My email is justin_rickard@hotmail.com – drop me an email and we’ll discuss it further.

I am assuming here that you are more clever and you are more respectful to people, ie not calling them derrogatory names for the hell of it. Perhaps they are coming across as more dominant because of this.

I think you need to deal with their put downs more appropriately. By them calling you an asshole they are showing a certain amount of confidence which women like. They are showing they are not afraid to offend you because they do not see you as a threat. Although at the same time they are showing a slight weakness – insecurity.

If your friend calls you an asshole for example, you don’t want to just accept his comment so as not to cause a stir in the group. As a dominant male you need to fight your corner, stir some shit. At the same time you don’t want to show your own insecurities by calling him something back, this will make you look even weaker than before. You need to show him that you are not phased by his comment, you don’t really care… but you’re going to make him look silly for doing it.

My favourites include “Did you come up with that insult all on your own?”, “Mate (“Dude” for americans), you need to get some fresh banter” and “(sarcastically) ah let’s not call each other names. you’ve really hurt me inside now. I was enjoying tonight until you said that”

By doing this you have taken the moral high-ground, outwitted them, showed them you are not phased and that you’re dominant.

If you are not comfortable confronting your friends like this… take up martial arts. It does wonders for your cockyness when you know you can handle yourself.

Hope this helps

K, I think you hit it on the head. It’s got to be something I’m putting out there, and I do have some self esteem issues. I’m a lot better than I used to be, but maybe I need to do some more work there.

Lexi, I’m not jealous of any one woman, it’s that I’m jealous of the ability or luck that my friends seem to have in this area. And as far as being comic relief is concerned, when I relax and stop caring about what others think (something I learned from reading this blog) I become a smart ass and I get people laughing. That’s just what comes naturally to me. I don’t know if that’s bad or not, but thats what happens.

Thanks again everybody.

Btw, people often confuse jealousy and envy.

Envy is what you felt about your friends success, i.e. it is wishing to have the same thing that your friend has and resenting them for it. Jealousy is in the face of a rival or a perceived loss of something you already view as yours, something you’d jealously guard.

So, if women were possessions and you felt jealousy or envy . . . you’d feel envious of another man that has a hot girlfriend, and jealous when the man tried to pursue your hot girlfriend. But that’s part of the problem, we think about our partners as possessions rather than people.

Jealousy is an emotion we’ve been wired with to ensure mate fidelity, it’s an extended form of being territorial (so not just with property, but with people too!). It’s something that people have more or less of, and can rewire by noticing the feelings, and choosing to interpret them differently.

Dave, clearly, this is something important to you– it sounds like you feel less than when your friends are around, and them succeeding with the women you all meet is a confirmation bias that feeds on your perception. I wonder if they treat you like comic relief because you are acting like the comic relief rather than a main character in your life. Alternatively, you may want to try changing a number of variables– going out with different friends, behaving differently, going different kinds of places to meet women (ie not just different bars or clubs, but museums, gardens, hiking, dog park (if you have a dog)).

To answer your question, I will help you by giving my method of how I got over it. Success breeds success.
I didn’t have any immediate success so how did I get over it? Guaranteed myself that I will come across success – and it will be great. I decided that I was going to be so blinded by this future success that I wasn’t going to be held back from this success. And when I came across people, I came off like I was already there. Once that first success hits you, you pretty much made it. The momentum is powerful.

Sounds crazy but if you want to make the change, you have to believe in yourself and forget the doubt of everyone else – including yours.