Read Her Energy Yoga Boy
January 22, 2009 
43 Comments
I have a story I want to share with you, which does an excellent job of illustrating a communication problem from which so many men suffer. One of the main things I teach guys is how to communicate. I really don’t understand why so many guys continue not to communicate.
When you really learn how to communicate, you can read someone’s energy. Keep this in mind as I relay this story about something that happened the other day to my girlfriend.
So the other night my girlfriend went to pick up dinner from a little health food place. She was sitting outside, relaxing while she waited for her order to be ready when “he” appeared. “He” is the guy I don’t ever want any of you guys to be.
Just so there’s no misunderstanding, this has nothing to do with this guy hitting on my girlfriend. I couldn’t care less about that, because whenever guys do she always comes home and tells me all about it (so that I can see if all you guys are paying attention to what I teach).
Here’s my message to all you guys: Wake up! It’s all about reading energy when it comes to communicating with women. Let me tell you more of the story to show you what I mean.
So this guy walked over to my girlfriend while she was waiting for her dinner takeout to be ready. First he lingered by the menu. Okay, no problem here yet. Then he opened her with an observation “Hows the food here.” That’s fine too. He’s doing alright so far.
What he didn’t pay attention to, though, was that she responded to his observation with a one word answer and she didn’t give him any positive body language. She even got up and went back inside the restaurant to check and see if her food was ready yet. He stayed outside because all he was thinking about was how he could ask her out on a date.
He didn’t pay attention to anything that was going on in that interaction. First of all, she was not answering his questions. When a woman gives you one word answers to your questions, she is not interested. You don’t keep re-engaging her, because all that you achieve by doing that is to become annoying. He in fact did become annoying, which is why she went inside to wait for her food.
As she comes out with her food ready to leave, he was still out there staring at the menu. What he was really doing is so obvious here. She knew exactly why he was still standing out there. He wasn’t really looking at the menu at all and he wasn’t there to actually buy any food. He was still standing there solely because he was waiting for her to come back out of the restaurant.
What he was really doing was waiting for someone to come out of that restaurant who wasn’t interested in him. He did this because men are objective minded, i.e., he had one objective in his mind that he focused on without listening or paying attention to what was going on around him. By being solely objective minded, he becomes the annoying guy women have to avoid when they are leaving a restaurant with their takeout dinner.
So what happened next? When she exited the restaurant with her dinner in hand, he comes up with another pickup line and uses it on her. He says “You know, you look really familiar to me.” What does he figure? If at first you don’t succeed, try try again?
Guys, you need to read a woman’s energy. This is something I’ve talked about over and over again. Read her energy. If it didn’t work the first time, it certainly isn’t going to work with an even worse pickup line.
So in response to this guy’s “You know, you look really familiar to me” line, she says “Well, maybe.” Then they started talking a little bit. Then he says “I’ve seen you in yoga class. I teach yoga. My name is Fish Kadabubababadabuba.” It’s so funny, by the way, how when guys named Bill and Tom become yoga teachers they always seem to change their name to things like Odawanda Dickawanda Masatuba (and become “scary yoga guy”).
After he makes his introduction, she said “Okay, well it was nice meeting you. I’ve got to go.” So what does he do? After having no conversation with her and totally failing to read her energy, he decides to act like a typical guy and ask her out (all because he had thrown out two pickup lines at her).
He looks at her and says “Why don’t we get together and go out for some soy mocha lattes.” At that point she said, laughing really hard, “Okay, I’ve really got to go. I’m in a relationship.” He responded to that by saying “Well maybe we’ll see each other in the universe sometime.”
Guys, you really need to read women’s energy. Stop being so obsessed by the way a woman looks, and stop trying to claim her. Women will tell you if you they are interested by not running away like she did in this story.
If a woman’s body language is not facing you or if they are giving you one word answers, they are not doing it to encourage you to work harder. If a woman is interested, they will talk to you.
Believe me, if my girlfriend was interested in that guy she would have talked to him. She would have asked him what he was having for dinner. She knew he was lingering there. She knew he wasn’t going to eat there.
