Today we have a blog from our old sexy friend The Sultry Brunette. She has discovered the wonders of sex and wanted to share it with all of you.
Hi David, it’s your old friend The Sultry Brunette here. A strange pattern has developed in my love life that I just had to share with you. I’m hoping you might have some words of advice – or at least be able to explain how this could be.
I know I became known on the website for my blog about how I was the world’s leading expert in “faking it” Boy has life changed since then!!
I am a woman who is very comfortable with herself and confident around men – once I know for a fact that a man is attracted to me. In fact, David, I have in recent months gone from the woman who faked all of her orgasms … to the woman who is having quite an active and very enjoyable sex life.
I have been spending time with a man with whom I share an intense chemistry. We went out on a date a long time ago but hooked up again recently after a random text message flirting session. I know he’s very attracted to me (as I am to him), and he does nothing to hide that.
The first night we got together, I had my first ever during-sex orgasm. That was amazing!! I’ve always liked a guy who knows how to kiss, but this guy feels like he just possesses you – and he gets turned on by how turned on I get. Plus everything he does is slow but intense … very hot combination. But of course I wondered if my orgasm might be a fluke…
Once that big milestone occurred, things just started to snowball. He and I have been getting together a few times a week and the sex (and the orgasms) not only have continued to get better and better, but I have found a “wild side” to me that I never knew I had.
We have had sex in virtually every position I know of (and a few that I’d never heard of before). I want him to have better and more intense orgasms every time we’re together – and he says the same about me. So our efforts to achieve this have been very fun!
The third night he and I were together, we were in the middle of having some incredible sex – in fact I think we were on our second or third time and our umteenth position – and all of a sudden I had not one orgasm …. but THREE! It was the way he looked into my eyes and created this very intense moment, and then when the first one happened he just kept our connection so intense from our eyes to every part of our body that the second and third ones seemed to be just released from out of nowhere. Incredible!
I have to admit that I thought women being multi-orgasmic was a myth. Let me tell you … I am a true believer now! I was literally trembling afterwards – and I’ve never seen a man look so proud to have created something 
The next time he and I were together, I not only was able to repeat my triple orgasm, but in fact was able to add one more onto that! Not only that, but that last orgasm was so intense that I literally lost consciousness for about a minute. I didn’t even know where I was when I opened my eyes!
You know what’s so crazy too, is that what seems to trigger the third and fourth orgasms is the fact that we are totally connected during all this hot sex – and right when it’s about to happen he always seems to whisper in my ear how hot the sex is, how turned on he is … and how turned he gets being able to give me all these orgasms. That whisper in my ear just seems to put me over the edge.
Since then, he proposed, and I agreed, to have a threesome with another guy. It was great! And not at all what I thought it would be. It was amazing and hot to be touched by four hands at once, and to feel totally consumed.
I also now know that my ability to be multi-orgasmic is not limited to my chemistry with this one guy either. I loved the sleeping sandwiched between the two of them the most. It was so intense to be totally surrounded by these two guys. Plus, since this was more of a “taking turns” kind of threesome – I loved that it turned my guy on to watch me.
We are still experimenting and exploring … In fact, David, he and I the other night tried each and every one of your “sexiovascular” positions! While I liked the last one the best, I can testify that just as you said in the blog each and every one of those positions will make women cum (or cum multiple times like in my case).
So I’m writing you now not only to let you know that I am no longer needing to “fake it” – EVER – but I’m also writing you about a couple other parts to this story.
I am currently building a new business and so I’ve loved the arrangement I’ve had with this guy – which is that we see each other a few times a week and just enjoy each other’s company Because right now I need and want to put virtually all of my time and focus into my business. So, while I obviously want a relationship with someone at some point, right now I just want to be able to enjoy a connection with someone that is deep and fun – but that is not a relationship.
Last Saturday night, I went over to my guy’s house and after kissing me hello he says “You know, I don’t think we should have sex anymore.” I was like “huh?!?!!!!” at first …
I said “Why are you saying that? Are you not feeling attracted to me anymore?” Then he grabbed me, pushed me against the wall, ground against me while giving me this crazy passionate kiss … When we came up for air, he said “What do you think?”
I said – “OK, well if attraction isn’t the issue, why do you think we shouldn’t have sex anymore?” He said “Cause we can’t anymore.”
