How Trustworthy Are You?
August 17, 2009 
24 Comments
Just trust me. How do those words make you feel? How do you feel when someone says “just trust me” to you?
How do you feel when someone tells you anything? Are you always looking for that loophole? Are you always looking for the untruth in what they’re saying to you? Are you always looking for something that doesn’t feel right? Are you someone who just can’t put yourself out there?
It’s funny. So many people in this world — and I don’t respect any of them — try to teach people to meet the opposite sex by turning them into something (or someone) they’re not. What happens when you follow their advice is that when you meet someone, they aren’t really meeting you.
They’re actually meeting a version of you. It might be the superhero version of you, the fantasy version of you or some other version of you, but in any case it’s not you.
The truth is that if you don’t put yourself 100% out there in life — your convictions, your beliefs and everything about you — you’re not going to get the truth back. If you only put half of yourself out there, you’re going to attract people who only put half of themselves out there. In fact, if you only put half of yourself out there then you will attract the kind of person who will ‘Google’ someone before a date to see if what they’ve been told so far is the truth.
The other day I was interviewed for an article in Cosmopolitan magazine. The interviewer asked me if people should ‘Google’ their dates before going out with them in order to find things out about them. My answer was absolutely not!
One of the most destructive behaviors you can have is to make assumptions about someone before you even talk to them and get to know them as a person. Don’t ever assume someone is going to lie to you before you even get to know them.
There is a dating expert out there for whom I have zero respect (and whose name I won’t mention), who advises everyone to ‘Google’ every person with whom they go out on a date prior to the date. I believe that you should trust people, because if you don’t then you don’t trust yourself.
If you’re somebody who’s ‘Googling’ dates and expecting the worst from people because you don’t trust yourself, then it’s time to make a major change. You have to start putting yourself out there, and you must do it 100% every day. Put yourself out there 100% as to who you are, what you’re all about, your convictions and your beliefs.
You’ve got to stop holding back. So many of you don’t trust based on your past. Do you know where that gets you? You get exactly what you had in your past.
You get in life what you put out. If you don’t learn to trust the moment, then you will constantly be recreating past failures based on your mindset and how you react. You’ve got to learn that you only get who you are.
So for all of you who hate the term “trust me” and who are always looking for that “Aha! I knew you were lying” moment, the reason you feel this way is because you’re not honest with yourself. It’s time to get honest with yourself before you actually go and meet people. It’s time to figure out who you are and what you want, and it’s time to be proud of it.
Now, let me give you one word of caution. Even after you figure out who you are and what you want, you’re still going to screw up when you’re out there meeting people. You’re still going to do things that are going to irritate people. You’re still going to get hurt.
That, though, is what life is all about. Just when you think you got it right, you realize you need to figure it all out again. It never ends. Self-growth is a process that never ends until the day you die.
Wow David. This article needs to be read more than once because there is more than one message in it. ‘Google’ a date??? No comment. Im in the process of trusting myself more so this blog is talking about me. Thx David, create a great week.
Google a date? Try looking your date on social network sites such as Facebook, Myspace or Friendster. Or their blogs, or their Twitter. That’s really low, to try to dig up stuff about someone.
By the way, great blog again.
Oh, and I like the new concept for all your blogs. Put a picture related to the title. It’s fun and cool. Seriously, is that car seller a trustworthy guy? No hahaha.
Its the superhero version of them, hysterical and so true I see those guys out in the bar always trying to pickup every single girl, what are they really thinking:)
You can tell from their energy, they are not real, so full of crap.
I can’t believe people still want to google other people they date, really enjoyed what you had to say to cosmo!
Julia- you mention sometimes in the blog some superhero pua was trying to pick you up, how did that make you feel i am curious?
David- really like your picture idea with the blog:)
Clint-
Its awkward and I have met quite some guys who are not real, use mind games to pick me up, now I am not stupid I can sense their stuff a mile away, that’s why I never even look at them, I feel like they look at me like hungry wild dogs.
Yes they are so hungry wild dogs unbelievable whenever I am in bars, I keep an eye on my sister, the other day some pua guy try to pick her up with his palm reading technique, I went to him, and told him his pua stuff will not work here with my sister, he turned red and walked away.
