Knowledge is Power
October 17, 2008 
23 Comments
Every time you go into an art museum you are learning more about the artwork.
The first time you go, you’re Mr. Curious, and you ask, “I’ve never seen this before, how does it make you feel?”
The second time you go back, you know a little bit about the artist and you can ask about that. The third time you go back, you say, “you know this artist has some other stuff on the third floor as well,” and you’ve become a relative expert. You have more to talk about and you are better able to continue the conversation.
The first time you walk into a supermarket you might not really know about some of the food and products they sell. You can use the same Mr. Curious opener as at the museum: “ I’ve never seen this fruit, is it really good?” By the third time you go in there, you can say, “ I’ve had this before – it’s so good!”
Life is like a museum. Every time you go back to a certain place you’ll get more comfortable in that situation.
I tell guys this all the time: pick five places that you like and keep going back there. Keep practicing until you get so familiar with how that place works, and then add a sixth place to your repertoire. And then the seventh, and so on.
It’s always about repetition. I used to go to the same places over and over again until I felt like I owned the place. When you own the place, you walk and talk with authority. I’ve been to these places a thousand times – of course I’m comfortable!
The first time you go anywhere you’re going to feel uncomfortable. The second time will be a little more comfortable, the third even more, and so on – and by the time you’ve been there 20 times, you own the place. You know everyone there, and you know about what they do.
I always tell guys to stop trying to go everywhere and limit yourself to a few places.
I have a client in London who has been going to the Tate museum at least every couple of weeks by himself for the last few months, and you should see him there. He’s just been talking to people, and now they know him and he’s very comfortable there.
And he’s completely different than he was six months ago. I met him for the first time about a year ago and he wouldn’t talk to anybody. He was so shy and uncomfortable. Now he’s not shy at all.
You can do the same thing. Go down to the museums in your town every week and talk to people. Pick the same markets. If you do not have museums pick any place that you can learn from.
This is why repetition works. Guys refuse to do repetition – they are always expecting instant gratification. “Well, I went to the museum and I felt uncomfortable – fuck it, I’m not going back!”
You have to embrace the small victories and not focus on your losses.
Todays video is a bit warped.
I think we may have two PUAs in training!!
haha that video is hilarious.
Those boys just want to touch breasts! I feel for them.
And yes I agree, going to places over and over again is the best way to do things. I have gotten the most success in those situations.
Concerning the notion of going back to a place multiple times in order to get comfortable – I fully agree. This can also be true with places you go to meet women (like a bar, or the gym, etc.). The more comfortable you are with your surroundings, the more comfortable you are likely to be with yourself … and the better vibe you will throw.
This is my very first visit to your site, and I am impressed! Nice work! Oh – and I enjoyed the Boy Scout video, too!
Gregory
A little off topic , but meaningful just the same. David Challenged me to post this so I had to do it , after all I’m not a “chicken”
For all you people that think I’m just bashing away at your “self- confidence “super hero, I am .
I do agree on lots of things this guy says , most all of that stuff is really just common sense and that’s why I would agree. His advise is obvious and generically by the numbers, of course you have to talk to a girl to get her, duh! And any woman likes confidence over arrogance, and yes it helps to be someone your not if you are a shallow person and that is what it takes for you to get your “action”.
I believe that love is out there for you all, and once you find it you have to be smart , sincere, confident, compassionate, willing to compromise, and completely open-minded to keep it, but just don’t steal it from “thy neighbor”. It’s hard enough to keep love going over the years, but it’s even harder when every self righteous sneaky guy out in the “single” world who has the same chance to find a “single” woman as you did when you met “your’s” is trying desperately to steal that from you.
So….. I rise to the challenge , and leave you these words of wisdom to ponder.
Dear David ,
Your articles about befriending women who are in relationships :
Are the highlighted symptoms that cause such instability in marriages and relationships in the world we live in. It is despicable and sneaky advise. A real man (any “man” for that matter )who has the confidence to have a healthy successful relationship would not bother to covet another mans woman , and ” pretend that they are friends.
No wonder 50 % of all relationships end . There’s a million of you douche bags out there pretending that men and women can actually be platonic “friends” . We all know that men and women just have so much in common. It’s easy prey for weak minded , immoral people like you to just hold out long enough and try to slightly tilt the hand over time to work in your favor. ( Kinda gives me the creeps actually)
Usually guys like that are even pretending to be friends with the womans husband or boyfriend , the whole time knowing as they lie to their face that at the drop of a hat they would have sex with their beloved , special woman. That is a great way to better humanity, isn’t it?
