As those of you who have been reading the blog know, I’ve been shopping for a new house lately. Whenever I walk into a new house, or if I’m looking to buy a new car, or audio equipment, video equipment, whatever – I always walk in and look at the salesperson as they are about to start their spiel and say, “you can’t close me. I am not somebody you can ever close. So you don’t need to give me the spiel; let me figure this out for myself. You can hang out with me for a little bit, and if I like you, I’ll probably give you some business.”
I’ve found that many people, when approaching someone of the opposite sex, are just trying to close the deal. They are just trying to sell themselves.
Life is not about selling yourself. This isn’t a negotiation. When you approach someone you are attracted to, you should never go up to them and list the “ten reasons why you should date me.”
What it is about is getting to know someone. People want to do business with people that intrigue them. They want to do business with someone they can imagine being friends with, with someone that makes them feel comfortable.
So you don’t have to sell yourself so much! I’ve seen it all – people will really go completely over the top when trying to sell themselves. They are trying to negotiate a date out of someone rather than just relaxing, having fun, enjoying life and being fully present.
Life is not about negotiations. Life is not about selling yourself. Life is about presenting the best version of yourself based on who you are and your confidence.
Whenever I run into someone who is trying to sell themselves to me, I’ll look at them and say, “let me ask you a question: why are you trying to sell yourself so much? Let me get to like you for who you are – the REAL you. I don’t need to know just the good parts about you – let me get to know ALL the parts of you! Then I’ll be able to make an informed decision when it comes down to whether or not I want to hang out with you.”
So don’t sell. You might run into somebody like me – somebody who can’t be closed!
And don’t ever try to close me if you meet me. Just get to know me. I have lots of friends and a great network of contacts, and not one person I know is someone who ever tried to close me. They just got to know me.
Todays video is a live approach and breakdown at Bed Bath and Beyond.
You are about to learn what beyond is!!
I love in-field videos! Where was this shot?
Bed Bath And Beyond in Seattle
i like this blog. the more you try not to take things from people the more you get back! life is a lot mor negotiable once you know the person you’re negotiating with on a personal level.
p.s pretty sneaky there with the video David!
the lady on the left is pretty hot….too bad we did not get a good view of the other one’s front…I agree, he took too long to get closer…how did the run through the shop go? Fun stuff!
Dan
This video was his breakthrough!
He became a much more assertive man after this approach.
That will remain a mystery on the phone number.
or maybe there is a part two tomorrow.
Great video… a live video at its best with no apparent attempt to hide the camera too much or with annoying jerky movements.
And the person talking is a great example of how to do it. Very assertive and authentic. Really what anyone who takes the bootcamp could become.
wow, nice raw footage- , i just gained 3.09 of confidence thanks to you, how big was your spy camera
msm
i use a flip camera and just put it in the shelf
Flip cameras are the best!
Another solid post, David. Clearly, we, as individuals, determine how things are going to go. There is no need to sell yourself. BEING yourself does that for you. And I think that it IS ok to let someone know that they don’t have to sell themselves. There are even times when I don’t even do such a thing in interviews. If they are going to hire me, they are going to see the real me, see ALL the good and the bad about me…and still love me.
Good video here too. It’s pretty funny that they didn’t hear you at all talk about the entire thing…or that you stood there witnessing it. Very, very sneaky…I love it.
Hey David, thanks for all the blogs and videos.
I just happened to come across one of your videos on youtube about 2 weeks ago. I was hooked instantly and then I pretty much watched all of them within 3 days haha. It’s awesome that you’re not just teaching people about dating but also how to be a better person. I’m so gonna sign up for a group bootcamp when after I graduate from college with enough of money saved up. It’s gonna be great. You’re not planning on retiring anytime soon are you? I sure as hell hope not. :]
When is the forum coming? I’ve been checking on it like everday.
Hi David W,
i little confused sometimes, People used to said “IT’S ABOUT HOW WE SELL OURSELF”….. but again and again i read your blogs you have mentioned..
“Life is not about negotiations. Life is not about selling yourself. Life is about presenting the best version of yourself based on who you are and your confidence.”
it is very true. I have found many peoples i talked with they just know how to sell them self without getting know more other people. It really turn me off!
vs
Nice blogs david wygant…. thank you
>>>>>>>I’ve been checking on it like everday.
like???? How about “I’ve been checking on it everyday”?????It is amazing how many times younger folks these days have the world “like” come out of their mouths! I was sitting at Panera the other day and in the next table these young college students (they must have been freshmen) started talking and, for fun, I counted how many “likes” I heard come out of their mouths in 5 minutes……….Well, I had trouble keeping up, I had to give it up when I crossed 60….yes 60 likes….like what’s up with that:-)
I can understand a few likes where they belong….but, for the ladies here, saying like every third word is a turnoff…for me at least. Other than that, good morning everyone:-)
DanTheOriginal,
Way!
I was at this bootcamp. It was great to this guy’s growth during the three days! We all grew, but he exploded and it started with this approach.
VernSinag
Anytime!!! Glad you are enjoying them
Dan – haha, i thought that that was how american colloquial language was
hehe, i am even starting to “pick it up” from GA speaking students at my college..
like it sounds totally like cool.. but it’s like you don’t have like a.. freakin vocabulary! funny you mentioned it
Darn it! You couldn’t even hear me on there. Good times in Seattle David…
David ,
I liked what yo had to say in this blog, and find myself turned off by people who seem to be trying way too hard. The most important part about engaging someone is the listening…. and that doesn’t happen when they are so focused on selling themselves.
I’m in sales an have learned through years of trial and error that all I need to do is listen ,find out what a person’s needs are and then hopefully our product can fill those needs. If not then why waste each other’s time? Another key is to take the pressure off… you can never get someone hear you properly when they suspect they are being “sold”.
You say it so well David: ” let me get to know all of the parts of you and then I can make an informed decision” . So the lesson here is to not be so goal oriented, realx and enjoy the interaction? I llike that approach
Good luck with the house hunting and have fun with it.