Meet Women at Gyms
December 10, 2008 
19 Comments
This is a recent conversation from my Los Angeles Bootcamp.
David: Everything in life is about stating the obvious.
Once again, I believe that men tend to over think, and they are always trying to think for themselves – this is a continual theme that I want to go through. Men spend so much time trying to be so clever – trying to find the ultimate opener – and if you ask women what they really want, they want you to just walk over and talk to them based on the obvious method.
I think a lot of guys just refuse to talk about things that are obvious because they feel that it is not “special” enough. But the most obvious things are the things that women find special. If you walk over to a woman and remark about something obvious, this is something that she’s already thinking about and you’re not breaking her train of thought.
It’s a problem that most guys walk over to women with made-up routines or some clever opener that totally breaks her train of thought. If you break her train of thought, you’ve ruined that moment inside her head.
So, in the gym, if you’re stressed out because you’re thinking, oh god, what should I say, what should I say? It’s really easy! Don’t walk over there as Mr. Fix It – “hey, I can show you a better way to do that exercise,” because then you’ll come off as the gym asshole.
Instead, walk over and say, “hey, can I work in? You look like you might need a break right now.” Just do it with a smile. And then you can just start talking to her. You could ask, “hey, how long have you been working out here? I haven’t seen you before.” Just be open and friendly.
By just being open and friendly at the gym you can find out how long she’s worked out there, you can find out what days she comes to workout… do you see where I’m getting at with this?
So talk to her a minute, get to know her a bit, and then you use the power of the walk away. Now you’ve gathered information correctly. In your mind, you know what days she goes to work out. You know that you will see her again.
So just walk away, saying, “hey, have a great workout!” Then you become the guy that was confident enough not to hover; you weren’t looking to close her right away. You’re just building a relationship and allowing her to go back to her friends and say, “I was in the gym today and I met the nicest guy…”
Client: What if she’s not struggling at all? What if she’s having a great workout, and she has her iPod headphones on?
David: I would do it like this: I would make a motion with my hands for her to take her headphones off, and then say, “I’ve got to ask you something. You look like you’re having an amazing workout. What are you listening to?”
So she answers, “oh, I’m listening to the new Death Cab for Cutie album.” You respond, “oh my god, I love Death Cab. Which track are you on? Which song is motivating you?”
Client: And what if you haven’t heard of them?
David: Then you say, “oh man, I’ve never heard of them. What type of music do they play?” Have some enthusiasm.
And then make sure that you don’t become the lingering, annoying guy – so many men are. If you know she’s having a great workout, you can acknowledge that she’s having a great workout and you walk away, saying, “hey, thanks for the music tip and have a great workout.”
And then the next time you see her, you can say, “hey, Death Cab for Cutie girl, what’s going on?”
while i don’t go to the gym.
i definitely enjoy chatting girls up on the line up while surfing : )
Nice post on meeting women in the gym. Its so easy, even Caveman can do it:) ok….I don’t know where I got that from.
anyway…
Giving women cute nicknames based on what you observed or know about her works like magic everytime, and it’s a great way to bond with women. Cute names are fun, and it makes you seem like a friend she has known for awhile.
ciao
mmm i’m pretty much agreed in what you’ve said david, but didn’t you say that we should be creative instead too obvious?
David
YOu have to learn how to do both.
No black and white in life ever,
Oddly enough I don’t think I’ve ever been too social at the gym. To me it’s a place I come to work and everything else can wait until I’ve finished.
And it works with men too!!!… David, I love your blog Wish I’d found you long ago!! I joined a dating service a year ago and I did find someone very special and we have been dating for 7 months now. However though I wouldn’t have needed the dating service if I’d found your blog first. You’ve even helped me make more friends and just meet people and I feel like I have the self confidence to do it.
Great comments guys just be yourself. Guys walk up to me sometimes just talking about off the wall stuff. Maybe one day I will let you in on some stories. I don’t mind I will just smile and talk to you.
the hottest girls are always on the treadmill not running hard or at all, but more so just strutting their stuff..how would you handle that?
Whatever turns u man.
i meant to whatever turns you on man
Sandra: I like the way you think!
I laugh whenever I see it, I just get stuck on how I should handle the situation. Plus, it probably isn’t proper gym ettiquette approaching a “jogging” girl ha
Yeah guys, please don’t try to chat me up while I’m running on the treadmill. Sweaty, breathless and sorry, stinky, doesn’t allow me to give you my focused attention.
How to approach a treadmill hottie:
If the treadmill right next to her is available, just go get on that. When you’re about get on that…make eye-contact with her. Say “hi, how is the workout going:) .”
1. As always keep in mind to: Observe.
2. In lot of gym, right front of the treadmill, they have tv running. Observe what she watching make a comment on it. Go deeper.
3. If she is listing to some music, you can look at her, and say what you listing to you, it seems like its very motivating.
Some women in the gym are in a coma, so leave those alone, when they don’t respond to you.
Like David says, keep a little distance at first.
Have fun Gentleman.
Thank u Jim
Here is something powerful to keep in mind. You should be fishing. Not hunting!!! Get on the tread mill next to her and just playfully say ” wanna race?”. Say it as if you don’t even really care if she responds. You put your bait out for her and basicaly forget about her. This gets her guard down because your not pursuing her and also intrigues her. She thinks, does he like me or not? If she bites the bait you give her a little more. A LITTLE more. Still fishing remember?
another way to approach women at gyms is taking advantage of Steve Jobs’ marvel…the iPod. You can go to her, take your iPod tocuh and say: hey, while we are in the bikes, why don’t we play tic-tac-toe? or…( I tried this once and it worked, though not in the gym)…change iPods to listen to each other’s music
even if you are not interested in her music the point is to brake the ice.
before I go I have something for all of you. I was watching the movie “Big Daddy” the other day…very bad movie but it has sth interesting. The best part of the movie is one sentence. Watch the movie, very carefully and u’ll listen to a sentence that will make you jump off your chair and go out to meet people. If you can’t figure it out I’ll let you know in a couple of days.
If a womans plugged into an ipod to me she’s telling everyone in her presence that she’s not interested in being sociable. How am I supposed to get past her having to stop whatevers she’s doing, take the ipod out of her ears, and have to say “what?”
Lee,
Before you can talk to anyone, get her attention. Get your presence acknowledged. By just waving at her, smiling at her and being next to her, she’ll know you are trying to say something.
She’ll actually be wondering what you have to say and from there, say what you have to say. If you are bothering her, she’ll tell you.
Don’t be afraid of engaging people.
@David: You can be obvious in the things you point out but you want to avoid cliches. Cliches are killers usually when it comes to conversation. It says you are unoriginal.