Online Misrepresentation
September 16, 2007 
47 Comments
Online Misrepresentation by David Wygant
Yesterday I received
about 200 emails from people who saw an article I wrote for Yahoo! Personals, and they asked me “Why does everyone on the Internet seem to be 29 or 39 or ‘fit and trim,’ yet when I walk around I can’t find all these young, fit and trim people.”
There was a survey done a couple of years ago that said that the majority of people dating online are 39. The number one problem on the Internet is that people who are 45 say they’re 39. People who are 41 say they’re 39. Because when people search on the Internet, they tend to search in such tight age parameters that they decide to deduct a few years.
Then there’s another group of people who deduct a few pounds. They’re like a boxer in a heavyweight division, but they really want to fight a welterweight like Sugar Ray Leonard . . . so they drop a few classes. The problem is, when Sugar Ray Leonard shows up for the date, he says “I’m not fighting this person . . . You’re a heavyweight and you’re going to kick my ass!”
Not only that, every single person I talk to says they don’t look their age. What age do you look? I was on the phone the other day with a 55 year old woman who said she doesn’t look her age, but when I see her . . . I see age 55. If 50 is the new 40 and 40 is the new 30, then what is 10 . . . the new 1? And is 0 the new -10?!
In today’s society, there seem to be a run of people classifying themselves as something they’re not. People classifying themselves as “athletic and toned” don’t work out and haven’t since high school. This doesn’t qualify as “athletic and toned.”
The only people who tend to tell the truth online are the ones who describe themselves as “curvy” and “voluptuous,” because they know who they are and they don’t want to misrepresent themselves. On the other hand, it seems like the women who are 10-15 pounds over their ideal weight describe themselves as “hard bodies.”
I have no issues with people who want to better themselves and emphasize their strengths. But if you lie about your age, weight and serial number, you will get exposed when the person you meet is expecting someone different from you to show up to your first date.
Don’t forget you want to be the prize inside the box of Captain Crunch . . . and not be Captain Crunch. You also don’t want to show up on the date with someone who says they’re “athletic and toned,” when their body in truth is more like Frankenberry.
You can’t convince someone to like you based upon what you want to look like or the age you want to be. Bottom line: If you desire deeper connections with people, you need to immediately do these five things to your online profile:
1) List your real age.
2) Post current pictures that show what you really look like (whether you’re bald, chunky, overweight, underweight, or whatever else . . . it’s who you are!)
3) Check off the right body type. They will find out . . . so why lie?
4) Increase the age range of the people you’re searching for by two years. You may meet a few people out of your age range, but . . . you never know what will happen!
5) Write a good profile so people get a sense of who you are of the entire package (not just the physical side of you).
As my lawyer says, misrepresentation without representation will lead to trouble. And if you’re looking for a good lawyer, I know of a few. If you’re looking for a good online profile, I know the man who can write you one.
One last thing .. . embrace who you are. Everybody has plenty of people who are attracted to the exact person they are. You don’t have to be a certain type. There are plenty of people looking for your type.
David;
I LOVE THIS!!! I have a few thoughts on this one so hang with me here. 1st of all, why lie about your age, sexual abilities, weight, eye color, height, dick size…whatever! Even if you never meet the person, a lie is a lie is a lie!
Now, what happens if you have told the truth, sent pictures, blah blah blah..you meet and one or the other is dis appointed and tells you that, or one or the other acts a butt, whatever…what to do?
Fucking get over it folks:) Thats the way the ball bounces. Sometimes it bounces out of your court, so let it go. Sometimes you can be as honest as possible with people, not only with online crap, but anything in life.
As honest as you have been and are, people still can overlook how awesome you are and miss the best things about you.
That last line David:
“One last thing .. . embrace who you are. Everybody has plenty of people who are attracted to the exact person they are. You don
I hate when people put pictures up but they are 10 years or older. I admit I like to see a picture because I want to know if there is the possibility of an attraction before I meet someone. I think lying about yourself is a total waste of time. Great article, and great points, Joan.