It is time you guys really started paying attention to women. Stop thinking about what to say all the time. Stop trying to pick them up and start reading their energy.
So what was my solution to this situation with my girlfriend? I put 1,000 of my business cards in her car. So, the next time a guy named Fish Kadabubababadabuba comes over, she can pass along the my business card and he can start reading the blog and realizing what he has been doing wrong the whole time.
And if he is really serious about meeting women he would buy my mens mastery series.
Hint hint to all of you that think you are going to learn this without investing in yourself.
That kind of behavoir is just downright creepy. I would not even give him you business card. Are men really this stupid. I guess from my NY years when anybody did something like that I turned so cold he did not try a second time.
Good luck with your new site.
Hey guys
Maybe Im just an inexperienced dumb male – but the guy to me didnt really do that much wrong in my opinion except not pick up the signs she wasnt interested. maybe the info about being a yoga instructor was false? maybe not. Im quite sure he didnt mean any harm and he was trying to be a cool guy etc.
To be honest – if I were in a relationship and a girl did this exact same thing to me – i’d be cool with it. He wasnt pushy or anything and I think he was just trying his best to get a date.
if that behavior was “creepy” then jeez – theres no wonder i find it so tough to talk to women. give the guy a break.
Also I think when someone cuts you off like that – you feel a bit awkward and you just want some “closure” to the conversation so you dont feel so stupid – I think Id at least like to say something like – “ok have a nice night” or something rather than her just walk away like that.
It’s not easy being goal-oriented, is it? That’s because when it comes to things like this, the signs are there but they don’t listen. I’m sure we’ve all been guilty of it though. Perhaps, a better way to think about this is not to make things happen but to just let it happen. Don’t get me wrong. It’s great to go out and talk to people and see what they are up to. The trick is to do it for socializing, no goals attached! The other day I saw an interview with Mystery, and even Mystery gained his skills by just socializing without trying to get someone’s number; he just wanted to make friends with people. I have had so much fun talking to people just to be doing it, and I feel much less like a stranger. Doing that and simply paying attention is very helpful too. Also, I wonder if watching how Clifford The Big Red Dog or Elmo from Sesame Street acts would help. I’ve seen girls go crazy over Elmo. Any thoughts?
Dave
Dan,
I have been in those situations and when someone continues and you are not in the mood it turns creepy. She gave him so many signals to leave her alone. I am not saying I would brush him off with a go f… yourself attitude but there are creeps out there and this is one of the sleazy way they would continue. I would have thrown of the incident outside with sorry got to go enjoy your evening. I would not have stopped to talk to him if I already felt what he was up to.
The whole thing about being nice is great but there are times people are not interested and you really have to pay attention to it for else you become a complete turnoff. I am very approachable and will engage in talk with everyone at a non pushy level, if it in any way gets to feel pushy I will back off.
Marina
Sure – If I felt that someone wasnt interested – id just go on my way. I think the problem with guys is that they cant see the obvious signs, because – like David said – they’re too goal orientated.
Also, I think a lot of guys have this idea that they have to be persistant and pushy to get dates etc – this is commonly portrayed in the media esp romantic comedies where the hapless guy chases the girl til she eventually gives in (and they live happily ever after etc)
David
I think Elmo rocks, but I think he may be hiding something behind that sweet guy persona lol.
And I’d love to here about your boiled bunny…..
Dan,
I think it’s like this. There are many times when I talk to people or whatever, and the conversation just dies. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re a bad person; the conversation just died. It’s real awkward when a conversation dies and then the other person tries really hard to start it up again. Now sometimes people will converse, have the conversation die down, and then it starts up again. This happens naturally though. Basically, what it comes down to is when someone is politely trying to excuse themselves or say no and the other insists. That’s why many people find salesmen annoying; they don’t take no for an answer. Also, women can be pushy too. The other night I was out to eat, and I just finished my meal. The waitress just knew that I wanted more, and I politely declined. She kept pushing the issue, and I was annoyed. It’s like that with a lot of things. Just take whatever comes to you and let things happen; don’t force it. That guy that David was talking about was trying to force things based on what I read.
