Lose Your Expectations
June 23, 2009 
29 Comments
I just got off the phone with a really cool guy who is going to be taking a Bootcamp. During our conversation, we got into the topic of expectations.
So many people have expectations about their life. They think, “If I take this job, my life is going to be so much easier” or “If I learn how to talk to women, my life is going to be so much better.”
What having expectations really means is that you’re not living in the present, because life is never what you think it’s going to be. Life is never exactly what your expectations envision.
Ask yourself these questions: Is your life exactly what you thought it was going to be? Did your career go exactly according to plan? Did your marriage go exactly according to plan? Are you making the exact amount of money you thought you’d make? Are you living in the exact type of home you thought you’d buy?
Every time we take on a new task, we take on expectations. I’ve heard guys say things like “I’m going to learn to meet women, and then meet ten women every day.” Anytime you have expectations, though, you are going to be let down. Having expectations means you are not living in the present and in the moment.
The only way to live is in the present . . . every minute and every second of every day. If you’re living in the present, life is going to come to you. When you have expectations, you are not living in the present.
The less you expect from life, the more you will receive in life. The only way to live is in the present.
If you get a new job, just go in there and kick ass every second of every day. If you want to meet women, go out there and enjoy every moment of every day.
When you have expectations, what happens is that you are putting pressure on yourself. You will not be able to concentrate on what’s happening in the moment because you are going to be comparing the actual moment with how you expected the moment to be. The problem is that expectations are almost always far greater (or at the very least different) than what’s really happening.
I know so many guys who allow their expectations to distort their perception of their day. They’ll think, “Wow, I only talked to three women today and I wanted to talk to ten.” So they are looking at their day as a failure instead of embracing what a great day it was. They look at their day as a failure because it didn’t match their expectations.
Not only can expectations negatively affect and distort how you view what’s happening around you, but they can also affect how people interact with you. When you have expectations (and thus are not present), people around you will see that you’re not present and will respond to you in a much different way than if you were completely present and in the moment when you were around them.
When you are not present, you are manifesting your own results. You will project a closed energy and not be attracting people to you like you otherwise would. You will end up missing the true energy of life.
Think about how you have seen this happen in your own life. How many times have you gotten really excited about a certain party? You have all these expectations about what the party will be like, who will be there, and what kind of experience the party will be for you.
More often than not, you don’t really have a great time at these events because of all the expectations you had. Think if you had just gone to that same party with no expectations and planned to just enjoy yourself. Think how many of those nights might have turned out differently.
How about on dates? Do you think that expectations might have played a role in the outcome of some of your dates? Think how many times you went out on your dates with high expectations, only to realize that you don’t even really like the person.
So take a look at your life and take a look at your expectations, and tell me if they’ve ever matched. The amazing thing about life is all the great little surprises that happen when you’re present in the moment.
Have a wonderful Tuesday!
what an amazing blog today, i am still pondering about it it is deep!
It is amazing that the moments i don’t plan, i seem to always have the most amazing time, and your advice for today is right on David
I got to admit sometimes its hard to plan when over the years i always tried to plan everything, how can you feel completely secure not planning?
Lance-
Don’t think about it too much, let life be spontaneous sometimes and see what comes out of it.
You will notice that it will take a lot of pressure of your head!
I agree with you Jimmi… This blog was super deep, but really resonated with me. I have been thinking about it for hours after I first read it myself.
What most hit me about this topic, was how alltogether TOO familiar some of it was (i.e., that I recognized immediately that I am guilty of this in certain ways and situations) and how some other parts of it I didn’t realize were applicable to me.
David — Love this blog!!! Thanks
Lance- I agree with what Johnnylove had to share.
Live each moment fully, deal with it as it comes!
Let chips fall where they were made, no exceptions no worries my friend!!!
Kristen- how are you doing?
Hangin’ in there Jimmi
You?
Thanks for asking! I am doing better each day, implementing what i am learning in the blog and from the products.
Sometimes all we need is to shift some of our exceptions and that is what get us closer to freedom, love your input today on the topic DW:)
CJ- are you the womens still calling you big bad jake or my favorite yak:)
Julia- very funny comment no don’t anymore i changed name LOL
I agree as well CJ- let the chips fall where they were made, love that line!