Beings that almost all of my dates have been from online, I feel pretty qualified to talk about this. Not having looked at female profiles I can’t speak to the lack of veracity on a female’s part except my own.
I’m very truthful in my online profile. I have told men I’m a thick chick and if thats a problem for you, I’m sorry, but its me for now. I’m working on it and I could certainly always do better. I find it pretty interesting that men seem to always say they are athletic, but when you meet they have a bit of a dunlap. Now I have no problem with that at all, but please, it often makes me wary of them. As for the age thing I haven’t found any liars. I’ve been told I don’t look my age, but I suspect I’m being shmoozed especially since I’ve lost about 55#. It shows in my face. I’m thinking about a little nip & tug at the ear area to pull in the extra skin.
Bertie, go for it!!! I had some work done this summer, breast reduction and tummy tuck, and I feel so great! The reduction was something I had wanted my entire adult life (went from 38ddd to 36c), but the tummy tuck just sort of happened. Yes, I needed to lose weight and exercise, and I certainly can still stand to lose a few pounds, and I’m not advocating tummy tuck as an alternative to that, I must say after having been through it, I am thrilled! I had 2 c-sections plus an additional abdominal surgery so my muscles were pretty loose. I will be 50 in 6 months, and this is starting to do a number on my head. I am lucky in that I don’t need any facial work done as of yet but when the time comes, I’m gonna go for it! I agree, though, that why lie because if you’re going to meet the truth will be known immediately. I put “slim” on one profile, because I though I was now, lol, and some guy wrote me and said “if you are slim, who is that fat woman in the picture?” OUCH! I wrote him back and thanked him for his compliment (some kind of pre-made ice breaker). I changed my description back to average, because I think for a 49 year old woman, that’s what I am.
How was your date this weekend?
I found that even women who ARE fairly honest in their online profiles are never exactly what you think they will be when you meet them in real life. That’s just the limitation of only seeing a profile online and talking on the phone. This is why meeting people in real life, especially in everyday situations, like David teaches is really the best and most efficient way to go.
Actually they were both great! Adam and I had great fun at a local microbrewery in his area. Love the stout there. I stayed over down there because I had scheduled a coffee date with Dan on Saturday afternoon after some me time shopping. We met up at the Borders in the cafe there where I met another guy before Dan showed up. We had a nice conversation while I was waiting. He had such a beautiful voice, and I was able to help him with some of his school work since he is an aspiring nurse. So I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop and all the men that I’ve met lately to fall off the map you know, but so far it hasn’t happened. I met another nice guy who lives in town here online, and we’ve just been chit chatting online. We’ll see how that goes. I haven’t had to try and keep the men straight in mind since I was a teenager. It’s harder than I remembered.
I actually just ran into an issue with this topic yesterday. I have myself described as “curvy” on my match.com profile. I met a guy online Saturday night, and we within the same evening emailed, IM’d and then had a lengthy (> 3 hour) phone conversation.
During that phone conversation (which I thought went REALLY well), he questioned me about what “curvy” meant, and specifically he said that he takes that term to be code for “beastly” or “big.” I told him that while I am very athletic, I am a bigger girl who has curves (hence my description of myself as curvy), and that if he likes really petite girls I would not be his taste. He said that he likes athletic girls, and he wasn’t worried about it.
He invited me over to his house yesterday for tea, and he ended the meeting pretty quickly (in less than an hour). On the way out of his house, he asked me whether people think I look like my picture. Based on this comment and the short duration of our date, I feel pretty confident he wasn’t happy with my size upon meeting me.
I feel I was very upfront and honest with him … but I’m wondering if his question about whether “curvy” is code for “big” is a matter for some thought. I’m not sure you can win on this description thing … it seems like no matter how you describe yourself, someone will consider you to have not done so accurately …
My dad always told me, under promise and over deliver. I think i’m in good shape for my age. I work on it at many levels. I wear clothing that looks nice, buts keeps little to be discovered. So when the time comes, most woman have been pleased. I think woman can tell what shape you are in regardless, woman are really smart!!
Good article.
I was wondering about the line, I dont look my age. I see that on so many women’s personal sites etc, dont go to many men’s sites so couldnt tell you what they write.
