always be people that are poorer, but your own personal relationship with money is very important.
As I wrote in a blog a while back, the definition of being rich is having enough money and enough love in your life that you are able to do anything you want without feeling the stress and pressure of life.
Think about that. That definition of being rich is very different for every person who reads this.
You have to have a healthy relationship with money. If you don’t, the next time you have a relationship with another person, your unhealthy relationship with money is going to make an appearance. The two reasons why most couples break up is sex and money.
Many times guys will come to me and want to do a bootcamp, but they will use the money as an excuse. It’s not the money that’s really the issue; you can come up with the money to do anything. It’s really the relationship that you have with money that is the issue.
You hold on to every penny because you fear that it will be your last. And if you’re grasping on to every last penny, the universe is not going to reward you with more money.
You have to create abundance in your life. Whether you make $30,000 per year or $4 million, you cannot be cheap with the person that matters the most: you.
Of course, don’t go out and buy that new car if you can’t afford it today. But if it’s something that you’ve wanted to do for a while, and you’ve made the excuse that money is what is keeping you from it, believe in yourself and do it. The money will show up as long as you work hard and believe in who you are.
If you’ve been holding off taking one of my bootcamps or you’ve been holding off buying a new pair of jeans – do it! The way you feel and the way you act after an experience is what is going to attract more positive things in your life – including more money.
Life is about energy. If you walk around holding onto every nickel, it will soon become your last nickel.
How do I know this? Because in 1997, I lost every penny I made due to my fucked up relationship with money. I lost three businesses.
It took me a long time to fully understand what a healthy relationship with money looked like.
Be healthy! Spoil yourself! And go watch the movie Defending Your Life with Albert Brooks and Meryl Streep – one of my all-time favorites. For those of you that have listened to the Mastery Series, I talk about that movie at length. It’s a movie about having a healthy relationship with yourself.
Money is about experiencing things. Eventually, we all die. In general, he who dies with the most money in the bank is the one who experienced the least amount of love and happiness.
Of course, there are some very rich people out there (like Bill Gates) who travel the world and experience things. But many rich people are just saving for that rainy day.
Unfortunately, if you live in Southern California or not, that rainy day may never come!
Get healthy with your relationship with money and you will start to see some amazing things attracted into your life!
I can say with absolute certainty that I spoil myself. As of right now I’m an unemployed college student and yet I manage to raise funds for doing pretty much everything I really want to. Take it from me… if there’s something you want to achieve, you can make it happen regardless of what your bank account looks like.
I am cautious with money now that I am out of college but it hasn’t stopped me from doing what I want to do. Like leaving now to hang out with friends at the bar then watching Quantum of Solace!
Later!
A place like Casino can cause somebody an addiction, better know your limits.
Last night I had a couple of friends over for Chinese take-out. We were mulling over what screws us up in life due to the mysteries in our family trees (including about money) and laughing about how we deal with exes. The guy confessed that he spent HUGE bucks on an engagement ring and when he broke up, she wouldn’t give it back. Legally, he could have gotten it but he was already running for the exit and just cut his losses. The gal and I were astounded that anyone could let their guy spend that much and we considered it a red flag that his ex was trouble right there. Guys – take care of yourselves first or you can’t take care of anyone else. Remember the Beatles’ wisdom – “Can’t Buy Me Love.”
DW,
Good post about money. It seems like YOU R MONEY. Now that line is from one of my favorite movies, I know you know which one. I confess, I rented Defending Your Life once. I almost died of boredom… I swear, it almost killed me. But heck, I consider myself flexible and I try different things. For instance, I went to China this week and they had me try jelly fish. That was weird , but I did not chicken out. Oops, I digress… I’m generous with money, I make decent money, but I’m also generous with it, w myself and my family.
David, I just discovered one of the greatest things in the world. Blockbuster lets you download movie rentals right to your computer! When I discovered this, I rented and downloaded Defending your Life. Awesome movie, and I too will recommend it for everyone to watch. Got a lot out of that movie. One can’t live in fear, you have to have this mentality, attitude, the swagger some would call that life is great and abundant. The start of a great life journey begins with that first mental step. A forward step of mentality shift!
“My dad couldn’t show love in any way. But when my dad and I were not talking, he was great at paying my car insurance bill. He tried to use his money to show me his love.
”
That exerpt defines exactly the relationship with my Dad. I’d love to improve it, as its pathetic really. I went for a pint with my dad a year or so ago, and there was literally nothing to talk about.
Liked the following…
the definition of being rich is having enough money and enough love in your life that you are able to do anything you want without feeling the stress and pressure of life.
Great definition!
… you cannot be cheap with the person that matters the most: you.
….and you’ve made the excuse that money is what is keeping you from it, believe in yourself and do it. The money will show up as long as you work hard and believe in who you are.
Motivational.
I make good money now, but stuck in a meaningless job. I’m finally spending a little less, getting my shit
together financially. For two years now my dream has been to move to FL and start a business…only to feel beaten down at times because im still not there yet. It’s scary to walk away from a secure job with pension and excellent benefits and 401k but not a ton in savings because i’ve only been making this income a few years and move to the opposite end of the country….where income and everything else is so uncertain. If I don’t go i’ll always regret it so i know i my heart i gotta do it.
I do hope its true what you say….The money will show up as long as you work hard and believe in who you are. planning to start a home automation/theater biz down there and work at many all my goals and dreams come true as well as meet my future wife with any luck.
++++++ Moderator delete my prior and post this…. due to typos in the first.
++++++ Moderator delete my prior and post this…. due to typos in the first.
Liked the following…
the definition of being rich is having enough money and enough love in your life that you are able to do anything you want without feeling the stress and pressure of life.
Great definition!
… you cannot be cheap with the person that matters the most: you.
….and you’ve made the excuse that money is what is keeping you from it, believe in yourself and do it. The money will show up as long as you work hard and believe in who you are.
Motivational.
I make good money now, but stuck in a meaningless job. I’m finally spending a little less, getting my shit
together financially. For two years now my dream has been to move to FL and start a business…and like what you wrote… money is holding me back all this time from my dreams. I feel beaten down at times because im still not there yet. I dont have a ton in savings because i’ve only been making this income a few years. It’s scary to walk away from a secure job with pension and excellent benefits and 401k and move to the opposite end of the country….where income and everything else is so uncertain, yet If I don’t go i’ll always regret it so i know i my heart i have to do it.
I do hope its true what you say….The money will show up as long as you work hard and believe in who you are. planning to start a home automation/theater biz down there and work at acheiving all my goals and dreams ………..as well as meet my future wife with any luck.
Interesting thoughts on one’s relationship with money…
I have enough. I wish I had more of it to pay off previous mistakes, but I paid off one of those mistakes this month and it was a very liberating feeling. Three more to go, and except for the house payment I’ll be debt free. Its a beautiful thing, and in the mean time I’ve been stepping out of my comfort zone and traveling inspite of owing others which until now I haven’t been able to bring myself to do. All work and no play makes Bertie awfully pouty!
Congrats, Bertie! Charity really does begin at home. You should always be your favorite charity.
My really favorite charities are my kids, but I’ve been better about making some of my income my very own as well as sharing my wealth with others in my community.
I dont usually comment, but after reading through so much info I had to say thanks