I’m Curious…
April 11, 2009 
21 Comments
I just got an email from a woman who inspired me to immediately sit down and write this blog. Since it’s Saturday, and I hope all of you will be out there enjoying the weekend and meeting all sorts of people, I thought this was the perfect time to answer this woman’s question (since it is one of the MOST common questions I get from women).
This woman’s question was this: “David, How do I get a man to look? How can I get a man’s attention?”
In my Art of Attracting Men program, I go into great depth about men’s mindset, how they are wired and how they think. What I want to do in this blog, though, is give women some things they can do in almost any place they go to get a man to look.
Let’s start off with a place I know each and every one of you go at some time or other: the supermarket. A guy could be standing at the counter ordering a meatloaf sandwich. You can walk up to that guy and say “Hey, I was wondering. Are the sandwiches good here?”
Men are all about giving their opinion. They want to show off and be the expert. The way that men show off is by sharing their knowledge. Telling you all the facts and all about everything is what men love to do.
Even if a woman goes to a coffee shop where she’s ordered the same coffee drink a hundred times, she should still say to a guy there she wants to meet “Hey, I’m curious. Is the coffee good here?” Let the guy ramble and talk. Be interested. Smile. Â Laugh at what he says. Â Be open to everything that he’s saying. Â
You help the man validate himself through this process, because you cared about his opinion. That is what gets a man’s attention. That’s what turns on a man. That’s what gets a man interested in a woman. Â
If a woman is standing in a hotel lobby, she can say to a man “I’m curious, do you know which is the best restaurant in this hotel?” Once again, it’s getting a man’s opinion.
If a woman is standing by the subway tracks waiting for the train, she could say to a man “I was wondering. How long you have been waiting?”
In a automotive garage or auto store a woman can say to a man “I don’t know what kind of tires I need. Can you help me?”
When a woman is at a gas station, there are a couple of different things she can say. She can ask a man at the pump next to her “I’m curious. What octane gas should I get?” Or she can say something like “I’m curious. I’ve always wanted an Audi. Do you like yours?”
At the guy, a great way to talk to a man there is to ask him this: “I was wondering, can you help me with this machine? I’ve never used it before.”
As a woman, you’re actually being very helpful to men when you ask for their help because men always want to help. Woman who have more masculine energy always forget that men want to help women. Â They’re automatic impulse is to say “I don’t need help. I can do everything myself.” You can, but it’s okay to let guys help you out too.
It gives them a purpose. By letting them have that, it helps them feel more masculine. When men feel more masculine, it encourages them to take the lead because you’ve tapped into their biological desire to provide. So don’t hesitate not only to ask for a man’s opinion, but also for his help.
I’m a guy and yea… that would definetley work
Girls, This is spot on. We men want to be able to be men around you. Let us help you and feel a sense of masculine power around you and it helps to validate us in the process (smiling and laughing etc)
Thanks David
Dan
I will be in for a long dry spell here. I understand the thinking behind this but honestly until now, I have not had the need to play this kind of game.
I guess I am really not attracted to a guy who finds this attractive in a girl. I find it offensive to a thinking individual if I play silly games like this. If I know how to do something, then I see no reason to ask for help, but I will ask if I have no knowledge. I don’t mind being feminine but not to this extent.
I have no problem talking to guys and vice versa….Some guys that I speak to though seem like they are in there own little world and just keep walking…
Good points David, in theory. In reality I don’t hang out at hotels much and we don’t have a subway. When I pump gas there’s no one near but the debit machine and the guys at the grocery store do look, especially the ones there with their wives.
No, but I get the gist of what you are saying. And it is good for a man to feel needed. I get more positive responses at Lowe’s than most places. But how do you find the one that’s not married & interested? My dentist, a long time friend told me if he were single he’d never ask me out because he would be too intimidated. How do you get past that? Just saying.
Marina,
Sometimes you need to do some things that may be considered a little “tacky” or “unnecessary” in order to meet someone who is amazing (Ie- Asking something politely you may already know the answer too). That person may be your perfect match. Never write anything off, so many people have found their SO’s like this
Dan
Sandra,
Many guys are clueless. Keep at it and be friendly because eventually you’ll talk to someone who you really hit it off with.