Here again I guess I can ask for a critique on my myspace site.
search for my name darik dvorshak, my site is currently open to all to view, I have current pictures, not many with me smiling, I think I look goofy when I do. I have my current age, I think I’m classified as athletic, I work out 5 or 6 days a week, am 6’1″ 205. My actual age is there, and probably too much personal information.
Darik,
What absolutely gorgeous eyes you have! Gasp! I was looking at the my space and I haven’t done much upkeep with it. I listed myself as extra baggage. In reviewing it, I was thinking whoa not only physically, but also mentally I had a lot of extra baggage. My pics are ok and all within the last two years. Is that recent enough for online or should you change them up frequently? I added some from last week so maybe that’ll help huh?
Caroline,
I want to mention that it isn’t a very good idea to meet a man at his house no matter how comfortable you feel with him on the IM or the phone. Don’t invite them to yours either. Besides what if that date had turned out differently? What if you had thought umm…this guy is too scrawny for me, not smart enough, not what you’re looking for? How are you going to extricate yourself from that situation when you are on his turf? Not just turf, but a place he knows intimately….
Thank you for the very sage advice … all the points you made are great (and exactly right!). I will definitely be more careful in the future.
Sorry Bertie … I left out your name is the “thank you”
Caroline,
Just remember that the whole thing could go the other way. In other words, Caroline could be so not into that guy. There is nothing worse than being stuck with a guy you don’t want to have anything to do with. I have three or four of those stories, which are hilarious in retrospect, but totally sucked, and not in a nice way, at the time. Fortunately I was never hurt just bored to tears or ended up with a migraine, but if you’re like me you kind of go into it thinking, oh well if he doesn’t like me then at least I’ll have some good coffee or whatever. Rather than going in more confident and assured that you are fabulous.
Thanks again Bertie … but I don’t think I’ve ever walked into a first date “confident and assured that I am fabulous.”
So I should take all of my Brad Pitt pics down, huh?
Caroline,
I wouldn’t take what your date said to heart. He is just one guy and there are many more out there who will adore you and your curves.
I polled a few of my male friends regarding this very subject. Each of my friends are different in age, weight, financial bracket and looks, but all of them had the same answer when it came to what “Average” and “Curvy” meant in describing a woman’s figure.
Bottom line (according to these men):
Average means – Someone with hips, a booty, boobs and could loose a few pounds, but isn’t overweight. Hmm…isn’t that considered Curvy?
Curvy – means FAT. Yup, that was their exact words.
Crazy isn’t it. Again, something men and women don’t agree on. I guess they forgot that JLO, Angelina Jolie (pre-baby of course) Petra Nemcova, Mariah Carey and Marilyn Monroe have all been described as Curvy.
So, I guess to avoid the body description part I’d put “Average” and have a full-length photo of yourself in a cute outfit and a low cut top that shows off your upper body
. Then there are no surprises as to what your body looks like.
assets
I wonder what category Pamela Anderson would fall under. LOL
Guys, can you give us your description of what Average and Curvy means. I’ve been described as all three: Athletic, Average and Curvy. So, how confused do you think I am on this.
Caroline…… Same goes for me first date!
LOL Angel Eyes;
I think you are more than safe to toss that dweeb aside and put your pics up;) I have a feeling your a cutie with Angel Eyes, just leve out the “devil smile.” lol
So then if you have something like extra padding that means get the hell away from me? I don’t know, I guess I’m pretty straight with how I described myself. I’m a big girl and if you consider a woman who is a size 12 or 14 too big, then you’re really gonna have a problem with my body size. Too bad cause it still works very well. Don’t worry Caroline that you don’t think you’re fab. I certainly don’t, but then I also know that I’m more than what is visible on the outside. Yes, there are loads of milfy chicks around that look better than I do, but they have their own problems. Looks don’t mean all that much. If they did, I’d be dateless for life. lol.
Angel,
LOL! Brad doesn’t do it for me. I’m more of a Clooney swooner.
