How to Find Your Soulmate
February 12, 2012 
24 Comments
It’s February, the month of love. Valentine’s Day is fast approaching.
I was sitting around this morning and I realized something that really hit me like a ton of bricks: we’re all looking for our soulmates out there. Everyday millions of people are going out on dates hoping and praying that they’ve met “the one” or their soulmate. Everyday people are logging into online dating sites hoping that the new e-mail is from their soulmate.
We’ve been doing it wrong for so long. Do you want to know where your soulmate really is? Are you willing to join me on a journey to help you discover your soulmate? If the answer is yes, which I know it is, I want you to do something right now. I want you to go into your bathroom or find the closest mirror. Maybe you’re reading this at work, maybe you’re reading this in the car while you’re driving. (You know that’s not allowed but hey, I’ve seen people do it constantly while living here in Los Angeles.)
Wherever you might are right now, I want you to go find the nearest mirror, and I want you to look at it, and I want you to come back and read the rest of this article.
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. . .
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Great.
What did you see when you looked in the mirror? I know your answer is probably simply yourself or maybe your eyes or your nose or your hair, or maybe you’re not having a good hair day so you noticed that you need to get a new conditioner. That’s not what I was looking for. I want you to go look in the mirror one more time, and then I want you to come back and read some more.
. . .
Okay. Now what did you see? I’m sure by now you’re confused, and you just want to go and skim down a few lines and see what I’m getting at. Why is he making me looking in the mirror right now? Why is he telling me to look in mirror?
You know why I want you to look in the mirror, because you just saw your soulmate. You just saw the person you’re supposed to be madly in love with. You just saw the person you’re supposed to connect with and honor in all ways. You just saw the person that you’re supposed to nurture and take care of. You just saw the person that you’re supposed to love unconditionally in every way, shape, or form.
You just found your soulmate. Life is all about loving yourself and finding yourself. It’s not about filling in the gaps. It’s not about searching for that potential person that’s going to save you from a life of being alone. It’s about loving yourself. It’s about realizing that the person staring back at you in the mirror is your soulmate. Once you fall madly in love with yourself, once you realize the power of this message, dating is going to become far easier because you’re already satisfied on so many levels.
Think about this for a second: if you would treat your lover with honor, with respect; if you would take your lover out to dinner; if you would go to great events with your lover; if you would travel with your lover—then that’s what you need to do with yourself.
If you do this you’re going to attract your other soulmate. You’re going to attract your other half, another person that loves and honors and respects themselves.
So go back to that mirror, and look at the beautiful person that’s staring back at you, and tell yourself that you finally found your soulmate. Try that attitude change for a bit, and see how it changes your dating life. My book Naked! is all about this, falling in love with yourself, so you’re able to fall in love with others.
Guys,,don’t fall for this,, it’s a TRAP!
He wants you to fall in love with yourself in the mirror,, and if you fall TOO much in love with yourself,, and actually get “lucky” with yourself,,,
You lose the CHALLENGE!
Don’t fall for it!
John, have you seen this one? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U62stubaal4
I love it. I know this is off the topic. I want to personally thank you. After reading the book Naked, it change my perspective on the way I view things. The first week of January I met this man when I was having dinner and listening to a band with my friends. That evening was amazing and he called me that evening for us to meet. At the beginning, he said he didnt like the word dating. He wanted to get to know me. So we decided to go out for breakfast instead. Then we went for a walk. He called me and said lets go out for lunch. We went to a sport bar. It was fun because the food was great and we watched a good basketball game. Then I was sick for 10 days. He called me everyday to see how I was feeling. We decided everything was going well, he asked me out for dinner. He was all over me and kissing me in public. I told him I was uncomfortable. I was disappointed and wonder what happen. I went home and reread one of the chapters. I took out my dating journal and responded to the four questions. He called me the next day and to apologized. At that moment, I decided to be completely honest with him. What I was looking for. Plus, I listen to him too. No drama at all. Then, I made plans last week. Not waiting for him and opening the door for others. He called me Saturday morning and ask me for one more chance. Last night, we had an amazing date. We went to the casino. I had a great dinner and danced all night. At the end of the date, He gave me a big hug and a kiss on the side of my face and I return the gesture. He said he is going take it slow. I found myself this morning looking in the mirror and saying “I deserve it”. I realize there are nice guys out there.
funny, when i made eye contact wit myself, i had a really bizzar feeling. It’s like i was staring at myself, but i was staring at something else. if that makes any since? idk, ill have to do some research on this. Has anybody felt this when doing this excercise?