With advise like that it’s not at all surprising to see or hear about some poor guy going off the deep end ,beating the shit out of “that guy”
(or worse ) and getting locked in jail up because the woman he loves is stupid enough to pretend that some “swinging dick ” with ulterior motives is actually her friend.
That kind of woman will always be open to ruining someones life, probably even her new friend turned boyfriend’s life as well. In that sense it is beautiful that “what goes around comes around” , I couldn’t think of a better punishment for some sneaky jerk off. Well I could , but I certainly would not want to describe it in detail.
I really hope that happens to all the guys out there who listen to your advise, and practice those morals . I hope that it happens to you namely, perhaps then you would truly understand the the dishonorable aspect of the situation more clearly .
I would be happier to pop someone like you in the nose than to shake their hand, and pretend that they are “just friends ” with my girl.
P.S. I would love to argue about this point until we are both blue in the face. So , please feel free to give me your two cents of wisdom as well.
Thanks for your time ,
Real man
wowwwww!!! these guys rock!!! amazing. Way to go man!
HAHA that video is hilarious lol “no old people because they already know how to do it”
I have begin to get comfortable in many of my environments including parts of the mall.
lol that video cracks me up so much, “yes lady you’re old and we like young boobies better”
Why didn’t i think of that when i was a kid??? I doubt i could get away with it now….. or could i? LOL
that’s awesome there trying to get jessica alba to be a part in brest exams and i agree with the more you do something the easier it is and you tend to get used to it
Very good advice! I cannot stress enough how much getting comfortable just being in a new environment has helped me! Personally, I like to frequent the same bars and clubs every week. I’ve noticed that when I get to know the bouncers and bartenders well, that’s how I know I’ll be totally at ease in whatever situation I find myself in.
Real Man
Mate you have the wrong end of the stick entirely. What you say about David and the viewers of this website (me included) is totally unwarranted. I am DEFINITLEY NOT a womaniser, never have been, never will be. I value monogamy very much. I understand the feelings of exclusivity and protectionism you speak of. Overall i think your motives are honourable, but your thoughts are misguided.
You say;
“No wonder 50 % of all relationships end . There’s a million of you douche bags out there pretending that men and women can actually be platonic “friends” .”
What a load of rubbish. You honestly believe that men and women can’t be friends?? What is your evidence for this? My guess is you were burned by a girl at some stage, or you have other possibly religious ideology that has gotten out of hand. Whatever the reason, i think you need to seriously re-evaluate your beliefs on the issue becuase it comes across as quite immature. I myself have many female friends, and i don’t have the desire to “steal them away” from their boyfriends, nor am i “waiting on the sidelines” for them to break up so i can make my sly move. The fact is they are just friends. I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but women are actually PEOPLE too. Amazing i know. They aren’t mere objects of male desire, which is what you essentially make them out to be.
Also, how do you know if a woman is taken if you never speak to her?? Talking to someone at the supermarket or coffee shop is so innocent, its called living in a society. They may be single, they may not. You’re never going to know until you find out. If they are taken, so what? You’re just being a friendly person, the fact that you may be attracted to them, at that point, isn’t all thats important. David has posted numerous blogs on how its good to talk to PEOPLE IN GENERAL, not just ones we’d like to date. I bet you’re the type of guy that likes to know where your girlfriend is 24/7, am i right? Checking up on her every move. Thats the type of behaviour that will drive her away very quickly i assure you. And in any event, a relaitonship takes two-to-tango. A woman has a CHOICE as to who she stays with or leaves. If she’s totally happy in her current relationship then somebody at the coffee shop asking her how her day has been or commenting on how great the latte is, isn’t going to make her run off into the horizon with the coffee shop guy. If that does happen, then you really need to look at the real reasons behind it. She wasn’t all that happy with you to begin with.
