Meeting Your Goals
April 16, 2009 
51 Comments
What do you do when you don’t meet your goals?
Many of you are really hard on yourselves, and I want to talk to you about this today.
So you set a goal. Let’s say your goal was to lose 20 pounds by May 1st. Or your goal was to go out and meet 30 women – or date 25 people – whatever it might be.
What do you do when you don’t meet your goal? Are you kind? Are you accepting of yourself? Do you reevaluate your goals and the path that you took? Do you make the necessary changes to meet your goals?
Or are you someone that is so hard on yourself that you basically beat yourself up for a week? Do you say to yourself, I can’t do this; I wasn’t even able to meet my goal!
If you didn’t meet your goal, it means that your game plan was not right. It doesn’t mean that you should quit, and it doesn’t mean that you should stop. You don’t have to stop the journey that you are on. You just have to reevaluate the game plan – there was simply something wrong with it.
But if you are someone who will give up just because you didn’t meet your goal – you have to look deeper. Look deep within yourself, and ask yourself this question: why didn’t I meet my goal? What happened? What were the circumstances that didn’t allow me to meet that goal? And what can I do differently to attain this goal in the future?
And you need to consider that your goal might not have been realistic. If your goal was to go out on 100 dates in three months, and the most dates you’ve ever been on in a three-month period was five, you have to be more realistic.
Make yourself smaller goals that lead to a larger goal. When you set your big goal, do you have small goals in between to keep you on track?
So what do you do in that situation? Instead of beating yourself up, I want you to take a look at your goal and create a whole new plan, including little steps along the way, so you can achieve that larger goal.
Usually when I have a LARGE goal, I break it up into a series of smaller, more easily attainable goals that will result in the LARGE one getting accomlished. This way I have a feeling of accomplishment at each step…
Hey Laura,
I agree with you and I even think the main problem why people don’t reah their objectives is because they so not break down targets into small enough chunks. Then it is easy to get frustrated and beat yourself up and thus lose motivation to go on. I think by recognizing all the small things and accomplishments one can remain motivated and track progress easier!
I usually make a list of small goals that will eventually make me reach my larger goal. When I am in a lazy mood, I make a very detailed list, so that it is easy to reach a couple of small goals. This then gives me energy to start with the bigger ones.
But most important thing for me now is to examine very carefully whether my goal is really worth the effort. What will it be like, when I reach my goal? Will I be happier, healthier, richer… ?
I am very hard on myself when I don’t reach my goals, and I’ll admit that I probably pretty aggressively beat myself up when that happens … but my response to that is never to give up. I always view that situation as an indication that I simply need to work harder.
I don’t like the idea as a generality that if you’re not reaching your goals it is because your goals are too big or that you are aspiring too high. I believe we all have pretty unlimited potential and that if we want something, then we simply have to be willing to work hard enough to get it.
I set up a goal pattern say like at work we are to keep our IPH Items per hour up to 465 items well by the end of the month I would like to be at 500 IPH…But if I don’t make that goal I just try to keep up my pace until I reach that goal…
When I see someone that I want to be with I don’t get disgusted with myself because things did not work out as planned..I look at it like this there is always next time and I evaluate what I may be able to change…Maybe there was something that was said or done that person did not like but I keep on being their friend and being there for them…Sometimes in life we think things will work a certain way especially if we plan it in our mind but when we practice it in reality it will backfire somehow…Is that what a person will call daydreaming….
Chunking big goals is great. It’s really the only way things get done with me. Baby steps.
I have a tendency to get so lost in the moment that I forget the bigger picture/goal. Structure does not come naturally, I tend to not being the one who makes big plans/goals, as I have found they change in a whim and let them evolve as time passes. My only goal is really to peel the layers on nonsense I have around myself and get back to myself. Once I am there whatever happens will be fine.
Great point David! unfortunately I’ve also had the misfortune of following a game plan someone else had devised for the masses that turned out not to work for me personally. Those are the only real times I get discouraged.
Taras–that is the thing about reaching goals is that they have to be yours and something your passionate about. I find that when I try to obtain someone else’s ideas without infusing my own plan and what I want, then things either don’t get done or don’t turn out the way I want. This is like what we say about dating and relationships…it starts with YOU and what YOU want!
Laura-
i am curious what are some of your goals in terms of relationship?
David, Coaches or anyone…..or Leonard
how do you guys set small goals to get big things in life, i need some examples? I hear from you guys last post that i should Focus on connecting with women, not having lot of sex. But it gets hard to not think about sex you know.
Howepua-
Take some time to write down and think about what is it you really want to attract in your life? Have you defined your goals in life?
supposedly writing your goals down and reviewing them from time to time increases the likelihood that your goals will be reached.
Gradual improvement every day in things you want to work on is probably the best way to go!
oh no its howe again:)
Howe think about what you value in your life the most?
what makes you happy?
What you want to accomplish as a man, there is more to life than just fucking:)
Leo-i just got the MMS now, will listen to it as you recommended it earlier, what are some changes you see in yourself after listening to the MMS??????
my goals?
i want to meet more women, be more confidentt, be more happier than i am now, i think i might be addicted to sex, what can i do about it?
Howepua-
Please listen to the MMS soon, it will help you tremendously!!!!
