Obvious Is Good!
February 28, 2009 
22 Comments
It’s another amazing Saturday morning here. Just love Saturdays – getting to take a lot longer to get out of bed and getting to take a little more time to enjoy the day! And after the kind of crazy busy week I’ve had, I am REALLY happy to see Saturday get here.
As each of you guys are out there getting ready to spend your Saturdays meeting women, this is something for you to keep in mind…
It’s so funny how men seem to want to overcomplicate just about everything. Think about this for a minute.
When a man gets a brand new gas grill and he’s putting it together, does he usually read the directions or does he try to just “figure it out” on his own? When a man buys a brand new big screen tv, does he read the manual or does he just try 800 different ways to arrange the cords until the tv works? It’s the same answer about the manual that comes with a man’s new car.
How often will a man read the manual that comes with something? Pretty much never! Why, then, do most men believe that women should come with a manual?
When you first talk to a woman, it doesn’t have to be so complicated. The obvious things are the best things to talk about, because it means that you are paying attention to the little things. If you ask any woman what matters most to them, it’s always the little things. It’s all the little things make life so much better.
If you pay attention to the little things, women will feel like you’ve actually connected with them. They’ll think “Wow! This guy actually paid attention. He was actually present. He wasn’t just trying to pick me up with some ridiculous routine.”
It’s the obvious things that make the best conversation starters. You need to start observing and picking up on everything that is obvious. Everyone who has worked with me for a weekend always notices the same thing about me and how I function: My behavior is very natural and almost everything I say to people is very obvious.
The key to my behavior being so natural is that it really IS natural to me. The way it will become natural for you is by repetition (a/k/a PRACTICE). Here is a caution about practice, though, that you want to watch. When most guys hear practice, they add on “with women you’re attracted to” to the end of the sentence. Don’t make that mistake. Practice with all women and, in fact, with every kind of person.
Remember that just because you don’t want to go out with someone, that doesn’t mean they aren’t a great person worth talking to and getting to know. It doesn’t mean that person isn’t someone from whom you can’t learn something. That person may end up being a great friend. It’s all about building up that power and social network.
Another exercise to help you learn to comment on the obvious stuff is to take 20 common every-day words – words like coffee, groceries, furniture, fruit, gasoline, gym or whatever – and write down one thing you would say about each. Create a little story about each.
A great conversation can always be created from one of these kind of stories. The obvious things are the things you already know and about which you can feel comfortable talking. Furthermore, if you start the conversation with a woman about something obvious, then you won’t break the woman’s chain of thought and she won’t wonder why you’re bothering her with some random comment coming out of left field. So stop overcomplicating things when it comes to meeting women, and start getting in touch with the obvious!
Thanks David,
For taking the time to post blogs on a daily basis. You are truly helping many. I also admire the fact that you worked your way to your present location instead of having had it handed down to you. The same satisfaction applies with winning girls’ hearts, right?
As for today’s blog, the part about getting to know people you wouldn’t want to go out with stood out to me. I used to not even glance at women who were not attractive to me. They were attractive, but not to me. But it makes sense talking to everyone, even if they’re not attractive to you because with the other mentality one is really being snobbish thinking that the other person isn’t worthy of even being spoken to. When you think that way, then you are limiting yourself to potential friendships that can bless your life.
Thanks again David for everything you do.
Everyone ready for a long post from me? Ha!
I wanted to tell me “Art of the Pimp” story and I think it fits in well with today’s blog.
I have a good friend who tries to teach this ridiculous method about picking up women that is based around treating others like you are a pimp. It is in the same realm as “The Game” and is so opposite to what the natural ways of meeting people that it makes me laugh my ass off every time I think about it.
So, for some background.
My friend and I met at an industry (when people from LA say “industry” they mean the movies) store in LA and since I am looking to make a career here, we hit it off. We’ve been friends now for about five years and when we started out I couldn’t stand this guy because of how fake he seemed to act. But he held so much promise (if anything but for the contacts, I met my managers through him) that I told myself I would put up with it to see what would happen.
Well, over time I saw what this guy really is, he is just like everyone else. Not entirely sure of what his purpose is on earth, and hasn’t found enough purpose in the things he wants to be and do in his life. He has fears and dreams and the two go hand in hand.
But when I started to get toknow him, he put on an enitrely different act. He is an actor, and a writer and is surprisingly good at both but he can’t validate himself through his art because he put his faith in himself into meeting and being with the right women, something he wasn’t good at, at all. But he has a rapid fire mouth and listening to him when he is talking about something he cares about is quite fascinating because of the energy he uses.
