On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
How did they come up with that? Is the fourth day of Christmas the fourth day before Christmas? Also, if you don’t have a true love, who is going to give it to you?
Sometimes with our egos we don’t get anything. It’s good to have a healthy ego — to feel good about yourself and love who you are as a person.
Where ego can really ruin you, though, is in dating and relationships. How many of you don’t call someone back because you feel like they should be calling you? How many times have you fought with someone over nothing (and it was just two egos battling)?
Egos always want to be right. They say that it is when you are humbled that you learn your greatest lessons. We are going to talk all about when you need to lose your ego in today’s podcast. I am also going to tell you how doing so can dramatically change your dating and relationships.
So on this fourth day of Christmas, your true love — me — has a gift for you.
Four big lessons.
Three more words.
Two more sentences in this blog.
And one ego podcast…
Click here to listen to this special bonus podcast, and I’ll see you all tomorrow!
Invest in yourself by learning how to get rid of the ego that is sabotaging you in your love life with my Men’s What’s Your Excuse? and Women’s No Excuses programs.
Popularity: 10%
2:42 pm
David…is it ego if I try and try to get a girl that’s really into me but she doesn’t want to break up with her boyfrind?I just feel like the effort that I put into this will be worth it.But is it ego?Or should I just let go and hope that someday she will come to me?That’s now my thing.I really listen to others but I don’t know when sometimes the ego is the problem or the problem is just in my head or whatever it might be.
And about this girl,she’s in a relationship with her bf for…4 months? But she doesn’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to give up on her especialy sincer we have the chemestry and that thing between us.And she admited it…
Thanks for the podcast hope to hear another on wednesday
U promised 2 this week 
. Of to bed with me. Cheers from Romania David!;)
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3:14 pm
Mike:
I’d say it would be your ego if this girl you’re so into would not be into you; I say this because I believe that if she wasn’t into you, then your ego, which wouldn’t accept to be rejected, would make you put a lot of effort to get this girl.
I suggest you just give this girl time to take the action (break up with her current boyfriend), don’t put more effort than what she’s putting on you, it’s always a good idea to be a challenge and show her that she’s not the only option you have. When she sees or perceives that you’ve got option, it could encourage her to analyze what’s she’s getting out of her relationship and feel like being with you would be way better my friend.
Show, of course, you concern, but be careful and don’t be her pillow to cry on. I hope this helps
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5:18 pm
Mike,
What you are talking about involves something more along the lines of your integrity. Is it truely worth giving up an integral part of you (your own self worth) to be with someone?
Can you honestly say that it is worth it to be less of a good man by destroying her relationship, for yourself?
In my opinion, I think it’s best to let her make her own decision on this, and work on being with someone else, than to work on destroying her current relationship.
Will you truely be able to trust her, if you can get her to dump her boyfriend for you? Part of you will always wonder when someone else is going to come along and get her to do the same to you.
This comes from experience.
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6:37 pm
…I CAN SEE WHAT ITS MEANT BUT I HAV TROUBLE SPEAK ITS UP ABOUT THIS?
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6:37 pm
woww great podcast David!!!
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6:49 pm
I think that was the best ego podcast ever David, now I want more. I think its a great idea if you turn it into a product. Please let me know if that is available near future. Thanks and happy holidays:0
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6:55 pm
David-
Your podcast was indeed short and to the point. As a therapist I have dealt with so many patient and one of the main cause of their problems is the ego. I found out about you through my friend Ashley who is a big follower of yours. I am sure you know who I’m talking about. Anyway, keep up the amazing podcast!
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7:02 pm
hey James- I enjoyed what you had to say, another note, you are not stealing a girl from another relationship if its her decision to move on with you. Maybe its all how you look at it. As long as you didn’t push her to break up with another guy, then you are not responsible, that’s to my understand of it.
I had a similar experience about a year ago.
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7:03 pm
Mike Ro- how long you have knows this girl for? Did you meet her when she was dating this guy?
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7:12 pm
can we completely get rid of ego? is it possible???
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7:12 pm
it seems to me it is our ego which causes human to suffer so much.
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7:14 pm
Clint- I think its possible, from what I hear from some great man’s experiences. For example Buddha and Christ has done it, and i’m sure so many others have done it.
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7:15 pm
Steve- That’s true but is it possible for us to get to that level or have an ego death in this day and age???
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7:17 pm
hmmmm not sure, I have to think about that. I wonder what other people here has to say…..
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7:54 pm
Very Good and to the point.