As for David, i can’t count the number of times when he has stated that if you meet a girl, and she’s taken, then no drama, friends is ok too. Note the word FRIENDS there. Not – be her fake friend and bust a move when she’s vulnerable. Never have i heard even the slightest implication from David that he promotes this type of behaviour. Your take on what he says is totally distorted by your own pre-conceptions about what he does. Yes there are other PUAs out there that probably think this is a great move, but David isn’t one of them. If you actually take the time to research his material a bit more you might realise that his messages pertain to more than just girls and dating, but everyday interactions with anybody and how to lead a more fulfilling life. From my perspective, i have never met David but i guarantee you i would not be reading his material and approving of the things he teaches if i suspected he was some sleazebag player. I hate those guys just as much as you do. So my advice to you is to re-read some old blogs and compare his material to whatever else is out there, then come back and tell us your thoughts…
Real Man
I would also add that your comment on David’s advice being based on “commonsense” may have some truth to it, but what you have to realise is that commonsense is subjective. It’s not universally understood. Not everybody knows to do X when Y is in play. Dating is a social skill that needs to be learnt, Just like any other non-instinctive skill we learn in life. So whilst what David teaches here may be dead obvious to you, its important to realise that many people struggle with the basics and need some sort of help to get them up to speed.
Real Men
Ok….I have been quiet all day.
Not only can men and women be friends but down the road they can actually date.
How do i know this.
I have been doing it my whole life.
I have never come onto anyones GF or wife.
If I meet a woman that i find amazing and she is taken i will hang with her as a friend because i know that i can learn from her and enjoy getting to know an amazing person.
I do not or would not ever hit on someone……its all about enjoying that person.
Now down the road who knows what will happen and if they happen to break up i would be very open to hanging with them once they clear space and process the last relationship.
You never know what may happen and in life you need to get to know everyone who interests you because down the road you may end up with that person.
I am with someone right now that was dating someone else when we met and we hung a bunch of times getting to know one another as people.
Now we are hanging and its great.
I feel your beliefs are based on some past anger.
We are all very different and your experiences in life are not like mine so we live in very different realities!
Dear Real Men
i never meet David Wygant in person yet… when i found out his blogs on Yahoo…first thing cross in my mind “These Guys is Amazing!!!” yes he’s teaching men how to become more Attractive all the time
but bear in your mind what he shared/teached us are to become “Better Person” or i would said “Better Version” in our life. Embrace every little things you do and how we interact with these peoples surrounding us.
i still remember David wrote this ” If you don’t like yourself then Nobody going to like like you either”. Well i guess you should ditch more David’s blog and understand every little words and his advice!!
Have a Great Weekend !!!
Let’s not waste much valuable space on Real Man, he probably lost his girlfriend to his best “friend” six years ago:-)
I have a feeling I know who the London client is.
He’s got a couple of nice conversation starters that I’ll be using the next time I’m at the Tate.
Nice vid… is it for real? Can’t be… gotta be a spoof right?
Two things:
1. If a woman can’t figure out that another man is only friends because he wants to bang her… she’s a little loose in the skull… and
2. If a woman isn’t number one… and STILL lets the guy stick around, then lets be honest, she ain’t too happy about the way things are going down in the current relationship.
Either way… it’s her choice to keep him around.
If I’m the guy… and I can sense that my woman has one of these guys around… I’m concerned because of the first reason mainly (she’s an idiot)…
Once I determine it’s not number one… then I’m gone… ’cause I know where it’s gonna end up.
If anything… guys like this are a blessing in disguise… they tell you where you’re really at with your women… and where she is with you…
Now, what you DO with that information… determines whether you’re a dumb ass or not… (and I mean that in the nicest possible way… lol)
This is too funny! And the best part: they do the breast exam in a basement and they are concentrating on younger women! These two boys are going to have a great future!
I do applaud the D.W. fans for their heart filled dedication, I never said verbatim that D.W. was a “player, or a womanizer “. I do understand that he is giving advise for people to do with as they please and really only trying to help them. Good for him, It is great way to pay the bills, after all I’m sure that many of you do need his advise. I want to thank the one called Sam for his p.c. nature, way to go man you are so passive aggressive aren’t you? Let me guess , you probably even believe yourself huh “mate” ?
Men and women cannot and never will be friends the way that a man is friends with another man. Nor can a women be friends with a man the way that she is friends with a woman. I base this on the basic principle of attraction. If there is no attraction, there is no interest. Either one or the other feels an attraction and is the motivator for the friendship. We all understand where attractions between men and women lead.
