Relate to Her
October 29, 2008 
12 Comments
Jonathan: If you want to take someone out, what do you say on the first call?
David: What would I say on my first phone call? The first phone call should always be based on something that we talked about the night before – always. I want to bring her back to the moment that we had before.
I don’t “date” that much at all. I’m very much about just hanging out; connecting… so my first phone conversation is always based on something we talked about the last time.
Jonathan: So let’s say I met her on the street when she was handing out fliers, and we bonded over Sweden. She’s from Sweden, and I’ve been there before.
David: Okay, what else?
Jonathan: Music, movies – she’s also a musician and an actress.
David: So how did you ask for her number? What did you say to her?
Jonathan: I don’t know, I don’t really remember.
David: Okay, well here’s the thing: it all starts with the way that you ask for the number. The way you ask for her number is the same way you start the phone conversation.
So if you said, “oh my god, I’ve really enjoyed talking music with you. Give me your number, I want to continue this conversation,” you’re giving her something to look forward to.
Then you call her up on the phone, you can say, “hey, how are you doing? You know, I was thinking about what we were talking about the other night and I was really curious and wondering whether or not you listen to the Postal Service?” or something.
You want to make it as if the conversation has almost never stopped. You want her to feel like it’s just a continuous conversation from the last time until now.
So many guys don’t relate to women very well. They will get her phone number and then call her up and telemarket her: “so, I’m the guy that you gave your number…”
It’s all about creating that moment. It’s the only line from Jerry Maguire that actually made sense – “you had me at hello.”
Women are looking for that magic “hello” or whatever it might be. They are looking for something to help them build that story up. It’s a continual story.
So that Swedish musician? That story is Jonathan and the Swedish Girl. The story started with music and meatballs – she was handing out fliers on the street and she met this cool guy who asked for her number. He called her the next night and remembered the details about the conversation (which excites women, because their biggest complaint is that men don’t listen.)
You bring that real conversation into the phone conversation. That is how I would do it.
Today is also all about how to relate to her when you first speak to her. Check out todays video.
Great blog David! The phone still gives me trouble from time to time.
I’m printing this out for future reference.
Awesome! That’s so true about the biggest complaint being that men don’t listen. Even w/ my guy friends, I sometimes feel like I can get in a sentence and a half before their attention is gone. If a guy listens and “tracks” the conversations and remembers the details, that’s huge!
I’m still so bad at listening, but I’ve noticed it does make a difference if you remember details. It really brings that bond together, because its something that you and her share if its a certain detail.
Good blog
Leon: got your text from a international number, write me your email address.
bringing her back to the moment is what i have only learnt from you David, keep up the good work!!
every human male on earth should read this blog and start practicing how to relate to women…
David’s cute. I’d have gotten shy, too.
revababy – so true.
C makes and good point and Joely, you should really work on this. It’s very small but significant in so many ways. If you just listen a little more, even if it is focusing on key words, it’ll make a huge difference. Once you get comfortable listening to key words, then you can start getting into listening in full.
The perfect example is this blog.
How many of you actually read the responses here before making your own reply?
Of those who listen, how many of you are women? Men? The difference will be clear.
Let’s close the gap guys, and start listening to women. They have a lot of great things to say and you could learn so much from them. I love listening to women because they have so much to share!
Any women that I have a REAL conversation with always tell me that they feel like a much better and mature person having talked to me. And that’s because I listen, relate and share. It’s easy.
Be willing to share with others and be willing to take what people share with you.
Infinity – you tell ‘em! What will they do if they get another chance to hang with someone they want to be with – start out at ground zero as if nothing passed in their first encounter? I would think that they were just playing the odds for the first one who responded positively. Can you say “Short Attention Span Theater?” No, thanks. I’ll catch the next bus and take my chances there.
Nowadays, especially in big cities, people are too into their own world.
So anytime I can get a real authentic connection with someone, I’m very appreciative of it. I think women (just as much as men) want the same way: to be loved and to love someone.
And that can’t start without a good connection, no matter which connection you are thinking of.
that’s allgood and dandy and I’m glad women feel appreciative of a man listening to them and David is good listener and one to preach as I’ve communicated with him a few times but does it get you laid? With my ex, it seemed like the more I ignored her, the more she wanted to bang me. I hated listening to her and ironically it made her want to bang me some more, like every day more. And no she wasn’t a slut or a girl with issues she was grade A stuff but I broke up with her because I wasn’t ready to settle down yet… I love women too much.