Life Is An Optical Illusion
September 18, 2008 
16 Comments
I just landed in London for a weekend bootcamp and I am a bit jet lagged!
I will be here for one week so if anyone wants to do some private coaching next week email me and we can set it up!
I was thinking about something on the plane that I wanted to share with all of you.
There is a certain exercise that I have all of the men and women I coach do. It’s in both my Men’s and Women’s Mastery Series.
It is: what image do you outwardly project to the world? What do other people think of you?
Ask five people what they think about you. What type of energy do you convey? What type of confidence do you convey? What do you look like? How do you dress? Ask five people all of these things.
I have a client named Rob who is a great guy. Rob took a bootcamp with me recently, and the other night we were out to dinner having a long talk. He’s a great-looking guy, he’s got a great image, he has lots of confidence – but it’s all an optical illusion.
He projects these things to everyone who sees him but deep inside he doesn’t really believe it. This is his fundamental issue. He doesn’t believe that he’s good-looking. Rob is 5’7”, but if you sat with him at a table you’d think he was 6’2”. He has this incredibly large persona.
But the problem is that he just doesn’t believe it. Everyone sees it except for him.
Rob is what I call an optical illusion. This is why many men (and women) come to me for coaching – what I can do with them is really work on the inside. It’s great that you’re able to exude these qualities, but if you don’t actually believe it, other people won’t either.
When you first glance at Rob, you believe it. When you hear him talk, you still believe it. But if Rob doesn’t believe it himself, he will never be able to go up to a woman – even though she’s feeling the heat and the energy – and close her. He won’t be able to get her phone number and go out with her.
Rob needs to believe it. And those of you who can relate to Rob – those of you who live in a life of optical illusions – you need to do something to make yourself believe it.
Rob was telling me about some of his friends who are fascinated by what Rob did at the bootcamp. They desperately want to do the same thing but they are terrified. They keep making excuses – about the money. “Oh, it’s $2495, there is no way we could do that,” they say, yet both of these guys are going to grad school. They’re trying to get advanced degrees so they can get a better job and make more money.
They are willing to invest in a degree that will help them to become more successful and make more money in the business world, but they are not willing to invest in themselves!
That’s what you need to do. If you are an optical illusion, you need to invest your time and money in personal development. You need to invest in YOU. You are your own corporation, and you need to invest in yourself.
This is not a sales letter for one of my bootcamps – either you’re going to do it or you won’t. But that’s the thing about life: what are you waiting for to change yourself?
If everyone thinks that you are confident on the outside and you don’t feel it on the inside – if you are an optical illusion – guess what? Your life is never going to change unless you start doing internal work.
So here is a suggestion – and a challenge – I have for all of you: I want you to go out there and find out if you are an optical illusion. I want you to ask five friends what they think of you.
What type of image do you project? What type of confidence do you convey?
I want you to go out there and do this today. And I want you to find out if you are an optical illusion. If you are, we really need to get you started doing some inner work on your brain. It won’t change by itself. If it could, you already would have been able to self-motivate and make it happen.
Consider this the first step – the first kick in the ass – to getting rid of that optical illusion that you may be conveying to the world.
David,
Couldn’t agree with you more. It wasn’t until I stopped making excuses and finally attended your bootcamp 6 months ago did I stop being my own optical illusion. All my close friends before your bootcamp used to tell me what a great guy I was, but because of my own personal demons I never truly believed what they said. Never accepted the fact that I could be a man that women desired.
Now after a lot of trials and hard work, yes guys what david teaches is going to require a lot of hard work, I finally believe in myself internally. Now I get invited all the time by men and women to all different kinds of events and parties, and every women I talk to now wants to hang out with me and introduce me to meet their female friends. So I would concur with david here that everyone should challenge themselves and see if they are an optical illusion. I did and have no regrets.
(David so when are you gonna be back in LA from London? This is Anthony the Chiro here)
Yeah, it’s important that the person on the outside AND the inside reach a point of congruency. We have all heard the term of, “fake it, til you make it.” But it’s useless if you’re not making the strides to actually make it.
Make the illusion a reality and let your outer self become who you really are. Don’t just think that you are a person. Know it.
Being the same person on the outside and the inside is about being real and authentic with yourself. That’s the true essence of charisma.
Anthony, David will be back from London on Thursday.
aaw, David, you’re in London now! Damn, I really wish I had the opportunity to make a little visit to England and perhaps join a bootcamp or something
I couldn’t because I’m moving, haha.. great excuse!
Anyways, this is a good blog
I have friends actually who don’t believe in themselves.. and it gets more and more obvious the more I hang out with them :p They are truly, truly great persons.. but they lack this belief in themselves. On the other hand I do have friends who are at a great peace with themselves and it’s pure joy to engage in conversations with them!!
I myself used to have this optical illusion of myself.. I tended to go by how other people described me, instead of asking myself.. ask yourself first, then you ask your friends or people around you..
Just for fun, to see if I really HAVE an inner confidence as I believe I do, I will ask my friends..
Good night!
Somehow this resonates with what David just said: I am reeling right now from the contrast between my last two nights. Last night, I went out with a guy where it feels like there is literally no barrier between us. I have been celibate for four years, and it was tempting to end that streak right then and there. Literally, it felt like we were totally connected. Tonight it was the exact opposite. I felt comfortable until the guy touched me, and then I felt awful. I mean my entire body freaked out.
Why is it so much easier to connect with some people than others? It seems to come down to whether they are congruent (internally aligned).