Bertie;
I likes your way of thinkin;)
12-14 is not big. Studies show the AVERAGE woman is a 16. Society as well as these air brushed advertisements, once again hava put into the minds of women they need to be a fucking twiggy to geta man, and men buy into that ceap.
I have said it before;ain’t got no shame to say it again. Women who have a little meat on them are more than likely going to be the besr piece a man will get. These bangable bony girl/women may be good to look at but when it comes to the bedroom—do a survey. Voluptious, hard ass woman are what men desire, but because of the “size matters: factor, they go for the lesser.
My hope for this upside down world is right side up reasoning. You are right Bertie. Looks aren’t everything. Ok NO I am not going to go to bed with some troglidite or neandrathal, (hey they would probably kick ass in the sack! LOL) BUT if you are going by appearance only—pfft good luck to ya babay! LMAO Sometimes people just do not get what life is all about! LOL
Bertie, you and me—we got it!
Clooney, huh?
Yeah… I’ve recently drawn comparisions to Oscar the Grouch… lol.
Of course, a deft detective COULD possibly find pics of me online… SOMEWHERE… ha, ha, ha.
LOL I love it when you show up on the scene Angel Eyes; NEVER fail to make me LMAO or at least chuckle.
YOU are a funny man with unending sense of humor, so if you looked like Big bird or count dracula—? You are still hot!
I love Oscar and Bert for their crabbiness, Ernie for his sense of mischief, and Big Bird for his wonderful outlook on the world…like everything is something to behold.
“I’m going to New York, to break into public television” The Muppet Movie.
Well Joan, having just gotten to the point where I can walk into the “little girls” section and put on anything labeled 18 I’m still above average. LOL. Little girls section=Big girlese for skinny women’s clothing departments.
Bertie;
NO! You are doing great. The average refers to a WOMANS size 16. If you are in a Juniors 18—big difference. WAY back in the day I took Theatre Costume Design there at saddleback College in CA. We had to learn sizing modules and anything junior, you are definitely on the right track. Kudos to you! Keep it up girl;)
Thanks Bertie,
I guess it would take an actual meeting to determine if I was misrepresenting myself.
I did meet Suzi, girl on my myspace, through a personal’s site. She described herself as average. She’s a beautiful lady, probably 5′ 9″ 130 or so. Is that curvy/average/athletic? I dont know. On my lists of must haves, attractive to me is one of my 6. She meets that! I think average body build means you are in fair shape, could lose a few pounds, but height to weight proportional. Athletic can mean different things. My female lawyer was a rugby player. Very solid girl, attractive though, just that she seemed solid and that was athletic. I also think of athletic as the women who run quite a bit and are lean. Curvy means that they are volumptuous to me. That is quite a bit of cleavage, quite a bit of booty, and probably some extra around the middle.
2nd date with Suzi tonight, Thai food! For anyone who’s interested.
Darik, great imput. However, I still think us girls need even more help. Can you give your imput on the following women:
JLO
Fergie
Halle Berry
Nicollette Sheridan
Caterine Zeta Jones
Serena Williams
Mariah Carey
Jessica Simpson
Jennifer Love Hewitt
and last but not least, Pamela Anderson
These are all busty women who have very different shapes. So, what category do each of them fall under? Since most women compare themselves to other women we may get a better idea of what you mean about Average compared to Curvy with these few select women.
Thanks!
Shannon,
You left out Queen Latifah and other larger women. Unless men are thinking that those of us with a bit more are undateable?
Darik, 5’9″ and 130# is thin. My daughter was 5’10″ and 135# and she was a size 3. Very small….and hard to fit pants. The ones that fit her waist were way too short in the leg. She’s put on about 15# and looks a lot healthier, but complains all the time about how heavy she is. She’s quite lovely. You can find her on the my space too. All that being said I think I’ll stick with thick chick.
Bertie,
I was going to put her down, but I figured she fell under the Curvy (voluptuous) description. It’s the in betweeners that I am confused about.
Your daughter sounds lovely. She only complains because she doesn’t look like her 135 self anymore. We all know how that feels don’t we.
