Those who blame themselves for everything haven’t figured out that the world does not revolve around them. They take the problems of the world on their shoulders as their fault. They are easier to treat once they understand that shit happens and that they can choose how they respond to the things that happen in their lives and the world at large. It certainly doesn’t make everything their fault. They just need a reality check or change in perspective for other possible ways to view their world and make changes.

Those who blame everything on everyone else are unable to accept responsibility for their actions and to make changes that will improve their lives or luck or whatever you call it. They take much longer to treat because nothing is ever their fault or responsibility. It’s always the fault of someone else, fate, karma, or a conspiracy to screw you personally, etc. Hate to sound like Dr. Phil but you can’t change what you don’t own.

Which one are you? Change your perspective and change your world. Suddenly, you may be open enough to experience what David and others here are describing. The world stops and suddenly becomes focused and quiet. You catch your breath for a moment when you realize that someone gets you in a way that you thought was not possible because you were sure that who you are deep inside was some big mystery – even to you. You never saw the connection coming – you’re just suddenly there and you don’t remember the journey. You want that feeling to continue…which it does, and you don’t understand that either. It gives you an inner warmth that buoys you against yet another tough day at work, a rude customer, a long commute, or an irritable boss. Just thinking about a moment with that person will soothe and calm you. It also rewards you in ways that allow you to be more of who you want to be and who you want the world to see when they look at you. Others will notice it in you before you do. And you know what the reason is…you allowed yourself to be open to the experience and it happened without you seeking it by name. You get back what you put out – make it something worthwhile for everyone.

Lost in time…

It’s the ultimate thing we crave and the one thing that scares us to death.
Maybe that’s because… what remains once we have that ultimate thing? What if that joy fades like it does for everything else we acquire?

Still, deep inside, we don’t truly believe that, do we?

A friend once said to me: “The ‘in love’ feeling wears off eventually.”
I have NEVER believed that.
I will prove the opposite or die in the process.

David – I wanted to say thanks so much for posting such a profound and thoughtful blog. Reading it just affirms for me that no, I’m not crazy or imagining things. This really does happen! It was exactly what I needed to see and hear – both from you and all the other wonderful people who’ve experienced such a deep thing. I’ve never been to your site before and just happened on it by chance tonight, but it resonated with me and I had to share. Thanks again and keep up the good work!

David and I always advise clients to give new people you date a clean slate. It’s hard of you to expect the new person to live up to someone else’s past with you and when you keep on doing the compare and contrast, you’ll never give the new person a real shot at sweeping your feet away.

Each person is different. It’s OK to have preferences based on your old relationships… but be open minded. Allow the new person to be who they are. Only when you look at the new person with non-judgment can you learn to truly appreciate them.

I had one of those “lost in time” relationships. It lasted nearly two years and ended about 4 years ago. For me, no one else compares! I go on dates–I really do put myself out there. I volunteer, audition for plays, even joined a volleyball league this year. I’m not waiting for something else to happen in my life. I live in one of the top 10 single cities in the US, so I know there are other men out there. I’m really available right now.

But honestly, when a first date isn’t even as good as the last date with my “lost in time” man, I am not going to give him another chance. It’s exhausting to work that hard for a mediocre relationship. Maybe I’m too picky. And maybe I really am meant to be single. But I’m not settling for a ho-hum relationship that doesn’t curl my toes or steal my time or take my breath away.

Interesting post, I must say.

If you think you’re going to get a reaction out of me, you’re not.

What I feel for, is I feel sorry for you. I looked at your post, I read it, and I even allowed it on the blog because I’ve got nothing to hide and the fact is, is that in a year and a half of doing a blog you’re the first person that’s ever written something like this.

I feel bad for you. You’re like an angry little boy, and your life definitely sounds non-satisfactory.

I’ve seen guys like you before; guys that are angry at the world, angry at everybody, pointing the finger at everybody else for all the bad things that happened in their life.

You can’t get a women, you don’t have a good job, whatever it might be, because you play the role of being a victim, and victim’s usually look at people who are stronger than them with jealousy and anger

The fact is, is that everybody can create the life that they want and nobody should waste time spewing negative energy at another person.

You see, if you waste time spewing negative energy on other people, you’re going to bring negative into your life and you’re a negative person. How do I know this? Because I’ve seen guys like you and my mother was like this growing up.

She was a negative person which in turn really was one of my best lessons teaching me how to be a positive person.

Spend more time actually seeing the good in people. Because if you have nothing good to say you shouldn’t really say it, because every time you attack somebody you’re basically spewing that energy out into the universe.

What happens is, is exactly what you’re going to get back in your life. So, your life will continually be the victim and create an unsatisfactory life that it appears to be,

this is too deep for you. As the blog seems to have been too deep for you, you probably won’t even understand what I just said to you, and it’s all right, because you’re going to disappear into whatever hole you came from.

The blog that was written, you didn’t get it and understand it, because what it seems like to me is that you really don’t understand the depth of human relationships and calling it a high school type of crush only tells me of the last time you felt something for somebody was high school and you were innocent and not so bitter.

Or, you may just be a little boy who still lives in high school. Who knows? Who cares? Too many great people out there in this world that I need to pay my attention to.