Then I smiled at him, pushed him away from me and the wall, and took him over to the couch where he immediately pulled me into his lap to hold me. Then I said “Just tell me what’s on your mind, and we’ll figure out what’s going on from there.”
He finally said “You’re a woman. I know how women are — no matter what they eventually want to have a serious relationship with you once you’ve been having sex … and I’ve been happily and intentionally single for 5 years — I don’t want a serious relationship. And I can’t keep my hands off you, so we have to stop having sex.”
I took a small pause – before I started laughing at him. Yes — I laughed.
Then I said “You’re operating under a very erroneous assumption here … that I want to have a serious relationship with you. Let me tell you where I stand on all this. I am very attracted to you. We have been having some of the most amazing and incredible sex I’ve ever had in my life. I’d like continue to enjoy more of that amazing and incredible sex with you — and to see how much more amazing and incredible we can get it to be. But I’m not looking for a relationship right now. I am putting all my energy right now into my new business and I don’t have the time or the interest right now in getting serious with anyone. So … it sounds like we’re on the same page there. If you want keep enjoying each other and our sexual connection together – I would love to continue seeing you. The only question for me is whether you feel that same intense chemistry with me that I do with you … if so, I think we’re good”
He said “Wow, I’m stunned. Most women, even if they want that, are not confident enough to just come out and say it. I’m speechless.” I said “Well, you think about it … but if you’re attracted to me you will let me know right now, and then I’ll know where we stand. You don’t make a move, then I’ll also know. It’s your serve.” Not two seconds later he leaped across the couch and was on top of me kissing me … that was the last word of conversation we had for a couple hours
Now although I thought his comments were noteworthy – here’s the part I need your help to understand (and hopefully fix!) — I think someone reading this might believe I am a woman who oozes confidence all the time.
Well, as you know about me already David, this isn’t always true. I am extremely confident professionally and, as I mentioned above, I am very confident and open sexually with men I KNOW find me attractive.
What I still cannot do is to smile, flirt, make serious eye contact with or approach men if I don’t know whether or not they find me attractive. So, while I am having all this crazy sex, I can’t approach a guy I find attractive in the coffee house and say hello!
I feel very insecure and nervous to approach (and especially to flirt) with men until I know they have an interest in me. My experience, too, is that men do not seem to show a lot of indication of this in these situations. I feel like if I’m smiling at a man he’s going to think I’m “coming onto him” which if he is not attracted to me will make him feel very uncomfortable.
So David, here’s where I’m asking for your assistance and insight. Does it seem odd to you that I can be so comfortable with men in some situations but so uncomfortable? Any words of advice or explanation?
Thanks! SB
It looks like you’re still trying to protect yourself from getting hurt by only allowing yourself to date those who you know are attracted to you. It’s like a safety precaution. When you’re truly comfortable with your body, you’d have the self-assurance to talk to anyone you found attractive — even if that means they might not reciprocate your attraction.
By asking your current boyfriend if he’s attracted to you, you’re looking for validation. I’d encourage you to investigate why you have these insecurities — what or who specifically triggered them? They may be buried, but resurfacing that past may be more approachable now that you’ve grown from when they happened.
David
Good point!!
Sultry what do you feel about what Dave had to say?
David T (and David W) –
Very interesting comment – I had to take a minute or two to think about what you said …
As to your very first sentence, I can tell you that you’re 100% that I only allow myself to date those I know are attracted to me – but who doesn’t?
But you make a good point that I am not totally comfortable with my body around men I don’t already know find my body attractive …
Having said that I am 100% confident and comfortable about my body with men I do know find me attractive – NO insecurity of any kind there.
I do have to take issue with you about your comment that me asking this guy (who is not my boyfriend
) whether he finds me attractive as a sign of seeking validation… You would be absolulely correct if I just asked him cause I felt insecure about it … but I only asked him because after all the sex (and you can read that there’s been a lot), he all of a sudden said that we shouldn’t anymore – I was just trying to discern the reason for the comment 
And think if I hadn’t delved further into what was going on … I would have missed out on this thing continuing on 
Great comment Dave T – thanks
Glad that you clarified this one sultry.