Hey guys i need help with this one can you help me!!!?????
How do i lose the expectations it seems like its kind of hard thing for me to do? I hope i don’t sound stupid or something. I am tired of looking at other people have fun in the party, i never talk to a lot of people b/c i am nervous, and a bit in my head.
what should i do?
hey guys guess who is back?
back again?
howe is back tell your friends LOL
where are the ladies Marina and Sandra today, i bet they come b/c Howe is back:)
anyway i sometimes have to work on the expections b/c i think i give off the hunter vibe in parties, i am more in control, in the past it was worse and i lost a lot of girls like that!
CJ- where have you been talk to me:)???????
howe- relax with the comments for god sake LOL
Amazing blog again, David!!
Also, your last blogs “Whom do you blame,” and “The answer lies within” were just a big aha-moment with me. I find it weird that whenever I find myself slipping and getting in my head, you put out a blog out that slaps me back into reality. Coincidence or something else
I can testify too that when I go out anywhere without any expectations of what things should be like, things ALWAYS go much better for me than when I go out expecting to do certain things, or certain events to happen. I’ve found that wishful thinking gets me nowhere and being present usually does. Weird. Haha
Thanks David! Yakub, wattup yo!!?
The best times in my life: parties, people that I’ve met, sexual encounters with women have come out of nowhere and when my expectations are down. It is so hard because I often daydream about my life and how I ideally want things to play out for me. When I do this I build so much into it that at the end it does not work that way for me. The most exciting moments in my life have been when I just went with the flow.
Hey John–thanks for your honesty and question. A lot of people share your feelings in a big gathering like a party. Instead of being jealous of the guys having all of the fun…you be the one having it. It’s like David said, try to forget about the monkey chatter in the head and live in the moment. What do you notice is happening around you? Who is in the room? What are people doing? Once you observe what is happening in the room…join it. Think of a kid playing in a playground. They don’t think for a second when they want to join someone on the monkey bars…they just do it because it looks fun. That is the spirit to carry with you in social settings. Become playful and you will attract positive energy to you…!
There are times in life that we expect things to happen and they don’t seem to turn out the way we want it too. That is what I call daydreaming hoping it will come to reality. There are people who walk around with their heads stuck in the ground and are scared to face reality. Reality is what is going on now don’t worry about what is back there (past) or what may take place in the future live for today. Deal with those things as they come about and treasure the moments that you were able to spend with these people for life is short and we can not turn back time.
I have a question and I know this is not blog related:
Has anyone ever thought of this: If you can go back into the past and know what you do today what would you change? Or would you just leave it alone?
Wow this is so weird, I just got done with the Eckhart Tolle book, “The Power of Now”, which talks about being totally conscious in the present. Then I read this blog post. Spooky.
Two words “Unconditional love”. That is what this is all about. If you lose your expectations, especially when in a great relationship. you are more likely to keep it that way!
This blog totally rings home for me. Pressure to do and be a certain way is unattractive and sets up unrealistic expectations. I think just being who you are in the fullest way every day in every way is the best approach in all aspects of life – in career, personal and spiritual. It took me a long time to realize that just being who I am is beautiful. When I try too hard, it is not natural and flowing. When I am what I am at that moment, then wonderful amazing things happen! This is so important for woman especially to realize this. Be present!
Justine
That is true but I can tell you when i comes to physical looks both from women and men there is a difference, how you are treated regardless of how much you are in the moment. I have tried both been a hot pieces of ass and not not so much. The difference it astounding, not to discourage anyone, but thats what I have seen. The only result I have seen as being on the other end of pretty scale..it that the people who treat you with respect are the ones that are real. In some ways it has been a blessing not get all the quick instant gratification from people you automatically got when you were prettier, and truly get much more in tune with the true nature of others.
Don’t get me wrong I am very comfortable in my own skin and have always been, at any point in my life…well a couple of detours sneaked in.
As for expectations, generally I never had any as I never do anything expecting anything in return. I enjoy what I get from people in whatever form it is. This is really only possible unless you have a love and respect for yourself and understand you own happiness got nothing to do with what other do or don’t do to you. You are content and happy with yourself and what comes along is just an added bonus.