Kick The Can
March 30, 2009 
123 Comments
I am going to call some of you out by name today, and am going to call the rest of you out who are not being mentioned by name by challenging you to talk. To a.movie, you are 100% correct – you’ve come to this blog to be challenged.
That is how I set up the blog to be. I set up this blog to challenge all of you to get out of your comfort zones, and start meeting and experiencing people like never before.
Sandra, you are acting like a child. I never told you not to post. I never, ever, put the kibosh on any of your posts and, in fact, I actually responded to a number of them. So for you to now call the blog “boring and stupid” makes you sound like a three year old who is pouting after not getting her way.
Also, Sandra, your comment about discrimination was completely ridiculous. This isn’t the 1960′s and we’re not talking about busing. C’mon! No one is discriminating against you here, and to make such an allegation is just ridiculous.
I’m actually calling everyone out today. If anyone has something to say, say it! Remember my “Grow Some Balls” blog from last week? I challenge everyone today who has something to say to “grow some balls” and say it here and now.
Today is Monday and it’s almost the end of the month, so if you’ve got something to say — whether it’s that you hate this blog, you love the blog, you don’t like what certain people have to say or whatever — say it!
Say it all now, because once today is over we won’t be dealing with shit like this anymore. Once today is over, we will go back to being challenged and stimulated (like a.movie said). We will go back to sharing our deepest thoughts with each other so we can continue our personal journeys to grow.
So for today, if you want to get into a schoolyard fight and act like spoiled children, go for it! If you want to call someone out, go for it! Dr. Bob, if you want to get into an argument with Sandra, go for it!
Remember that if there is a person (or persons) who comments on the blog who gets on your nerves, that quite often what they are seeking is attention. They will often act like a little kid to get that attention. I believe that all of us really like little kids deep inside.
So if you don’t like what someone is posting or how often they post, then just ignore them! Stand down. Don’t invite them to play kickball with the other kids. Don’t pick them to be on your team for the next game of Red Rover or Kick The Can at recess. Eventually if you ignore them long enough, they’ll learn how to play well with others on the playground (aka the blog).
As for the rest of you quiet people, sometimes numbering over 10,000 people a day, I want to address you now. We have a lot of silent readers. I want to hear from all of you today. How do you feel about all this?
The comments section of the blog is a “free for all.” There have been some amazing conversations back there. There have been some stupid conversations back there. That’s life.
So if you want to call someone out on the blog, that’s part of what life is all about. Let’s call this part of the blog “relationship 101.” No one here is a victim. No one should act like a victim and feel like they’re getting picked on here.
I don’t write my blogs about individual people, and if you think I am then you’re living in a fantasy world. Granted, I do reference individuals from time to time, but I am never writing entire blogs all about one person.
If you feel I am writing a blog about you, then that is simply a reflection of you recognizing that I am talking about your issues in a blog. It is simply you recognizing in yourself certain behaviors, problems or issues that I’m writing about in the blog.
I’m done . . . your turn!
David, I learn news ways to respect you everyday. Thank you for this blog.
I just wish people would talk more on here.
I like the blogs like the gift blog and the movie blog (when I’m not sabotaging it with my own issues) and the way we as a community interact on those comments space. I like how people find ways to interact with each other even when things are not clear as to the moral ambiguity of the situation. I think we are all learning and I like to think that I came to this blog space to find myself. I just wish the same for everyone else who travels this path to feeling good about ourselves.
There is a movie called Happy-Go-Lucky that I think lots of people who enjoy this blog would like. It deals with a woman who is a grade school teacher who finds a way to smile and laugh at everything that happens in her life and learns to grow bad situations into good ones by being positive. It is a great film from a great director and hopefully some of you can check it out.
I don’t want to call anyone out. Just want to wish everyone good luck in their own quest to find development and peace with themselves.
So Wavy…
I wonder how many people refrain from commenting on the blog simply because they do not have anything meaningful to add to the conversation rather than being afraid of it. This is just a thought.
Dave
This movie
Very cute and great message,
You can’t make things get to you unless you let them. The only thing no one can take away from me ever, is my spirit and positive look on life.
You make your opinion once and then let it be, confrontation never helped anyone, just feeds the never ending circle of negative energy.
People will change if they need to, you can’t make them with your comments. Besides what you might think is right is really you being judgemental of another. Just because the majority thinks one way does not make the other wrong, just different.
That’s the fun part of human interaction when people doesn’t just act like everyone else.
Thanks for bringing this one up David.
ALL OF YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES! THIS IS NOT KINDERGARTEN!
-
On that note.
!@#$%@ !!! I’ve had it with Rey ! You need to cut your damn hair! Its getting in the way!
___Exhibit A___
heheheh
You want a comment from a silent reader? Ok, here it is: I don’t give a rat’s ass about the drama. I very rarely read the comments because they add so little information to the mix. I’m even more dis-inclined to read because some people take the comments so damn seriously. It’s a BLOG people. If it or what someone says bothers you that much, just go away. The internet is full of blogs, I’m sure you’ll find another. What makes you think I, average silent reader, really care about your half-assed, whinny comments or perceived slights. Act on the blog the way you’d act in real life, if you were face-to-face with whomever you’re responding to. And if you say “I already do” then no wonder you need David’s help with relationships.
Let it rain!
a.movie stop kissing David’s ass and just cut loose on someone! Were not in church!
Man its like Tourette’s all of a sudden. It feels good to let go.
ahh damn it back to class
I’m not kissing ass. I don’t need to. I’m making a statement about how I feel. Is all.
I love these honesty talks. This is how you learn from each other. Good friends should always call you out on your shit once in a while… because the only people who would call you out are the people who care the most about you.