Dave
Boiled bunny? Don’t boil the bunny?
Dave
ah – sorry dave. I was responding to the video, I thought you were Mr Wygant.
David, this one hits home for me.
One of my goals for 2009 is to be more observing and playing the lead/follow game better. Lead by approaching, then follow by reading her responses. I’ve been guilty of asking people out, with whom I have had no real “conversation”. From my viewpoint I thought I had a connection/conversation, but what matters is what she “felt”. Then, I would think something like “I got alll this going for me, WTF did I do wrong?”.
BTW, do you advise approaching even if no signals of interest are there?
So this was an “aha” blog for me.
Alright boys
What are the sure sign a boy is not interested if he is of the personality type that is very private. Are there some major signs we as women should look for. With really shy ones should you just give their space or what. I do think there are many guys out there that just don’t focus on getting laid.
What’s worse;
The guy who goes up to women and approaches them with corny lines…
or
The girl who never approaches anyone because she waits to be approached…
Men and women each have their strengths and weaknesses. I’ve talked to girls who approached me and sounded like idiots too. Typically, I’ll just go along with what they think they want to talk about because it doesn’t mean much to me, but I would think it would be much worse for an attractive woman. Of course, men are WAY more trained to behave this way.
The men’s mastery series is awesome! David is a very powerful speaker.
Mike
mike
What did you mean with much worse for an attraktive women ???
before you get defensive, i meant there are a lot more guys out there who will shamelessly throw themselves at attractive women, as opposed to the wallflower girls that no one ever notices.
I am neither an attractive girl, a predator guy, or a wallflower girl, so i don’t really know. just making a statement based on my own judgemental nature.
I also meant that guys, and this includes attractive guys, enjoy it when a woman comes up and talks to them even if it is with a line. Whereas, the female friends I have had that get “extra” attention, never stop complaining or commenting about it.
Even if I’m not interested, which is 99% of the time, I still take the time to chat. But I notice far more women taking looks and doing nothing which strikes me as funny.
I don’t get defensive, was just sure what you meant with it. Men are generally more visual than us girls. Can’t tell you how many times you hear men talk about their girlfriends/wifes she is so beautiful I love her. I am not putting all men in a box, but quite often I have heard it.
I also think with women there is a social unwritten manners where they are not encouraged to approach and that it is more feminine to stand back and look and not be the initiater.
I personally really pay attention to the guy that does not only approach the attractive ones. The class act or maybe soon to be call Dave act of men would talk to everyone. It’s called good manners.
I am always all over the place but I was brought up with never to let rules guide me in life. If I end making an ass of myself so what, which has happend on many occasions. I don’t care where you come from or what you make, it’s the person only that’s of interest.
@Marina I for one am a guy who does not focus on getting laid, at all. I LOVE meeting and befriending new people, mainly because I was a total reject and shy guy in school, but I’ve completely changed physically, emotionally, and socially, and I want to put myself out there and grow even more. Even though I approach girls, getting laid is no where in my agenda because of my personal convictions to wait until marriage to have sex. Just wanted to confirm your belief that not all guys are out there to “gid it on.”
That guy “Mr. Wishy washy” totally was goal oriented, without doubt in my mind.
He defientally need to pay attention. His obserbation was fine in the beginning like David said, but he was just too much into the chasing mode.
J. Dozer- nice comment totally agree.
Everything you say is true here David. However, I still think there’s gotta be a way to turn even the most unresponsive woman around. If I were to quit at the first time I felt negative energy from another person, I probably wouldn’t know half the people I know today. But I don’t know… that’s just been my impression thus far. What is everyone else’s thoughts on this?
Darn I did not mean wait until marriage…What a waste
As Plato would have said about me tonight.
Wise men talk because they have something to say:Fools, because they have to say something.
Taras my husband was one of them who could turn everyone around. He used a lot of humor but had this amazing ability to read people and figure out what they wanted to hear. He could deflate a situation and turn it around his way. I guess it’s a in the moment thing, but also an ability to be persistent without ending with sounding desperate. He was often able to stike a tone with Come on what happend today, and people opened up. He would have had David’s girlfriend laugh her ass off. But the main thing you have to be able to carry it off. Don’t even try to be larger than life if you can’t pull it off. Back to getting to know you self..Booring
Down the road of nostalgia.
