Love Me or Hate Me
November 22, 2008 
17 Comments
We were just driving around yesterday in LA on another Santa Ana day. I don’t know about you all, but there is just something I hate about feeling 80-degree hot winds in the middle of November! I’m more into the 60-degree winds.
But this blog is not about the weather. Though I have to say that when I was a kid I really did want to grow up to be the weatherman. I thought it would be awesome to just stand there, have a cute little woman take the sun cutout and turn it in circles for me. I’d have my own Vanna White of the weather world! But that’s just a fantasy of mine, and it’s none of your business…
So let’s keep going. There is something that Howard Stern once said that I think you all need to listen to and deeply consider. Howard Stern was being interviewed somewhere, and the interviewer asked him, “Howard, how do you feel about all of these people hating you?”
Here is what Howard Stern basically said: “you know what? I don’t care if people hate me. I don’t really care if people love me. I just want to be able to create an emotion in them.”
Think about that quote for a second.
If every single person in your life describes you as being “such a nice guy,” here is what they are really saying: you are boring! You just fit in. You don’t stand out, and you certainly don’t create an emotion in them.
You want people to either love you or hate you.
Hate might seem like a very strong word; let’s go deeper into it. It is better to have someone disagree with you, and for you to create an emotion in him or her, than for you to just go through life as the invisible man.
Many people go through life as either the invisible man or invisible woman. Being invisible means that people just don’t really remember you all that much. Some of you dress very conservatively, and some of you dress so that you won’t stand out. It’s no wonder that nobody really remembers you!
When you walk in somewhere, you talk to people in a mellow voice, and you’re so afraid to challenge anyone that no one remembers you as soon as you walk out the door.
How many times have you walked into the same clothing store or bagel place and the guy behind the counter acts like he’s never seen you before? Like this is the very first time you’ve ever ordered coffee from him?
Why is this? Because you haven’t created an emotion in him. If you don’t create an emotion for someone – whether it is positive or negative – no one will ever remember you, and they certainly won’t want to date you. You will continue to go through life as the invisible man. Is that what you want?
Instead of monitoring your thoughts and getting caught inside your head all of the time, start challenging people! Stop playing it so safe. Playing it safe will never get you what you want.
The problem with playing it safe is that you will always have people look at you and say, “wow, he’s really nice, but I don’t know anything about him!”
Client: How do you start challenging people? What can you do to challenge people?
David: There are a few different things you can do to start challenging people and creating that emotion.
Let’s say that you’re in Starbucks, and there is a woman standing next to you in line. You take the time to mellow out and calm yourself, and then when you look at her, you notice that she has an indecisive look on her face. Remember, we can all read emotions; we just may not give ourselves permission to do so.
So you can look at her and say, “you look like you’re indecisive. You don’t know what you want to order?” She’ll respond, “god, I have no idea.”
What most guys will do at this point is just back down. They might say something stupid like, “oh, you should get a latte,” and offer suggestions, but they don’t take it further.
What you can do is say to her, “alright, tell me. What do you like, and what don’t you like, Ms. Indecisive?”
Challenge her. Have fun with it. That is what you really want to say to her, because you’re curious about her. You want to know why she’s indecisive right now, and you want to know what she’s all about.
By doing this, you’ll be able to challenge her in a different way. You will be able to take the conversation from small talk to real talk much easier.
A lot of guys will get freaked out and go back to that initial moment, asking her again, “well what kind of coffee do you like?” They have opened her successfully, but then they don’t know how to take the conversation further.
By challenging her, you’re going to take the conversation further as you take her away from the original topic. It won’t just be small, boring talk.
Start creating emotions in people and you will start being memorable!
Creating emotions in women and challanging women emotions. Write more on the subect! absulutely a superb blog today!
This is yet again a great blog. I was thinking and writing about this very thing earlier. If you affect people’s lives in some way, hopefully a positive one, then they will remember you and want to engage you. Props DW!
Sanchez
Playin it safe really doesn’t get you anywhere in life! A close friend of mine recently told me what she learned from a book titled “The road less traveled”, and she said that life is suffering. When I think about it, it really is. Life is a constant struggle, so it makes one want to shy away from potential things that can hurt us. Ultimately though one must realize that to gain what we truly want, there is risks involved. Howard Stern’s quote is interesting. I’d recommend that people try that in their lives, evoke emotions in others around them. Main thing though is whether people love or hate you, just make sure in the end they respect you!
Good post David and great comment Just Adjust It. I, too, recommend people trying to evoke emotion from others. You’ll be remembered either way. Don’t care if people hate you. Those are the people that are ignorant of who you are and you don’t want to be around that anyway. Right?