Sandra, Sandra, Sandra,
I’m going to say the same thing I said to one of our other ex-child blog commenters Faryn or Taryn or whatever her name was:
This is a blog. It’s about having fun. It’s about having a good time. It’s not about acting like a 4 year old child.
You were called out – so what?! Do you ever look as lessons in anything? Do you ever think something is about you? Or are you always putting the blame on everyone else and thinking the world is against you?
The world is a beautiful place. it’s time you recognize that. There is no reason for you to yell, scream, argue and act like a child. David’s right – maybe you should go play Kick the Can or Capture The Flag.
It’s about learning and taking responsibility for your actions. But you never take any responsibility for your actions.
It’s not that everyone doesn’t want to read your comments. Some do and some don’t. Instead of seeing it that way, you ranted like a f*%g lunatic.
It’s a good blog. We all choose to do what we want with it.
But it’s just that sometimes you post like 75 comments about nothing. I mean if they were 75 comments about something relevant … great!
That’s it. Dr. Bob out!
Dave
very true but think about this. the whole point of the blog is to get people to break out of their comfort zones!
For those of you who don’t remember the kick the can game.
Dr Bob
Thought you would enjoy this video on extreme capture the flag.
Bill
Most people act like big man on the internet and will post things they would never ever say in person,
Good post and you are right face to face and we have a whole different tone.
Its about combining the 2 words and learning how to stand up for ones self in real life.
Marina
Very very true people will only change when they see who they really are.
Change is hard for most.
A MOvie
I never felt like you were kssing my ass ever:)
So i have no idea how people jumped to that one
Jamie
Always a pleasure to hear from you my friend!!
David
To begin with I am perfect (-;
Sandra
I love you girl, personally i think your writing is funny and I for one do not mind. Those I don’t care about I just Ignore.
J-Dude and Canadian Vince
I miss you two boys.
Marina
Ahh perfection is a great thing:)
David (and anyone else who feels they know me well enough or not to comment), if there was one thing you would wish to see me change about myself, what would it be? Sometimes the people who need to make the biggest changes can’t see what it is that they are being led to desire to change.
I speak this way in person too. It took me a long time to hone my writing voice and my speaking voice into one cohesive unit, but I prevailed and here it is, for better or for worse. It is something I am very proud of and a friend had to help me see what kind of victory that is.
David, change of topics (I’m so good at that)! I was at the Farmer’s Market yesterday and I was making an effort to talk to people when I found myself next to this petite girl next to me. I picked up on her obvious lack of the Farmer’s Market process and made a joke about feeling lost the first time I wandered into one of these things on my own, too. She laughed and said something clever back.
When I looked at her closer, after she gaveme her attention, I had that honest moment, of holy crap, I know you from somewhere. But I didn’t say anything. In fact, it kind of threw me off and I didn’t continue my report with her. She looked at me confused, then wandered away.
After she was about ten feet away, I realized she was Ellen Paige, from Juno fame and the feeling of recognition was because of that. What would you do in that situation? I don’t get star struck (except for a few of my role models) and you teach to not let The Celebrity Machine influence who you are. But what would you do in this situation?
Just curious.
Mike
That kick the can video is more like throw your shoe at the can and knock it down. None of the kids in that video managed to connect.
In the school I grew up in we had an elaborately structured game about hockey card. The basic premise was to set up a goalie card against the school wall and then challenge other players to knock down your goalie by throwing their player cards at the goalie. The game lasted until they ran out of cards or until someone knocked your goalie down. Then you took the cards you “earned” and went and tried to knock down other goalie cards to start over again.
AHHHH. The memories!
Alright, I’ll say whats on my mind and not be a silent reader. David, I enjoy your blogs because they are very insightful and direct to the point. You don’t bullshit none of us and tell it like it is.
As far a leaving comments, I only chime in from time to time because some comments people leave (excuse my french) are fucking ridiculous. With that being said, I really don’t mind because you always say to us “don’t edit ourselves and say whatever you feel and think” and that’s what people do. They have that right and we have the right to respond to it, some people do, then others like me just sit back and say nothing because we don’t want to get into it. Not because were scared of what others say but because it’s childish.
The point I’m making for myself is that I respond to topics and comments that are helpful, meaningful to me and not childish type conversations. Should I knock and criticize those who do, I have the right to but why should I, that is not what I want to do or who I am. Should they stop speaking there mind, no but don’t be upset if you get negative comments thrown back at you.
The comments we leave should teach us a lot about ourselves that we may not see or is not pointed out to us by others. Some may act childish, racist, or even blame everything on something, but they can’t see it because nobody has ever said anything to them about it and they go on thinking everything is right when it could actually be wrong.
We all need to remember that we all come to David’s blog to be taught and learn something that will help us, at least that’s what I am here for.
Even the silly stuff that shows up here sometimes is at least entertaining.
I started reading the blog about 6 months ago while trying to figure out
some strange behavior by a long-time friend/short-time girlfriend. What
I’ve come away with is that people act the way they act. The blogs didn’t
correct or magically help me change things, except with myself. If nothing
else, I’m learning to tell fantasy from reality, and not to confuse what I
want with what is.
Long time reader, first time commenter….
First let me say David you rock! I absolutely love your blog.
Your challenge made me decide to “just say it!” about what I’m thinking – and what I’m thinking is that Sandra seems to share a lot in common with Glenn Close in fatal attraction and I’m a little scared of her.
I agree that there are definitely a few folks who post comments who don’t play well with others, but I simply ignore them! I would suggest everyone else do the same
This blog is too good to let a few bad apples ruin it.
Keep up the good work Dave!
I read this blog for self improvement because I think when it comes to dating and relationships David is one of the few people in the world who gets it. With that being said, I come hear to read what he posts on his blog almost daily because everything he says is not only insightful, but has a lot of substance to make anyone into a better person.
