Life Is A Long Roadtrip
May 22, 2009 
47 Comments
Well look at us and look at where we are today!
Its the kickoff to Summer!!
Enjoy your holiday weekend!!
Let’s talk today about how to get from here to there. So many people cannot imagine what it takes to get to there from here.
Earlier today, some clients and I went into Z Clothing in Brentwood, which a friend of mine owns. I met my friend Barry about five years ago, just walking into the store as anyone would. I was just a regular consumer.
Most people walk in and say, “Hey, I’m looking for a pair of jeans.” I walked in, and I was just myself. I talked to Barry, and I learned about him. And then the next time I walked into the store, I remembered things about him from the last conversation we’d had. And we built a relationship on that.
I’m always thinking about the present. Everything I do today could pay off in the future. But most people are looking out for the immediate payoff. “There’s no women in here, I can’t afford these clothes, fuck it!” I look at life like I’m investing in a stock for the future.
So five years later, we walk into the store today, and I’m helping Barry out with a sale. I lent him one of my employees for two days to help him out with the sale.
I walked in there, we talked, and I found a pair of jeans that were on sale, and he just gave them to me. We’ve been friends for so long. I gave him my employee; he gave me a pair of jeans! It’s just friends helping each other out.
This is how you build up these things. You see that person walking into the deli and always getting the extra sandwich meat, or the free stuff – it’s because of what he or she did in that moment.
I don’t expect anything. Most people walk in expecting things. They expect something to happen, and they want something to happen. They get disappointed if something doesn’t happen that very day. Me? I don’t care. I don’t expect anything to happen.
My future is full of wonderful, unexpected things. Because of how I have invested my time, whenever I walk into a place, I get so many amazing things.
Most people get nothing amazing everyday because they are just thinking about being rewarded at that instant.
You don’t need to be rewarded. The reward will come down the road.
Barry is a wonderful guy! He knows his fashion so well… for being in his 40s (or is it 50s now?), he dresses better than most guys I know!
And ever since I’ve worked with you David… I’m starting to know too many people in the stores I go to LOL
Very good message! Yeah, patience has never been one of my virtues. Consciously or subconsciously it seems I’ve always wanted that instant reward, that instant gratification.
There’s a saying that goes, “All good things come to those that wait.” And I think that’s true. Good things will happen in due time.
this is the kind of blog i like. very valuable advice. thanks david.
Vince
From a spiritual point of view, detachment is everything. When you have faith that what you want is on the way, you don’t need to think about it anymore. God (mother earth, the universe, higher self, higher power, whatever you choose) knows exactly what you want, it is your knowing (Faith) that will bring you what you want on its time.
Think of a seed and standing over it saying, I want the flower now! How ridiculous when nature provides and unfolds exactly as it should.
It’s all about networking. A similar situation happened to me, however it didn’t take 5 years to happen. I walked in to a Baja Fresh and noticed the cute girl behind the counter. My friend was with me and I told him, “Go for it. Talk to her.” So he asked her why she didn’t have a name tag while the rest of the employees did and she said because she was the manager. So we acted impressed and she proceeded to take our orders. She asked us if we were together and we acted disgusted as if to say we were not gay..and we said hell no! She laughed and then we gave her our order and continued talking to her. When we left, we said goodbye.
So a week later, I come by and she’s behind the counter attending someone and I say Hello and call her by her name. She surprisingly looks up and says Oh hey, and I can see that she was stunned to know I remembered her name. So some other girl took my order because it was a bit busy but I didn’t realize that the order didn’t include a drink until I’m walking away so the manager told the girl to just give me a cup for free.
I thanked her and told her that “I’d get her” next time and that was it. Not as much as a pair of jeans, but it was something.
Now the question is, Would she have done that for anyone? That is left up to the reader. I think it was because we had made that connection from the first visit.
That is one of the thing i need to work on more talking to the people inside and building rapport!
wow you got a pair of free jeans now I want to make friends with Barry.,
where exactly is Zclothing?
Free jeans very nice David!
It’s the power of being nice to people, in my local Starbucks there is a cute guy and I always flirt with him and really nice to the all the staff there now most times I go there I get discounted drinks:)
It’s so important to not have any expectations, so you are right on the point, great advice!