I’ve got to sit with this one for a while. Still trying to integrate the discomfort energy.
Erica –
That isn’t abnormal. Sometimes you have a natural connection with someone. Sometimes it’s physical, other times it’s spiritual. If you feel uncomfortable when he touches you, there’s something hidden there that’s messing you up (or him).
I hope you can figure out this situation and find a solution.
Ya, no matter how larger than life you are, you have to belief in yourself. The most appropriate examples are of kings, writers, world leaders, and even famous people in general, who may be charismatic, charming, and able like Rob, but whom go on suffering instead.
Really something to think about. Really brings up the question of inner and outer priorities.
Infinity,
Thanks for the response. In the interest of connecting with him, I decided to tell him how I felt (uncomfortable) and told him I wasn’t sure why I felt that way, which is true. Usually I do know why, but last night I sat with the discomfort for quite a while and I still am not sure.
Why is it so much easier to connect with some people than others? I don’t know. With the other guy, who I met at Burning Man, the connection was so instant and intense and immediate. I don’t think it had anything to do with what he said to me, that’s how fast it was. He kissed me within 5 minutes of meeting me (just a little kiss, but still).
You said something really true though — “there’s something hidden there that’s messing you up (or him).” Yes, it always points to something that needs to be healed, just not sure right now what that something is. A Course in Miracles says there are only “two categories; one of love, and the other, the call for love.”
cheers,
Erika
I’m a woman, but this would work for a man too. You have to think about how other people perceive you and then make changes to be the person you want them to see. Your own perception about yourself adjusts to fit whatever you try to be. How you cut your hair, dress, smile, smell, walk, act, talk, affect perception. If you become as physically fit and make whatever changes in your appearance that you can afford to, such as, braces, whiter teeth, colored hair, haircut, nails, skin, clothes. Be the best you can be, dress the best that you can, and hold your head up and look at people and smile. After that you will see changes, unless you were already doing this. And in that case what are you here for? Try one change at a time until you feel things changing. Just try smiling alone, it not only opens you up to people, but it makes you feel better in the end also. Think positive thoughts about yourself and others will too! Give it some time and don’t expect results in a few minutes. Try it for a month and then reflect.
Wishing I was in London for a little R & R…..:)
Ok – I did my homework! Overall my friends see me as confident and sure of myself – I give off a peaceful & calm energy vibe. They said that when I am nervous or uncomfortable it shows at times but not all the time. I’ll have to work on that – keeping my calm demeanor all the time.
I also had one guy friend tell me that my clothes look outdated! He said he thought it was a GA thing??? I really haven’t been keeping up with the latest in fashion, so I guess I will have to start doing that and ya know really — I think it will be fun! It’s an investment in myself too because I want to look great and feel sexy – not be seen as outdated. I don’t know where he got that from though – it isn’t as if I wear a red jacket and have a sparkly glove on one hand (like Michael Jackson in the 80′s) – not knockin’ any of ya’ll if ya do….
btw, I did finally buy your Women’s mastery series and I’ve started listening to it and applying it too!
So – do I get an “A” on my homework?
what if you are too busy being fascinated by watching other personalities to know what your own is like?
Hey everyone this is my first time posting and i just want to thank everyone’s input in David’s blogs because i actually read them and i want to give a big thank you to David because of helping to change my life this summer through your videos. sincei have started watching them i have become more out going and able to talk to more people for fun except that the only problem is that i am getting dry numbers. On the more positive side i have lost about 20 lbs, never in the world would i have thought i could do it but after watching your videos i suddenly am able to.but thats not what i’m here to talk about.
I wanted to talk about the contradicting things (at least thats how i view them) that are being said. For example like M i can analyze people’s habits and movements extremely well (so much so that sometimes pisses them off). But when it comes so analyzing myself i can not do it. Maybe it’s because i don’t want to. My point is David, Khiem and Rich that you say to learn this lifestyle and be real with yourself however aren’t you NOT being real with yourself when you live this lifestyle because you wouldn’t normally do talk to girls or be fun but its just this more fun person who is being able to talk to girls so i guess my question would be to every one
How do be yourself while still being able to adapt this lifestyle?
not sure if that makes sense because i feel it contradicts what i say. lol It seems as if i should just stop analyzing people and have fun but on the flip side i also feel it helps to understand the person more. I think by writing this it has helped me see that i should just stop analyzing people and save that for the business world
Todd,
Congrats on losing 20 lbs, I’m guessing you feel pretty happy about that.
This is a total shot in the dark, but I wonder if you’re open to an experiment? When you read various comments on the blog here or elsewhere, how does it feel in your body? I’m throwing this out there because tracking your feelings (for a lot of people) is one of the quickest ways to get out of your head. When you feel anxious, you know you’re in your head. You can immediately move out of your head by tracking your feelings. Often just naming a feeling (anxiety, frustration, sadness) will give you some immediate relief.
Just curious if this works for you?
Erika,
Thank you for that advice! i have tested it out and i found that it really does work! i notice the energy and excitement that it has brought out in people and it has improved my work too. When ever i become stressed i just talk out my emotion and i feel 100% better and not anxious.
Thank you so very much for your help.
~Todd R. Hebert
Gabrielle,
I’m not the teacher, but if I cheated in class I would copy yours ^_^
You sound like you are very motivated and doing really well for yourself!
(How did you get your picture up here??)
Erika,
That’s brilliant!
I’d be very scared to do so but SO relieved afterwards. I think I really should try that.
David,
You know me by now. How would YOU describe me?