It is also very well known that Brazilian/Argentinian/Puerto Rican women are beautiful and curvy women. But, they have one of the most desired figures out there. So, I guess “Curvy” in the Latin world means something different then in the American world.
My Greek boyfriend tells me I don’t need to go the gym and not to get too skinny. It sure is nice to hear that when those days come around when I don’t want to go the gym.
Hey Darik I think your profile looks great, and you are a good looking guy! I just put average on my yahoo and match profiles after the comment I mentioned above. I used to put curvy/voluptuous prior to my surgery, but that doesn’t describe me anymore. I think the definition of average you guys have written on here today is pretty accurate. Any guy who accepts that he is dating a woman in her 40s should realize that as women in our 40s, most of us have borne children and gravity has begun to set in as well. If they want the body of a 25 year old, they pretty much need to date 25 year old women. C’mon, guys, wake up, lol. All you guys on here so far seem pretty level headed, though, I must say.
I’m really happy with my body these days and try to eat healthy. I know need to exercise, and that’s my goal for now, to figure out how to work it into my life.
Hmmm,
Shannon, the problem is that all of the women you have listed I only know by pictures! Serena “seems” like the rugby girl I mentioned. I would not know how to classify the other ladies unless I was actually in their presence or had the opportunity to dance with them. All of those women are beautiful.
The Thai food was great, and I stayed out way too late, was a very nice evening!
Darik – just viewed your My Space. And, I grew up in Leawood, but I live in Texas, now…but I know where Leavenworth is… Also, a female cousin of mine is one of the women on your site. Good taste, darlin’.
What a small world!
I have decided to write a huge post, so please bear the brunt and read on…
the 2 issuses
1. Online Dating
2. Curvy
I feel online dating is sham or in other words too difficult for me. I have no clue how Darik is meeting those women, I would love to learn a few hints.
Online profile is a tough ask. You can’t describe your self in 1024 characters. Its’ just too small. Being a Computer Engineer, my mind is tuned to 1024 charcters = 1 byte. If you thinking. I am a geek, NO sir, You care mistaken.Its just writing your true indentiy and true self is diificult. You tend to miss out on your numerous postive points.
I feel people around can describe you best, than you can yourself. So that some times causes Online misrepresentation. Its just that qualities which you percieve are viewed differently by others
I also feel online dating is tough task. Just my personal opnion, I feel when you look at some one’s pic and their description and other stuff, You tend to build a mental image about that person. And if that person doesn;t turn out that way, its another Online misrepresentation. Also what makes it diffult is, you build a mental image and you are always trying to catch up and see if he displays those charctertistics.You are already against a higher ground and its no longer a level playing field.Even if that person is good, becuase of you mental picture, you tend to miss his other good qualities.
and it also sucks when you see their profile like it and send them a message and they dont respond to it. Its just not my style
2. Curvy
Thats a delicate and a sensitive issuse.
First lets look at history. History taught us, if women asks us if she fat, we guys always have say NO. You are not fat, you look greeeat. So women tend to misonceptiliase on them selves
So that caused the word “curvy” to begin with.
I have no idea how women treat as curvy. Like, I never have been to a Ladies Lingergie section. I dont know what size 12, 14 or 16 stands for.Its just that, If I see a beautiful women, I cant go upto them and say, I am buying lingergie for my mom or sister. I love my mom and my sister too much and I can’t stand to think them in uh uhuh
So I definitely can’t say. I am buying lingergie for my girlfriend and you are her same size.
Curvy, on essentially guys terms is You are not so fat, you can lose some weight.
On my personal front, curvy women are those whom you can hug with your palms just meeting around her.
Atlethic is one with six pack or tight abs. Thats it, NO neogiating here
Average is the one, who looks good has good body in medium size.
Round/Fat/ BBW — you know it
Your boobs size place you on Hot list.
As for age, my grandmother said a woman who would tell her age would tell anything. She died with 3 insurance policies listing 3 different ages!
I don’t lie about that. I look younger and I’m proud that I’ve taken such good care of myself that I still look good!
I define myself as slender…could one of the guys decode what slender says to a man?