That’s a funny story, nice that you look out for your sister. Are you over protective bro?
Oh no i am not, if the guy is cool, i have no problem with her talking to him however if i sense anyone try to mind fuck her (dw line) then it gets my nerve.
Especially those weird pua guys.
wow i cant believe that dating guru actually advice people to google their dates, unbelievable, now i am curious who he is>?
I agree David its one’s insecurities that they need to work on instead of working on find about someone on google.
“Now, let me give you one word of caution. Even after you figure out who you are and what you want, you’re still going to screw up when you’re out there meeting people. You’re still going to do things that are going to irritate people. You’re still going to get hurt.
That, though, is what life is all about. Just when you think you got it right, you realize you need to figure it all out again. It never ends. Self-growth is a process that never ends until the day you die.”
I had to re-post these few paragraphs just love what you said!!!
Nice re post Leo-
I agree what David mentioned is really powerful, and self-growth never ends, the man that says that he knows it all, doesn’t really know much.
The more i know or learn, the less I know!
Thanks CJ-
It just those two paragraph hit home for me, I am still thinking about it. I am thinking about printing it out, and put it on my wall!
You are welcome Leo, it would be nice if you put it up on the wall or stick on those board you can purchase at target or wallmart!
By nature I am very inquisitive and answer seeking, I do have to say I would be tempted to google someone I was going to date. Call it paranoid too, I do have kids and have gotten much more “cynical” of who I let into my life. But it’s true it at some point it got do with that you are not quite were you want to be as to be able to trust yourself. But really, with kids around I don’t mess around, it’s just not the same as when I was without kids and dating. Maybe I am wrong, but thats ok.
Excellent article! It’s all about life and how we respond naturally. In a game, you get a winner and a loser and I save that for my soccer nights.
Marina–I agree that you have to be more cautious with kids. I think that can be done with discretion and using good judgement when on a date. I think David’s point is more about allowing yourself to be open to people without preconceived notions which might taint your view of someone.
I love the point about people who say “trust me”. Usually those are the people not to trust. Anyone who has to say it, seems as though they are trying to prove people wrong due to things they may have done in the past.:)
Nice Blog:
A good friend of mine always remembers me to treat every situation that I get in with a person as a new situation. Even if it happens with the same person.
Let’s say I arrange a date with a woman. She says: I’ll let you know.
I have heard this many times already, and sure enough…I don’t hear anything from her.
I tend to go into autopilot and whenever I hear “I’ll let you know”, what I really hear is “No”. So therefore I do not trust that woman anymore with anything she says.
But everytime I try to treat the situation as a new one. If I arrange a date with a new woman and I hear I’ll let you know, I just wait for a response between now and our arranged date. I dont go calling in between asking her why I haven’t heard about her.
Oh, and the people who say to trust them and that they are trustworthy are to ones to look out for. Usually they are not.”A rich man does not need to tell you that he is rich”.
When I hear something like that when someone says trust them, or that they aren’t like other people, I usually think: Well, prove it then with your actions. Because actions speak louder than words.
Any feedback for the coaches is welcome as well as other reader reading this.
Cheers.
F
from my reaction above I meant:
Any feedback from the coaches is are welcome as well as other readers reading this
That’s … kind of naïve, don’t you think?
I believe it was Margaret Atwood who said “Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them.”
I also know it’s difficult for a lot of men to understand that vp because a lot of you all are all about the “noble death” — mostly, these days, metaphorically, but some of you in real time, like some of the guys in the service — and would prefer that to ridicule.
And so you’ll never really understand women’s fears about this, and so will tell them they’re being ridiculous (like you do in this article).
So okay, you think “So, she’s overreacting.” *eyeroll*
So let’s use a less drastic example. If you are a woman, and you’re getting ready to go on a date, and you find out, through whatever service or search engine, that the guy you’re about to go out with is a swindler, or another type of felon, or has horrible credit — his problems become yours if you don’t know this beforehand and marry, and trust me, I’ve seen that, and it’s not pretty — and your advice is that you’re not supposed to want to know about these things beforehand??
Ooookay.