Hello DW coach,
What’s wrong with the community site. It’s 8:05 right now and I am waiting to sign up for it.
Yes, Tariq. Perhaps all of us tried getting on at the same time and crashed the site.
Unfortunately, I am at a public library w/ only 5 more minutes to spare before my meeting. Hope there’s a spot left by the time I get back home…
I forgot to talk about the blog,
Based on what I see everyday, I think alot of men only talk to women that are attractive. They just set up their mind. I’ve seen this many times when I was in college. Now I talk to everyone. To me it doesn’t really matter if the women are attractive or not. By just talking to everyone, you are technically attracting others. People find a way to talk to you if are gathered around people. I saw people gets sweaty as soon as they see an attractive women. David is right, people are just so obssessed with beautiful women.
Hey, if they are beautiful, then so are YOU. Start trusting yourselves. If someone gives you an attitude, just leave them alone. Always pay attention and OBSERVE based on what you see and then just comment about that. That could only lead to a better conversation if you listen and don’t interupt.
Peace!!
Being goal oriented isn’t always a bad thing. I know for me when I used to be scared to approach women the single biggest way I got over that was to be goal oriented. I would set a goal of approaching a woman and asking her out, and I would accomplish the goal. The problem was that I was so focused on accomplishing that goal that I wouldn’t pay attention to what was actually being said or going on in the situation. I was always successful in accomplishing my goal of asking women out, rarely was I successful in getting a yes answer.
I eventually realized that I was doing something wrong, and then in continuing the goal of approaching women I stumbled across this site. So it isn’t always a bad thing.
So make a goal, but keep it loose, and always adjust to the dynamics of the world around you. The analogy that I draw is the saying of if you give a man a fish you feed him for a day, if you teach him how to fish you feed him for life. We’re all here learning to fish…. so to speak. If this yoga dude approached with a goal of asking her out, but then read her vibes and backed off and just had a friendly conversation he wouldn’t be getting dissed on this blog today.
>>>>>>I teach yoga. My name is Fish Kadabubababadabuba.
LOL….Only in LA:-)
Possession relationships is where u think u own that person
Obsession relationships is where the person is obsessed with the relationship where they start to think if I can’t have u nobody else will.
But u r right David when a person becomes this way it is best to let them go.
Me myself and I if I am interested in talking to a guy for the first time I will let him know. But if I am not then I will say hi and keep on walking but if he follows me. I will ignore him and hope that he goes away or gets the message.
I know of a situation where this guy met this girl and they started to see one another. Then she started to tell him that he could not be friends with anyone. The guy knew this one woman for years and he told the girl that he was with that he would not give up on his friends. Or date a person that doesn’t want the other person to have friends. That seems weird to me.
haha this is without a doubt a first hand look at wygants insecurities.Funny how to the trained eye they are everywhere in his post (whether he realises or not?). I’m assuming davids g/f is quite attractive so I’d say well done to this yoga guy for trying. Even though he didn’t really do anything that well as david pointed out, just getting the courage to do these kind of things can be extremely difficult.I would of thought that a dating coach would look for the positives in someones efforts rather than the negatives.I guess when it hits close to home everyone gets a bit insecure at times.I personally think david is starting to direct this blog more at women and almost seeking their approval. Still I enjoy what i read so keep up the good work.
Someone mentioned something about persistence on here that I want to touch upon. I got my hair cut the other day and was chatting with the stylist. She’s engaged and so we were talking about how long her and her fiance had known each other, when the wedding is, etc. She ended up sharing something that I will never forget. She said that when she first met the guy (a friend introduced them to each other) she couldn’t stand him. She found him annoying, obnoxious, and immature. But the guy persevered. He called her and talked with her and established rapport, and after a little while was asking her out but she always came up with excuses. She told me she always wondered “Why do you keep calling me? Can’t you see I’m not interested?!” One day she mentioned to him that another guy had come on too strong to her before, and he caught the hint and cut communication for days. She found herself wondering why he wasn’t texting, or calling to ask if she wanted to hang out. She realized that she liked the guy. Now after a year of dating, they are getting married. Props to this man (I met him at the salon before) for being so persistent!! So I asked her straight up, “So, a guy has got to be persistent?” and she said “Yes, most girls want to be pursued, even if they think otherwise.” I’m holding onto this advice. Remember, this came from a very attractive woman who has very attractive friends.