I generally don’t read the comments from other readers because I don’t find it helpful. I’m sad to see that David has to take away from posting articles that matter and making him bring up trivial issues from readers who don’t know how to comment nicely.
i see two things happening here –
one, some folks take the comments section to a blog way to seriously and should follow that dr’s advice to just have fun with it
and two, some people suffer from the “can dish it out but can’t take it” condition
Hi everyone, i wanted to share a story with you guys. I think it will put some perspective in everyone and help everybody to learn and grow and just enjoy their life starting NOW! : D
“According to an ancient Sufi story, there lived a king in some middle eastern land who was contnuously torn between happiness and despondency. The slightest thing would cause him great upset or provoke an intense reaction, and his happiness would quickly turn into disappointment and despair. A time came when the king finally got tired of himself and of life, and he began to seek a way out. He sent for a wise man who lived in his kingdom and who was reputed to be enlightened. When he wise man came, the king said to him, ” I want to be like you. Can you give me something that will bring balance, serenity, and wisdom into my life? i will pay any price you ask.”
The wise man said, ” I may be able to help you. But the price is so great that your entire kingdom would not be sufficient payment for it. Therefore it will be a gift to you if you will honor it. The king gave his assurances, and the wise man left.
A few weeks later, he returned and handed the king an ornate box carved in jade. The king opened the box and found a simple gold ring inside. Some letters were inscribed on the ring. The inscription read: THIS, TOO, WILL PASS. “What is the meaning of this?” asked the king. The wise man said, ” Wear this ring always. Whatever happens, before you call it good or bad, touch this ring and read the inscription. That way, you will always be at peace.”
Well everyone hope you enjoyed this story, Got it out of ” A new earth” by Eckhart Tolle.
Remember guys and gals,there’s only one moment and that’s the present!
Ok personally, I can’t stand all the personal battles on here because I think they’re stupid and inconsiderate.
BUT like Benjamin said, I don’t stop reading the blog because of it. I just ingnore these people’s comments.
Ironically if some of these crazy commenters were really reading David’s blog, I don’t think they would EVER say half the things they do in their comments. They need to spend more time reading and less time commenting I think…
A bunny boiler! Now, why didn’t I think of that? I’ve always instinctively avoided women who might be best described as bunny boilers, and so far I’ve been very lucky (whilst some friends have suffered!). Of course I know full well that men can be just as bad (or worse), before I get accused of being sexist.
Mike, no quick answer comes to mind for your question. If I was into throwaway comments I might just say to go out, get drunk and get laid. I don’t do that very often myself, as I almost always regret it, but for shaking yourself out of a rut …
David – LOVE the capture the flag video … Had some crazy capture the flag games at summer camp about which I am STILL sworn to secrecy
I don’t have much to say… I’ve always enjoyed reading this blog as part of my afternoon routine. And drama is silly, but provides for some good entertainment.
Speaking of entertainment, I REALLY hope that picture of Rey isn’t real! haha
David,
I love how you don’t let this whole thing fester and are calling everyone out!
But are the police going to arrest all of us for criticizing Sandra – as she’s claiming we are all harassing her and violating her constitutional rights?
Just adjust it
just ordered some of his books, cant wait to read it. after your entry.
Hey all,
I agree with Jason. David’s blogs are great and straight to the point (perfect for reading on my prep period at school!).
I also only respond if there’s something that really hits home. Can you imagine if all 10,000 responded on a daily basis?! It would take forever to view the day’s blog!
Drd, it sounds like you’re on the right path, but don’t give up. If you can gain that inner confidence, eventually people will start to act the way you want them to act around you. I started reading David’s blog about a year ago and it has been a big factor in me finding my inner confidence. Your fantasies CAN become your reality. Trust me. The skills that David teaches don’t just help romantic relationships, but platonic ones as well with friends, coworkers, etc. All you have to do is put in the time and effort to read the blogs and then APPLY the insights to your own life.
I am really disappointed that we missed another opportunity today to talk about some deeper stuff. As a teacher I see enough of this childish mierda!
Anyway, to leave this post on a good note (since David already recommended a movie as well), Wygant-nation needs to go out and see “I Love You, Man.” It is one of the greatest “Bromantic” comedies ever.
Peace!
I haven’t posted here in a while and it’s a shame because I have missed out on some great conversations. Fortunately, I still read DW’s posts and keep myself up to date – and as always, great content.
People don’t call out others on their nonsense enough!
But kids, let’s stop the nonsense. Then again, Sandra hasn’t posted her comment yet so I’m prepping for a good one. And about another 50 comments after that.
DW, Khiem, and the other coaches: keep up the great work.
Missed you infinity! And great comment…made me smile
Oh Dave
That is so past I am in Heaven no one not even you can get me off this cloud I am on…Oh let you in on a little secret:
When I go through my email I look at those temporarily but when I see my name mentioned…I will reply that is why I skipped down to here do you have a movie about love at first sight…..
Still Luv Ya
Sandra
Sandra,
Nice to have you back my girl.
Or Dave
I have a song for you too Alabama’ Love In The First Degree
Dave
Instead of Kick the Can lets kick some ball around we have a wonderful field here in Ashland City wanna play!
Oh David get over it…next blog this one is wonderful ok you made your point now well all I have to say that is life in the fast lane and life must go on….
Sandra
You mean this.
OH Sadra listen to the firts hard headed man.
Maybe it you should sing this version.
Hard headed woman……
Sing for all us!!!!
Sandra
Not so sure about this song and what it pertains to todays blog……
Greetings from Ireland.
First comment – As we’d say in Ireland David you’re a legend. You have done more for me in a few simple blogs and videos than reading a load of books on self improvement etc.