Barb;
I am not a guy but I think every man wants the slim to boderline anorexic woman, because that is what society dictates is “beautiful.” Sorry guys, but y’all do tend to overlook a womans inner beauty COPLETELY if she isn’t like Hem stated–that body image you have conjured up in your mind.
I will admit as a woman that is a two way street, only a woman has the tendecy to overlook the extra 30, 40 whatever lbs. a man has on him and sees the beauty of his inner person be it present.
You will not catch me online dating—period ever.
I remember even when I instructed aerobics, there would be men for the first time in class? I was never a twig. I have always had very defined calves and before injury ass was biger and harder, abs were actually starting to peek out. They are still there or I would not be able to endure the workout I put them through. It is just getting the post injury-no exercise weight gain off. I am determined to be kick ass again.
(BRAD–Thank you darlin for your help there:) I appreciate your assistance and encourgement.
I would see the faces on the mens faces when I would start queing up. I just smiled and laughed because I knew I was getting ready to drop their asses like flies! LOL LOL LOL YES! One by one, “oh my God, your killing me,” or you’d hear a ,”damn! Shit woman!” Yeeeeeeeeeees? is the muscle monter scaring you? Screw bastards that are in that thought frame.
I guess if i compare to your post Hem, my boobs would definitely not qualify as small taters nor would the rest of me. So does that make me round/ fat/ BBW ? I know I am beautiful:)) Inside and out.
Oh well, just made for a whole new level of workout;) LOL HIGHER on the high impact. There were some that would even admit to their ignorance after class and became my biggest “fans” moving from the very back of the class to the front. Uh Hugh–very cool!!;))That was “refreshing” in its own way. LOL I love it!!
Yea Hem, you are right. Thank you for your honesty here as a man, even though men are JUST as guilty. People who say they are or what they were, does bring all kinds of mental images and when your fantasy is blown out of the water, sometimes people end up very hurt for a long time.
With that said, folks, watch what you say to people. Words are irretrievable. They cut, they wound they hurt. Now if the guy is a dick or the girl a bitch—say what you will because they aren’t going to give a shit, but if you know a tender heart is in your presence, ladies and gentleman, oh please HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE. The hurt is an unexplainable thing that will take months if ever to get through. There is a saying that says this;
“The power of life and death are in the tongue.” Words. Your tongue is a sword when it speaks forth hurtful things. Think before you speak and watch out for the online dating scene.
NOBODY, jump me for that statement, please. It is for some, but NOT for me..no. I applaud you if you have found your love online. Wonderful.
I really am not in to the love scene. I do love people, but i just want someone to do things with, laugh and have a good time. Hey, if something else develops awesome, but it is not in my “plans.” Expect nothing from anyone, demand everything from yourself. There is your route to true happiness.
Barb,
I had a grandma like that. Scratched her date of birth out of the family bible. All in all being 43 is better than being dead. When you see lot of people in various states of illness or injury you start to get a feel for what you should look like in terms of age. I had a patient today who was 42 and you’d swear that he was in his early 60s and I know of a lot of 60 year olds that look better than he does.
As to online dating…
Well if I didn’t I wouldn’t be meeting many people. I’ve looked in the grocery store and either I’m just not there at the right time or I need glasses. Same deal at the dry cleaners. Sometimes at the coffee shop I meet people, but since I usually go to eat with two big boys in tow one of which intimidates most people and that may be why. Problem is the boys seem to think they should eat too.
I don’t really go into a first date online with any expectations other than I’m going to have some really good coffee and hopefully conversation. Whether the men I meet do, I don’t know. I can only tell you that a majority that I’ve met have not been disappointed.
I’m very honest. I’ve been asked my weight before. I figure if a man is asking what I weigh in an email, IM, or on a date that he really is a bit too shallow for me. If that’s your thing and it means that much to you, fine, but you need to look somewhere else. As to the sending an email and the receiver not responding, well that happens in real life communication too. I think that it is just one tool to meet others and you have to use it as such.
Barb,
uhh ohh! Now I’m busted! Who is your cousin? hmmmm. lol…I am honest with the women I talk with chat with interact with. What’s the point in not being so? One of these women could be the woman I fall in love with, if I’m dishonest or misrepresent myself then we have started on a basis of lies.
