I’m a different Jaime (I’m a woman from Philadelphia), but I’m glad you understood where I was coming from

I have this impression of you that goes like this.

This stuff does not work for you because you lack the mindset to pull it off so you overanalyze like crazy!!

Jamie….

You are right this is free and why rip David apart for what he does. Yes he makes money from this….we all know that and that he has very right to.
His stuff is real and he gives a shit.
Its funny but people feel the need to comment on someones passion and work!!

By the way…It was great to finally see you in person when you were visiting your mom last week!!

I hope you liked my gifts:)

Trust me, there are a LOT of people out there who would never think to do what DW is suggesting. Most folks don’t truly acknowledge their dry cleaner or the mailman or the teenager working at the grocery store. I know this because people react with absolute shock when I reply to their “how are you?” with A: an honest response and B: by asking them how their day is going or if they have some interesting plans for the evening. Many people truly don’t know how to have positive interactions with the people around them and that’s what the blog is really about.

I am an extrovert so many of the ideas in the blog are common sense to me. But many people in the world are introverted, many more are socially awkward and even more people than that are just plain shy or insecure when it comes to meeting others. Hell, the blog is free…if the ideas don’t work who cares! My point is that its incredibly small-minded to assume that this blog is useless to all of mankind simply because YOU feel that way. Why even waste the time and energy reading it, as well as our replies?

As someone else mentioned, many of us live on auto pilot. So we miss tons of opportunities to meet someone with which we are truly compatible. There is a bar/restaurant at the corner of my street. Within the past year, a friend and I have started to truly hang out there a lot. I even go by myself as I have gotten to know the staff and a lot of the regulars. I have met so many people and been invited to a number of places through “owning the place.” But if I just lived in my own private bubble (as most of us tend to do) this never would’ve happened.

My point is that we all could use ideas for shaking up our social lives. The advice given on this site is simple and doesn’t involve props or being anyone other than yourself. Nothing wrong with that.

You can use standard “hi, how are you” as long as you show real genuine interest (aka enthusiasm) in hearing the response.

If they don’t give you the right level of enthusiasm back you can continue and ask for more.

The art of owning the place is taking a little time out of your life to TRULY get to know people. Get curious about people. Be PERSONAL with them.

If you keep the conversation to “hi, how are you?”, you are just staying in the platonic/fluffly zone. Go deeper. “hi, how are you?” is just the beginning, Go more personal. Ask about themselves and their lives.

And show enthusiasm to whatever they tell you ;p

Patrick is also right. If you can use less generic phrases, it will improve your responses as well.

I remember signing up to a gym about 9 months ago, and as difficult as it felt, I really made an effort to know the staff and a few of the people there. Its very very hard to do if you’re not used to it, but like building muscles at the gym, you build confidence the harder you push your enthusiasm.

Enthusiasm rubs off on people too. Granted there will be the odd one or two that don’t reflect yours, but most people will be more open to conversation if you add a bit of volume to your voice, and a smile to go with it.

The people you talk to at the gym and other places have said “Hi, How are you? Fine, thanks.” to 100 other people that morning. They’re on autopilot. You have to break through the proffessional facade.

I start by trying to learn everyone’s name, and using it when I greet them. Second, I never answer “fine thanks” when asked “How are you?”. At the very least, I’ll use a non-standard reply “not too bad” or “Awesome!”, but if there’s no one in line behind me I’ll actually tell them how my day is going.

Then I ask “How’s your day going?” (not “How are you?”). Since I go there every day, I’ve been paying attention to their previous responses, so I can call back to last week when the homeless bum walked in, or when the crazy lady spilled hot coffee all over the cop’s lap.

Sometimes I observe something that’s changed recently, or that they’re doing or wearing something different today.

Exactly what I do is secondary to the general idea that I’m taking a genuine interest in the people on the other side of the counter. I’m taking a moment to notice and remember details and that makes me stand out in their minds. The next time they see me, they’re happy for the break in their usual routine.

– Patrick