Life is about attitude.
Think about football. Think about the quarterbacks who are successful. The ones that are successful have that attitude – “Fuck you. You picked my pass off? I don’t care. I’m coming back at you again in ten minutes anyway, and I’ll keep doing it.”
Brett Favre is notorious for that. Love him or hate him, he’ll throw so many games away that he plays. He’s 39, and look at his attitude. He’ll throw five interceptions in a game, and he’ll go fade back to pass and just do it again. He doesn’t care.
And all the fans are sitting there, saying, “Oh no! He’s doing it again…” but he just doesn’t care.
You are caring too much, so when you walk over you approach her with an expectation of rejection. You’re like that quarterback that’s fading back to pass and all you’re looking at are the defenders. You might as well just pick the one that you’re going to throw directly to right off the bat.
I don’t feel like I’m bothering anybody when I go over to someone to talk. And no one ever walks away from me.
But I used to feel that same way – that I was bothering someone when I approached them. You’re not bothering them at all.
But when you walk over to them with that concern, you’re bringing that energy with you. Women are feelers. Doesn’t that drive you crazy? They are always feeling and describing those feelings. “I feel this…”
You sit there and you just want to fix everything. “Okay, you’re feeling this way, and here’s the solution…”
So the fact is that women feel your energy. She feels every little bit of your energy as you walk over. She senses your fear.
Animals smell fear, and so do women! We’re basically all just animals, anyway. Think about the noises that people make when they fuck… we’re animals! Just because we’re standing upright doesn’t mean that we’re any better than Daphne. We may not smell each other’s asses, but we’re just like dogs.
So if you walk up to a woman with fear and the expectation of rejection, she’ll know it and you’re done. When you walk over like you don’t give a shit how she reacts, she’ll be responsive. She’ll wonder, who is this guy?
It’s a quantum switch inside your head. And once you make that switch, it’s like a paradigm shift. It’s an amazing shift in what you’ll begin to receive from other people. You’ll get what you want.
I used to feel the same about bothering people, but eventually just stopped caring. I don’t know what attitude it was that made me feel this way exactly. I guess I just became more self-centered in a sense.
I don’t care if I bother people. I always think that its their loss if they don’t respond and move on.
Brett Favre is hot, or at least he was. He’s someone I’d probably have a heart beat skip once or twice to talk to. But it’s because I see him as an object, not as a person. I notice that when I see people as people, there is never any trouble talking to a person, when I objectify them (same as putting them on a pedestal) I psyche myself out and it becomes something to overcome.
Ok, but from a guys point of view how do you guys feel when a girl is very in your face with tremendous confidence. I have found it outside where I used to work, a lot of men could not handle it.
As much as you guys say it’s nice we approach you then a lot you still prefer the more subdued kind of girl.
Does it work the opposite way that if a girl has too much confidence approaching you it’s too much. What is the optimum mix we girls can have to make guys feel comfortable with us approaching you.
My question is also if the looks of the girl has anything to do with it. Eg if it’s a hot piece of ass it’s ok but if she does not look that attractive you respond differently.
Good post, David.
In a short post, you have managed a paradigm shift.
What Lexi said about Brett Favre reminds me of something Tom Hanks once said in an interview a long time ago. He had been asked about how fame had affected him and how he handles situations with fans.
He said that once he went into an ice cream shop and this one girl who was serving the ice cream, when she saw him, she became not only speechless, but almost physically incapable of moving. She couldn’t think straight and was so nervous that when he tried to order, she seemed so starstruck that she couldn’t do anything but just stand there and shake and stutter & stammer. Like her mind just completely shut down. So another person had to step in & do the scooping & serving because she was too starstruck to function.
That’s probably how I would be if I ever saw Megan Fox in person. A very appropriate last name.
Loved this one David, I’m gonna definitely remember this one. Thank You
Marina, yes looks have something to do with it and I’ll be the one guy who can admit it. If you aren’t attracted to someone, then what chance is there for a great relationship? I’m not being shallow, it works the opposite way all the time too.
The hottest girl I ever dated wore this ridiculous orange outfit the first time I saw her that didn’t fit her at all. I remember the first thing I said to someone was, ’seriously, her? She can’t even dress herself.” I have also dated girls that were curvy and who felt hot being curvy and they were a lot of fun. As David teaches, it is about attitude as well as appearance for first impressions.
Lexi, great statement! Very true for guys and girls. Guys always objectify the people they meet.
Tony,
Meagan Fox is THE most overrated, average looking hot girl on the planet. She is in a Michael Bay movie because she does what Michael Bay wants (and that isn’t act well, cause she certainly can’t do that) And to boot she has a horrible personality because of how overwhelmed she is in Hollywood and how underprepared she is for actually being here.
Megan Fox is not attractive to me at all but her face is pretty.
Mike
I think it’s shallow the way men are so visual, that is really the whole reason why men are having such a hard time to talk to us, we pick up on those vibes from you. Girls don’t think that way it’s more how you make us feel, not just how you look like. Most girls do not base a potential relationship on mere physical attraction. Any person with any self respect would never be with someone if you sensed they were with you, just for your looks, money etc.