Now, unless your the kind of guy that played “house, or barbies, or other girly stuff ” with girls when you were a kid (in which case you are probably gay, really though, no offense) you would have to admit , that girls/ women are completely annoying. They are the exact opposite of what a man has in a friendship with another man. ( that’s why I cynically said ” men and women just have so much in common”, get it now? it’s o.k. you probably don’t)
DanTheOriginal, Just to clear the air : No ,I have never had a “friend” take my girl.
I do not base this opinion on anything that has happened to “me” in my life.
It is based on decades of exact observation , with precise understanding of human emotion and chemistry, combined with open eyes and realistic comprehension of the world around us.
I have seen so many people fail/ lose in love because of the moral views that this word forces on us all . We live in a time and place where most everything is self serving , instant , on demand, disposable , and under appreciated . The quote ” Plenty of fish in the sea ” Is a double edge sword, because many people throw away or waste a good thing , just out of the mediated curiosity for the bigger / better deal.
For all of you to understand : D.W. does give sound advise in many areas of dating , just not THIS particular area.
And for any man that has had a “woman friend” that ended up together in a relationship…..well the “proof is in the pudding” now isn’t it ?
My views are realistic , not “bitter ” I am only trying to save you and everyone else the pain of finding out the hard way.
I wish you all happy lives and success in love, just please be honest with yourselves about the things you portray. ( btw ,I am not some religious zealot, or sociopath, just an honest person)
respectfully ,
REAL MAN
P.S. To David Himself . I want to thank you for the opportunity to voice my opinion , I apologize if it is just too real and close to home for so many people. I actually care about everybody , deeply,whether I agree with them or not, so relax everything is going to be ok
Those kids are hilarious!
But anyway, life is all about learning and repetition. Simple as that. You just gotta go out there and learn.
Having places that are familiar to you is great! The great thing about those places is that they are always cards you can play at any time of the night. You can use those places to warm you up before you go into a new place. And if you are just looking to hang out and you’re by yourself, you can ALWAYS go there and talk to people you know…or don’t know depending on how comfortable you are in that place.
Never give up on a chance to learn.
REAL MAN, don’t worry. I don’t think anyone is going to go after you like we did Dr. Anne last week. I see your points and they make sense.
My question to you is this: You describe the world that we live in. Are you saying that if you live your life having those opposite traits, that we are destined to fail in love?
Infinity : I am sure glad that you can at least see a point in the matter. That is the first step to making positive changes .
To answer your question . I would say yes , we are destined to fail.
However I am only lying to myself to beleive that because( and I know this), there are exceptions to every circumstance that are beyond any control kinda like free radicals . For instance, I do believe that two horrible people can be a absolutely perfect match for eachother . So predicting everything is an immposibility.
I like your approach , thanks for the fresh air.
Real Man
Real Man..
The fact that women can’t and never will be friends with a man the way she’s friends with a woman, isn’t true in my own circle. In my case, I have two childhood bestfriends, and they’re male and female. Everything that has happened to me or has made me happy or embarassed or is about to happen or anything I fear to result from my plans in mind, I always could run to either of them, or to both of them at the same time if they happen to be together at the moment. And no, my male bff isn’t gay. The only different outcome is that I get a man’s point of view, and also a woman’s point of view. I don’t agree 90% that there is no interest if there is no attraction, between two opposite sexes who are friends. Because I, have so many male friends in my entire life that I can’t even count anymore, and not all of them showed a hint of attraction. Meaning, some of them did made it obvious(but didn’t make a move to take it to the dating level), and most of them didn’t. A very few though did took it to the dating level. lol. So it’s not applicable to every man and woman who are friends. And I know that when you’re attracted to a woman, it’s not that easy to just put her in the friend zone and actually become platonic friends. You’ll either go introduce yourself, try to know a lil more about her and then ask her out, OR, you spend days and days wondering how on earth you’re gonna approach her in a way that she won’t say no. People of both sexes who become friends without intentions, sometimes attraction grows later on or never at all.
That was just an opinion by the way. lol. Not everyone can always agree to how one person views one issue, because sometimes it depends on what they’ve been through themselves, or what they have witnessed from their past. lol.
HALLOWEEN IS COMING UP….I’M SO EXCITED TO SEE KIDS AGAIN WITH THEIR VERY CUTE OUTFITS! advance happy halloween everyone!!!
Real Man -
I know what you mean. There is a connection to made somewhere.
And you’re welcome.