How To Date Multiple People
September 30, 2009 
38 Comments
You know what I find really funny? I live on the beach, and every morning when I take Daphne for a walk there is a giant tractor-looking thing combing the sand to make it look flat and pretty.
Why? Why does it matter? California is broke, and this is on what it spends its money? I actually kind of like the footprints on the beach. It sort of makes it look like the moon at night.
Back when I was single and dating multiple women, I probably would have told that story three or four times in a week. Can you start to guess what I’m going to talk about in today’s podcast?
Yes, in today’s podcast I am going to talk about multiplicity. No, not multiple orgasms…but about dating multiple people.
I am going to talk about dating multiple people in a way you probably aren’t expecting. I am going to tell you not only how to manage dating multiple people, but why you should be doing that.
I am going to talk about why dating multiple people is one of the best ways to learn more about yourself and what you really want, and why it is the way you will end up dating the kind of people you have most been wanting to date.
This will be a really eye-opening podcast for many of you . . . and will change the way you think about (and the reasons you want to) date multiple people. Enjoy!
Click here to listen NOW:
By the way, if any of you have anything you’d like me to talk about in a future podcast, be sure to email me (david@davidwygant.com) and let me know! I’d love to hear from you.
Also, if you want to learn more about how to communicate with all the people you’re dating so that you can date multiple people in an enjoyable and stress-free way, be sure to check out my “Dating Principles For Great Relationships” product.
You always have the best content! “Once a month–blood coming out of you?” LOL
David
Just curious, if you are sleeping with multiple people and the subject comes up with one of the women you are sleeping with, of course you are honest, but if that women gets upset how would you handle that without coming across in her mind that you are a total player and you’re just using her (especially if you really like this woman)? Thanks.
Yeah, I loved that, David. Right,… multiples are great, but there’s a lot more to put up with than that little good thing about having a vag. Loved it!
This is a very good suggestion about dating multiples. I’ve heard of this before, actually – for both women and men. Because, if you are exclusive, it’s tough to compare when you are remembering things from others, or you may have been different in your interactions, or you’re clouding over the details of the good and the bad things you are seeking or need to avoid. When they are happening at the same time, it’s a better way to make a clearer comparison and get in touch with what/who you sway more towards.
I second Aaron’s question, it’s a good one.
Also, while I agree multiple dating is a good thing, I don’t think it’s a fully culturally accepted thing yet or part of mainstream society. (If it is, tell me, but the whole concept of multiple dating was new to me until just a few months ago).
I think there are probably still a lot of people who don’t realize that it’s “okay” so you have to keep in mind that dating multiple people could hurt someone you’re dating who’s unfamiliar with the concept.
More common sense advice, David. Guys get so weird about dating multiple people – if you’re only just starting to date them, you have nothing to feel weird about and shouldn’t have to sneak around. And if a woman has a problem with it, you know right there you should drop her (if you want to avoid jealousy and drama, that is).
Like Aaron says, it gets stickier if you’ve started sleeping with one or more, but I think David has that covered here too. You’re not going to be able to make every woman a multiple-f-buddy, so decide what YOU want and act/screen accordingly.
There is a huge difference if you are going out to get to know a person, just like two people would go out as friends or you Call it a date and implies romantic interest. You cross the Line if there comes an ackward moment if you run into some you date while you are ón a new date. If it feels ackward then you did cross the Line. Going out with multiple as friends are fine but not if you date. I would not go out ón a another date if I found out the guy had been out dating numerous others. If you speak opently from the start that you date others then i have no problem, as the other person Can make up their mind if this is what they want.
Michael you are Way off that if someone does not like it then they are jealous and drama and should dump them. Well if you had been honest upfront then they would potential not have been upset.
I like dating multiple women at the same time because it raises my standards (shoutout to “abundance mentality”). When my dates pick up on this they usually get more attracted since it shows that I’m somewhat more in demand compared to others that just date one at a time and hope for the best. Eventually I would like to be in a committed relationship, but I refuse to settle until I meet someone that really connects with me.
Aaron,
If you’re honest, the woman shouldn’t get upset. It depends on how it comes up. Did you just sleep with her for the first time? Or have you been dating for a few months?
If a woman got upset after sleeping together for the first time, that would be a huge red flag, and I would be very tempted to walk away. For me, having sex once does not imply exclusivity.
