It’s not a question of whether I project the opposite or something similar so that she can relate. Women want both.

To me, I project something UNIQUE from which I know she can relate to.

By default, women aren’t attracted to either opposites or similars. They get attracted by something intriguing and unique. But if you are TOO different from where they come from, they won’t get immediately attracted to you.

To me presenting myself in an interesting, intriguing and genuine/congruent way is more important than whether I present myself as opposite or similar to her.

I guess I should explain the concept of universally attractive traits vs specific attractive traits.

Universally attractive traits are qualities that are deemed universally attractive by women. Those qualities would be something like: leadership, intelligence, humour, good image, decisive, “strong”… etc.

Specific attractive traits are qualities that a specific type of women find attractive. For example, a rocker chick would be most immediately attracted to a rocker/creative guy b/c they share similar lifestyle and tastes. She would not be most immediately attracted to a corporate type of guy because women want to be able to imagine you in their lives. If you are too different, it won’t unless you are doing short term types of hook-ups.

So to answer your question about what I WOULD do if I was to meet someone totally opposite to me, I would focus on projecting universally attractive traits first, then if I can, I’ll project specific attractive traits to her.

Whether I project the opposite of her or similar to her is irrelevant. I project who I am as genuinely as I can. I never to pretend to be anything different from my core. Because I am so grounded in my identity and because I can not only show but also explain why i am the way I am, she will get attracted.

Does that make sense?

Kevin,

Thanks!
I believe one’s opposite by nature is frustrating in certain ways, and that’s where you grow the most.

As for your kind ‘o girl… yeah, I hear you there.

Maybe you will find a way to get HER to really open up and communicate on a deeper level.
That’s an amazing thing to do… to bring a woman beyond her greatest weakness or greatest unknown. An energetic girl I like to bring to experience a calm, relaxing love where she can let go of all her energy for just a moment and relax. In a sweet, apparently innocent girl, I like to bring out her not-so-innocent side and allow her to experience passion where she can let go of her inhibitions.

Khiem,

Thanks for explaining.

It’s just what you’re saying sounds like, either you project the same so she can relate, or you project her opposite, which catches her interest, or you project whatever in a weak, shy way, which is bad anyway :p
Perhaps you can explain a little more!

More interestingly, still, I’m curious what you would DO if you find someone who is your opposite and very attractive to you. You would project something that would appeal to her? Would you choose something ‘the same’? Or not? Knowing that you are different at your core?

I think you are misunderstanding the post.

You attract your mirror in the sense that you attract whatever you project. We aren’t talking about what you like here. You can like whatever type of person you want.

But by default, you attract whatever you project. If you want a crazy girl, you must project something that would appeal to a crazy girl if you want to attract her. People want to be able to relate to others. If you don’t project the side of your personality that she can relate to, she’s not gonna be immediately attracted to you.

For the guys who are shy and like extroverted girls, they can attract them but they have to frame their “shyness” as the intriguing quiet silent type of guy or the “cute and shy” guy.

If they project themselves as the introverted shy, non-confident guy, most of the time, it won’t immediately catch the attention of the extroverted girl.

We are both right.

The client that i was speaking with was and is very introverted even after the conversation is rolling and he gets to know someone.

So he would attract someone like him from day one to day 30.

You may be quiet at first but once the conversation rolls you can and will jump in and your personality will come out.

This was meant to be a confidence boost to the painfully shy.

I am glad that you shared your thoughts and more importantly….see you in 2 weeks!!!!!

Looking forward to being back up in seattle!!

I’ve always found that since I don’t initiate conversation well, but participate in conversation well that hanging out with other introverts is boring. I need to hang out with opposites. So my personal belief and what I look for in a woman is someone who “mirrors” my core values, but has the opposite type of personality.

All that said, I realize there is a very wide spectrum of shy/introverted and for people who are extreme on that scale maybe it is better that they search for someone who mirrors their personality.

So rather than saying I disagree with the blog, let’s just say I have a slightly different perspective.

Looking forward to the Seattle bootcamp!!!

from reading this blog, i can easily see how people would think about life as a mirror .. (in the way you describe it) but in this case you sort of make life a mirror.. you date the type of people that reflect you, instead of dating people you have something in common with..and they could very well have a completely different personality than you.. as in how you deal with issues etc.

cool blog!

I found your comment really interesting … I think a lot of people will tell you with 100% surety that they know EXACTLY what kind of person would make their most compatible partner. The only glitch in this is that I think many of these people base this on what they THINK being with the person they describe would be like – when in reality it’s a situation of “be careful what you wish for …”

It sounds to me Kevin like you have (or had) some experience with this. I also think part of this stems from people having an “all or nothing” belief system about people’s personality traits. You don’t like high maintenance emotional women … BUT you found out you also don’t like completely low maintenance women either.

Perhaps we all need to make fewer assumptions about what we absolutely MUST have in our partners and be willing to be a bit more flexible and try people out to see if we maybe just haven’t yet met what we TRULY want

Great post Kevin!