I think your overall message is an eye opener to some men,
women enjoy sex as much as men and some are really just looking to have that amazing sexual friends with benefits relationship
Yes! David, that is one of the main reasons I wrote you about all this – because I was so surprised at the reaction of my guy to me telling him I wanted this “friends with benefits” arrangement …
I couldn’t believe how hard I had to convince him that I want to continue to enjoy this incredible amazing sexual connection with him – but that I’m not in a place where I want a serious relationship …
Why do men find that so hard to believe – when so many of them say they want that themselves??
Also, David, my story reinforces something I’ve read you talking about and telling guys about time and time again –
It’s the connection that creates the incredible sex … and when you connect with a woman she will not only have an incredible sexual experience, but you allow her to feel safe and open to being her “naughtiest” self – and she will want to do anything and everything possible to make sure her guy has an unbelievably amazing sexual experience.
If the people reading this knew me, then they would know me having a threesome is conclusive proof of this …
Sultry Brunette,
This is unbelievable to me that the same woman can be so open and so closed at the same time.
My question to you is: how do ever expect to know if men are attracted to you if you won’t put yourself out there to smile, flirt and say hello to any of them?
Playing poker with the nuts is easy!!!
Sorry Jim, you lost me w/ that …
You may need to elaborate 
wow, that sounds like one hell of a trip sultry! hopefully one day i can give some girl the same experience : )
Rey,
The fact that you want to tells me that you absolutely will – and I’m willing to bet it won’t be “some girl” but rather some girlS
And when you do, I think you’ll enjoy the way they will be inspired to show their gratitude
ahaha, i forgot to make the girls plural! thanks for reminding me sultry : )
Your comments are always fantastic, Rey, and I can see you are learning what David teaches really well … so I have a feeling you won’t need to be reminded of the girls plural — they’ll be plenty present in your life
Sultry: I was referring to your confidence”I am extremely confident professionally and, as I mentioned above, I am very confident and open sexually with men I KNOW find me attractive.” OK so is playing a winning hand in poker, its easy!!! I was just commenting!!! not putting down!!! Its the grey area when we are not sure, that i think gets the heart racing, in cards or matters of the heart!!!
Jim, Jim, Jim … Easy there
I didn’t think you were putting me down … I honestly didn’t understand what you were referencing with the poker thing … but now I get it 
Your point is actually very well taken and true … and probably a bit similar to what Dave T. was trying to say earlier — that it’s not really all that big of a deal to be confident in a “sure thing” situation. You are both right there – I am confident when I know there’s no risk …
I have many friends though who are NEVER sexually confident and open and experimental – and what I was finding odd enough about myself to prompt this blog is the fact that I am TOTALLY confident in the sexual side of things but struggle w/ a hello to a male stranger —
I think there may be some women who would find it difficult to be so sexually open even when they ARE confident — women can be judged pretty harshly for that, yet I worry about being judged for my hello instead of all this other stuff
Really good point you made though — I hadn’t really thought of it that way before. Thanks
Quote:
“My experience, too, is that men do not seem to show a lot of indication of this in these situations. I feel like if I’m smiling at a man he’s going to think I’m “coming onto him” which if he is not attracted to me will make him feel very uncomfortable.”
I think a lot of us guys would LOVE it if women approached us more often, just like most of us would like it if women were more open to admitting that they liked sex just as much as we do. Obviously not every guy is going to return the feelings, but I don’t think they will dislike being approached. The worst case scenario is that you give a guy who either is committed, or possibly not interested, a big ego boost… and who doesn’t love that. I’m interested in what the other guys think, I could be wrong.
Adam,
I would love to know what you’ve said here is the feeling of most men
I’ll be interested in what the other guys think as well 
The Sultry Brunette is my kind of lady…with high self-esteem who knows what she wants and not afraid to go for it…how refreshing! The lucky dude just wanted to cut it off because he was afraid that one day you may turn into a Glenn Close in that movie (forgot the title, you know the one with the boiling bunny) because he has no intention to go there at all (progressing to…….romantic love story, storybook wedding, godly honeymoon, and super kids who will go Harvard). If you got back to me with that reply I would be SHOCKED too and on Cloud 99!
And David T. must be a professional who works in the psych field no doubt. I wonder if David W. works with any pros to refer clients who just need to go there before any real progress can be done…I am sure you get these types of clients…
Anyway, all hope is not lost to do a threesome for me! Thank you SB for giving us hope:-)
Thanks for the nice post Dan!