Now, if it was asked after a few months of dating and the implication was that we were exclusive. Then I agree with Michael that you should choose someone. I would pretty much assume by that point that I was in a committed relationship. If I found out that my woman was sleeping with other people at this stage, I would feel upset too.
Good luck with your situation, man. Stay away from those drama-holics!
Hey David. Great podcast. Todays topic relates to me. by the way, Michael Keaton is in the movie ‘Post-Grad’ which came out this summer. Thanx.
David,
This is the first time I listened to one of your podcasts and after listening to such a good and well presented material I will certainly look out for more.
Interesting point about looking for yourself rather than looking for what you think you want.
Best regards
DAVID, hope I got you’re atention. I’ll listen to the podcast when I get home cause it’s 7 am in the morning here so..
Anyway this is the kinda way I thought about dating someone. But the question is and maybe a new ideea to a postcast or post.
You know women have that extra sense about other women,you get what I mean, they can see in an other women expresion for example things that I man can’t see.And they are also mean to each other more than men are
.How do you know when an ex or friend(woman) is really telling the truth about you and another woman, maybe she does know something OR she is gelous and makes that face behind you’re back like in that picture above?
Interesting topic I should say. Keep’em comming David, I’ll see the other comments and listen to the podcast when I get home
.
thanks David I was just having this problem until u changed my view of dating multiple people, keep up the bad work =)
This topic comes at a great time as I’m dating 2 different guys at the moment. I agree with Marina, it’s a lot better and more attractive to be honest right off the bat and make it clear between you that it’s cool to be seeing other people (if thats what you want) whether you’re sleeping with them or not. Girls are usually fine with it and appreciate the open communication. You can’t just expect someone to read your mind and know where they stand with you. They have to tell you.
I have a question that’s not really related to this topic, but it’s just bugging me for some reason. What does it mean when a guy says “i’m not sure you can handle me”? It’s a new one I haven’t heard yet!
I always read David’s material but I never understand it.I am not a good seducer I wait and expect singles to aproach me and ask me dating.
If I had David’s address I would send much more info about my failure.
Hey Ahmed- his email is david@davidwygant.com
Why are you waiting for women all the time, not everyone of them will come approach you! You have to cease the opportunities as it comes.
I agree Jacob that action makes a huge difference. Not every women will approach you even when they want to.
Maria- when he says that line, it usually means he is flirting with you, teasing you, telling you he is a challenge and it can also be sexual in nature.
Maria= what’s your secret of dating multiple men? Have always dated multiple men?
Sebastian- what you mean by keep up the bad work, i don’t it comes across to David as funny!
I agree with you Jeff, i don’t know what he is thinking:)
Also think he is in the wrong damn…place to make that commment.
Sebastian-
grow some balls, maybe if you really listened to what David had to teach you with his life experience, then you would really learn how to date multiple women, not jerk off.
Cheesocrates=
nice usr id:)
welcome to the forum buddy!
Very nice PC and so true. I think dating multiples is a good way to know your dating self and what type of person is right/wrong for you. Also the best way to understand the opposite sex.
Equally important is observing when it is time to let someone go because they are getting too close when it’s not what we want. At least, that is what I would want the other person to do for me, so I do it for them out of respect. Have been on the bad end of such and wasn’t fun. But all good!!!
I also have to wonder if the hangups and required rules of dating multiples only exist in the US. I am American but blessed to have lived in Asia, and now in Europe (Switzerland). In Asia there were several times a woman I was dating saw me on a date with someone else and vice versa, and it was no big deal. In fact, some of the best sex I had was after that woman saw me with someone else. I’m a bit slow so it took me a while to clue into that.
Has happened a couple times here as well, but again not a big deal.
It seemed, to me at least, in Asia & Europe, it is automatically assumed you are dating/having sex with multiple people when you first hook up. Only after dating consistent for a couple months or so with increasing frequency does the subject even come up. And by that time it is a moot point because the two are so into each other they are probably already exclusive.
Great PC, and great comments!
Peace from Fondue land…..
Hey David!
It’s an interesting topic, and fairly appropriate to myself- I just broke up with someone and couldn’t think of anything I want to do less but date one person exclusively right now!
I have a question though (similar to Aaron’s I guess), should you be honest with people %100 of the time when it comes to questions like ‘Are you dating other people, or, are you sleeping with other people?’
I suppose if you involve the STI and STD equation, yes, you should be honest with a sexual partner if you’re sleeping around.