Started looking at your stuff a couple of weeks ago and wow, I always thought I had to be someone else to get someone interested in me, but after reading these blogs, and some of the more enlightening comments
, I now know that what I need to be is me – confidently (if you’re not confident in yourself who will be???), with energy and with passion for life, my life.
Another great insight I’ve gotten from the “cut the bullshit” way of coaching you have is to turn down the inner voice saying “if you say that, she should say this, and if she says this, then you say x etc.” this alone is my biggest thing to overcome, and slowly but surely I’m eliminating this voice (who sometimes also says – she won’t like you, you’re not good enough) but now i FEEL like going over to that girl, I don’t think, I OBSERVE, and I’ve energy for life and people now – not just romantically and the results are amazing.
You have shown me things I’ve known for ages in a cut the bullshit way and I thank you for this. Sometimes the best view is from right where you are.
So guys:
Stop thinking, OBSERVE, have energy, passion for your life, speak well of others, and you will have more success with life and others than before, don’t feel victim if reaction to something you’ve done doesn’t get desired result, people have different perceptions etc. just stand back up when you get that knock down, maybe that person had a bad day, are you gona be in a bad mood to the next person who could be a beautiful girl meant to be with you??
Bring your coaching to Ireland please – I know there’s opportunities here for this stuff!!
JUST DO IT
Philip
Infinity
Thanks and always great to see you on the blog!
BRad
I think this actually is deeper stuff because all of this can relate to how some of us deal with things in everyday life.
This is just an extension on how people react and if you think about it most people are over reactors.
Do i smell tomorrows blog?
I think we have something here.
I am going to put the fingers to the keyboard and off i go!
Right On David
Hey Dave I don’t drink if someone where to buy me a drink they would wasting their money I would only take a few sips and put it down…I am just high on love that is all you asked what is going to happen in three days well it did I seen my baby….
Okay one two three can u hear me in California oh just find my daughter Kat she can sing real good just tell her not to hit that HIGH Note!
Phillip
Love that.
Cut the bullshit and just do it.
You processed the real message today and really embraced what i was after.
I always say look deeper and just do it!!!
Just Adjust It
The peace is inside you!!!
Great story and i am reposting it below.
“According to an ancient Sufi story, there lived a king in some middle eastern land who was contnuously torn between happiness and despondency. The slightest thing would cause him great upset or provoke an intense reaction, and his happiness would quickly turn into disappointment and despair. A time came when the king finally got tired of himself and of life, and he began to seek a way out. He sent for a wise man who lived in his kingdom and who was reputed to be enlightened. When he wise man came, the king said to him, ” I want to be like you. Can you give me something that will bring balance, serenity, and wisdom into my life? i will pay any price you ask.”
The wise man said, ” I may be able to help you. But the price is so great that your entire kingdom would not be sufficient payment for it. Therefore it will be a gift to you if you will honor it. The king gave his assurances, and the wise man left.
A few weeks later, he returned and handed the king an ornate box carved in jade. The king opened the box and found a simple gold ring inside. Some letters were inscribed on the ring. The inscription read: THIS, TOO, WILL PASS. “What is the meaning of this?” asked the king. The wise man said, ” Wear this ring always. Whatever happens, before you call it good or bad, touch this ring and read the inscription. That way, you will always be at peace.”
Well everyone hope you enjoyed this story, Got it out of ” A new earth” by Eckhart Tolle.
David,
Alright I will cut the bullshit and comment on the Imovie/Mike kissing your ass.
“well he has to start somewhere”
Mike
No need to be star struck.
I would have just told her while looking right into her eyes that i loved her work in JUno.
Or if that is not your style.
I would have just started chatting her up about the great veggies that she was about to buy.
Its that simple.
Oh Peter if you don’t believe my dad owns his own company go into the search and put Hutchens Plumbing Inc and it will bring it up I am my dad’s secretary when mom can not do it….It is a family owned business….Oh I was in the Flotilla of Ashland City TN Of the United States Coast Guard Auxilliary so you believe this a fairy tale I was raised by an employer. Oh Dave how about Angel Of The Morning by Juice Newton it may tell you something…
Good evening Mr. Wygant,
My name is Steven. I don’t know if you remember me-but I am a longtime reader/sometimes contributor to the blog. I have a very unique insight being a person with a unique disability, but when I read your blog post today, I had to comment. However, while I have several topics I’d like to address with you (and as always welcome feedback), it is paramount that I will do so in a respective manner, and those who disagree with me, I expect the same courtesy back. Even a condemned man gets a chance to tell his side of the story.
I first want to address a recent posting where a user named “Donny” was the subject in regard to his email. I happen to agree with you David that you are a businessman and you are selling your counsel so to speak, just like an attorney who is paid by the hour for his work. But to have you say “If you aren’t serious, don’t waste my time” or something along those lines, was really bothersome to me. The people who read this blog are dedicated fans of yours, and they are the reason why you are good at what you do. I know that the best thing in life is to get paid for what you love to do, and there is no doubt you genuinely love doing this. Maybe this is just me, but to put him down in that manner really stuck out at me. Just like an athlete who does an autograph signing, it is the fans who buy the tickets/jerseys, et al, who make him be able to do what he does. I was just curious as to why you responded that way.
I have thought long and hard about getting coaching with you (via email). I know the economy sucks right now, and working part-time doesn’t help my social situation…after all, no woman will want to consider you if you’re working part-time, and living in the NYC area, no woman will want to even consider you unless you’re a doctor, attorney, working on Wall Street or making a significant salary. I have struggled mightily in terms of my social skills. I have three issues I need to overcome: I am obsessive-compulsive, I have a low self-esteem because of my stuttering (and speech therapy has helped immensely, as my volunteer work with an organization that focuses on this speech impediment) and I have characteristics of Asperger’s, which means I don’t often read social “cues” and misinterpret social signals from people. I admired your work with “Always Talk To Strangers,” and when I mentioned the fact that I was interested in pursuing “dating coaching,” I was talked out of it by my counselor. When I asked why, he said that because of my “unique aspects of my personality,” it might not work at all. Now for someone who is a regular Joe, maybe dating coaching could help. Maybe I am just uncoachable in a few ways.
