Mr. Craigs list Dater Is Back…
September 14, 2010 
8 Comments
About a week ago I wrote a blog in which I posted an ad from Craigslist. Here is the link in case you missed it:. The ad was written by a 58 year old man who was seeking a woman in her 20′s with whom he could fall in love and live a fantasy life. (Of course, it might be more of a fantasy for him than for her).
It’s an interesting thing because after mentioning his ad, what I really wrote about in the blog was that a man who chases women 40 years his junior is chasing a fantasy, a dream and an illusion. Women who have just graduated from college after having a great experience sleeping with good-looking guys their own age don’t generally go out in the world and all of a sudden crave significantly older men.
They don’t go out into the real world and all of a sudden have this feeling. They don’t think, “You know, I just want an older guy. I really do, because all of a sudden I’m more attracted to the way an older guy looks. I’ve got this Sean Connery and Michael Douglas fetish.”
When it does happen, do you know why that fetish happens? It’s because a lot of women are OC – old curious. They know why they’re curious — they’ve tried dating a lot of the guys their own age and have discovered that men in their early 20′s tend to be a little more emotionally immature and not financially stable. A lot of them don’t even know how to totally please a woman sexually.
So the women becomes a little curious about the ‘debonair guy.’ She wants to really learn about it. She will think, “Maybe I can have a relationship with an older guy.”
Here’s what happens though. It doesn’t work. 99% of the time, it’s just a curiosity that doesn’t work in the real world at all.
It’s funny. One 62 year old gentleman wrote a comment on that blog — a very angry comment. He says in part, “Let me tell you, I have had plenty of 20 something women hit on me and I’m 62, they can’t believe my age, I have to pull out my I.D.. My last three gfs were 15 years yonger than me.”
If you look at his comment, he posted anonymously. You know, if you’re going to post anonymously on the blog and you’re going to challenge me, at least put your email address in so you can get all the comments posted afterwards.
I’m not here to have all of you kiss my ass. I actually really enjoy being challenged. I like it. I don’t want people just to kiss my ass, tell me how great the blog is and letting me know they are just going to follow all of my advice to a ‘T.’
Of course I love it when people really like what I write, but I also like when people don’t love what I write and challenge me on it (and even maybe bring a different perspective to things). That’s how you grow in life.
You don’t grow in life by always thinking you’re 100% right. So when Mr. Anonymous posted his comment, it really stuck out because he wasn’t challenging me on what I said but instead was reacting to what he PERCEIVED I was saying.
First, he stated in his post that I am a hypocrite and no longer “cool.” I mean, this man is about 60 years old and is talking about me being cool?
He also stated that he “…sent it to friends who I have formerly told you were cool. You just lost about $5,000 in business. Karma’s a bitch.” So all of his friends are no longer going to order because I’m a hypocrite?
It’s funny, because if he actually read the blog word for word, he would realize that I was talking about the communication and true connection difficulties of a 58 year old man seeking out 22 year old women. In his comment he writes that he dates women sixteen years his junior all the time. If my math is correct, though, that would mean he (a 62 year old man) is dating 46 year old women all the time (not 22 year old women).
He has totally missed the point. I never said that a 62 year old couldn’t date a 46 year old, and I never said that you can’t connect with someone younger than you — even a decade or more younger than you. Hell, my wife is thirteen years younger than me. I didn’t even know that when I first met her. I figured she might be ten years younger.
Who cares? We got along, we were in the same type of generation (she was over the age of 30 and had a lot of life experience) and we had a connection.
So this guy decides to write that at age 62 he is dating women sixteen years younger. So he’s dating women in their mid-40′s. We’re not even close to women in their 20′s.
Not once did I ever say that 60 year old men shouldn’t date 45 year old women. To be honest, those two ages dating would be pretty simple and easy.
A 45 year old woman is twice the age of a 22 year old woman. She has life experience, relationship experience, responsibilities and probably has had a family. So dating a guy who is 60 years old is not much of a stretch.
It’s actually a pretty cool thing to do. A friend of mine who is 38 is married to a woman who is 53 years old. They have a ton in common, a lot of life experience and a lot of love between the two of them. So fifteen years is not really a stretch.
