Own the Place by David Wygant
Have you ever been to a place over and over again, yet you still feel like you’re going there for the very first time?
It’s because you don’t own the place. You have to own the place. You have to own the territories that you go in.
For instance, we’re walking right now down some street onto Main Street for the Farmer’s Market. Hollister – Hollister and 2nd, for all of you people in Santa Monica. And what we do on Sundays is go to this Farmer’s Market.
This market is great – it has pancakes, eggs, muffins, and tons of people walking around.
But plain and simple: when we come here, we are so comfortable with everything around here. We’ve walked Main Street every Sunday just having a good time, and we own it.
So when we walk, we talk to everybody that we see – every single person that we see, and it’s very easy for us because we’re aware of everything. We’ve been here; we know the food, we own every place that we go to.
You’ve got to start owning the places that you go to. If you go to a place on a regular basis, you have to own it. You have to get to know everybody there, and talk to everybody there – because if you’re going there on a regular basis, other people are too, and you can meet a new network of friends and contacts.
David – I absolutely LOVED this blog!!!
While if you just glance at the title you might surmise that this is a blog about trying to become “the big shot” or about something else involving a sense of a really large ego … it is actually SO the opposite of that!
Adopting the attitude and the behavior you talk about in this blog allows you to spread your social wings in a much less pressured environment. I feel this exact way (i.e., that I “own the place”) when I’m at my gym. It’s not that I think I’m any special member … it’s that by knowing everyone who works there and all the “regulars,” I am able to without any apprehension talk to ANYONE (including men who would otherwise intimidate me) which gives me a much better opportunity to meet and connect with men I’m interested in.
This to me is one of the best ways to eliminate having to do the “cold hello” that puts me into a panic …. David this is a fantastic and practical idea – thanks as usual for the great advice!!!
Ok, I really have a tough time with this… Like at my gym for example, I see the same people that work there all the time. The conversation is always “Hey, how are you” “Good, Thanks” “have a good workout”, or something like that. I find it really hard to get beyond that stage with people. Anyone have advice for me?, I’d really appreciate it.
I too have had many similar experiences as Nick. The biggest thing that’s helped me was asking really big open ended questions. While doing so, I basically make it very clear to the other person that I have an expectation of having a conversation with them. If they still try to blow me off, I’ll might try relating to whatever little they’ve said and press further until I get a commitment on their behalf. Just be careful not to interrogate anyone. Those are my thoughts…what’s your take on all that stuff David?
David you forgot the mouth watering orgasmic omelet. Awesome tip by the way, i find myself owning some place i go, but not all of them, i should start applying them more. But for the places i do own i find myself following these simple directions!
Nick,
The people you talk to at the gym and other places have said “Hi, How are you? Fine, thanks.” to 100 other people that morning. They’re on autopilot. You have to break through the proffessional facade.
I start by trying to learn everyone’s name, and using it when I greet them. Second, I never answer “fine thanks” when asked “How are you?”. At the very least, I’ll use a non-standard reply “not too bad” or “Awesome!”, but if there’s no one in line behind me I’ll actually tell them how my day is going.
Then I ask “How’s your day going?” (not “How are you?”). Since I go there every day, I’ve been paying attention to their previous responses, so I can call back to last week when the homeless bum walked in, or when the crazy lady spilled hot coffee all over the cop’s lap.
Sometimes I observe something that’s changed recently, or that they’re doing or wearing something different today.
Exactly what I do is secondary to the general idea that I’m taking a genuine interest in the people on the other side of the counter. I’m taking a moment to notice and remember details and that makes me stand out in their minds. The next time they see me, they’re happy for the break in their usual routine.
– Patrick
As DW teaches, owning the place creates an aura around you that you carry everywhere and people will want to come up to you and talk to you. In the bootcamp, we are instructed to talk to everyone and no matter what they look like, man or woman. I see exactly what DW does with the excercises during the bootcamp. It’s just the sense of owning that DW is trying to create within us at the farmers market in NYC during the bootcamp.
I think the best advice for breaking that autopilot “Hello, how are you” conversation is enthusiasm.
I remember signing up to a gym about 9 months ago, and as difficult as it felt, I really made an effort to know the staff and a few of the people there. Its very very hard to do if you’re not used to it, but like building muscles at the gym, you build confidence the harder you push your enthusiasm.
Enthusiasm rubs off on people too. Granted there will be the odd one or two that don’t reflect yours, but most people will be more open to conversation if you add a bit of volume to your voice, and a smile to go with it.