Most men are way to outcome focused and can’t just enjoy anyones company. Most girls on the other hand is way more open to talk to everyone, otherwise you would not see so many mediocre men with hot girls.
Personally I think it’s shallow to look at anyone as an object, the person first and the rest is secondary. I look at everyone based on how they treat others nothing else. couldn’t care about other things.
a.movie–
Megan Fox is the shit, enough said. Send her over to me!
Uh..that’s not right J-Dude I thought you said we would share..LOL
Marina!
Something we don’t know about you? There was a poster here w those kinda fantasies.
Marina, you are missing my point. The topic you discuss is valid, but that is not what I am saying.
I am saying that men (and all men count here) are not attracted to women who are not attracted to themselves. I can’t speak from a women’s perspective because I am not one, but I am sure that it is the same for women. The difference is that they will try a relationship with an insecure man because they might think he is just introverted, or quiet. But they still dump him later on when they realize more about him.
I talk to everyone. The ones that I am attracted to are the ones who are smart, creative, fun, and not mean spirited. I also need to be attracted to them physically and if that is the male follie, then so be it. I can’t change who I am and if you have the other qualities I am looking for then I will find you attractive as well. Meagan Fox is mean spirited and is not attractive, even when it is obvious that other guys think differently.
And speaking from the personal perspective of once belonging to the 300 pound club, and having put in the hard work to lose that weight and the feeling of pride you get that you have lost the weight (and not because I use the excuse that the media made me do it) you understand that you want to be with someone who respects their body the same way. I come from a family of fat people and I have heard ALL the excuses about why they are that way. That doesn’t change my love for them. I however, decided to lose the weight, which was also a big part of my self esteem for years, battling with the idea that I am not good enough because of the weight, et cetera, and when I decided to do something about it I acted. It took me three years and I still want to lose another twenty or thirty pounds, but I feel physically amazing. I have no aches and pains. I have no more shortness of breath. I feel good, I look good, and I am happy with who I am. I excercise and I eat right and that is the reward for me. I do it for myself and how it makes me feel.
Weight is not something people should use as an excuse to meet people. We all have the ability to change that (with a few very rare exceptions). The simple fact that you save money by eating healthy and walking instead of driving should be enough incentive for peope. But no, most people just continue to hide behind excuses about weight when the decision to change that needs to come from inside. I stopped smoking after having a pack a day habit for ten years and now I find smokers unattractive. Same thing. I’m not a coach so I don’t have the same empathy that David has, but I changed my habits about smoking and my weight and those have been benefits and I am now looking for someone to share those great feelings with and when you are insecure about your style, your weight, or your unhealthy lifestyle and you want me to be attracted to you because of a personality that is based on a lie, then too bad, I’m not going to be interested.
I’m not here to coach. But I am here to voice my opinion. And that is the way I see it. Everyone is different. There are people who love to pack away 4000 calories a day and carry that weight around and complain that it is a gland problem, but what they are really saying is that they are not ready to face who they are and I don’t want to be with a person like that. I came from there and I will help out friends who are going through similar things that I went through, but no, I’m not attracted to people who can’t be true to themselves.
And for every hot girl that dates a quirky looking guy, there are ten who never would. There are guys like that too and I could share with you a couple that I know who fits that description but they built their love around creating art and it is beautiful for them.
Also,
mediocare men with hot girls is another way of saying rich guy with a women with no self respect.
Feel better now
Man is it funny getting you going on a subject. Don’t know how weight came into the picture, but we all lobe for your blog hogging
a.movie,
I don’t want to marry Megan Fox, I just want to do her doggie style, and ask her to turn around and give me a kiss.
Sorry j-dude she would be too busy kissing me
Damn, I better butter up the popcorn Marina. Just promise you two will be sweaty!
Gee what happen….
I used to be sophisticated….I think it’s my fat’s fault.
Actually there is nothing hotter when both becomes sweaty…
I love to write. All forms. The weight topic was my way of describing what I meant by attractive since it was where I came from. I’d take up even more space than that but I’m worried I might lose my run-off readers I get from David’s amazing blogs if I make them too long.
j-dude, if that is all you want then get a producing job and get in line. The last I heard the lineup for a Fox ride was around the block, but if you pay extra you can get a front of the line pass.
Actually, even hotter is when the tongues become salty, from all the good sex…
Oops, David is probably going to kick me out for this Penthouse Letters diversion.
I do acknowledge this is a good blog about when we can become paralyzed by seeing someone as an admirable object. I’ve been guilty of this. But, the worst part is when I have realized some girl I liked, actually liked me so much that she reacted too strangely, upon first trying to meet her. Not recognizing it right away, I wrote her off as if she totally disliked me, when the opposite was true.
And to clarify, I have no issues with actresses who use their natural abilities to get what they want. What I have a problem with, is when they are open about it and love it. Sienna Miller anyone? And she’s not even that hot.
j-dude, you just wrote the sequel to David’s new favorite movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You 2, The Clueless Casual Flirter Meets The Wishy-Washy Attractive Woman.”