It’s amazing to see how people defend their actions, and this guy who commented on the blog defended his actions anonymously. I think that is kinda wimpy, and using his words I no longer think he is cool.
He also based his comments on just skimming the blog. It is clear from his comments that he didn’t read the whole blog before writing his comment. Like I said, if you are going to react to something in my blog, please at least read the whole blog first.
The problem and what happens to people is that they go into defensive mode based on criticisms they have received in their own life. I’m sure when he was out being 60 and looking at 22-year-olds, that one of his friends probably said to him that he has nothing in common with those young girls. I’m sure he being a typical male, he probably said, “What are you talking about? They’re hot and they want want me…” You know, the typical male egotistical fantasy.
I’m sure people have criticized him. I’m sure when he goes out in public with these very young early 20′s women, that he sees people looking at him and whispering “Wow, that couple doesn’t really match.” I’m sure he’s had the father/daughter questions come up. His is his own Achilles heel.
So that’s why he exploded the way that he exploded in response to this blog. It’s because that is what happens when we skim something — we only relate the part of the piece that we’ve experienced in our own life (usually criticisms we have had in our own life).
That’s why we become so raw when we read certain things. We read only what we interpret and what we’ve experienced. It is very apparent based on his comment to that blog, that is what was going on with this guy.
Unfortunately for him, he was not as cruel of a man as he intended to be. He didn’t even bother putting his email address in to allow me to make a comment back. All he did was sneak a comment in anonymously. He was not really ready for a debate.
A debate would have made him look at things a little differently. Maybe it would have made him grow a little bit more because I would have challenged him. That is what life is all about — being challenged. Life is about being open to new experiences and learning from them.
Once again, if you look at the original blog you will see that not once did I say that a 60 year old man shouldn’t date a 45 year old woman. Come on, folks… If you’re going to read the blog, then read the whole blog. Read the whole thing and get the whole point before you spew.
Don’t just read and react based on criticisms in your own personal life. I can read through that. You see, I’m 48 and I can read through that.
I never read through that in my twenties because I didn’t have enough life experience. Now being older and wiser, though, I can read through all the bullshit right away and I smell it.
Good post David. When you write a public blog (I write one too, about my experiences, but only to my friends and family) you have to expect to be criticized and denounced. I find your blogs very interestin and challenging, to some of my preconcieved, and learned beliefs. I think, when someone quickly reads or skims, the general direction of your blog, they automatically assume that you are against the entire subject, that you are discussing. I may have made the same mistake when I read your blog, on your disaproval of alchohol. You corrected me, and stated that you did not dissaprove of alchol in general, but were speaking of obnoctious, drunkards. Like you, I am older, and can see through the “bullshit” fairly quickly. And, I have noticed that a lot of your “younger” readers, do not challenge you, but have almost a “celebrity syndrone” about you, and bestow you with constant accolades, without ever stating their own opinions. I hope that some of my challenges help them to understand that they need to think for themselves, challenge all assumptions, and beliefs that others present to them. Great Blog.
Man, this was a long ass blog.
Not sure what blog you’re referring to. This must have touched a nerve in you David because you were inspired to write 10 pages here! I think the “pickup” community likes to sell the idea that it doesn’t matter what you look like, your age, your economic status…you can attract these amazing hot 20 something model types by just learning the “secret” formula or code of how to talk to them or attract them with your personality. 62 is just too darn old to be chasing 20 somethings….it goes into the eww category. Let’s face it, it’s really only about one thing–sex with a hot young woman… I hear a lot of rationalizations from significantly oldere guys about “connection” or that younger women just have a certain attitude. As for Michael Douglas, he happens to be an icon, with his own private island. He’s an endlessly fascinating person and Catherine has said that she prefers older guys because of the experience and maturity…howevever, that comes with a caveat…older guys like Michael Douglas who have access to experiences that most normal guys have no diea of.
I never tell men that are older that they can have any 20 year old they want and I think the pickup community prays on that.
Lets be honest.
Sex is sex and if a guy is banging a 22 year old at 55 all it will ever be is sex and some financial arrangments..
Dinner whatever but the young ones love the older guys for there generosity.
Life works that way.
And no one can compare themselves to Michael Douglas you are 100% correct most men do not have provate jets and planes and if he was just an average guy he would not be married to her.
I know very few women that want a man 30 plus years older for a romanctic relationship.
