Sometimes I like to write my blogs as I walk Daphne on the beach in the morning. As it’s Monday, I always get up really early because my lovely girlfriend teaches class and I have to make her breakfast (no comments please!).
So since I was up early, I went out to take a nice peaceful walk on the beach. My peaceful walk this morning was ruined, however, by the man with the leaf blower. Yes, there was a man with a leaf blower who was blowing sand off my neighbor’s property.
If you think about it, shouldn’t the beach really be one of the places in the world where you’re sure to be able to avoid leaf blowers? I mean it’s the beach and it’s always windy. So even if you blow the sand off of something, it’s only going to blow back on it a little while later.
For some reason, though, Los Angeles seems to have men with leaf blowers everywhere you go (seeming to many times be blowing nothing at all). You can’t avoid them. I’m going to petition Arnold in the Governor’s mansion to change the state flag to have a man with a leaf blower on it.
Why in the world do you need to have someone blowing sand when you live on the beach? Yeah, that’s what I want to do with my money – spend $10.00 an hour having someone blow sand around the beach that the wind is just going to blow right back where it was. Well, I guess that proves that the power of the wind is more powerful than the power of the man with the leaf blower.
This is also a big week for me. No its not Shark Week on The Discovery Channel . . . but it’s “Mommy Week” here in the Wygant household. You see, my girlfriend’s mother is coming to visit for a couple weeks.
I know some of you are getting flashes from King Of The Hill, Everybody Loves Raymond, The Simpsons, All In The Family and The Jeffersons. Didn’t Weezie’s mother-in-law hate her guts? Anyway, this is the start of “Mommy Week” for me.
Now it was going to be the beginning of “Mommy Bootcamp” (as my right hand “man” Kristen coined it), because my Mom was also supposed to be visiting this week. Why not, right? Might as well have all the mommies here at once. My Mom got a bad back, though, and decided that flying would make it even worse.
So starting Wednesday we won’t have Shark Week, we’ll have Mommy Week. I’ve already met my girlfriend’s mom and had a great time with her. It looks like I’m going to have a new assistant for the next couple weeks, though, so if I start sounding like a southern woman you’ll know why!
On a more pertinent note and a topic that I really think fits my train of thinking today.
Has anyone ever said to you (or have you said to yourself), “You’re so uptight, what’s with that stick in your ass”?
Here’s the thing that most people need to learn: go with the flow. I’m not talking about your woman’s menstrual cycle, or the flow that comes when your stomach is upset – I’m talking about going with the flow in life.
Sometimes you’re in a conversation with someone and you’re really wanting to get your point across, and then the conversation changes direction. You need to learn to just go with the flow!
If you’re in a cheese shop, talking about cheese, and you really want to talk about this great recipe you have – and then all of a sudden someone barges into the conversation and changes the direction of it, go with the flow! You don’t want to stand there and think, “Damn, somehow I have to get that recipe out!”
Go with the flow of the conversation. Women will look at you and see that you are flexible and can make changes in an instant.
If you think about it, life is really about going with the flow. If any of you readers have children, you KNOW that life is about going with the flow. One second your kid is sitting there calmly and the next he’s running around in circles like a maniac.
You have to be able to go with the flow and react accordingly in every facet of life. Otherwise, people are going to continue to ask you if and when you’re going to remove that stick from your ass!
And during “Mommy Bootcamp” this man is going to go with the flow everyday!
David, you made my day with this blog! This is the funniest thing I’ve read in ages
I’m trying to picture you with two mothers living under your roof for two weeks …. and it would have been fun to see how Mommy Bootcamp would have run…
lol I hate the leaf blower people! I really wish someone would really invent a silent leaf blower already…
We’ll never get rid of leaf blowers…. who else is going to create “wind” for those fancy model photo shoots oterwise?!?
I have mommy boot camp in the mornings when I go to pick my daughter up to take to school then mommy kitty to the cats and feeding them. Then I have to play mommy day to a register. Well might as well say that has become my new husband for I am married to it. Hey Dave have fun with mommies this week maybe they can teach you something as well who knows lol…
Speaking of leave blowers I can not stand a weedeater especially those you pull the cord to get it to start you pull and pull some more then all of a sudden you are so tired from the stupid thing that you want to relax with a beer in hand and get a remote to do the weedeating for you. When will they invite a lawn mower that has a blade attached under the belly where the blades are and when a person pushes this button the blade will stretch out far enough to cut those stupid weeds. Talk about the weed eating I have to do that for the grass is getting taller than my trailer. Ha Ha lol.
Ah yes…mommy bootcamp. I have a feeling this might be the most challenging boot camp yet! But if you DO go with the flow, you never know…you might even enjoy it
Sandra…I second that feeling of mommy bootcamp in the morning with my kids everyday!
The best revenge? A contract – pay someone else to find the guy with the leaf-blower, unplug it, then have the cord cut and leave him with a broom! Gas-powered? A little sugar in the tank should do it…or water…be creative.
Enjoy your first Mommy Week together! You will laugh your ass off in years to come when you recount the first time…for both yours and hers.
Funny everyone has a comment about the leaf blower…;-) My exboyfriend needs to learn the go with the flow skill, along with lighten the heck up, would ya? The only thing constant in life is change, we all know that. How we choose to deal with these changes, whether a life changing event or a minor redirection in the course of the day, is the best characteristic to find in a partner and to cultivate in your own character. I think a change in course is most often an interesting twist in an otherwise predictable day.
When you are faced with people who interrupts your flow like that, it more feels like a ocean wave, that too you can’t succesfully stop..if you do it will leave you either drowned or worn out, as you have tried to change it’s course a bit.let the wave take it course and then step back in..The ebb soon follows and you can stand on firm ground again.
David, Just missed out on double the Mommy Camp trouble…Just joking you would have been fine either way.
I believe that actually when things are not naturally flowing, something’s wrong. People try too much too force things to happen and take the direction they want. Nothing’s wrong with that, but it makes them live in a constant state of worry, constantly investing energy, and that way they’ll never be happy. Live with Intention, don’t be passive, but also know how to deal with things as they arise and manifest, and let life flow naturally, because everything has an hidden meaning, and everything is an opportunity for something. It’s just that maybe you’re not aware and conscious of it.
Great post David, thanks. The leaf blower man would blow away all the flag’s stars, that’s for sure lol