Write to your hearts content!!! I am still waiting for these great stories..I have gone Americanized I have to admit- instant gratification.
I know where you are comming from. Honestly being overweight has been a humbling experience but very eye opening. I have become much more understanding to any kind of compulsive behavior as I really know the struggle that goes on inside the head.
a.movie,
I don’t see shit like He’s Not That Into You, or Mamma Mia, unless it is getting me majorly laid.
Now, go see Coraline, that is a very good movie.
I have to share something with you, I don’t like heavy set women, but I did find the singer Adele, sexy, after she sang “Chasing Pavements” on the Grammy’s. Weird that she caused that on me. You Tube it.
j dude
Is Coraline appropiate for younger eyes?
Marina,
Yes.
I took my 9 yr old daughter and 12 yr old son. The movie is “almosty scary”, edgy… they loved it. I liked it too. It’s also 3D, but only in slect theaters.
p.s. BTW, I’m divorced… not some cheater women chaser
Have to have my 7 years old daughter see the preview, Burton can be dark for kids. My 3 years old is pisser he wouldn’t mind. My 14 years old will be fine. Why I am I writing all this. Mike you gave me the writing bug.
J Dude you really want me to believe that
Sleep tight everyone
Hey Guys
Stop the monkey talk beauty is as beauty does. If you want an hourglass shape figure then u come to the wrong place. If you are looking for a woman who wears DDD bra size well u still come to the wrong place. How about a woman looking for a 12 inch cock? The mannerism of guys are take it or leave it. Oh have u measured urs lately and give Marina a break. Guys geez.
Sorry guys I am in one hell of a mood. Forgot the meds you may say. But if you want to talk shop then let me know. You know what I have been told by guys when it comes to overweight women more cushion for the pushin.
Hey it is not that I love women but I would not mind having their figures. Lets take Madonna for instance or Shania Twain. But one thing I would not copy the attitude of is Britney Spears anyone up for the challenge how about looking at yourself in a mirror. Attitude when it comes to people uh you ought to work for Retail now that can be challenging especially when a guy cusses you out black and blue and calls a lady everything for the exception of a white woman. Now is that a way to treat someone. Oh hear some guys say what the hell you looking at bitch or get the hell out of my face. Now someone needs an attitude adjustment.
Getting back on track here…
David, thanks for today’s blog. There’s this chick at the gym who kinda blew me off a while back and since then I’ve been kinda hesitant to approach her again. I’m gonna do it.
On the subject of movies j-dude & Marina, read what I said about Slumdog Millionaire in the Valentines blog thread.
Yes attitude does count but the bottom line is whether the woman just finds you interesting or not. Its that simple. Its the same with looks. Yes LOOKS DO MATTER – they are not the be all and end all but if a woman finds you attractive, she will find you attractive. If she does not, she does not. Especially on cold approach. Social circle is a bit different – you get to know one another, develop rapport build attraction over time.
I ran across
Or this
I work as a Sales Associate at a clothing store and when training others, I always teach fellow associates not to take what the customer says personally. Sometimes there are customers who are just rude and inconsiderate, yet it has no reflection on who you are.
This principle is true when approaching women, you can not rely on validation from them for who you are. The same goes for women who approach guys, some guys are just jerks, don’t let those guys affect your self concept. The girl I’m dating now approached me, and made most of the moves initially…which is what I normally do. I am very glad she did, and I am glad she has not let past jerks she has dealt with affect her confidence.
So, to answer part of your question Marina, we do like a confident women to approach us, but just like when a guy approaches a girl, it’s a matter of how it’s done. If a girl comes on very strong (physically) if you don’t know her, that, at least for me, has been a bad sign. But if flirting is done in a friendly, fun or intriguing manner, I like it.
I also agree with not being afraid of rejection. One of the girls I dated was a customer of mine, and as she left, I asked for her phone number. I was a little nervous because I had never asked for a customers number. We dated for two months. Had I been scared of rejection, I would have not only missed out on dating a nice and beautiful girl, but lost an opportunity to learn more about dating.
Good post Greg V,
I like that you had the courage to ask for her number. A guy knows when it’s time to ask for her number. Some guys do it prematurely and get turned down or given a phony number. It’s happened to me once, but I didn’t care, i was at a club. I expected it to happen.
Anyhow, a guy knows when the chick is digging him because she’s smiling and asking you questions back. Don’t be afraid of girls and you’ll likely experience what Greg and so many others have. It’s easier said than done, but just have that confidence that women look for and you’ll be good.
David and his staff are the real deal. Don’t listen to these PUA retards who don’t know crap about what a quality woman. Also, don’t listen to Tom Lykis, that idiot thinks getting laid is the only satisfaction on earth. If you think like those fools, you will only date woman who are as foolish as the guys who attract them.
David’s advice is what I’ve been longing to know a long time ago. I had to learn it on my own, but eventually came across his site for reinforcement and i’m on a roll.
Now where are David’s groupies, marina and sandra. They will surely have something to say.