He would have been a perfect candidate for David and one of his boot camps. But his life took a different direction.
My friend (during the time when we weren’t that close and were just working together) knew he needed to find a way to meet women, and knew about attracting things into his life that he believed in. But he didn’t know what he wanted to do with meeting women so he left it up to fate.
Who did he wind up meeting? He met an underground rap artist who has cut an album with all the big names on it and was kept underground by the system that bore him. Anyways, rap artist takes this guy under his wing and teaches him the pimp game.
The “pimp game” is pretty much what it sounds like and is the next evolutionary step to the actual “The Game”. It is based around treating your woman like crap on purpose so when you put on the sugar, she seems more into you and gets confused about what is going on. Sounds fine, right? Ha!
Guess what happened? So rap artist teaches my friend how to play this game and teaches him philosophy behind and why it works, and all this stuff… So, my friend, who is previously pretty inexperienced goes out and finds two girls from Quebec who want to live in LA and have a good time and be models. Except there is one problem. These girls don’t have anywhere to stay, they don’t know how they are going to make money, and they are willing to do anything to live here.
It’s no small coincidence that rap artist is the one who introduced all of them and was also the one who coached my friend into what he does next.
They convince these girls to move down here and move in with my friend, who is successful enough to rent his own super expensive LA apartment in a nice area of town. The plan that rap artist and him have hatched is that the girsl will get a job stripping and my friend, being the newly christened pimp, would be the person who took care of them and made them feel like they were doing good work. In exchange they would pay his rent, pay for his food, and give him some money so he could pursue his own dreams.
Also, there was talk about 3-ways and all the fun sexual adventures that my friend was going to have with his new pimp style.
Of course, the plan didn’t happen the way he imagined at all.
Instead of being a big pimp and telling these girls who was the boss and have them listen, he wound up getting into a steady relationship with one of them. And the one he wasn’t dating left because of how stupid the whole thing was. The one who stayed (and yes she has a nice body) is actually a very interesting person and does have serious ambitions about modelling and acting and she put her career in my friend’s hands.
But she continued to work at the strip club and slowly all the “power” that my friend had in the relationship, she turned on him and basically turned him into a paid man servant for her. He became totally dependent on her and her income to the point that she started controlling his money like an allowance and he had to earn it by completing his chores.
And the romance side of things? They fight all the time. My friend keeps trying to promote his pimp style and he even tried to convince me that I should try to live my life like that and I just laughed at him and ignored him. They fight all the time and he has no say in the direction of his own life right now unless he checks it with his pimp, his girl. But he is so convinced that he is a master with the women, that he keeps acting like a pimp when she is not around, but as soon as she is near, he collapses and does whatever she asks him to do.
The point of this story is why would you do this to yourself? Of course, there are ways to have a relationship with a woman that you don’t agree with but why lie to yourself? David said in his blog today that he is honest with people all the time and I agree. There is too much work that goes into lying and it is NOT worth it.
For example, because the whole relationship that my friend is in is built on a lie, he just had to meet her parents and how’s this for a first time with the potential in-laws type of story? He had her lie to her parents that she was working at a restaurant and just got laid off and that is why they can’t go see where she works. He lied to them about his job, and actually used my current project as an excuse about why they pull in so much money. (he pimped me to get me to agree but its a good thing I never met his in-laws because I would have told the truth) He gets stressed out beyond belief and doesn’t sleep the whole time they are here. He can’t look them in the face. He can’t talk to them. And the whole time they are thinking that their daughter has settled into a long term relationship with a “True Hollywood Player” when really they have no idea they are looing at a “Hollywood Pimp”.
His whole life is built around a lie and he has no idea that he is doing that to himself and he is mre stubborn than me when it comes to making a decision. It is ridiculous. But he tells great stories so I still hang out with him.
Mike
WOW Mike you are right! That was a long blog LOL : )
I was actually thinking the same thing about intruction manuals a while back… it’s funny how guys who’ve never learned a single skill by reading an e-book think it’ll be different with women.
Your pimp/player wannabe friend is teaching you a good lesson Mike without intending to and it seems you’ve been paying attention. This guy’s life is a lie and a house of cards that will come crashing down eventually as sure as the sun comes up in the morning. Until or unless he gets a cold, hard reality check. And I think that’s beginning to happen. This guy needs to get real with not only everyone around him, but most importantly with himself. He’s gone down the wrong road and taking other people, like that girl, and maybe you, down with him.
All he managed to do was convince my managers to push someone off a project that I’m attached to. I keep him around because he tells the funniest stories.