Julia- please don’t break that poor guys heart ever i used to work at a local Starbucks and really enjoyed flirting with the cute ladies that would come in:)
question: would you ever go out with him if he asked you out?
Hey Coach Ken you are back my friend now i need finding soem more barbies LOL
Coach Ken you get howe pretty excited when you come here.
Julia:
Waiting for your answer would you date him if he asked you out;)
Coach Big Bad jake & howe-
oh boy I would if he just asked maybe he has a girlfriend:)
Julia are you saying that he is a pussy LOL
LOVE YOUR BLOGS DAVID WYGANT!!!
Julia-
maybe not, he might be really shy or afraid to ask for your number while he is working.
Great message! In life, you usually get what you put into it! It’s about caring and showing interest in people and your surroundings without any immediate expectations.
Clint–great goal. Do you find that building rapport hard?
Jacob- that makes sense!
Johnnylove- no i am not saying that he is a pussy:)
Coach Kim- how are you doing?
sometimes i feel like i dont know what to ask to build that repport?
am i too much in my head or what?
i know these might be kind of dumb questions sorry:)
I am curious what you most like about him Julia?
great blog today David and I really like the discussion in the blogs which is also turning into chat room
Question:
Coach Jacob- was that a subliminal sex line (your first message to coach khiem or Ken)???
dr.who-
totally agree love the room for the chat discussion!!
DonJuan- i didn’t think about it when i wrote it however you have good eyes for subliminal messages:)
since you guys seem to love the chat discussion you are more than welcome to drop all of your thoughts here this a great place to be!
Jacob-
did you get chance to burn me the “self love women” audio files?
thanks
Julia-
I just sent it this morning, let me know when you get it!
you are very welcome:)
Johnnylove-
It would be his strong eye contact, his poise which gets me every time:)
Coaches:
how do you become good in subliminal expressions?
Julia: That seems like exactly what DW teaches, he might be one of the former clients:)
From what conversations I had with him, Barry seemed like a really cool cat.
Window Shopping is a favorite pass time of mine. But I am the type of person that likes to go into the store and do my shopping and go home. But there are times I will look around to see if there is anyone I know. Yes I will talk to people. We go down a many path and come across those who are sent to us. Some may not like people and others will make you their friend. One time I had a bad experience with a customer who did not like people and I was still kind to him. No telling what happened and I was not going to find out why. Working around money a person needs to be leery of their surroundings.
Sandra- what how do you deal with those weird people that come in?
My friend/ex-roommate and I actually had a small debate about expectations. I agreed with David’s “don’t expect anything” while she was the opposite. She said something along the lines of, if you don’t have expectations people will not give you what you need. She gave an example: if she wants to treat herself to spa and manicure, she’ll go to the salon and expect to be pampered. So its about whether people meet your expectations or not?
Kismet,
You need to love yourself first. It’s normal and healthy for you to expect that people treat you a certain way . It’s about having self-respect.
What David teaches is… you can’t expect an outcome though. Expecting an outcome is setting yourself up for disappointment because things never happen the way you expect.
If you can train your mind to be open… and embrace things as they come, you are more likely to be PLEASANTLY surprised… and therefore will tend to be happier over the long run… instead of constantly getting disappointed that your expectation wasn’t met.
Thanks Coach Khiem/Ken. That helped me understand this better without questioning whether people will take advantage of me if I have a “no expectations” mindset.
Coach Ken LOL
Services rendered for payment is not like life – that’s commerce. How about investment? Not of money but of self. We invest in ourselves best by investing bits of ourselves in others…and not necessarily the familiar ones or for an expected return. Sometimes the upside is being able to venture outside of both your upbringing and expectations and just experience the present – a new present that can make you grow in ways you never envisioned. I wish that I could remember the example about what we take with us on our journey and what we bring back. It was something like the difference between bringing back trinkets instead of experiences and leaving the best of yourself with those you came into contact with instead of just another dissatisfied tourist who expected the world at a budget price. Bet your friend is a crappy tipper.
Thanks, David!