Your speculation re: fear of a potential bunny boiler makes sense … it was the fact that it was so much work to convince him I really was on the same page in terms of what we want that made me laugh
I may want the storybook romance and married thing at some point and I have wanted that at other times in my life — but that doesn’t mean that’s what I want NOW … that’s what was hard to get through to him.
Dan, the threesome thing is tricky and I think women have very varied feelings about them. But, I’ll think good thoughts for your 3some future possibilities
Sultry: Ok….. be your smart confident orgasmic self!
Know your weaknesses, there you will find your strenght.
I don’t smoke, but reading that makes me wanna light up a cigarette
Taras –
well, i’m glad you enjoyed it … i know i did
Not only is this the hottest blog i’ve read, but it also illustrates a great point about confidence. Which is, it’s all in your head!!! The only reason that we have different confidence in different situations is because we make up a story about it or we let fake fear hold us back!
It’s possible to get over, thats the beauty of it.
Rich
Why is this blog so hot for you?
I am wondering how the two of you met if you are uncomfortable approaching men in public. From reading what you wrote, aside from the playboy column which was just fun to read, I think the majority of men and women that you start a conversation with would enjoy learning more about you, and at the very least would have fun talking to you. The reason I say this is leading to my advice on your last three paragraphs. It is clear that you are leaving the house without the right mindset. You are someone that people should get to know. You need to be curious as to whether the person you are attracted to at the coffee shop is a dud, or is he someone that can keep up with you. By smiling at someone you find attractive you are simply showing that you are an approachable, happy person and you are also setting a comfortable stage for walking up and saying hello, or making an observation and making a comment or asking a question based on what is going on in the moment. If he is not attracted to you then he wont flirt back or try to engage you or participate in a conversation for more than a hello or short answer. Don’t worry about him thinking you wanted him because he is not going to be for sure whether you were interested in him, or if you are just a friendly person because the two of you did not move into a deeper conversation that would allow you to start showing your interest in what kind of person he is and building his attraction in you through a bonding and information gathering conversation. Practice smiling at almost everyone you see and from my experience you will learn that most everyone will smile back.Sometimes people will start conversations with me because I showed them I was approachable by smiling. It is best to go into every approach with the mindset that you are the desired person. don’t give your power and confidence away because by wondering if they will be attracted to you, you lose your power before you say hello. Remember you are seeing if you like them not if they like you. Now I am going to comment on your question in the last paragraph. When you know someone finds you attractive it is super easy to be comfortable with them. When you find someone attractive and you do not know if they find you attractive, and you become uncomfortable, you need to become curious and get the mindset that you are someone he should get to know and he desires you (and that he was desiring you the night before in his shower by himself) then find out if he is someone that can carry on a good conversation with you. It sounds easy and it will get to be easy and fun the more you practice. I hope this helps!
>>>>>>>>>>Dan, the threesome thing is tricky and I think women have very varied feelings about them.
Please please elaborate. Perhaps David W. would let you do a separate blog on the topic!
>>>>>>>>>>>But, I’ll think good thoughts for your 3some future possibilities
Thank you so much, you are so kind. Thanks for giving hope to all men who would give their left nut for a threesome:-)
Dan,
Seriously … you would give your left nut to have a threesome — Why? Threesome, shmeesome. What would that experience give you that you don’t already have… ?
Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against threesomes, I just worry that we’re all striving for that one thing or experience that’s going to bring us happiness or confidence or whatever, and then when we actually get it we find there’s just another thing or experience to strive for …
Be curious to hear your thoughts
Also, William, I love what you say about smiling at everyone. You can add in making eye contact and holding someone’s gaze. You don’t need to be flirtatious about it. People respond to that, especially if they sense that you aren’t trying to get something from them. Even if you don’t make eye contact, sometimes just allowing yourself to become fully aware of the presence of the person sitting next to you will prompt them to turn and start talking to you. Try it! It’s fun.
Rather than think of myself as the “desired one,” though, I find it much easier to think of myself as being equal and alike to everyone. No need to put on any airs because everyone is equally valuable.
Rich –
Your comment made my day! Thank you for your “hot” compliment about the post
Also, your comment is fantastic … and true! You make a great point – when you look at this “objectively” it seems silly to have such different feelings and that a lot of this IS in my head
Definitely something to think about! 
