Meet Women In The Grocery Store
January 17, 2009 
29 Comments
Meeting women in grocery stores is all about making basic observations. Grocery stores are great places to meet people.
Client: So what are some openers for grocery stores?
David: It’s the same thing every single time. “You’re not very decisive…” or if she’s ordering something like a tuna sandwich, you can say, “hey, is the tuna good here? I’m curious, I’ve never had it here.”
It’s all about observations. You can’t think in terms of pre-arranged openers. It has to be based on observations.
If she’s looking at eggs, you can ask her if she knows what the difference is between free range and regular eggs. Ask her questions based on the moment.
If she’s sniffing blueberries in a very different way, you can say, “hey, let me ask you a question, is that how you figure out if they are ripe? By the smell? Because I usually just guess!”
It’s all based on the moment. A good opener is always based on what is happening in the moment. You shouldn’t go in there with six openers lined up to use.
Everything that I do and talk about is just an example of something that has already happened to me in the past. And those situations will also happen to you.
If you stay completely connected to the moment, these situations will come up repeatedly and you’ll be able to formulate your own openers. Every opener that I use is something that has worked for me so many times.
Look at percentages: there are only so many plays in the playbook. It’s like football. There are only a few hundred different plays in the playbook. In baseball, there are only a certain number of ways the ball will be thrown.
It’s all situational, and everything is broken down in situations. I go into this approach as well as 20 others in my new product. Are you tired of not knowing what to say in all situations and relying on cheesy pickup lines?
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Todays video goes even deeper into this subject. Enjoy a nice cup of hot coffee on this cold January day.
I usually hangout in the coffee shop of Whole Food near our place.
The place is nice and most of the customers are senior people. I already knew one of their cashier because we are from same country.
I want to asked you David, are white people in the US behave the same ways as the white people of Canada? It seems that you describe ladies there in your place as approachable and more liberated. Honestly I already asked most of my closest friend about the behaviour of the people here in Canada. They said that Canada is a British colony. Although a mixed culture place to live , we should expect people living here, especially white people, behave in a conservative ways-meaning old fashion ways. They are of snubbish type. I don’t really mean they discriminate us because we are non-white. It seems hard for no-white male to approach white female. Another excuse? I don’t think so.
lion– White or non-white is ridiculous. It’s as if you are implying white people are different race which they are not. “Race” does not exist with humans. There’s only one.
@lionking, I’m from Britain, another multicultural country, and live in the US now. People everywhere are only as approachable as you make them out to be. This is independant of culture, language, nationality, race, etc.
Lionking, there are cultural differences between countries and subcultures within countries. A big problem of foreign PhD students looking for jobs, for example, is they aren’t used to things like strong handshakes and making eye contact, even after living in the US for 5-6 years. It is worthwhile to OBSERVE local customs and ASK people. In general, Canada is not much different than the US, but then again, small towns are different than big cities, the south different from the north, subculturally. Those differences should not prevent you from approaching people. People often do come off as snubbish, OR, that is just your perception. Show someone that you are real and genuinely curious and they will relax after a couple questions. Remember: if you approach a stranger, that person may be shy and nervous too, or they had a bad day, or they are in a hurry, and all those things can come off as snubbish.
I like this post. I’ve never dated someone from a grocery store but it is a great place to have conversations and deal with approach anxiety. I prefer the yogurt section. It is a canned routine in the sense that I don’t like yogurt, except for a different bacterial culture only available in Iceland. So I just ask “I’m curious, which of these are good?” and then tell my Iceland yogurt story. The first time I did this, I was in the moment, and it worked great (because I had a real experience to back it up)! If a woman is looking at a spaghetti squash, I’ve asked “I’m curious, do you know how to cook one of these? I’ve always wanted to try it; it looks so interesting.” Farmers/art markets are the best though, because you can also talk to the booth owners.
lionking has a valid point, there are still stigmas concerning non white approaching white girls in some areas. Britta I too only think us as one, but that is not the case everywhere.