As far as reading her energy, I feel there is the letter of the law and the spirit of the law in this as well. We could all just back down at the first sign of disinterest, but that’s the easy way out. Everyone has a loose brick that you have to find to slowly bring their wall that’s guarding them down. Personal experience that just happened tonight: I was at the mall shopping and ran into a girl in one of my classes who I am seriously crushing on. While I was standing facing her, she was facing 90 degrees away from me, standing with her arms crossed. This is the worst body language I’ve ever seen when talking to a girl! I really wanted to ask her for to go get a smoothie, but she said she wanted to do some more shopping so I suggested we go together. She popped into a store where her friend works and they were chatting. She introduced me to her friend, we talked a little, but then they were catching up so I was lingering. I felt that she was trying to ditch me so I told her I was going to another store where she could find me and I’d let them chat and catch up. I made sure to make a good impression on the friend at least, and left. I didn’t expect to see the girl again but 30 minutes later as I was on my way out of the mall I glanced into the store and the girl was in the checkout line. She had a big smile and waved and was all excited to see me and was disappointed I wasn’t at the store I said I’d be at. We talked some more, and she ended up giving me a ride home and saying she’d see me in class.
Sorry, that was long, but my night would have been completely different had I backed down because of her negative signals and lack of enthusiasm. I hope it serves as a good example that you can’t always give up on the first sign of adversity when going for something you want. So, I do respect Yoga Boy for trying.
J. Dozier, that is an interesting story. It reminds me of a comic strip that I read in GQ last spring. If I remember correctly, it came from a book by a guy named David Wain, and I think the book is called Things I’ve Learned from the Women Who Dumped Me. It is so funny. So yeah, sometimes when you pull back (and mean it) then she might just come back, but don’t count on it. I suppose that’s why many of the PUAs stress that you should act as if you are not interested a lot of times. It’s amazing what effect walking away can do at times.
Dave
OK, gang – I’m not so sure that I could agree with some of you regarding the “at least the guy kept trying” point of view (or if at first you don’t succeed..blah blah) and here’s why:
It used to be said that by playing the odds, a man could just stand on a street corner and ask every woman walking by if she would have sex with him. If I recall correctly, something like 97 would respond negatively by slapping his face or otherwise abusing him before he got a positive reply. Now if you’re willing to take that kind of abuse just to reach an arbitrary goal, maybe it’s not so bad. But a woman doing the same thing to passing men would not even get to double digits before she got a positive reply. Then everyone whined about how easy it is for women compared to men. Please, haven’t you heard enough from us by now to know better?
After hanging out with this blog, I think we’ve all realized that things can be tough but the solution is pretty simple. Yes, you have to get out there, and you actually have to initiate something – whether you’re shy, uncomfortable, self-conscious, etc. but it starts by being open to the possibilities that a change in your approach (or response) could bring about. You have to put something out there in order to play but you also have to be sensible about it and I’m not talking about being conservative…I’m talking about CONTEXT. You don’t talk to a total stranger in the same way as an on-going flirtation of some duration. That’s like hitting on a total stranger in church or at a funeral – just about as gauche (that’s ill-mannered in French) as you can get.
And for the record, I wish I had a stack of David’s business cards to pass out to the rubes and wannabes that I observe doing so poorly like his gf’s ‘hit-man.’ It would be a kindness, y’know?
This was a great blog!
You guys all got really into it!
A couple of comments
I praise yoga boy for trying
But he had no clue what she was conveying and that is the key when meeting women,
If you are aware and in tune to what she is saying to you with her words and body language you will no problem getting dates.
It takes work to really understand all the levels of communication.
You can’t have chemistry with everyone Taras.