Correct Infinity, to be the best that you can be means exposing oneself to the world and risk vulnerability. You wont be able to please everyone.
Great post! Too many people resort to their introversion to protect themselves, and they never put themselves out there. By being self-conscious about your image, you become less attractive. I find myself falling into this trap walking down the street — it’s so hard to stop someone. It always seems like people pretend to be distracted by their surroundings if they’re walking down a long hallway or street facing a stranger. Some can’t even say “Hi, how’s your day going?” I’m still wondering, though, why eye contact almost always diverts.
I suppose, based on this post, that the emotion they are experiencing is nervousness. I feel like saying, “Don’t worry, I’m not a mass murderer!”
Stirring emotions is the essence of any pick-up in my opinion. Very important stuff!
Hey I like this, yes I am being hated more than loved though. I work from home and have become a bit unsocial, so sometimes people bother me. If a guy asked me “What do you like, and what don’t you like, Ms. Indecisive?” I would be like WTF? well, if I was attracted to the person asking me that question maybe not!! ultimately it all comes down to the basics
My favorite question at a vending machines when the person in front of me has not yet made their choice is to ask “Sugar or salt?” It works like a champ – even in airports and other very public places full of strangers. If I’m the one at the machine first, I may ask the person behind me and they nearly always reply. If you’re not outgoing, it’s one of the easiest things to do to warm up for a round of this game. A lot of women won’t initiate but we usually respond – FYI.
Great blog today! I always thought it has to be ONLY positive emotions… I guess I was wrong…
Dealing with a lady co worker of different culture is also a challenging situation. Sometimes our job become so boring and you need to do something that will prevent you from falling asleep during work hours.
I found from this newly hired employee that sometimes she, herself is so bored of what we are doing in our work. She’s cute but looks like a little bit edgy at first impression. I knew she’s married but it still a great challenge for me to approach her. It takes sometime before we really feel comfortable talking to each other.
One funny idea which I think we become good acquaintace to each other was when I asked her to play the Letters of the Alphabet as our time killing during work hours. Our first game was to give Name of Fruits that will start from Letter A-Z. Threre were times that I made her laugh when I used the letter “C” for all the canned fruits I knew and so on and so forth.
The next time we felt bored about our work she will asked me to play the same game I made which I think made our days cool and funny.
This blog goes hand in hand with the “waking people up” from their everyday lives…you have to wake them up to you by stirring some emotion in them. I do this all the time in the elevator and after I initiate a conversation, I actually see people (both men and women–because as my good friend DW says-talk to everyone) “wake up”. It might be the widening of their eyes, or a spontaneous smile or a shrug of their shoulders, but prior to me speaking they were slumped over, leaned against the wall and staring at the numbers light up!
It takes so much energy from me to ‘wake people up from their daily life”, then later I ask myself, “Is it worse it?” I always wonder, is it me, or other people feel the same way?
David I have only just discovered you from the Rory Raye Toxic Men CDs I live in Melbourne Australia and Just wanted to say you make me laugh in a good way, you are like a breath of fresh air – because your not afraid of saying what you think, Howard stern also pushed passed his fears to expose himself… to the world for better or worse, there is great freedom in not caring what others think about you…
As a woman, I do appreciate when a man evokes an emotion but do hate it when they can’t go the rest of the way. I knew a man once who did all the right things, almost text book and really held my interest for months. But then, I learned he was not available to me emotionally. It was disappointing to say the least, heart-breaking to say the worst. Whatever you do, do it with sincerity and it will matter. Do it as manipulation and I really feel it will blow up in your face. This goes both ways…with men and women.
Loves these blogs
They say nice guys finish last. I never have to sweat that! In fact, lately I’ve been thinking that I should change who I am. I’ve been told I’m weird, different, fun, crazy, irritating, funny, ridiculous, stupid, brilliant, an orphan, jerk, naive, offensive, goofy, playful, affectionate, abrasive, the list goes on…… There are almost always two types of responses to someones retorts, if I even bother to respond at all. If it’s positive, I always say, “Why yes I am and it’s awesome of you to notice”, and if it’s negative I say – “You’ll get used to it.” Both are very honest statements. Women love it and hate it at the same time. If a woman gets out of control of her emotions I remind her that one person should not have so much power of her emotions. She’ll either try to kill you or chill out. Women either love me or they hate me almost immediately. That’s just the way I roll. I’m like this because I abhor that dead feeling I get when no one connects with me.