William -
Thanks for your great comment! Let me try to answer a couple of the things you raised. I met this guy a long time ago when I was on match.com — we went on one date (like I said over a year ago), which went fine. We laughed and had a good time, but he didn’t kiss me at the end of the date nor ever call me so I assumed he just didn’t feel any chemistry with me.
Then literally out of the blue a couple months ago, he text messaged me (I didn’t know who it was at first!) … and the story picked up sort of where my blog started.
I think you are 100% correct that I probably don’t “leave the house with the right mindset” – I love the mindset you describe … I just have not successfully adopted it AS YET
One point of clarification …
While there is no question that my mind focuses on what men think of me instead of what I may think of them — I don’t immediately worry that a man will find me unattractive — I worry that I will make a man UNCOMFORTABLE if I say hello to him and he isn’t attracted to me. I don’t want other people to feel uncomfortable
What you describe, though, is a GREAT attitude to adopt — and I will certainly try to adopt it
Thanks for the great advice!!
This is great! I feel as though it is hard to believe that you aren’t looking into a relationship is that there are times when you say and actually mean something else.
I remember I was seeing someone, knowing that we weren’t looking for anything serious. And then out of no where, it became serious and she told me that, that’s what she was looking for the whole time, and worded it as such to make it seem like I couldn’t get her in a relationship. F-ed up, I know. We didn’t last particularly long.
But I think it’s great for you to be so open with someone that is attracted to you. I mean, it’s near impossible not to. You have the mentality that you have nothing to lose – they are still going to be attracted to you. With strangers it’s hard because you don’t know what the result is going to be. Many of us have this problem which gives us part of that approach anxiety.
Multi-orgasm…WOW! That is great! No longer do you have to fake and then will make any man proud. I remember I gave someone their first orgasm ever and she’s tried with other guys for years. She described it as a feeling of ecstasy and something she will never forget.
I think to help you with your problem, what you should do is approach someone you think is attractive after something happens to you that makes you feel good. So, if it doesn’t go well (which is highly unlikely considering the number of women that approach men), you won’t feel as bad because you’re still “high” off of your previous positive experience. You could do that.
Or…
You could do warm-ups. Say hello to people. Smile to people. See their responses. If they are positive, ask them how they are doing. Maybe even give a crazy high-five! I know it sounds silly. But in the end, you wanna carry your energy over the other people you want to affect and that will make them more open to positive response. Those who don’t aren’t worth your time. It’s a great instant check to see if any more time needs to be spent.
Hope all this helps. And congratulations!
>>>>>>>Seriously … you would give your left nut to have a threesome — Why?
Ok, not literally:-) But this has been on my list to do for many years and I bet you over 95% of men would love to do this one day!
>>>>>>>>I just worry that we’re all striving for that one thing or experience that’s going to bring us happiness or confidence or whatever, and then when we actually get it we find there’s just another thing or experience to strive for …
Of course…it’s called life. We are all searching…we are all trying to achieve our dreams…There is a saying that goes something like “old is when you only have memories and no dreams”. I am sure I will progress from a threesome to a foursome and then to a full blown orgy!
But my ultimate dream is to ride on the Popemobile….for it to happen, I will have to steal it, lol
Everybody loves a high 5!! Hey Sultry, I worry about making people feel uncomfortable too and not the person I am interested in talking to. I always worry that the people that are around them are going to take notice when I go over and talk to the attractive girl and everyone in the room is going to be thinking ” o my god look at this guy trying to say something to the girl that every guy has been checking out, what a dumbass it is so obvious he is trying to get laid and we all know it, why else would anyone go over and talk to the hot girl.” But I think my problem is odd, I have no problem talking to someone at all. I can connect with people super quick. I worry about making the entire room uncomfortable. For example if it is a starbucks I am thinking everyone is going to be thinking ” jesus christ we are all here to get coffee and relax or get work done or talk to our friends and this guy has to come in here and try to turn this place into a pickup lounge just leave that girl alone”. What do you think?
Who cares what others think, whether it’s just the person you’re approaching or everyone else in the room as William mentions. If they’re that grumpy and anti-social then they really should be locked up at home and not in a public place.