Marina, if you are worried about coming across as a liar you can easily say something like “Excuse me, can I ask your opinion?” “I’ve been coming here for a long time and I always get the same thing. I want to try something new, what do you think I should try?”
But you probably already knew the answer.
Dan and Mike
Thanks for your suggestions, but it comes down to knowing myself and I just don’t play those “head games” with people, what you see is what you get. I just wont make something up or ask about things I already know, find it an insult to myself. I try in everything to stay true to myself.
I will engage in other small talk, but not in the dansel in distress kind. Guys who like those kind of girls bore me to death. I will tease and have fun with everyone wherever I am but not what to me appears a phony sucking up to another.
I didn’t say damsel in distress. Where did you get that from? You must mean Dan.
Marina
Yeah, I have similar feelings about these kind of approaches, about making small talk, and feeling a little weird about asking about rather bland things
The way I see it, is that whatever comes out of your mouth really doesn’t matter in the first five seconds or however long, its all about your confidence, body language and smile. The way you do it, rather than the words.
From a guys point of view, yeah I tend to judge quite quickly a woman’s appearance, but a cheeky smile, the movement of the lips, and especially the voice do SO much more for me than just looks.
Whenever I do approaches at a bar, or coffee shop or wherever, I try and make things as funny as possible. While I wouldnt go as far as to say “no milk today?”, I have commented on things such as CD’s, weed paraphanalia etc etc, and its amazing how much of a conversation you get out of it, and the results on their faces.
A bit of advice applying this, thats helped me loads, is approaching at places where youre genuinely interested, and have genuine questions. I don’t give two shits about what peaches smell like, but I’m always interested in what people think of certain bands, or surfboards (ideal for me, because I like those ‘types’ of girls). Being genuinely interested really does make or break the approach.
Hope this helped a bit without dragging on.
Peter
Off topic but relavant to surfing. We go to this store http://www.adrenalinastore.com where they inside the store has a flowrider, it’s real funny to do.
I would like to see one of the woman, go up to a guy and say, “excuse me, who do you think lies more, men or women? ok j/k don’t ask that one, its redundant by pickup artist.
however the i am curious….or asking for help is genius, as a guy, i would be more than willing to help if a woman ask or share my opinion on something.
Hi Marina
Just out of curiosity. If you saw a guy at your local supermarket who has piqued your interest visually and would really like to get to know him, how would you approach him?
Fleance,
That’s a hard one, but first eye contact with a smile is the first sign of any interest. It’s a moment kind of thing, where one energy builds on another. If I am in the cheese section and he is getting cheese if there is any connection a conversations will naturally happen over the cheese. I have no set lines if that is what you ask for.
The big thing there has to be be an energy, i guess an it factor i, if I am to pursue someone on a spur of moment kind of thing. If no special energy it was just eye candy and a fantasy and I will just move on. But I will always talk to anyone where I go if I am in the mood.
For everyone (especially the guys),
A little off topic, but pertinent to this discussion. Men say they love independent women, until they actually have one. What is your definition of an independent women and at what point does it become less attractive?
Fleance,
Make a comment on an obvious observation… and use that comment to start the conversation.
Let’s say he’s looking at a box of cereal that you’ve never eaten before. Go up and say “Hi… are these good? I’m wanting to try a new type of cereal. I’ve never had those”
Simple comments are usually the best conversational starters.
Sister,
Why is your dentist intimidated by you? You have to ask yourself… is it something that you project that intimidates him or his he just shy/nervous?
How do I attract the men? I hang a steak around me neck, put a remote in one hand and a beer in the other.
I don’t think it’s necessarily playing games or lying, if you are being authentic and really want to know someone and engage their attention. It is akin to being a scientist, a student of human behavior, and your encounter with them, with life, actually, is a grand experiment and adventure. You are also giving that person the GIFT of your attention.
It’s been a year and Lori still doesn’t have an answer to her question.
Are any of the coaches going to answer it?