Don Juan
When you have worked with the public as long as I have you learn to be patient with people and I was scared that guy may have whipped out a gun or knife so I just stood back and still waited on him but I said not a word then gave him his receipt with a smile and when walk out the door waved by to him and stood there in an amazement. It is best not to add fuel to the fire so to say if he does not like people there is nothing you can say or do to change their mind just leave them be.
To play devils advocate: Without expectations life can be very stale. Take for instance the expectation of going out and deciding to meet three girls at a bar. You tell yourself it will happen and you (hopefully) make it a reality.
The alternative to not having expectation is to say “I will go to this bar, hopefully something will happen.” No expectations + no action = nothing (unless you’re a celebrity or very handsome dude women pine over)
thoughts?
Eric
You have the wrong mindset.
Using the word hopefully a few times in your post tells me that you do not believe in it happening.
Hopefully you will win the lottery and never be poor.
See how that sounds?
Instead go out have fun create attraction stay present in the moment and stop thinking about how many women you will speak with and just have fun and see how your energy attracts women into your life.
Do you have any of my products?
You need my product called Whats Your Excuse. You need to check this out asap.
Eric
Really only handsome dudes and celebrities get pined over.
Man your mindset is a mess. YOu have no idea what attraction is really about.
You have come to the right place its time for a big time attitude adjustment.
Hey Eric
It is my unbiased opinion that indeed David Wygant and Coach Khiem or Ken are correct on this one. When you relax and “Let ya nuts hang”, it seems to attract women a lot more and you have more fun than hoping you can get you some. I am starting to realize this and I experienced this first hand. Not expecting anything in return is something that you should try. Hoping brings anxiety into every approach, and women can sense this. Trust me I am out doing this and it works. Good Luck!
Eric – no, no, no! No expectations equals boring? Geez, how about setting yourself up for too many opportunities for disappointment and/or failure? Go out with only one mindset: to be open to places, people, experiences. Call that an expectation if it makes you feel better to use more familiar terms but make it about how you frame the game plan, not about some karmic happenstance. You have to set the stage for success, not potential success: not just for you but anyone you might meet!
People that you might never have given your attention to suddenly change and become more interesting which leads to more fun and maybe even attraction and ooh, a connection! There was a quote that was something like (can’t remember the man who said it) “There is nothing so attractive to me as a woman who finds ME interesting.” Now imagine if YOU went out of your way to FIND out what was interesting about a woman you cross paths with (perhaps in your bar scenario) – she just might find you worth responding to. Now think about that!
First off, thanks for the response from David and other posters.
David – I agree that I need to change my attitude, I feel pressure and freeze up when I see women at a party, especially if they’re already being entertained by other guys.
But I will defend using “hopefully.” Nothing in life is guaranteed because each individual has little control over their world, only their perception of it, which is one’s “attitude.” Saying something like “I hopefully will become a great writer who sells a script” doesn’t seem like a bad minset. Removing “hopefully” makes it become a truthful statement, when there’s really no guarantee. I will work hard at making that statement come true, but there is no guarantee I will produce a script that can be sold.
I think being hopeful, is optimistic.
s
Concerning expectation, I do have them. Expectations of myself, like being a writer or one day being a great boyfriend to a great woman.
I agree that one should be open to people, places, etc. But I’ve been open to new people, often at social gathering where I’ve spent the evening having good conversations but never attracting the women that appeal to me. So it seems I should not just be “open,” there has to be more to it than that. Is the other half the courage to converse with desirable women?
Finally, that last part on to “see how your energy attracts women into your life.” I agree with it but I want my energy to attract the women I desire. Often I can easily charm women I’m not attracted too b/c I’m less nervous and they are much more responsive to me and show genuine interest. However I am not into them.
My goal is to take my energy and self and be able to use to attract the beautiful, smart, funny women I desire. Thoughts?
Eric
Since you like using “hope”, I would hope that the women you desire are those who are attracted to your core personality and who you really are. A woman that you truly desire should be a woman that shares some of your similarities and accepts your shortcomings. She should be someone who is attracted to you, but most importantly you should ask yourself if you like her. Once you look at it that way it will increase your confidence and help you to hopefully (jk) attract that woman. But once you open yourself up women who you truly desire will be there.