If you approach someone and get shot down I don’t think most people even notice, but if they do notice I think they’re more likely to be envious that you had the guts to do it than they will be to think what a dummy you were for trying. I actually struck up a conversation with a woman when I was waiting in a doctor’s office once. As I was leaving I told her that we should go for a cup of coffee to get to know each other better. She turned bright red and ultimately was so shy about the whole thing that I just wished her luck and left. One of the older ladies in the room did in fact notice so I smiled at her as I was leaving and she gave me a big thumbs up and mouthed the words “nice job” to me. I thought it was pretty cool.
Dan,
You said: “Of course…it’s called life. We are all searching…we are all trying to achieve our dreams…”
There’s another way to live life, which is let go of all the goals and move evermore into the present moment. Searching is the best strategy we ever created for avoiding presence, and believe me I was an expert
. We even try to be more present in order to obtain a goal, such as having sex with someone.
Presence can’t be faked. When you are present, there is no searching. You just feel peace and connection.
Know what I mean?
I tend to talk to people pretty much wherever I go. It doesn’t mean that I’m looking for something or that I’m coming on to a guy (although sometimes I am). I could be bored standing in line, be interested in a book that he’s carrying, or whatever. Worst case scenario: we go our separate ways and go on about our lives, best case scenario: we each have a new friend. Since you mentioned your new business, that could be motivation enough to make new friends – the benefits of networking.
I’ve been in the situation where I’ve been obviously hitting on a guy and for whatever reason he wasn’t interested. It could have something to do with me, but not necessarily (already in a relationship, recent breakup, lack of time, etc.). This guy smiled, blushed a bit, and he took my interest as a compliment. Thankfully in the adult world most people aren’t as rude as we were during our high school years.
I enjoyed reading your post (and I can verify that the multiple orgasm is busted).
Oh darn, I meant to type … (and I can verify that the multiple orgasm myth is busted) … and yes, I was watching “Mythbusters” when I wrote that.
Wow … I am overwhelmed by the number of FANTASTIC comments from all the guys here! This has been really enlightening and helpful to me
So, thanks to all who’ve contributed and commented here 
Infiniti,
Thanks for your awesome insight. I suspect that what happened with that girl you were seeing is behind my guy’s reluctance to accept what I said at face value
So it’s too bad women like that woman you were dating is ruining it for the rest of us gals 
Your congrats are appreciated
Yes, I must admit that I wasn’t prepared for how powerful the multiple orgasms were and how they create feelings in your body literally from the the top of your head to the tips of your toes — I actually wasn’t exaggerating when I said that I literally lost consciousness on one of them … It left me trembling 
And when I “came to” I saw my guy just looking at me with a smile on his face – and I wondered what the smile was all about … he said he felt incredible about knowing he was the guy who not only gave me my first orgasm but also my first triple (and quadruple) orgasm
I wouldn’t have thought it would have been such a big deal to HIM 
But I’m glad it made him happy 
Your “approach while you’re still on a high” suggestion is a good one … I stopped at a 7-11 on my way home from my guy’s house one night to get a bottle of water and the clerk asked me why I was smiling and staring off into space — I think NOTHING could have kept me from smiling at that moment. SO you may have something there
Thanks again for the great feedback!
Saphire – You have a great attitude and mindset … and I’m glad I have some verification here
>>>>>>>>Presence can’t be faked. When you are present, there is no searching. You just feel peace and connection.
Yes, I know what you mean. It takes lots of practice to be able to do this. I took a yoga class earlier this year….it was good, I liked it but the chanting at the end of the class got to me and decided I prefer to beat myself up at the gym running and doing some weights instead. I believe the older people get the easier being “present” gets. It all comes down to being at peace with and knowing yourself and just liking yourself.
Yes, great comments in this blog.
Guys, ladies like The Sultry Brunette do exist, don’t give up:-)
Dan,
Sounds like you enjoyed the yoga but not the chanting.
You say lots of practice. Lots of practice being aware, I guess? Always catching yourself when your mind slips into habitual patterns of seeking and chasing.
For me, it took a near-death experience to realize that everything I’d been chasing (career success, promotions, etc.) was worthless. First I realized that I felt totally disconnected, so I started chasing connection in the traditional forms (marriage, kids, etc.). And chased that until something else woke up in me and realized that those forms wouldn’t bring happiness either.