Joely is absolutely right.
You can use standard “hi, how are you” as long as you show real genuine interest (aka enthusiasm) in hearing the response.
If they don’t give you the right level of enthusiasm back you can continue and ask for more.
The art of owning the place is taking a little time out of your life to TRULY get to know people. Get curious about people. Be PERSONAL with them.
If you keep the conversation to “hi, how are you?”, you are just staying in the platonic/fluffly zone. Go deeper. “hi, how are you?” is just the beginning, Go more personal. Ask about themselves and their lives.
And show enthusiasm to whatever they tell you ;p
Patrick is also right. If you can use less generic phrases, it will improve your responses as well.
Is this a real conversation? Are you all really concerned about how you interact with other people on this blatantly superficial level? I hope none of you has actually paid money for this “advice”. You don’t need a “dating coach”. If you find a person with whom you are truly compatible, be it as a friend or a lover, you won’t need to “own the place” or any other of these inane regurgitated euphemisms. Be your own person, and be honest; that’s all it takes!
So this last comment really annoyed me. I know some people are always going to be the “hater” type and have something negative to say about everything. But come on. What’s wrong with the advice given in this blog? He’s suggesting that we all get out there and get to know the people at our haunts. What on earth could possibly be wrong with that?
As someone else mentioned, many of us live on auto pilot. So we miss tons of opportunities to meet someone with which we are truly compatible. There is a bar/restaurant at the corner of my street. Within the past year, a friend and I have started to truly hang out there a lot. I even go by myself as I have gotten to know the staff and a lot of the regulars. I have met so many people and been invited to a number of places through “owning the place.” But if I just lived in my own private bubble (as most of us tend to do) this never would’ve happened.
My point is that we all could use ideas for shaking up our social lives. The advice given on this site is simple and doesn’t involve props or being anyone other than yourself. Nothing wrong with that.
It is easy to write someone off as a “hater” if he disagrees with you. The advice given in this blog has been given by millions of other people, so it is comforting to hear, and difficult to hear criticized. We all have sensibilities and instincts when it comes to meeting other people, some of which are innate, and others which are learned through social interaction. These blogs are not presenting new ideas, just new terminology. We can certainly marvel at the vast English language, which allows an opportunist to take what we already know, dress it up in new vocabulary, and sell it back to us in book form. Getting personal advice about your specific situation is one thing, but these vague suggestions say almost nothing and apply to almost everyone. No one has a general dislike of his/her social life; there’s always a specific person one desires to meet or become closer to, a specific group one wishes to be a part of. Advice should never make you nod and say, “bingo, that’s exactly what I thought.” This is useless; useful advice will be something you have not yet conceived. Don’t let someone sell you a book that reaffirms the ideas you already have; don’t let someone make money off your insecurity. No one has one self help book. They either have none, or many.
Well perhaps you have the most amazing social life in the history of the world and if that’s the case? Good for you. But not everyone is as lucky.
Trust me, there are a LOT of people out there who would never think to do what DW is suggesting. Most folks don’t truly acknowledge their dry cleaner or the mailman or the teenager working at the grocery store. I know this because people react with absolute shock when I reply to their “how are you?” with A: an honest response and B: by asking them how their day is going or if they have some interesting plans for the evening. Many people truly don’t know how to have positive interactions with the people around them and that’s what the blog is really about.
I am an extrovert so many of the ideas in the blog are common sense to me. But many people in the world are introverted, many more are socially awkward and even more people than that are just plain shy or insecure when it comes to meeting others. Hell, the blog is free…if the ideas don’t work who cares! My point is that its incredibly small-minded to assume that this blog is useless to all of mankind simply because YOU feel that way. Why even waste the time and energy reading it, as well as our replies?
Hey David…Not The Sexy One On The Site but the bitter sounding one.
I have this impression of you that goes like this.
This stuff does not work for you because you lack the mindset to pull it off so you overanalyze like crazy!!
Jamie….
You are right this is free and why rip David apart for what he does. Yes he makes money from this….we all know that and that he has very right to.
His stuff is real and he gives a shit.
Its funny but people feel the need to comment on someones passion and work!!
By the way…It was great to finally see you in person when you were visiting your mom last week!!
I hope you liked my gifts:)
Lisa,
I’m a different Jaime (I’m a woman from Philadelphia), but I’m glad you understood where I was coming from