I did try to reach out to a colleague of yours. As you stated on your site, you are friends with many of these coaches in the community and can vouch for their work. I won’t tell you who I used, but I purchased his guide to online dating, and was very disappointed with the result. While I did learn something from it, I emailed for a refund. The assistant was very gracious and tried to get me to reconsider but I explained my situation to her. She said she understood. I try and use the Internet because it helps me level the plaing field so to speak. It’s ironic, isn’t i.t…I don’t let my speech stand in the way of anything, but yet socially, another year has passed and I am more alone than ever. Although my relationship with my left hand is very healthy. At least with that you don’t have to worry about all the dating issues.
I do wonder though what it would be like to go out on a weekend and enjoy myself with the company of a woman. I haven’t had a girlfriend in four years….I wouldn’t know what to say, what to do, or where to go anymore. I have coined a term for this called the “BBD”-the bigger better deal. No one wants a car from last year or five years ago, they want the flashiest, sportiest model they can find. Same thing with women when it comes to guys. I know that they wouldn’t look at me anyway.
I know I am a unique person when it comes to dating situations, that I need to work twice as hard (if not more) to maintain even a remote shot at having a meaningful date. I struggle with depression and low self-esteem issues, even cut a few times when I was younger. Thankfully I have come a long way since that and have been involved in positive things to keep me going…being out of work for two years hasn’t helped. Maybe I want it all….who knows. But more than anything, I want a woman to say I am worth it. That I am worth getting to know. As Liz Phair said, “I am extraordinary….if you ever get to know me.”
Some days I really hate the fact I live in the New York area. Too competitive, women are too materialistic (after all, this is the fashion capital of the world). I often think about what it would be like to move away, get a fresh start. You can only do that so many times. And I know first hand, you can’t keep running away. As the old axoim goes, running away doesn’t solve anything….it only makes your problem worse.
Thank you, Mr. Wygant, for listening. Good luck and continued success.
Here is the link to youtube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZM3OJ1X178
Hi David I’m one of those silent readers and I enjoy every which way you try to help us with our dating lives! It has helped me tremendously and I appreciate the fact that you take a moment out of your life to help those that are trying to find themselves in this world! I have made many improvements in my life and I still believe I don’t know everything and I still have much to learn! Thanks for everything and keep it coming until your eventual semi- retirement!
I came onto this blog last year around Christmas-time and it only took a few days to notice Sandra was not all that intelligent. I’m sorry if these words hurt you Sandra, but as a secondary school teacher I am able to see multiple personalities all in one classroom. I get the quiet kids who are real nice, the jocks, the smart kids, and then the annoying, foolish kid who doesn’t know any better. These kids, you try to help to become better citizens, but as I said, they just don’t know any better. Most of the time, they are influenced by the behavior they see at home.
Sandra admitted that she got picked on as a child and she’s a grown woman still getting picked on. Sandra doesn’t know the concept of moderation. She overdoes things on this blog, commenting with poor grammar. Then she talks about how she’s a Christian and then cusses out people. People, please don’t turn down Christianity because of her. Look to Jesus and please don’t think all Christians are the same. There are very few who model godly behavior.
Sandra, quit making a spectacle of yourself. Keep your mouth shut and think twice about what you say and what you do. You already have a reputation on this site as being the town idiot. If you’re raising kids would they be happy that their mother is known as that? I don’t think so.
I think of my folks and they have been respectable people all their lives. I’d be embarrassed if you were my mom.
Most people who comment on here offer intelligent input. If any childish talk ever came from me on here, it has always been directed at you, because you’re an easy target. You made yourself that way to everyone here.
Shouting out to all the L.A. peeps on here,
David, you should have a networking event at some LA bar or club one night. Let’s do L.A. Live!!!! Have you been there?
Peace out yo!
::Doo Wop::
Davie
The reason why I am giving you these links these songs ties me to him….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4dldrsOpQA
Juice Newton The Sweetest Thing
Dave
Some of us can go this route
Josh Turner Long Black Train
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gybGXnciig&NR=1
David,
Lookin forward to tomorrow’s blog. Hopefully you’ll still have time to keep up with the new Tuesday Q & A format!
And you’re right this blog was actually pretty deep. I will definitely look at my over-reacting students in a different light now and take them even less personally than before. Thanks MAC aka Doo Wop!
brad
i may move the q and a to thursday………tomorrows blog is way too good to wait!!
Edward
I will never retire this is too much fun!!!!
David
MAc
Where in LA are you?
Steven
Great to hear from you again.
I never forget anyone and always glad to see you post.
I have one for you David and watch it very closely:
Do you remember when Chris asked the panel of four how they handle girls like this I forgot what u said but here is one for you: Hey I am not like this my dad will beat u to kicking my ass…
Carrie Underwood: Before He Cheats
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSG4Cml7HXs
I have one for you and ur girl Dave by Josh Turner Your Man you can find it also on You Tube.
Steven, thank you so much for sharing. I can’t relate to everything you are going through, but I have had some of the feelings you so nicely described.
David, is it being starstruck? Maybe if this was the first time I was here. I think it has more to do with my insane desire to get ahead in my industry combined with a fantasy, makes the stars seem genuinely brighter for me. So are you saying as soon as it seems like she thinks I am recognizing her I shouldn’t be worried about bringing up her career in a non agressive sales Mike kind of way?