Meanwhile, all that time, something new had been dawning inside me. It was the realization that connection is available and all around us all the time.
* Self-connection came first, the tuning in to my own feelings and sorting out my jumbled up thoughts.
* Connection to inanimate objects, the realization that when I became present, parking spaces would open up at the exact time I needed them and the whole world seemed to be perfectly orchestrated.
* Connection to my pets (I started asking my cat what was alive in him at any given moment, and his personality changed completely from being alienated from me to being totally loving and adoring).
* Connection to every person in the world, and the realization that as I was becoming more peaceful, so was everyone around me. I stopped encountering people who were “rude” or whatever.
Every time someone did something I didn’t like, I looked for where I was doing that thing myself in my life. Instead of judging people, I got really curious. I opened my mind to the idea that maybe my snap judgments about people were not right. I started asking people what was going on for them, and often times they were so happy that someone asked. And people changed. Miraculous huge monumental changes.
Do you get curious? Do you know what feeling a threesome would bring you? Do you wonder what needs a man or woman might be meeting by participating in one? For me, that has become the richness of life, to get really curious about what it is we are really seeking beneath all our goals and actions….
>>>>>>>parking spaces would open up at the exact time I needed them and the whole world seemed to be perfectly orchestrated.
If this could work on the highway and the grocery store choosing lanes:-)
>>>>>>>>I started asking my cat what was alive in him at any given moment…
Tried that for fun to my cat and…a few hours earlier, he threw up!
>>>>>>I stopped encountering people who were “rude” or whatever.
you should move to New York, this one won’t work there!
>>>>>>>Do you know what feeling a threesome would bring you?
I think they would be…orgasmic:-)
And what’s up with all this “I practice celibacy” stuff dear????
Dan, thanks for your question about celibacy — I wrote another blog about it: http://www.awakeningfromthedream.blogspot.com.
Sultry Brunnette ,
Thanks for sharing your experience here. I would love to have a similar experience one day (or more than one day, lol).It is really beautiful how you described that he kept looking at you and it made you feel connected. I can relate 100%. To me it’s a huge turn off if the man can’t hold my eyes while we’re doing it. Anyway, the reason why I post is to react to your comment about being shy in approaching men. I also have this problem. I don’t consider myself to be shy or insecure in other aspects of my life but when it comes to this I feel very insecure. I can relate to the fact that you need to know that he is into you before you feel confident. This is why I really like to be around men who make me feel desired, but you don’t always find them. I think it has to do with what someone else said here, looking for others to validate you. Looking for their ok rather than giving it to yourself. I think this is key and I know I need to work on it. I need to loose weight and that makes me so vulnerable. In any case, sometimes I see women who have some extra pounds and they don’t seem to have a problem with it and they look sexy and cute, because they like themselves. It is funny how they even bring it out as if it was something beautiful so you end up seeing it as beautiful too. My conclusion is that I guess there are always excuses to not approve yourself until you really approve yourself in a deep way. Tomorrow I have a date and I’m freaking out because I won’t look good enough and this post helps me see what kind of mindset I need to reach by tomorrow. Clock is ticking!
Marisa – Thanks for your nice words! I’m so glad you enjoyed reading the blog …
I say this not in the “buy my exercise dvd infomercial” way — but if I can have this experience, then BELIEVE ME so can you!
I have not had a lifetime of this, and have had to go through my own confidence and body-image issues to get here.
I think you have a great attitude, and you are very self-aware … but I would caution you about one thing that I recognize as being very familiar since I used to have the same thoughts. You say that you need to lose weight because the weight makes you vulnerable …
I used to have that same “I’ll be more confident when I lose a few pounds” kind of mindset too – but here’s the problem with that (and it’s two things). First, I am all for losing weight if it makes you feel good (both physically and mentally) and because it is good for people’s health to do so … but don’t wait to embrace yourself until you lose weight. That you need to do NOW – and you should
The funny thing with me was that I used to say the same thing – and was always in “ok” shape and very athletic — but the minute I decided I needed to love myself at EACH step along the way, I started to lose weight faster than I ever had (and now I can love myself even more
). Best of luck to you – 
Thank you Sultry!
You know? you’re right!
btw, my date went well .. although not even close to yours,.. hey, but at least I’m getting out there and it makes me feel good. Talk to you later!