@collin,, nope.
@John, you should give it a look haha
Jennifer
Yes you do deserve a great guy!
Keep up the great mindset.
@Jennifer,
Congrats to you for sticking to your guns! I will be purchasing David’s book soon, though I’m nowhere near ready for anything major in the dating/relationship realm. You know, it seems that once you decide to stand up for yourself and not compromise yourself or your principles, Spirit tests you to make sure you’re ready to embrace true self love (or not). I’m going through this now.
Early in the day today, I heard from a guy that I’d only talked to briefly several months ago. We met online, and the few telephone conversations that we had were always punctuated by him getting interrupted by business clients. I totally respect his work ethic, but he never was considerate enough to call me back when he said he would. I quickly grew tired of it, and stopped trying to communicate with him. It petered out, so I thought that was that.
Then today, I was on YM, and all of a sudden, he pops up and asks me if I want to go visit him in Chicago. Now mind you, this is almost 300 miles away from me! So I was like, “If you’re serious, call me. We have a lot to discuss, and a lot to catch up on.” I don’t think he’s serious anyway, but he says he was ill for the several months that he didn’t contact me. NO emails, IM’,s calls..nada. And no, he wasn’t hospitalized. My BS antenna went up, but I thought, “Well, he’s offering to pay for my accomodations, so maybe I’ll go. But it’s with the tacit understanding that I’m not going to sleep with him.” Also, I”m relocating out of this area within the next 3 to 5 months. So there’s no point in him trying to initiate anything serious here. I think he’s playing games. I think that telling him that I’m more or less celibate (self service nonwithstanding) and not interested in a relationship will scare him off! But I don’t feel truly authentic about even going, upon second glance.
I need your book, David!
I just had to vent. I already know the Truth, and the answer.
Thanks for reading.
Dez
It’s a strange sensation to really look at yourself in the mirror. We are our own greatest critics. I realised something when I was quite a bit younger.
I was at the aquatic centre and feeing self conscious about what I looked like in my Speedo’s. Then it dawned on me that if everyone else spent as much time worrying about what they looked like then there was no time for anyone to be looking at me.
This can be applied to every situation where people are worrying about not being good enough. Everyone else is as busy doing the same thing and not making you the centre of the Universe.
I am not a big follower of Valentine’s Day. This is only because the day was created by Hallmark to make money. I have seen the day create a lot of magic, but also much misery. Also, there is no one that is currently holding my interest enough to have a dozen long stemmed red roses delivered!!!
lol 
I spent most of the weekend hanging out at home by myself. I really enjoyed the peace and quiet.
I am at a dangerous point of not wanting anyone in my life. I don’t want to have to give anyone anything. I like the way my life is. Isn’t commitment something to do with being forcibly put in a straight jacket and made to stay at a mental hospital ?!?
Leanne
It’s a strange sensation to really look at yourself in the mirror. We are our own greatest critics. I realised something when I was quite a bit younger.
I was at the aquatic centre and feeing self conscious about what I looked like in my Speedo’s. Then it dawned on me that if everyone else spent as much time worrying about what they looked like then there was no time for anyone to be looking at me.
This can be applied to every situation where people are worrying about not being good enough. Everyone else is as busy doing the same thing and not making you the centre of the Universe.
I am not a big follower of Valentine’s Day. This is only because the day was created by Hallmark to make money. I have seen the day create a lot of magic, but also much misery. Also, there is no one that is currently holding my interest enough to have a dozen long stemmed red roses delivered!!!
lol 
I spent most of the weekend hanging out at home by myself. I really enjoyed the peace and quiet.
I am at a dangerous point of not wanting anyone in my life. I don’t want to have to give anyone anything. I like the way my life is. Isn’t commitment something to do with being forcibly put in a straight jacket and made to stay at a mental hospital ?!?
I am just saying….
Leanne
@Leanne, Valentine’s Day had been celebrated for hundreds of years before Hallmark came along.
@collin… Yep..
The Christian church decided to place St. Valentine’s feast day in the middle of February in an effort to “Christianize” the pagan celebration of Lupercalia.