But the problem wether it’s true or not once Lionking has allowed this way of thinking he has created negative expectations and he might not notice it but it will show.
Prolific I too are from Europa and it does not always has anything with how approachable you make them out to be. Some people just are biased regardless of color, race or just how you dress.
My question to Lionking how often is it that you experience this from your point of view 50/50.
We really can’t wear our rosy colored glasses and expect there not to be these racially difference. Having come from europe I was surprised how often I also heard men talk about women if they had been with a non white. But then again where I come from now after these years we have these stigmas with men from the middleeast.
It’s ugly and personally I think the faster we mix us all up well get over this shortsighted nonsense.
Don’t give up lionking but also take a second look if maybe there are things you might be doing wrong in you approach, just make sure you don’t end up using this as a excuse yourself.
This should be a fun one..today cheers to everyone
I find it’s very true that there are only so many things that can happen in a given situation. I also think that’s why some “lines” don’t make any sense when guys who’ve never been in that situation first learn them. I think it all comes down to actually experiencing those moments for yourself.
Everyone has beautiful points in this blog. It’s all about equality. This can apply when a man is nervous to approach a woman in the grocery store. Why should it be any different asking a gorgeous woman a man is attracted to about the tuna versus another man, child or elderly? It might help to think of that when approaching someone your interested in then you’ll be more relaxed and open.
David,
You bring back memories of a classic movie, Animal House. Lady at the grocery store is checking out a cucumber. A guy says “mine is bigger”. She stares at him. He then says “my cucumber, is bigger than the one you have there (he also had one on his hand)”
No! No tuna talk.
Every time we talk about fish around here, Sandra starts bringing up “smelly” subjects, from her side of town!
Thanks for all the comments. Guaranteed that I will not use this as an excuse. Maybe there are other ways on how to approach them.
J- Dude
I read that now lets see what can I come up with on my side of town. How about peach pie desert. Don’t let that one go over your head. Just a little humor to lighten up ur day/night oh u can find that at ur local fish market. I wonder how many guys go there?
The blog
Meeting people at the grocery store um? What happened to the meatloaf story? Where did I hear that one from. There are guys who will come up to me and ask have you found what u r looking for. Or there is a guy putting up stock and I will say having fun yet? Usually when I am out shopping it is mainly at Wal Mart or HG Hills in the town I live in.
Lionking, I used to think the same thing you did about non-white males approaching white females. Basically, I’ve found that it really doesn’t matter what race you are. I’m Asian, but I’ve dated women that are outside of my culture and within my culture. In fact in some of the bigger US cities like NYC and LA, I’ve seen a lot of multicultural couples around.
Hey has anyone seen Charlie the Tuna I have been looking for him lately just a joke to add to the blog.
I have met people from all over. Some of them are my customers and I treat them like I would like for them to treat me. Lion King if I were to meet u I would treat u with respect for u. If u are interested u can look me up on facebook.com. I am hidden behind the yahoo avitar.
Lionking – Jonsi brings up very valid points. As an American minority woman, I can tell you from years of observing non-white men trying to hit on white women, failure in this scenario is very rarely about race – even in places where bigotry runs high. It is more often about choosing a poor method to initiate contact. They make incorrect assumptions (like being in a racist society) to escape responsibility for a negative outcome. Then they go out and use the same unproductive method and get the same crappy results.
Perhaps you should refer back to David’s blog about men needing to stop being so goal-oriented – determined to get a phone number or date but rushing the process. Work on being more process-oriented and pay special attention to body language. I have seen so many men (of every race) do things that turn women (of every race) off and they have no idea that they may be killing their opportunity to succeed before they even get started.