David,
I’m in the San Gabriel Valley area…605/10/60 FWYs
I’m with MAC on the LA networking night . . . for all your readers to meet up at a public place and meet each other . . .if they dare. Maybe do it quarterly or bi-annually. (Of course a get together this Friday would be phenomenal since I’ll be in LA . . . wishful thinking)
I’d like to know where Graham went. I think he was one of my favorite people to chat with on your blog, even though he was old enough to be my dad! (probably).
As for “Remember that if there is a person (or persons) who comments on the blog who gets on your nerves, that quite often what they are seeking is attention. They will often act like a little kid to get that attention. I believe that all of us really like little kids deep inside.”
I would say that if a person gets on your nerves, look at them as a gift– an opportunity to learn more about yourself, (what is it about their behavior that does get on your nerves? Remind you of someone from childhood, a part of yourself you don’t like?). Additionally, it isn’t what they say that gets on your nerves, but your thoughts about what they have said that make them irritating.
Haven’t been keeping up too much with the blog, have been engaged in other things, but I always enjoy your posts when I do. I’m also glad to see (in some comment a few posts ago) that Khiem is reading Passionate Marriage. I’d love to see a guest post from him on interpreting Schnarch’s concept of differentiation.
I love your blogs Dave you hit the nail on the head everytime and I love your no bull shit approach to love and life. I get bored reading through most of the childish comments between people but always enjoy what you have to say.
Hey people, I’m sad to read a blog about something like that.
I usually don’t read the comments as I read the post. But I do read the most expressive and interesting ones, just passing my ones through the others.
I didn’t even know something like this was going in the comments! =/
By the way, I love to read your posts David, they bring some interesting insights.
If there is an LA even count me in. Maybe we could have a kick ass game of kick the can somewhere.
I’ve been a silent reader lately. The good news: I’ll have more time to read and comment on your blogs. The bad news: I got laid off. I did get a decent severence package. Did someone mention a meet and greet for all the people who frequent your blog? I might do some traveling. If I find myself in the LA area, I’ll be there.
Jen
Got to love the severence package!!!
Take a great trip before you start the job search!!
JOnas
This will be the last blog about this stuff.
Tomorrow we have a very tough subject and wednesday we will explore why people cheat.
Taryn
Life is full of so much bullshit that when i finally eliminated it my life became free and easy.
Mac
LA night will happen.
Towards the end of april when i get back from NYC
So now that we’ve all been called out…
Here’s the deal:
Sometimes the world does not need to know what you’re thinking. Sometimes that thought process needs to keep evolving a bit inside your head before you try it out on the world, and sometimes, if you can’t say something nice, its better not to say anything at all.
My issue with previous postings or comments if you prefer, is I have heard some very racist, sexist remarks here that I’m surprised that people still think like this. I left the blog for awhile because of it…just taking a page from a few of your coaches David and deciding that I had more respect for myself. I wandered back to the fold when something from David came in the email that particularly resonated with me. A little bit of man confusion…or rather confused by behaviors and conversation not matching of said man. I’ve stayed over the last few blogs merely because I can’t seem to keep myself from looking at what seems to be a multi-car pile up.
Lexi, Steven nice to see you again!
Steven why are you listening to someone who tells you, you can’t? If you did that where would you be?
MAC, I was born in San Gabriel, and grew up in Arcadia that is until my parents drug my teenage behind kicking and screaming up to the Redwoods.
Thanks David,
That would be fun. I’m sure a lot of silent readers would come out and give meeting people a shot. It would be a great ice breaker.
Steven,
Nice to see you back! I am the former stutterer, heck I still stutter every once in a while! But I did work my ass of DAILY in speech therapy to overcome it and keep throwing myself out there in tough situations to overcome the feelings you are still going through. You need to continue doing that and you need to pick yourself up and stop feeling sorry about yourself…I know, easy to say and hard to do.
I don’t do online dating but, have you ever tried being upfront about your stuttering in your online profile? I am sure there are women with the same issue who would love to meet someone who “gets” them…You can even make some funny comment in your profile, like “contact me so we can go stutter together”:-) or something like that. I bet you some will find it kind of cute.
And I think you need to get the hell out of NYC. The cost of living there is obscene and you don’t like the women there anyway. And I bet you there are quite a few unemployed women who would love to find someone with a part time job these days!
And, for God’s sake, no more outings with your NY Yankees jacket:-)
MAC: I nominate your post as Blog MVP:-)
It would be fun to have a DW Blog community get together. I have been going every year to another similar event (dealing with “Travel”) and have made many friends who share our hobby…Hey, I could fly there for that if I can fit into my schedule, I have way too many frequent flier miles to spare:-)
I dont’ know if any of you guys realized but we did get somewhat of a get together last month. We did one of those free seminars in Marina Del Rey. It was a lot of fun!
So if you didn’t hear about it… maybe you didn’t check your newsletter emails that David send out periodically.
Marina,
I am flattered.
Dr Bob,
What’s your PHD? It fucking sounds pretentious having a Dr title on this blog.
Im a black college student at a predominantly white university with many frat guys and wealthy, great looking girls. On the most part, I hang out with a bunch of white guys but sometimes ill go out with some brothers. One thing that me and my black friends have noticed is that these rich white girls really don’t give us black guys a chance and its hard for us to really start a good relationship with them. I mean, we’re pretty good lookin, dress nice, great attitudes, athletic, treat the girls with respect (unlike many of the “frat” guys here), etc and we’re still looked at last. Any comments? Im definitely not sayin that these girls are racist cuz theyre not but they definitely treat the black guys here differently than the white guys. Any comments or advice on how to treat this situation? cuz its really buggin me and my black friends.
