I’ve said this a lot, and I’m going to say it again and again and again: life is not a sprint.
Life is a marathon – and you are only racing against yourself. You don’t have any other competitors.
Your marathon starts the day you were born. You are in the middle of an unbelievable marathon. We all are.
When you evaluate or judge yourself everyday for doing something wrong – man, I can’t believe that I wasn’t able to talk to that woman; I’m such an idiot! What’s wrong with me? – This is just one person; just one encounter. It doesn’t make a difference.
This is a marathon. That woman that you beat yourself up about at that moment – you will never remember her in the long run! Never. The minute you meet someone new, you’ll forget she even existed.
Think for a second about the last woman that you beat yourself up about because you weren’t able to approach her. Man, I wasn’t able to talk to that woman on the street, damn! – And then you spent an hour just thinking about her.
During that time you spent beating yourself up, you missed six opportunities to talk to someone else!
If something doesn’t work out for you, immediately realize that you’re in the middle of a marathon. What does a marathon runner do? They take one step at a time. In the Olympics, the marathon runners take one step at a time. And by the time they take that next step, their last one is already erased.
Swimmers take another stroke, and by then their previous stroke is already forgotten. Everything works like this.
You can’t slow down. You have to see your life as a marathon. You can’t let a little bump in the road – some woman who didn’t respond to you – get you down for even a split-second.
If you do let that affect you, you’re basically resting at a pit stop that you don’t belong at. You have to keep moving.
You will never remember that person anyway. I don’t remember any of the people that I supposedly obsessed about. This is something that you need to think about and put into perspective.
The next time you think you’ve been rejected or blown off, put this into perspective: this person means nothing in the history of your life. This person will not be remembered in your personal history. There will be no stories about it.
So you saw a woman in Whole Foods and she didn’t talk to you? So what! When you’re an old man you’re going to be talking about the great things that happened in your life – not “well, 30 years ago I was at Whole Foods Market on West Lake and Denny in Seattle and I had approach anxiety and I wasn’t able to talk to this woman. And to this day, I still can’t get over her.”
You don’t even know her name! You don’t even know what she’s all about! You probably can’t even remember what she looks like.
So every time a woman gets you down – when you think to yourself, man, I just can’t believe I got blown off by that dream girl – you have to think to yourself that in the history of your life, you won’t even remember her.
The quicker that you learn that life is a marathon, the quicker you realize you can keep moving forward. That’s how you work your life
Ya, I understand the message of this blog, but sometimes it is hard to implement. It really takes practice not to be so focused on the moment by moment playcalls of life.
But I notice that if I ignore the second by second ego thoughts, they lose their strength and I become less identified by them.
I agree with you Rich. In fact I’m in that same situation right now and although I know what I need to do, i.e. move on, it is hard to do it becuase It’s like at the same time I think: man, I can’t give up, I gotta keep trying with this girl.
Of all the time we spend moaning over what could have been, think of the time that was lost. David’s perspective should not only be for the dating scene, but just everyday life. Things happen every day and our negative thoughts, when we have them, have an effect on our bodies and our minds. We choose what we think. I used to think there was just one man, one man only meant for me. But now that I’m older, hopefully wiser, I know there are many men who could make me happy in life. The more chances you take, the more chances you have to meet those people….
I couldn’t agree more! Personally, I think this all goes back to not identifying with the ego as Rich seems to have been suggesting. When you stop caring about what others think of you, then it gets much easier not to react to the negative feedback if it happens to fall your way.
I totally agree with you, Lily. I think that is how we, as women and maybe even men, are conditioned to think!
I have been applying this principle though that when one guy blows me off or whatever, I call up another one or try to meet another guy or more friends to hang out with. The constant flow of energy from different people in my life keeps it fun and fresh and entertaining too!
The connections that I am having with people are so much fun now. I let go of what people think and if they lose contact with me and consider it their loss!
I am loyal to my friends and fun and have a lot to offer to someone who will want to spend the time with me and me with them! You can always make a list of your positive traits to remember in this occasion too and say “I have a lot to offer to the right person!”
great post. I totally agree with you that in the larger scheme of things, one girl doesnt mean that much…there are many more in the sea. However, i also agree with Rich when he says that its hard to implement. Im kinda in the same situation now. There’s this girl who initially showed signals of interest in me and I started reciprocating that. But once i started doing that, she shyed away from my texts and calls. Normally I would just move on, but whenever we talk in person, afterwards when we’re going our separate directions, i glance back and numerous times shes looking back and smiling. I feel like Ive put myself out there and shes playin wit me or shes just not interested. I want to move on but i don’t want to do so with the possibility that she may be into me after all. Maybe I should just be forward and ask her out and see how she responds.
Lily and Gaby -
Good points. This is a life lesson to be learned. The best part about time is that it never stops. In the grand scheme of life, these are all just little blips on the timeline. Some blips will stand out more than such but overall, most things in life can be compared to cookie crumbs on the radar. Just wipe them away.
Will, you are at a fork. You pretty much answered the question for yourself. Whenever you just need to bring closure to a situation, the best solution is to take action. Never doing so will keep it open, making you think and ponder over it obsessively. That’s actually another good perspective as well.
If you are hanging over something to the point where it is really hindering you from moving on, make a decision and take action. Like David said, it’s a marathon. Just keep moving and learn. It’s all we have.
If life is a marathon… who’s gonna be my water boy/girl on the side of the road when I get thirsty? ;p
And for Will, what are you waiting for? Step up to the plate and ask her out already!
>>>>>>>>>>>Maybe I should just be forward and ask her out and see how she responds.
Will: You are forbidden to post here until you ask her out!!!!!!!
Again like I said at BC, one of the most important things I’ve learned from you.
It’s cool making lists of life goals, but I’ve learnt to just let go once in a while.
Good for you Gabrielle! You have the right attitude in life.