How To Not Be A One-Night Stand
September 2, 2007 
9 Comments
A blog on preventing One-Night Stands by David Wygant
Recently a female client of mine asked me “David, How do you prevent a one-night stand?” This answer is not going to make people happy.
As readers of the blog, you know that I am not a person who believes in rules. There is no right time to have sex, whether on the first date or on the tenth date. There is also no way to prevent a one-night stand.
You may date somebody for a few weeks, get along with them, have sex, and then either you or your partner realize that you just don’t have that chemistry in bed. Such a discovery turns a 3 week mini-relationship into a one-night stand. Ordinarily the longer you wait to sleep with someone, the less chance there is that it will be a one-night stand. But, on occasion, you ‘ll sleep with someone after waiting and it just doesn’t work out.
I can hear the thoughts churning in your head. “But David, usually the first time you have sex with someone isn’t that good . . .” This is usually true, but it is also true that there is usually chemistry. Even if the sex is not mind-blowing, usually someone will want to do it again IF the chemistry is there. But if the chemistry is not there, it may very well turn into a one-night stand.
Here’s another thing. The more open a discussion and conversation there is after you have sex with somebody, the better you’re going to feel about what just happened. You may rush into bed with somebody, and it may just be a one-night stand, but if you talk about it right after or the next day, then both of you are going to be acting like mature adults and realize that both of you were just in desperate need of sex.
A lot of woman have trouble having a one-night stand, as do a lot of men. If you end up having a one-night stand, embrace it. Don’t guilt yourself about it, and be okay about it. Keep in mind, the reason why dating is so frustrating is that there are no guarantees in anything you do. So realize that if someone “one-night stands” you, it doesn’t mean that you are not hot, sexy or amazing to be with . . . it just means that you were a one-night stand.
Good blog David.
Let me just say this. If attracted, I will take that chance after getting to know someone. The one night stand?! Love the picture there. lol
If it turns sour, you don’t always have to end what is otherwise a special friend you share everything else in common with. Of course rejection is going to be an emotion involved, BUT (transition) you get over it and it’s ok. YOU are more than ok;))
Sexy and amazing I know I am, humbly said. That can only be a self doubt for a short period of time i believe. There are other “stallions” to become aquainted with and “ride” out there. If one rejects, there are numerous who won’t, so saddle up!
Having both people, leave the encounter without “buyers remorse” is important. Joan I totally agree with you. You have to try & expand your horizons. The both of you can possible share something deeper than sex. It’s tough. I was going out with girl in SD for awhile before we had sex.
She told me that she had an STD. I told her I couldn’t go through with it. I told we could still hang. I liked her alot. It worked out for like a week of just being friends. But she wanted me so bad(I still wanted her). It was painful for her to just “hang out” with me. So she broke it off.
Getting an alternate going on between two people is tough. Possible, but tough & in this case painful…
Nick;
I am sorry to hear you met a someone special and it turned out in such a manner.
That is in my forethoughts always if a guy is interested in me. “How many people has he been with?” “Is there a chance of an STD?” I would friggin die to get something like that. I guess there is always that risk these days.
I would really have to trust someone to be with them sexually.
If it was to painful for her, then it is best it ended for her well being and both of your peace of mind.
Me too…It is better to have loved & lost, then to never have tried. I’m thankful she was up front with me. Joan you live & you learn,right? To me their is no failure only feedback. There’s probably a reason beyond my comprehension why it didn’t work out with her. Maybe it had to end in order for a me to a shot working with David.
Which would be worth the price to pay. If there’s really any price at all. With one nightstands you really have to be careful for what wish for. Hours of pleasure for years of pain. Is not a deal, I’d like to buy. But, you can’t live under rock for the your life. Life’s to short not to take some risks. I try to follow a Carpe Diem mindset…
Well the only time I ever felt guilty about it, was the time I had “met” someone online and talked for weeks and then arranged a getaway type tryst. We had this awesome day together off roading on old forest service roads and enjoying the other end of California, went back to the hotel, got into the groove, and ick, he did his thing and rolled off, then turned on the tv. I still remember the show….Modern Marvels…Demolition….and then snoring. I ended up taking a benadryl to help me sleep through it.
My “rule” for myself with sex early on, is “no expectations”. So, if I hope that something will “turn into a relationship” I generally won’t have sex with the person, because I know I’m more likely to get hurt. If, however, I am fairly certain I can manage it with no expectations, then I do. In fact my two most recent one night stands, both turned into relationships.
The boyfriend I currently have, started as what was supposed to be, a one night stand in March. We had mutual acquaintances in common, and he lived in Texas . . . we were both under the impression that it would be a “distracting weekend” and then get on with our lives.
I’m typing this from his new apartment, in LA.
I don’t remember any terrible one night stands, although when I was a lot younger I used to frequently hope they would turn into something more, and be hurt when they did not. Hence, my “rule” of only engaging when I had no expectations.
Lexi,
That is a rule I like to keep for myself also! I really try to go into doing things without any regrets and usually it works for me. I know there are things I should have done differently, but most of them have nothing to do with sex and being with someone I enjoy. I have no regrets there!
Nick;
Yes, you live and you learn. They should put that one on my tombstone when I am out of here:)
True about the risk taking. I am willing to do that ONLY when I feel comfortable within that it is ok. You get those feelings about certain people and things ya know? Then even if you think things were right, they turned out wrong, so ya can’t win for losin!
Yes, I too try to seize the day for all its worth;)