David I’ve been reading your blogs for about 5 months now and at 19 years old it’s really helping me cope with the emotional and spiritual changes im going through and I wanted to thank you!
Will,
Don’t try to be more “white” for these girls at your college. What you should do is see the fact that they treat you differently as an opportunity to show them how really cool black guys like yourself would treat a woman.
The emotions and connection that David teaches to foster with a woman doesn’t change. You still need some form of connection at the beginning and then you can expand on that and show them how you are.
If you want more specific advice, give us more details on how these girls treat you differently.
i’m thinking of trying the “no excuses” program, silent reader,still single.3 years .hmmmm i keep coming back to this site for some reason, i take all this great info in…but no action, probably scared of what others think of me. ha
I didn’t realize that I was still using “Infinity” as my name. My actual name is Thomas. I’ll be using that from now on.
To respond to Will’s comment, it would be great to hear more details on how they treat you differently. But I was in a VERY similar situation when I was in college. My school was small (about 3000), was mostly women and mostly white/Caucasian. The one thing that I learned in all my years there was to never change who I was. I stuck to it and kept trying to break ground with who I was interested in.
Breaking ground could be as simple as carrying a decent conversation – and then it can grow to going on a quick date in the campus caf.
Khiem is right when he says don’t try to be more “white.” Simply put that’ll make you like “the rest of them” and although that may be perceived as what works, I’m sure you would rather be true to yourself and to the women you want in your life.
Great to see so many “silent ones” blog today…nice to meet you!
Lisa, glad you blogged today…we need more women so keep it going!
Will – There’s a difference between being racist and being unfamiliar with people of other races, ethnicities, whatever. Back in college, I once explained (upon request) about being part Asian and the girl (trying to “reflect back” what she heard) re-stated it as “Oh, so you’re half-Asian and half-regular.” I was shocked because she came from a very well-to-do background but clearly a more insular existence, coming out of an all-girls parochial school. But she was smart enough to realize how bad it sounded as soon as it was out of her mouth and she apologized profusely. What if you’re the first black person that they ever had real contact with? And Greek Row is hardly the only part of college life with reality problems. And you never know what flows from their parents’ lips when they are told how to behave. I say look elsewhere. Check out the girls in the dorms, the Student Union building, your classes, the coffeehouses and athletic facilities that surround campus life. My sister went to a teacher’s college in a cowboy/farm town and the Hawaiian girls attending college on the mainland for the first time went crazy for all of the black guys. And the sisters were pissed! You just never know where and when you might become the hot ticket! Just be yourself.
The silent majority has risen to the challenge – thanks for coming out, so to speak!
j-dude — I think that Dr. Bob just likes to PLAY doctor – and who are we to spoil his fun?
Lexi – Whatever happened at your massive pillow-fight event for New Year’s?
Mike – Why didn’t you just ASK her if that’s who she was? Or do the “you look familiar – have we met before” line? No harm, no foul…and SMILE!
Steven – Sometimes we have to “try on” different aspects of our “wannabe” personality in order to find the best fit – just like buying clothing. Off the rack works for many people but others require a little tailoring – a nip or tuck here and there – until we find the best fit, and no one will know better than you yourself how it FEELS when you move about in it. Just do it YOUR way.
I am a regular reader, but rarely, if ever, respond. I just wanted to share with all of you that I met an amazing woman in a bookstore recently. I own all of David’s audio products and listen to them all the time. The only reason I met this girl is because I listened to those MP3s over and did the exercises he talks about. So thank you, David.
Also, I was at the free seminar in Marina del Rey and it was great meeting all three is you: Kim, Khiem, and David.
K
As usual well written, always a pleasure to read. To the two K’s could either of you use a different K as it would be nice to know who is Davids friend from the other day and who is the other K.
Nice to see you back j-dude (-:
Will
I kills me to think that just the term think-white is still around. Bus as anyone has said, be authentic be yourself it’s the only way to go.
Hah.
You asked for comments and you got it!
Im curious as to the point of the blog. As ive read plenty of your blogs and understand that you want people to ‘get out of their comfort zone’ i would deduce that this is the reason for the blog. However, as someone who needs new marketing techniques i could also see this as a popularity ploy and theres nothing wrong with it… current economic times truly suck.
For some this may be a small step in the right direction however i believe most readers would be silent due to the fact that theyre opinion is blatent or theres really no need to comment other than thank you for it.
@Steven
Mate.. never give up. Stop finding excuses to why you cant have a succesful relationship with anyone. Like david mentions… first you need to truly love and appreciate yourself to be confident.
Im sure you will succeed in the future… just never give up!
Thanks David
Will:
I think you are being way too nice by trying to act more “white”. This generates a sense that you are not confident about yourself and women “sense” that right away. So, stop trying to fit in, be yourself all the time and BE a real man…Women like that and there are tons of women who LOVE black men or, at least, want to experience one…
Isn’t there a saying that goes something like “once you go black, you never go back” lol
David I love your blog! I don’t bother too much about the comments.
I have been reading this blog for about nine months now, and it is amazing to me how many times you have made me get off my ass and improve in several different areas of my life.
I have been putting much of the advice into practice, and it works! I have been meeting women right and left, and while I haven’t found “the one,” I no longer am concerned about approaching, talking to, and flirting with women. It used to take a lot for me to approach women because of the fear of rejection. Now it is just something I do in the course of a day… because I am always meeting and conversing with all kinds of people.
It’s all out there for every person… they just have to go for it.
