My Infamous Orgasm
March 16, 2010 
17 Comments
Have you guys heard the famous quote of mine that’s been circulating all over the Internet? That quote is, “An orgasm a day keeps the Tyson away.” (Yes, I mean Mike Tyson)
It’s amazing what a good orgasm will do. I’m not talking about self-administered orgasms.
To tell you the truth, those kind of orgasms are lame. They really are.
It doesn’t take much skill to plug a vibrator into the wall, put it on your clit and fifteen seconds later scream “Ohhhhhh!” as you come. Bravo! Let me give you a standing ovation. Also, to the men out there who are beating off in the middle of the day over the sink with hand lotion they stole from their grandmother, I say get real!
Those are not the kind of orgasms I am talking about here. What I am talking about is the sex you have in a relationship that makes the fights go away.
Now, I’m also not talking about taking off your clothes, humping and getting each other off (basically masturbating inside each other). That is not what sex is all about.
Granted, I’ve had relationships in which the sex was really just about masturbating inside each other. I’m sure all of you have.
What I am talking about here is being connected to each other’s needs, wants and desires leading up to sex. That means tuning in to how your lover needs to be taken.
Are you someone who just needs to be thrown down on the ground in a testosterone-driven rage and be taken while they look in your eyes? Are you someone who needs verbal foreplay? Whatever it is, we are all very different sexually.
We all love the act itself. Who doesn’t love the warmth and the moisture and the heat of that whole experience?
I remember when I was a baby what my first words were to my Mother. I said, “Wow, it’s so warm in your amniotic sac.”
When I slid my way out, I couldn’t wait to get back in. It took me eighteen and a half years to get back inside.
The bottom line here is to know how you are wired sexually. What do you need the most in your lover? This is something I want all of you to think about today.
Do you need someone to seduce you? Do you need someone who will look in your eyes and talk dirty to you in order to turn you on?
Are you someone who likes to get raw and dirty, and just be taken? You want to have dinner, go home and have your lover f*^k the shit out you?
Write down whatever it is that you want and need. This is very important and something that a lot of people overlook.
Like your good friend Dr. David says, “an orgasm a day keeps the Tyson away.” It keeps the fighting away.
The only issue, and what’s important, is how we get to that orgasm. You may not be aligned with somebody sexually; they may be a totally different sexual type than you are. In that situation you might be having great sex, but it doesn’t mean you are being fulfilled.
So it’s really important before you get into a relationship (or even if you’re in one already), that you are straight about who you are sexually. Be honest about who you are and what you want. This is so important because once you start having sex with someone, it’s very hard (no pun intended) to make changes.
See everyone tomorrow!
Great blog David, it gets better and better everyday! Keep up the good work
“I remember when I was a baby what my first words were to my Mother. I said, ‘Wow, it’s so warm in your amniotic sac.’ When I slid my way out, I couldn’t wait to get back in. It took me eighteen and a half years to get back inside.”
Incest is usually frowned upon David.
It took 18 and half years to get back in side
That is very well said my friend Dr. David
hahhaha a orgasm a day keeps the tysons away that will be my new facebook status!
Why is it hard to make changes once you start to have sex with someone already?
Its also very important to pay attention to what love means to your lover and supporting them along the journey.
Collin- you and i think alike man:)
Julia–well put! What do you suggest to people ways to support your lover? Paying attention to that is extremely important..
I can see how it can get tough down the road if we are not straight about the relationship.
Coach Kimberly: Thanks! Its the little things that makes the big difference. I think people really need to listen to each other to fully understand each others desires. It doesn’t take a lot of money or lot of thought process to show him/her that you care. It all takes genuine interest in the other person.
It’s so funny… but I just had a talk with my g/f to be more creative. I love the spontaneous kind of sex… no matter where or how… and she was always so…. averse to spontaneous heat amping acts…. but boy oh boy did she surprise me yesterday
So it’s true… we all have different ways of enjoying sex. The question is: do you guys have a good enough relationship to grow in that department together too?
David I totally get your point, but the following struck a bad nerve with me: “It doesn’t take much skill to plug a vibrator into the wall, put it on your clit and fifteen seconds later scream “Ohhhhhh!” as you come. Bravo! Let me give you a standing ovation.”
Talk to any good sex therapist out there and they will tell you there are thousands of women out there who have trouble having orgasms, even on their own. That figure is even bigger when it comes to partnered sex. Be careful with statements like these, some women could find them really insulting.
As for defining how you are sexually before entering a relationship, this is easier said than done for some people. What if your previous partners or your previous relationships never allowed you to explore your sexuality in a way that was really satisfying to you?
Cece,
Have you read “Passionate Marriage” by David Schnarch? He’s also a sex/marriage therapist… and from that book, I would assume that women who have trouble having orgasms are actually having troubles because of their psychological/emotional understanding of sex. They probably have a mental/emotional barrier that they haven’t overcome yet.
It has very little to do with the physical stimulation of a vibrator or not.
Hi Khiem,
No I haven’t read that book, but I have read another very informative book on the subject : I (heart) female orgasm by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller, two sex educators who specialize in teaching about the female orgasm itself. And you’re absolutely right, quite often when women are unable to have an orgasm altogether it is because of some deeper rooted issue or because of improper education, i.e. they grew up with the notion that masturbation was taboo so they never explored themselves sexually. There are tons of reasons. But my point is, there are A LOT of women out there in these situations (the mere fact that there are sex educators out there who specialize in the subject of the female orgasm is an indication, if any), and for those of them who finally DO overcome their issues and reach orgasm, whether it’s with a vibrator or with a partner, it is no small deal. Which is why I had an issue with that bit of DW’s post. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t make a valid point in the rest of his message.
Just my two cents.
Great advice! Also, each persons sex drive can vary greatly. I have found that almost all women I have dated, had a greater sex drive than I did, even though when we did “connect” it was great on every level. So, that is as big a factor as just meshing and fitting togther as a couple.
Talking straight about this kind of stuff is fucking awkward, at least for me. I have no problem doing it with women that I feel really comfortable with, but if it is with someone i recently met… I dunno, I get really self-conscious. I’ts true though, you gotta be who you be, genital warts and all
Great post David!