Cultural issues are so misunderstood and, regardless of speaking the local language, there is clearly a gap in shared reference or else it would succeed. Knowing a little about how a city or country began can be revealing. In Seattle, with an early Scandinavian influence, the people can be pleasant and friendly on the surface yet still very reserved – and it’s a very liberal place. Being more reserved doesn’t make them racist. Yesterday’s paper had a front page article about how new arrivals with no previous ties there are searching for platonic friends on Craigslist because they have had trouble finding or connecting with people with similar interests. They experienced what is referred to as the “Seattle Freeze” translated as “have a nice day – somewhere else.” Ignorance of local customs can be a tremendous handicap in assimilation.
You don’t say where you’re from but I find it interesting that you like to hang out in a coffee place with mostly senior people. Is it because you are just used to it or because the cashier is from your country? Do you speak to the cashier in English or your own language? Are the close friends that you spoke with integrated into Canadian society and culture? Or are they more recent arrivals from your country or culture? Do they tend to associate only with people from their former country? Those things can sometimes be seen as a negative to many people in FORMER British colonies like Canada and the USA who have a more open and varied society compared to many other places in the world. If you don’t acculturate, you can’t assimilate and it will be very hard to connect with people from the surrounding majority society. It’s not about losing your own identity of origin but embracing the local identity and culture. I’ll bet that people around you will be happy to engage with you if you try something new. Use your differences to your advantage to begin conversations…and don’t give up!
K great great input, you are right to truly give Lionking some useful advise he really has to elaborate some more, there could be so many things here and not just race. Maybe you think yo do everything as David tells you, maybe you are friendly in the way you would approach women in your homecountry, that up is percieved as a turnoff.
Why do yo think we shipped those Scandinavians off to Seattle..But on the other hand with a little patience in Scandinavian they are very sincere. You will really not find at lot of How are you doing today, I’m fine without them really meaning it. They will be ready for an in dept talk in you really need it. Pros and cons with everything. Go for the Norwegian descendent they are always more approachable than danes and swedes outside their home country.
Go lionking and start hanging out at other Coffee house…alright
Enjoy everyone and thank the universe for people like K who takes her time to help another human being.
Sandra,
I bow to you, a real class act lady. You invite to help a stranger on Facebook.
Going back to food those balls they do resemble rotten eggs… Ok hard to beat the images that lingers in ones head after Sandras Fishy Smells stories.
I don’t know how David picks his coaches (and I think they are all stellar), but I’d like to nominate K for Coach status. She always give well thought out, insightful responses put to paper in logical, sensitive verse. Thanks, K – I look forward to your blog contributions every time.
LK – I would so welcome any conversation with anyone from a place I’ve never been – so much could be shared and learned. I had the most amazing conversation with a bank teller recently who is from Brazil, for example. Maybe it’s just me, but I love a man with an accent!
Some people just aren’t comfortable in an inter-racial relationship. They’re not necessarily racist, they just might not have the courage that it takes to be in a relationship with someone of another race. They could have pressure from their family, friends, and society as a whole, and not everyone has the courage to stand up to that pressure. I (white male) was in a long term relationship with a non-white woman. I live in SoCal and even with all the racial/cultural diversity here people still gave us second looks. We never got any negative comments, but definitely got some looks of disapproval. Initially she just wasn’t comfortable with people taking a second glance at her. This is something that has never bothered me so I had to lead the way and she eventually got comfortable with it and tuned the second glances out.
So basically if you don’t want race to be an issue, don’t make it one yourself. You can’t control the way others feel so don’t even worry about it. Don’t read anything into it such as calling people snobbish, there are a huge number of reasons that they react the way they do and snobbishness is the least likely of them.
Hey, everybody. Happy New Year! I haven’t been on here much lately and since I have more time, I can come back and contribute. Good to see more and more people on here posting comments! What have I missed?
The grocery store is one of the best places to meet women. I personally love the fun that can come out of it when interacting with people in general. The great thing about these types of interactions is that it never happens and it’s never expected. If you are a person that is just having fun and being social, people will want to be a part of that.
There’s something about being able to make something so mundane as grocery shopping so fun and spontaneous that can make a person very attractive.