Why waste time turning people around when there are so many other prospects.
All women do like to be persued by someone who intrigues them.
I persued my girlfriend and as she always says.
Women love being persued as long as they as they are interested!
Keep up the great comments!
I think Yogaboy have the signs right….After all she did not say I have a boyfriend
I actually had one of those recently. I have a vacation condo and the new owner next door is a single dad from the midwest. So he was constantly over asking about my place what I have done to it in a curious manner. Then He starts When ever you want to you can come over for drinks. First time I say I don’t drink (another way of saying I have a boyfriend), he comes back and back with silly questions and at the 4′th time he comes back oh I did not get it right but you said earlier that you husband passed away, but you can come over for drinks anytime. I am not the one to brush someone off right away but you don’t overlook big facts as Your husband passed away until that late. It’s about being in the moment and reading the person.
Lost track of myself too early in the morning. Everyone have a great day.
Hey David… You do many blogs about how to show interest and how to attract ppl… Maybe one about how to send a clear signal that you are not interested is in order. What happend to your gf happens to me ALL the time. No woman wants to be overtly rude or mean but some guys will keep trying no matter what. This even happens online. If I tell someone thanks for the interest but I don’t think we are compatible. The guy inevidently comes back with a nasty comment or says hey maybe we can keep in touch and be friends. I say ok lets be friends.. The weeks that follow are filled with innuendo and attempts to turn me around. HELP!
Simon, don’t spend time looking for flaws, it only means you are missing the point of the blog. David is not insecure about his relationships. You’re reading about yourself in there.
A Movie
Great observation.
Usually people will project themselves on others.
You know me and have hung out with me and know that I have not a jealous bone in my body.
That was why i chose not to even acknowledge simons response.
People look deep inside yourself when i post.
Dont try to figure me out that is not your job.
I post each blog so i can get an emotion out of you and get you to relate deeper to yourself.
I get it people want to figure me out and i understand,
But if you want to know something about me all you need to do is ask.
Simon do you have any questions my friend:)
Hey Dave,
I was just reading all of this stuff about reading there engery and i’ve got to say that you got alot of great points there. Ive watched alot of your videos and stuff and I think that it has really helped me bring up my game. I’m just gonna relate that situation to something that happen to me.
Im a highschool student, 15 years old and although this site is more for older people. Its been working for me. Anyways in my school there are girls that are easy to talk to, girls that i dont want to talk to , and well girls that i dont really know. Anyways, one of the girls that I dont really know gives me signals like a quick little smile or a even a wink. She even added me on msn I dunno how she got my email but she did and I started talking to her, we had a 15 minute conversation right, in that conversation it some how ended up talking about, how she ruined a batch of cookies.
To get to the point, I saw her today in school and well she was walking pretty fast and she didnt even look at me, so anyways i said to her with no hesitation. “Where are the cookies?” cause well i told her to bring some to school for a joke right. THIS is the part i dont get . She didnt even make eye contact with me , just kept walking.
So if men are supposed to read womens energy , what kind of fu*king energy is that??? Was she turning me down, was she shy, or did i do something wrong. Really need some advice david
Aaron could have been she just didn’t hear you, maybe she was on her way somewhere, you said she was walking fast. Don’t obsess about it nor bring it up to her, try to be cool and go on as is this never happend.
Well she did her homework as to get your email, so she is interested. Just the attitude in your tone “fu*king energy” is a total no no with girls at any age. Regardless and if you have Dave’s videos you know by now not to jump to conclusion just because he got you email and talked to her. Be patient, keep on talking to her but no in a needy, why don’t you talk to me. I have a 13 years old myself and trust me to beging with teenage girls is a breed in them selves.
Good luck.
Thanks for the comments back David and Marina!
>>>>>>>MarinaTheNotSoOriginal
Hey Marina, what’s up with that girl?
I think the guy’s biggest mistake is to not pickup on some overt body language/energy signs.
However, I have to give him props for trying to re-engage.
There are times when the woman starts in a bad mood but by being friendly (without obviously being annoying), you can draw them out and who knows, a connection might be there.
eh.. thanks.