To begin the festival, members of the Luperci, an order of Roman priests, would gather at a sacred cave where the infants Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome, were believed to have been cared for by a she-wolf or lupa. The priests would sacrifice a goat, for fertility, and a dog, for purification. They would then strip the goat’s hide into strips, dip them into the sacrificial blood and take to the streets, gently slapping both women and crop fields with the goat hide. Far from being fearful, Roman women welcomed the touch of the hides because it was believed to make them more fertile in the coming year. Later in the day, according to legend, all the young women in the city would place their names in a big urn. The city’s bachelors would each choose a name and become paired for the year with his chosen woman. These matches often ended in marriage.
(ref.. the history channel.)
Leanne,
I am finding women in your age bracket (not saying you are old, just getting to know yourself better,and more mature) to frequently have this “problem” of just giving up, and wanting to stay alone. I don’t know if it is an age issue, or just “man” burnout. I meet women all the time out and about, and they seem very interested, and concerned about my life and stories I tell them. I listen to their history (job, hobbies, failed marriages, etc), but when I ask them out, they say, “you seem like a great guy, but I really just want to keep things the way they are right now, and stay by myself”. They even call me, text, want to go out and dance, dinner etc, but seem to be afraid to make any further commitment, even though it seems clear to me that they are attracted to me. I am seeing two women right now, and both have the same mindset. One is a doctor, and one is a singer/songwriter/waitress. It seems like you women just give up, and seem content to just live alone, and not even try any more. As for myself, I hate living alone, and prefer to have someone to talk to, do things with, and have a companion. I am never afraid to take the chance, if we seem to make a good fit, and don’t fear a failed result like women seem to. Just a rambling, observation, I have noticed, since I have been going out, meeting a lot of women lately…
I went to look at the mirror when I came in and did not like the look went to check it out again and saw the natural me…My inner self belongs to Lord Jesus which is my eternal soul…Would I date myself right now…no…the reason is I need to get this monkey chatter out of my head so when I am on a date with a guy that I am not bringing…
1. A lesbian stalker thinking I am having an affair with a married man which is not hers anyone she has a husband.
2. Leftover baggage from previous relationships and spoiling all that I try to accomplish.
Oh I have something to share the other day while I was sitting there enjoying in the cold brisk air my lunch hour this guy came from nowhere and hugged me and I did not know him Adam’s house cat and I hugged him in return. I have guys actually come up to me now and want to talk to me I have been looking around and seeing what I have been missing out of since I was a fool for listening to this trickster of a married man’s lies telling me that next year maybe our year…yeah right this year is going to be with that lesbian stalker he is with…I am waiting the day she approaches me like a man since I will not succumb to her lesbian way…I am the only Eve in this lifetime and only person that is going to clean my house is Adam…Oh maybe she ought to check out his wife he might be with her for all I care…thanks for listening…
@Bob,
Something that you must understand about us women (and which I think is changing in society and thus, your experience) is that for so long now, we’ve been hurt by bad men, tired of infidelity, head games, men who feel entitled to play the field, what have you, that we’re shutting down. We need to feel emotionally drawn to a man to become romantically interested. And we’re often disconnected from that energy now. A lot of David’s suggestions/exercises/videos bear this out. He’s right on point. And so, a lot of us (myself included) are not open, are tired of trying, and would rather just have a platonic male friend to go out with sometimes. That way, there is no pressure, no fear or risk of failure, no feeling like we have to act inauthentically (if that’s a word!)around you, because we’re not dating you. I think that more of us are just content, and more accustomed to, being alone rather than risk stepping yet again into the dating pool, to avoid the ‘sharks.’
I hope that this helps shed some light on it. And I don’t think it’s just in Leanne’s age group. I’ve read personal ads by men in many cases who complain that no women want an LTR anymore. This is part of why. Also, some women would rather just keep on the casual sex level but not have a full on relationship for the same reason. We still crave physical intimacy, even if we don’t want a broken heart! I’ve felt this way before myself, though I don’t now. Right now, I want to fall in love with myself again. The rest will happen once I’ve done the work of clearing the way for the kind of lasting, devoted love that I give and that I will be open to receive.
I’ll be purchasing Naked in the near future.
@Jennifer — yes there are nice guys out there; yours is just not one of them.
When a man disrespects a woman it’s not about the woman, it’s about the man.
You can make a man wait, but if he is the kind of man who can disrespect a woman, make her feel uncomfortable disregarding her feelings, he ain’t gonna change.