David is spot on here when it comes to creating conversations through observations. There are so many elements in a grocery store that you can really say anything. It’s such a casual and low-pressure environment that you can create fun conversation with ease. Just takes practice and a little bit of putting yourself out there.
But I’m sure you’ve heard it before. “80% of success if just showing up.”
Discussions about my inquiry is still goin on and I see more and more good answers about it. I just want to add that the lady cashier in the whole food speaks English and our own language too. One more thing is that white men to non-white( Asian) women are common here too. Afro-american to white female are common in the younger generations.
Those immigrants who grew up and studied here, equality is not a problem. Actually I have three realtives married to professional ( highly educated) white females here. My cousins grew up here.Their parents lived here for a long time but still find it hard to deal with the parents of the other parties. Lot of stress and crying in our part.
Most of my friends I asked about this issue are the same adult (educated) person like me who migrated from Asia to Canada and live and work as ordinary citizen of Canada. Some of them even work in Middle East country for a long time before they migrated here.
Our education system backhome is US standard and acceptable in the US .Here you need to upgrade your education under the British Standard. Maybe this where we based our wrong perception about white female to a non white male. I hope I made the situation clear.
Yesterday I found these books “HOw to be Canadian(Men)” and “Racism” . The first book explains the habbits of the Canadian men in a humurous situation while the other book tackles origins, history and differences among different nationalities. It will somehow enlightened me about the said issue.
lionking
It depends on what type of woman u r looking for. As far as race that should not be the issue just follow ur heart in this. Are u more comfortable with a white female or Canadian female? If u r attracted to the girl at Whole Foods then maybe u should ask her out. Who knows what may happen from there. You wont know until u give it a whirl.
lionking:
It will really help if you give us your ethnic background. If you already did and I missed it, sorry!
Sandra said:
>>>>>>Are u more comfortable with a white female or Canadian female?
DantheOriginal says…..again: WTF!
Personally, I LOVE Asian women. I think one day I will retire in Thailand…but with the stock market going south I may just only be able to afford a trailer in Tennessee:-)
I am sorry to say that the lady cashier in whole food is already married and with children. They came here in 2000 and I considered her as one of us.
Dan The Original
I thought u were stuck in friend/boyfriend so u finally caught up with us. Last time I read something about u. U were saying something about a movie u saw. I would rather stick with my brand white males. It happens to be one of my family traditions.
lionking
I understand but u can remain her friend though.
Marina – FYI – did you know that they actually celebrate Norwegian Independence Day in Seattle complete with a neighborhood parade and a lutefisk-eating contest? Well, at least out in Ballard which is the Scandinavian part of the city. Remember David’s video in a Ballard clothing store? The state liquor store in Ballard does the biggest business of all of the stores in the state. The theory is that the Ballard fishermen are the reason. Ya, sure, you betcha’…uff da!
DanTheOriginal – remember that Thailand has more semi-transgendered women than anywhere so be careful of what you ask for – you might get a big surprise when you journey south for a little fun.
Elle – not coach material, still the student, still learning or should I say un-learning bad habits. But I am having a lot of fun field-testing things from others’ blog entries! In Da Vinci’s 87th year he was quoted as saying “Ancora Imparo” (I am still learning). That what I want to keep doing.
I’m tellin’ ya, K – very insightful, and witty to boot! Sounds coach-y to me!
The real trick to inter-cultural dating is really to gap the bridge between the 2 cultures.
To be honest with you, I’ve only dated non-Asian women… and yet I’m obviously Asian.
I think parts of the reason why I do that is because I was raised in Europe… so my demeanor is a lot more European than it is Asian.
My point is simple… if you want to date someone from a specific culture… bridge the gap! Help them understand you by giving them the opportunity to see what your culture is about… and vice versa.
Most of the time, people from different cultures who don’t date each other is just… ignorance. They don’t know… so they don’t understand.