Hem,
I liked your post. I think its with all things people have their own tastes. I have to be attracted to the woman, I dont know why or what sets that attraction within me.
Hints, guidance? lol….What are a woman’s basic needs? A good book, her needs his needs says that a woman’s needs in order are 1) affection 2) conversation 3) honesty and openness 4) financial support 5) good father. His needs 1) sexual fullfillment 2) recreational companionship 3) an attractive spouse 4) peace and quiet (domestic tranquility) 5) admiration. Think about those needs and how you can best meet those even in someone you are just talking to on the phone or chatting with on line.
Darik,
In this book, does it talk about different needs at different ages? Cause with the exception of good conversation and honesty/openness, I have guy “needs”. Last time I checked, I was still very female.
Bertie,
I have read on the website that supports the book that the 10 can be a mix or match, but predominately the 5 are set to each sex.
Those particular five?
“Frankenberry???” YOUR age should be no mystery! lol Great blog
The biggest problem that I had during the 2-3 years I searched for dates online was that almost every man who responded to me was married… to which they’d never admit until after the first date, even though I made it clear in my profile that I was NOT interested in married or otherwise ‘taken’ men.
I eventually married a longtime friend whose personal history is an open book to me, and we’re happy as two toddlers in a sandbox. We didn’t meet online. We met the old-fashioned way — in a bar.
Wow, I just read almost all of the posts here and had to chime in. I have online dated for a long time, my career is one reason, my boyish shyness another… OK, I suck at making the approach, so online is a good way for me to go. I have an ex-wife I met online, and she was exactly who she said she was… I just didn’t listen LOL. I have had one other semi serious relationship and several dates from online and the number one reason I am still single is that women misrepresent themselves! I have done everything with my profiles on different sites even stating in bold letter that if you aren’t at least 50 pounds lighter than me (at the time I was 6 foot and 210) I am not likely to be interested. Women with 10 year old pics would reel me in, and wonder why I wanted to run to the bar instead of have dinner when we met. The article is soooo true, be honest, my profile says I have a few extra pounds…. I do, but I know that not everyone would see me that way, some would say I am just average others might say I’m a big fat guy, that is why I POST A PIC THAT SHOWS MY TORSO!!!! That way women can see who I am, and what I mean by a few extra pounds. There are a lot of men that want or like big women, so why play games with guys that don’t?
Dan,
I’ve looked around at what other women are doing and it is much more likely that a woman who is maybe thirty pounds overweight to misrepresent herself. I call myself a bbw though I’m not sure that is what I am any longer, however, I don’t care. I figure he might be pleasantly surprised by me. I have full length pics of me from spring time fun with friends. So no offense, but I’m calling BS on that one! I won’t say that we aren’t guilty of a multitude of sins, but I will say that I know a lot of bigger women who have profiles on dating sites and they don’t say they are slim and trim. They tell it like it is. What I’d like to know is why do men say you are so pretty when its all out there baby for them to see, and their profiles say they only want thin or athletic built women. I can’t be running into every guy just wants to get laid cause several of them I’ve dated more than once and haven’t slept with.
Word to Big Bird! This blog is sooooo unbelievably on point.
I’ve done the whole online thing and I’ve always been honest. Age, body type, recent pictures, etc. I have been disappointed many a time by someone who lied in one way or another. Men are big on lyiing about height (every man under 5’10 claims to be that height at some point) and I just can’t stand it. If you’re going to lie about dumb things like this, then what am I to suspect if things go any further? Blech.
I’ve only ever met one man under 5’8″ who told the truth about his height. If a man says he’s 5’6″, that means he’s about 5’3″ maybe 5’4″. If I have to tilt my head down to look you in the eye you’re not 5’8″. Its silly….Like come on’, you didn’t think I was going to notice?
Great article. There’s a lot of good data here, though I did want to let you know something – I am running Fedora with the circulating beta of Firefox, and the look and feel of your blog is kind of quirky for me. I can understand the articles, but the navigation doesn’t work so great.