And get deeper into your goals, break them down into smalerl goals that you can tackle daily!
hey coach—thanks i will listen to it now, I guess i need to write my goals into smaller parts.
do you guys think i will get really good with women, if i do the 1000 approaches in the next 4-5months? and then break down those approaches into smaller approaches for each month, has anyone tried that?
Howe-
dude I don’t believe in the 1000 or 100000 approaches, you shouldn’t be number counting, only pickup artist does that dude!
Just relax a bit….slow down.
whatup Jimmi long time no talk hommie!
how is the love life going, are you embracing all the small victories each day?
Help us all (-:
An Sex Addict armed with Davids MMS…David thats not fair to us girls.
Leo- what’s happening dude! yes i am dating someone now who i am extremely attracted to, and embracing all the small victories daily or the small goals! Sometime I get little nervous being around the girl I am dating now, so I spoke to coach Yakub over the phone to be more relax, clam around her, he had great things to share, and showed me what i have been doing wrong, and I feel so relieved now i don’t have to pressure myself a lot, and I don’t try too hard. I am just being completely myself!
so nice to hear from you dude!
Marina- have you ever been in your life sexually addicted, i i am curious….
That is a very funny or interesting question howe and I would like to see what Marina has to say about that:)
Leonard and Howe
Nice boys don’t ask a good girl a question like that(-:
Ok…
I give up…Not that nice..No I am not, but if I drink I tend to be a tad too friendly…Easy fix stopped drinking after some running away from scenarios with a WTF was I doing. (-:
Jimmi- I am glad that you found some help and Yakub or Jacob is fuckin awsome!
I totally agree, just relax around her, treat her like another one of your pal, don’t think too much and always have fun! That’s what helped me hugely in my social skills!
nice to hear from you too man!
Marina- i hope you dooon’t feel offended by my questions. what you desire in your dream guy to be?
Marina- what your suggestions for our friend the sex addict who now is armed with the MMS:)
Howe
Sincere and honest top top quality, absolutely no bull shit.
An attitude that he is not more than anyone else regardless of religion, money, or sexual belief.
Sarcasm is a must…
These are the top ones..then the rest is not much of an issue..Yes I will date boys wearing socks in birkenstocks if presented.
Leonard…
For a girl who does not know how to shut op…I am speachless..
I can only hope if he is an addict that listening to David will get him to be true to the girls he is with, or find girly addicts to match and join a swingers club.
And Yes we have just changed David’s blog to a chat room (-:
you are one sob leo:)
Howe
Watch out, you start hanging here and we find you not behaving with the girls..We will put peer pressure on you and put you on ignore…(-:
Marina that is a nice list of what you desire in a man, i used think that being top of everyone was being confident, but you have proved me wrong.
what you mean by you will date boys:)
Marina- i’m really start to like this blog, especially my best friend Leo:) ok leo don’t get too excited, i am kidding about the best friend, not yet, when you behave yourself:)
sure Marina i will behave and make the ladies feel amazing:)
HAHHAH howe got jokes Leo- I noticed after he bought the MMS, he already started to practice teasing people in the blog:)
god how do we all shut him up now:)
Jimmi:
Thank you for the candid compliment buddy, and I hope you continue to practice what I have told you to do, you will do great, I know it!!!
Leo- great to hear from you as well!
Howe- yes write them into smaller parts!
Marina- long time no chat, how are you doing?
Jimmy
We created a monster !!!we are all fuck’ed (-;
Howe,
I never use the terms men…just want boys at heart with intregrity..i only refer to myself as a girl and that will never change.
But i am old enough to be a Cougar (-;
Hi Yakub,
As I would put “I’m under control” really trying to convince myself here(-;
Have you worked on my clone issue(-;
Dont forget if you dø something with young highschoolers.
Always a pleasure to hear from you
Marina-
so glad to hear that you are under control:)
yes i am working on the clone issue if I find anything i will make sure you get an update asap!:)
if there is anything for highschoolers you will be the first one to know!
again great to hear back from you hun!
Ouch hun
Damn you boy, what a charmer:)
I will yakub thanks again!
Marina- we are fuckd big time, what have we done? now we gotta make sure that he doesn’t get near our families….j/k howe.
very cool Jimmi!
thanks Marina:)
Jimmy,
We are all in for it…there will be a remake of “six degrees of separations” to a” two degree of sexparations” inspired by Howe, helped by David.
Followed by an “where is Howe” book with every page plastered by his picture with everyone chiming in “where had he not been”
Ok, i will sacrifice my younger sister for this good cause…time to make money (-;
David, are you a shrink?! It sure sounds like it sometimes! This one reminds me of the movie “What About Bob.” Just remember the book… Baby Steps. Don’t stop trying, it will be worth it in the end. Now, I just have to rember that myself!
Katie
Call me a shrink in the field and i always carry a goldfish around my neck:)
I finally accomplished my goal of having a real talk with my gal friend and her pushing the boundaries with the guy that came into the picture. I was scared and tried to find the right time. But I did it. It went well, we didnt offend eachother. We got things cleared out. She told me to go for him, even though he’s not the type to get serious with. Right now I’m just seeing the options so it doesn’t hurt unless I get myself involved too much. But I’m just going with the flow. I had never been in a situation where I really needed to talk things seriously about some “drama” with friends before so I’m glad I mustered up the courage to do this. Turns out she kind of wanted to tell me some stuff but she wasn’t sure either.
Kismet,
Great you had the talk with your girlfriend, see how easily things sometimes are when you open up about what you really feel about something.