Men are so driven by illusion and fantasy.
This blog did strike a chord I live in LA and I see this all the time…men tricking themselves into believing that the hot young play toy wants them,….and not just there money.
And guess what happens everytime…
The women leave them ne when they are done using them.
So sex is sex and we need to stop the delusional thoughts and get more in touch with reality.
I am all about reality and reality is far better than delusions.
Oh, I just noticed your reply to mine..that was quick. Yeah, I just think you burst the 62 year old guy’s bubble and that’s why he reacted so strongly to you, Dave. I actually see this quite a lot, where guys that clearly look like grandfathers start flirting with the girl in her early 20s or even 18 or 19 year olds… it always seems a little creepy. I was actually at this bakery restaurant and just sitting there eating and this much older guy completely ignoring every other guy in the place and older women, decides that he just wants to be “friendly” and “social” with the only hot 25 year old in the place, completely talking past me…as I was in the way. He had a nice rap, but still… It seemed rather awkward. No matter how good your rap is it, the energy of it or look of it was off.
I’ll be honest, I never got the appeal of dating younger women. I mean, I can see the appeal when you’re in your 40s. In high school and college, I’ve seen guys going after women who are several years younger than them. Why do upperclassmen go after freshmen? Why would a high school grad date a girl still in high school? Maybe they’re immature. Maybe they’re insecure. Maybe both. When you’re young, even just a couple years difference can put people in drastically different life stages.
I don’t think it was intentional, but I’ve ended up dating mostly women who were older by a couple years in the past. Even the two phone numbers I got last week were from girls who were a year older. What’s confusing me is that I also met a girl who think I might really, really like, but who is two years younger. Everything about her makes me want to get to know her better, but I’ve been so conditioned to think younger is weird, it’s causing me to hesitate.
Collin, the answer is simple: Looks
Just because the guy’s age change, his tastes, at least looks-wise, stays the same…. So, you pretty much have 20 yr old, 30 yr old, 40 yr old, 50 year old and 60 year old guys all lusting after that same demographic of the young hottie in her 20s…. It’s a vicious cycle.
Collin, This post is not meant for men that I would say, are under 40. If you are in your teens, twenties, or even thrities, dating a woman a few years (5 or less) younger is not what we are talking about here. That is a different subject, with differing reasons. We are talking about men in David’s age range (48, I believe) and older. If you are twenty five, dating a 20 year old girl, your maturity, and life experience, level is generally about the same. I have noticed that most of David’s blog followers are very young (16 to 25), but, David’s posts are written from his age, and experience perspective, which do not apply to some of the younger folks lives. We are talking about men who are in “mid life crisis” mode or just want to feel young and “alive” again, by being with a MUCH younger woman. Most older men want a woman younger than themselves, to feel validated, successful, and admired by other men, which he suggests is okay to a limit. David suggests that men in their 40′s and up, can date a woman 10, to say 15 years younger, with no scrutiny, because their life experiences, and maturity level are about the same. I don’t know about that… I am around 50, and my wife, of 13 years, was 14 years younger than me. I did get some nasty looks (mostly by women in their 40′s), and whipering contempt from others. Anytime you get over a 7 to 10 year age difference, either sex, you will get some questioning of why that relationship is together. Most assume it is for money and security of the younger partner. Even David admits that his new wife is 13 year younger than him. Is this purely by chance, as he suggests? I would say it is a deeper, subconcious, choice, he made in looking for a wife, to make him feel younger and validated. I would even challenge him, by asking what percentage of much younger women (7 years or more) has he gone out with, since he reached 40. I bet is is very few. If an older man is successful, works out, stays trim and fit, keeps himself groomed, well clothed, and looking young, he wants a young woman next to his side to compliment him. It is only natural. So, I guess the questions is, where do you draw the line, on how young, is too young? We all have our own beliefs, and opinions on this, and I don’t think anyone is wrong, or should be mocked, and critisized, if it works for them.
Bob, while I know the blog was written mainly for older men, smaller differences in age mean a whole lot more when you’re younger. A 40 year old woman and a 55 year old man have way more in common than a 24 year old young professional and a 17 year old high school junior. While the numbers are much smaller, they are in drastically different life stages. The same principles from this blog can be applied.