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9:35 pm
thanks david for all this stuff god bless you!
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12:15 am
The ego is a great study
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12:23 am
Mike-Ro:
She is with him and more than capable of making a decision. If you respect this girl, you will respect her ability to do this.
All of the answers are inside yourself.
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12:37 am
i hear ya, how about the model gorgeous eh..:)
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5:40 am
Rick I’ve met this girl about 1 month ago. I think the problem is her social life. I mean she has parents about 55-60 years of age.And they hate each other, and all they try to do is control her. And with her boyfriend,she told me, she’s atracted to me,she like me, the whole thing.The one thing stopping her is that her boyfriend would get hurt.So I told her, if you liked a guy who was in a relationship, would that stop you from being with him? She just said no…To answer you’re question, yes she was dating this guy in fact he was there the whole time when I met her. I got her email and we started talking.You have no ideea how hard it was to get a date with her. She was hoping that if she goes on a date , she would not be the person that I’m atracted to.She said that…did that backfire:) . At the end of the date she said:”you know this is the last time we meet right?” I just smiled and said:”didn’t you say the same thing about us meeting in the first place?” She smiled and said “Oookk maybeee we will meet againn ”
There was a debate on some post about should you flirt and try to be with someone if they have a boyfriend.And the conclusion was, if you don’t know that person,the boyfriend, if he’s not a friend or something, go for it.
Hope this makes sence. My main issue is that I can help others, but when it comes down to helping myself,make decisions for myself, I’m too caught up in the think that I can’t think straight
.
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8:13 am
Oh and by the way…the other reason she doubts me is because she sees my like a …guy who can have any girl and then break up with them whenever he wants. She got that impresion because”you don’t even care that I have a boyfriend?”
She thinks that this thing with me,is like a firework, at first it’s pretty then it fades. I didn’t make this up, these were her words.Hope you understand what I mean.
And thanks for all the answeres guys….it really helps!
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8:46 am
Interesting PodCast…..I am 50/50 on it. I like to say, “we are not as bad as our partner or others say we are, nor are we as good or abundant as we think we are”.
While I 100% agree ego destroys so many things in life, including relationships, it can not be understated how much ego also presents the cautionary voice of our personality that gives us a reality check. This reality check validates and/or invalidates the logic of and need to be in any relationship. I believe we should definitely drop the ego to listen for suggestions of enhancements or take the approach of “what can we do to make this better”, then be creative or innovative in gaining additional relationship skills. That said, ego should also stand up to say “we’ve tried and it is time we agree that we can no longer have healthy agreement, so we must move on and find happiness with someone else”. Men and women can only drop the ego so much before we become a constant sponge that absorbs blame. The trick, and I have found it difficult at times, is being aware of this break point, and be courageous enough to do the right thing for both of you.
In the end, be present enough to grow where you need to grow, explore where you need to explore, and remove yourself when you need to do so.
Happy holidays to all, and best wishes for 2010.
D-
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11:02 am
Very interesting story Mike Ro- you will have to update me on the status of this near future and good luck!
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11:03 am
One more thing, she apparently has the wrong impression of you, which is not where you want to stand Mike.
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11:07 am
Thanks for sharing the story Mike RO. I get the feeling b/c of her impression of you she is not sure of committing. It may take her some time before she decides to fully commit a new relationship with you.
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11:57 am
From my limited knowledge, there are a few ways to work through ego death. Some of them like intense meditiation or prayer are religious and take a lot of work.
Another method I’ve heard of but have not experienced is holotropic breathwork, a much quicker but far less mainstream practice.
Just being aware of ego and keeping it in check when you get too emotional or proud is a good start. Awareness is the first step.
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2:21 pm
Joe,
My knowledge is also limited,but the idea of letting go of ego greatly intrigues me, and yes, simply being aware of ego is a great start.
This may be of interest to some.
http://deoxy.org/egofalse.htm
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3:08 pm
Ehm ok, I will gladly tell you the status but where?:) I just can’t start a topic about this in some post comment section. And yeah…as a romanian I really can’t afford the monthly payment to be a member.An email or something would be great
Anyway I will keep doing spontaneus things.For example, I joke in a playful way a lot.She gets pissed but in the good way you know what I mean.And I pretented to be so confused that I can’t say anything that won’t offend her.And then that song kicked in(Akon-sexy bitch) and I was singing that part “I’m tryinna find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful!!!” . She laughed so hard.
So I was thinking of texting her out of the blue with this lyric and a smiley face…random things.