And since you already know so much of what he’s told people in the past is BS, how do you know any of those funny stories he tells is true? Or does it matter to you? He might be the life of the party but….
He may tell you other things of a more serious nature that are lies also. He may come up to you someday and say, “Let me borrow some money for the weekend for __________.” But you find out later what he really spent the money on went up his nose or into his veins.
or through a bong. or inside a twelve pack of bottles.
I don’t take him seriously and he’s not even the worst liar I know. His stories are funny because he doesn’t realize I am laughing at him because I think he thinks I believe him.
the wink was for David about you know who.
a.movie:
All I can say after reading your post is that it reminded me how LA is full of fucked up people:-)
Your friend needs to get the hell out of LA to find sanity:-)
How about a man with a built in map. So he wont get lost.
LA oh LA…Home of Hollywood Do I hear LA calling I remember a song years ago about California Dreamin’ On such a winters day. It is funny how women will ask for directions to a place and the guy will keep going and going. They need GPS’s to find their way. But to think about something to say to someone you have to figure out if they have humor or a stick in the mud. Like this guy at work when I am doing something he has something to say and I asked him are you trying to keep up with me for every time I come in you are giving me directions on how to do it. So what I have done is started to give him down the road and act stupid. So tonight he tells me to behave and I say if I behave myself then how can I misbehave. Sometimes I feel like he is drawing me a picture and all he is doing is aggravating the shit out of me. This guy I can not figure and tell you the truth I don’t want too.
MAC, I was thinkin’ the same thing! David busts his ass for his readers, postin’ interesting and thoughtful blogs every day. It takes effort and initiative, even IF you love what you do, which David obviously does.
This post is right on. Keep it simple: Pay attention, be present and aware of what’s goin’ on, and you’ve got “openers” being spoon-fed to you.
It’ll appear serendipitous to her, like fate, while you’re just being fully present, fully you, and enjoing life.
You stress this a LOT David, but I don’t think it can be stressed enough. Good post!
-Sonny
watup everyone!
I really liked What David had to say about today’s post, I remember when I first started out meeting woman, I thought about saying the right thing wayyyy too much that it took me out of being in the moment, and really listening deeply.
But as soon as I started to talk about the obvious, and how felt about certain things, man the the conversation just got better, it was natural and i wasn’t in my head. I really think its an important aspect for everyone to state the obvious on whats going around you instead of breaking someones train of thought!!!
Taras- its funny, there are guys, that probably read every single material on seduction, and still struggling to get some pussy, when they should be out, and socializing with all people, and also experience life instead reading someone else’s stories!
hey david. this post really helps; talk to everyone! I noticed that what you teach doesn’t just apply to women. It applies to everyone else you ain’t attracted to. You remind me of my dad. He’s always got friends everywhere in places we frequently go to: the gas station, the neighborhood, his hometown, even in some food restaurants! Thanks for this David.
Simple is always better and certainly more effective.
Mike – And the subtitle to the “Art of the Pimp” story should be “Thinking you’re THE MAN when you’re really just someone else’s bitch.” Or maybe like the old expression “you think you’re a big shit served on a silver platter but you’re really just a little turd served on a paper plate.” I think that everyone should have a total jackass in their circle of acquaintance just to keep them in touch with reality. Sounds like he would be the classic “wannabe” character in a “B” movie.
and Dan – deluded people are not exclusive to LA or else the rest of us wouldn’t know what he was talking about, don’t ya think?
Sandra…a man wouldn’t follow the map anyway. He would need to find it on his own:)
But…once he finds his way no matter how he gets there it will become second nature. It’s like David is saying, you need to drive the route a few times and then you won’t have to read the directions.
And for we gals…we need to sometimes give the signals so they can find their way…
Kim
I agree with u but there are times that I would get lost in my back yard
I had better rethink that for if I do there is a whole lot field better take a compass
Coach Kimberly;
I never get lost. I just change my mind about where I wanna go.
Usually with about 5 miles worth of gas left in the tank.
I’ve been trying the “keep it simple” conversation starters and I agree it’s more effective.
Wondering if others could give examples.
Always more to learn.
F
I’m going to admit the same thing as Yakub. As we learn more about ourselves, we realize that everything we need is right in front of us… or already in us. I remember reading a lot of dating and pickup advice…. and based on all that, I’d always had the perfect scenario in my head.
That really took me away from being in the moment and really talking about the obvious. I could spin stories based on observation… but I’d try too hard to make something happen… when if I paid attention, everything I needed to know was right in front of me.
And as far as the pimp story goes from a.movie… all I can say is WOW!