By telling him what you want (wait?) you are just prolonging the struggle. He will play your game because now it is just more challenging for him and more fun. The result will be the same — he will make you his booty call or dump you regardless whether it is after 3 dates or 300 dates, depending on how soon he’ll get you in the sack.
@Desiree,
RE: your guy
Picture this; he is out of town, bored, horny… He gets on IM… looking to see who is around… no one is around but the woman he had not had any interest in for months (YOU)… oh well… as horny as he is with no other options he IM’s you…
He is so horny in the moment that he is offering to pay for your room and board… anything will do… still cheaper than a hooker…
What is there to even think about???
What in the world made you think that he wants a relationship??
Are you delusional?
Wake up!
@ Bob: thanks for your thoughts, Bob. I am not offended by the reference to my age. I love being 40! It’s the most confident, competent and capable that I have ever felt in my life
My mindset is not to do with “giving up” on dating. My mindset is quite the reverse. I know that I will meet someone else again one day. In the interim I would like to enjoy my freedom before that happens!
I have three children so I am not alone. It’s more that I am already lacking time to myself and I do not want to dedicate that time to someone else, nor do I want yet another person that I need to give to.
When I was younger, I wanted to be with a man to ‘complete’ me and my life. I don’t have that need any more. I like my own company and like who I am as a person. That sense of being complete comes from internally these days.
If a man came along that REALLY rocked my world, I would make time for him. I have lost the need and desire to actively pursue a relationship, though. This is not a reaction based upon past events. This is about enjoying me and my life exactly and being happy exactly as everything is.
Does this make sense?
Leanne
Ellen
I agree with you…this one guy wanted me to give into his desires and i put him now he is with someone who gives it to him anytime…not worth my wait.
Ellen,
Thank you for the advice. However, I disagree with you. I believe he is a good guy and our signals were crossed. I do not have any intentions of being his entertainment. Both of us comunicated what we were looking for and decided in friendship. We both want to get to know each other. When I wrote the last statement, I meant there is nice guys out who are understanding and what the best for you. Even though it wont happen with them. We all deserve a great guy.
So, today I decided to come clean, and to finally get NAKED! I took a nice refreshing walk in the pouring rain. Everything seems okay for once. Life is just grand. (:
@Ellen,
I don’t think you read my post carefully. I NEVER said I was going to meet him, NEVER said I thought he wanted a relationship (when he clearly doesn’t!), and said at the end that I already know the Truth, and what to do (or shall I say, NOT do!) And my boundaries were clear, even if I did/will go. But it’s not happening.
I’ve learned the hard way to heed the proverbial “handwriting on the wall” when it is apparent. I am not going, and will not put myself out there to be used. Also, I’d be in his backyard, with only one friend who lives in the area, only two friends in all the greater Chicago area, and with no vehicle to escape if need be! I’m not delusional. Quite the contrary!
Judging from the tone of your post, and your post to Jennifer, I sense that you have a very cynical tact about men, what kind of behavior you expect, and that you assume the worst of them in any given situation. Just as we women aren’t all good or all bad, men should be dealt with on a person by person, case by case basis. We are all individuals, and just because bad things happened in the past with men doesn’t mean that I’m going to be embittered or cynical about all of them. I’m working hard to try and ensure that I do not become ‘that’ type of woman.
After all, how could I ever hope to have real love if I allow the past to poison the well?
Very good blog… for some reason this just really hit home. ive read simliar stuff many times but the way you wrote it today really made sense. I spend so much time shying away from the person i really am… trying to be something that im not. i finally understand that by just beening ureself you will gain that confidence to approach anyone cau if you dont contect then it wasnt meant to be…
thanks david
@ Bob, I was married for most of my life, and am just now (after being single for six years) starting to date. I see those women you speak of, and it scares me because I know how easy it would be for me to stay home with my cat and my TV and dream about the soul mate who never appears. It is hard, and scary for those of us just re-entering the dating world. My first (what I thought anyway) real relationship, turned out to be a fluke. A long time, never married player who broke my heart. I don’t want to give up, but it often seems an easier option than to continue to try and risk more heart-ache. There are women out there who really do want a partner/best friend/soul mate, but are afraid to let go and give in to what they really feel, for fear of being hurt or to be made to look like fools. Don’t give up, she’s out there somewhere, she probably just needs reassurance and encouragement.