Hey david… im from ireland and i e mailed u a few days ago bout a sex buddy but dont kno if u got it.. im a virgin and my friends call me faggot n gay every time im out nearly excuse my language… i dont care wat they think buts annoyingn and women mite get the wrong idea… im loving advice videos there soo awsome, im improving myself as best i can…. thanks.. james
This has to be one of the most entertaining blogs period. Very comedic, but I also learned a lot about communication.
wow very interesting blog today, great to see a lot of people open up!
james- does your friends negative comments hurt you, if you yes, then why hang with them? I used to have a group of friends who were not productive to my personal growth so I don’t associate with them.
Hey wait !!!! !@&#^*%#$&@ !!!! There… Better. Sigh.
Bill, I like the way you think. The dictionary and the thesaurus both give numerous alternatives to combativeness and ugliness – There is usually a more constructive way to express oneself…
-formerly silent reader
Waveman
Life is all about communicating and understanding just how simple it can be. No need to complicate things as we often do.
James
I got your email and will do a blog on that real soon
Matt
Great for you!!!!
So glad that your life is changing for the better!!!
Keep up †he great work!
Conrad
Life is all about mindset and I dont share yours.
Let me repost what you wrote.
e who needs new marketing techniques i could also see this as a popularity ploy and theres nothing wrong with it… current economic times truly suck
I live an abundant life and my economic reality is great. I have had a great year and life is all about how you think and how you project those thoughts.
We all can and have the power to create our own reality.
Think about that.
This blog had nothing to do with marketing I was tired of people who abused the posts and made the posts all about there shit without really thinking of others.
Thats all………and what do you do for work?
What is your mindset about life in general?
James
Glad my products are working out for you!!
I am all about feedback and thanks for sharing!
David
Snap, I always miss the good drama! I’m glad I finally found a blog worth reading!
K– AMAZING Memory! Wow. Pillow fight was fun! So many crazy(fun) people in San Francisco. There is a pillow fight coming up in LA, actually: April 4th, details here: http://www.pillowfightlosangeles.com/
I dare the Angelinos to go and make at least 2 new friends each.
Thanks Bertie!
Hey David,
Great Blogs Ever and my all time favorites http://www.davidwygant.com
Beside for Khiem,
I very much agreed here what you had written ” Good friends should always call you out on your shit once in a while… because the only people who would call you out are the people who care the most about you”.
David,
Im currently still studying so working isnt my current goal in life. I do however have a shift or two during the week at the local supermarket to pay for petrol etc… im younger than you think
But nah, its good that your succeeding during these times… i would have expected people not to buy luxury goods and services however i may be wrong.
However back onto the marketing subject… wether or not this was a marketing ploy (which i dont care at all about) this idea would have helped you gain more search engine status through the google crawlers and such.
All the best
Conrad
Dear David,
I have no complaints or anything to call you out about!
I am so grateful for you and the information you post!
I can’t believe the people who complain about this blog… I couldn’t put a price on the wealth of knowledge I’ve gained from your free blog and free videos… I just wanted to thank you for sharing your knowledge with the world.
Shout out to all your coaches and positive bloggers who make this such a productive place! You guys have changed my life! Thank you so much!
Lexi and K
Actually it’s the international pillow fight day in a lot of places around the world on April 4′th
http://www.pillowfightday.com/
None close to me, but sure sounds fun. (-:
Marina,
Cool thanks. San Francisco had theirs about a month ago or something.
Anytime in my life that I was EVER successful with women (ive done pretty well-always looking to improve) it was because I did exactly what you teach. Excellent Advice here!!
Also I would always point out the benifits of Diet, Health & Clothing(And a Tan!) for your mind and confidence- which naturally helps your ‘Game’!
-Thanks!
Just want to get this off my chest- I’ve been kicking ass ever since I’ve started reading more of your material. I’ve grown some balls about 2 years ago after being as low as low could get. But I never got to the level I wanted because I was obviously doing something wrong. Then I understood Attraction Vs. Chemistry- Ya I could create attraction, but if chem is not their then there is nothing I could do, and it’s ok- Women are an abundance. So here I am walking in school and I see a girl with a smoothie- I jump in while she’s walking and walk next to her and start a conversation -” That’s a carribean way” she smiles a bit and say’s no your wrong! I said excuse me but I was a general smoothie inspector and I believe I could tell what drink your drinking by just looking at your drink. Bottom line she lauphs and I ( being an inexperienced closer- walk away- even tho the encounter is going great! Boy what a dumbass! right? Wait- it get’s even worse- after you hear this your going to BAN me from the site Forsure
a week later I’m walking near the library- and Bam who do I see? The gorgeous fit hot el salvadorian smoothie girl=)
I go up to her- Hey smoothie! she stops for a sec and recognizes me and smiles- and so I say ” Where did the smoothie go?” she can’t stop lauphing, I said ” It’s only been 2 weeks, you already finished the smoothie!” she lauphs and starts to tell me how funny I am- I told her no not at all- I am just generally concerned because there is a Scarcity with protein powder and I can’t have you taking all the protein– Then I genuinely complement her sunglasses and we talk about shades for a quick min and some classes and I say well enjoy class- let
s go workout and you could show me your secrets—– then she says Ya forsure let’s go workout and she smiles- and here is my DUMbasss move- which is why I don’t deserve anything-
I tell her Absolutely- I’ll seeya later- she walks off- I turn around to check her Amazing body again-
then I realize school is out next week-
I will probably never get to see her again=((
It blows specifically because we clicked and I Panzied out… I flaked out on my own self- I feel I let my penis and my sole down…..
Thanks for allowing me to share
No, Omar, your punishment for screwing up is that you will have to keep coming back here until you get it right! Next time ask her if she will call if you give her your number…then say that is, if you don’t want to give me yours!
lol that’s a pretty good way 2 approach it.
Thanks K, I just didnt ask for the number because maybe some insecurity crawled back up, and we are used to the “eject” or “walk away” mentality, but I def. learned my lesson this time.
Appreciate it,
Omar