I think it’s the best I can do right now. Oh yeah and this is a perfect example or “taking her back to the moment” ..right?:)
Thanks you guys….really means a lot that someone really cares about this.Apreciate it…
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2:36 am
This is the most amazing podcast you have ever done David! It was a real eye opener for me. Too bad it didn’t come out a few weeks ago when I was in a relationship and my girlfriend and I were constantly fighting because I wanted sex and she wanted to wait till marriage. We broke up because of it and after listening to this I realize it was our egos that really got in the way. But I guess I will know for next time.
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3:42 am
Keegan in my humble opinion, you did the right thing. I mean I have my own opinions about this thing called “I’m saving myself for marriage”. I mean come on it’s like going to war witouth having a bootcamp or an army training session
you get what I mean.It’s the best comparisson. What happens if you wait till marriage and after you are not sexual compatible?What happens then?Cheat on each other and then a divorce?How nice… 
Ok again these are my ideeas about this thing.You can say the opposite or whatever you’re ideeas are.I would love to hear them.
P.S James Y you said “Will you truely be able to trust her, if you can get her to dump her boyfriend for you? Part of you will always wonder when someone else is going to come along and get her to do the same to you.” It’s simple. I always leave room in case of situations like this.Cause trought a relationship you are gonna feel atraction for other people and who knows what might happen. If she feels like along the way,a better guy will come, good for her I won’t stand in the way. I don’t put my soul into her hands.So I get implicated in the relationship but not as much as to get hurt is something like this happens.Well, somethimes I do get into it too much but that’s another story
Sorry for such long posts but I get so enthuziastic about these things.I really like to talk about them. What do you expect from a guy who’s only 18 but really wants to change?I’ll tell you..this 
.
Cheers guys…
Steve
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3:57 am
I agree with you Mike. I wouldn’t test drive a car with out driving it first. It just sucks because she was 95% of everything I ever wanted in a women, except for the fact that she wouldn’t do anything sexual with me, and the first girl out of a few that I have really had a true connection with on more then just a physical level. And ya I know there are tons of women out there and all that, but its just really tough right now ending one of the best relationships I’ve ever had.
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3:58 am
*wouldn’t buy a car with out test driving it first
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5:50 am
What a fantastic podcast,
you know when you’re ego is in charge when you’re either playing to the camera’s or defending yourself.
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6:27 am
Of course it’s hard. But you’re not alone. I mean girls that I really like are rare and when I find one, sometimes she’s a real bitch but I don’t care cause I think that these tipe of girls are rare and stuff. And they are not but that’s my reaction when I meet a hot girl for me, that she’s the best.
But recently I try to get that out of my sistem…
You should too, I mean yeah it’s hard to find someone but let’s face it, sex is a must in a relationship to be 100%… Look who’s talking …me at 18 
) but I’ve got my share. I only talk from experience, as litle as it is but hope it will help !
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12:53 pm
UPDATE: Talked online with her, and said sorry but we can’t go out blah blah. Don’t know but now I don’t feel like she’s worth it. I mean I gave her the best of me and she is so limiting herself.
I’ve told her…”who knows maybe in a month you will change your mind”. I should be , don’t know, sad…but I’m not, I’m really not
. I’ll see what I can make out of this if not that’s life, she is the one who will be missing out not me…
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12:53 pm
I am so happy that this podcast really resonated with all of you!!
Because of the overwhelming response I am going to go even deeper into this and put out a product next year about this exact subject.
Ego has killed may relationships right from the start.
Even when you do not approach its all about protecting your ego from a possible rejection that has not happened yet!!
Look for this in January!!!
Thanks and I hope all of you had an amazing christmas.
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4:25 am
wow, The abundance mentality has changed my life
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1:06 am
I posted a link to wikipedia’s section on the ego. I think mostly what David is referring to is the our defensive structure used to protect our self-image.
Relationship stirs up deep longings and fears and we usually haven’t had much practice at handling them so we revert to our primitive defensive strategies to handle threatening situations – We attack, defend, or withdraw/surrender. Sometimes its helpful shift our reaction to one of gratitude by seeing all of our or partners words/action in their simplest essence of “love me” or “I want to feel safe” which we can all relate to.
Tolerating our own and our partner’s experience is an essential relationship skill that must be developed and relaxing our body and mind through any practice (i.e. “Hey, can I get back to you on that” or “I’m having trouble relating to what you are saying, can you tell me more” or “I’m having a strong reaction to what you are saying, can we change gears and have you try to understand me for a minute”) is often a great first step.
Hope this helps.
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