What if you were dating someone for the first or second time though, and you really liked this person, what would you say if that person asked if you were dating other people? Maybe after that first or second date you might be swayed to exclusively date this person, but truthfully at the time, you weren’t exclusive yet.
They might be the kind that only dates one person at a time. What do you do when this person goes ‘Well if you’re seeing other people, I can’t see you anymore!’ I know the usual answer might be ‘Get over it, there’s tons of people out there’, but I think maybe in this case, you perhaps could lie, and say ‘no, I’m not seeing anyone else’. Would there be anything wrong with that if you THEN stopped dating other people and just saw this person?
Sorry it’s a bit long winded, I just don’t think being honest %100 of the time is good %100 of the time.
Joely.
Aaron, I don’t think it should come as a surprise to a woman that you are sleeping with other people. I agree with Brad, if you have been with the woman for a while it might be fair for her to think you are exclusive. But she should never have to guess.
Be a man have the DTR talk (Define The Relationship). Have it early and have it often. That way if she’s upset about the situation it won’t be your fault because you will know for a fact that you didn’t mislead her.
Recently, (just after a hard break-up) I decided I wanted a lover. Not a boyfriend, not a friend with benifits, just a man to have sex with. I talked to two different men about this and made it very clear to them that they were not the only one in the running for the position.
Then, Mr. Go Down came into the picture. I made sure he knew what I had going with these other guys before the first kiss. Suddenly, I had three sexual options and I was being honest with all of them.
I don’t know how I would have handled this is relationships had been a possibility with any ofthese men. BUt I’m pretty sure I would have let them know I was seeing other men far before I had sex with any of them.
As it is, I am currently not dating or sleeping with anyone.
Greaaat. Just what I asked a few posts ago. So I can go and date everyone I like till I think that I want to be in a relationship with someone.
One small thing David.Gosip goes around.I don’t know how it manifest later but at 18, like Khiem said , it can kill my social life. Or is it a good thing that I’m known for datin many girls?
Hope I will get a respons. Cheers.
Mike
Mike, I think you need to move to a bigger town if gossip is such an issue. As long as you aren’t being a he-whore and going out having sex with a different girl every night what can people say?
What are you so afraid people will say?
It’s not a small town. Check on google earth
) It has aprox 260.000 people living here.
Cause I’m in highschool, the last year and gossip goes around. I’m now a he-whore cause I’m most of the times afraid to start a conversation and be interested in someone that I really like. My case is the one that David talk about at the begining when he talks about that certain client. That’s exactly me. I don’t have the guts to do more (on the street or school) with someone I like . But when I’m at the dance course and I teach others, I could easy talk to miss world if you get what I mean…
Wow Mike. Maybe date girls who don’t go to your school. Something makes me doubt that going on date with a lot of girls — especially if they all know you don’t consider them your girlfriend — can be a bad thing.
If you’re too scared to ask or hang out in the first place I think you may be worrying about something outside to the scope of your control at the moment. In high school and college there are a TON of opportunities ot hang out with the opposite sex without dating or being considered a player.
Especially in a group.
I’m also surprised that you are so worried about this at your age. I’m concerned. What do you really want to have happen (or accomplish) in your love life?
Don’t be concerned. I want to learn
That’s all. Cause When I was 14-15-16 my friend already had girlfriend . I didn’t till 17. I know that there’s a gap between the generations. I mean I’m shocked with these 12 year old kids making out. It’s true.
So , concerning me, I’ve learned that what David teaches works and it’s not early to start learning cause there things work for me. I’m kinda perfectionist and that’s why I have so many questions and doubts. I had a huge ego, I needed validation from everybody. I grew a lot in the last months and my confidence as well. It’s just that, I don’t want to date girls and have fun by being an asshole or a jerk like most guys are at my age. True ,some guys didn’t get at my curent ‘level’ even in they’re twenties but I don’t brag. I want to become better and better at it.It’s that really a bad thing?That I want to become as David said, the best version of me? I respect your opinion and I will check it in the morning cause here it’s 11 pm and I’m very sleepy
. And have a good day in the US 
.
Oh and by the way…what did you mean by “you may be worrying about something outside to the scope of your control at the moment”?
Self confidence again? I just freak out and make instant excuses when I see a girl i really like. That’s why I’ve always dated ‘medium’ girls not the one that I really like. Not that it’s imposible, I just freak out and can’t find an opener or something… And in my case, it really matters where I am in that moment, if I like and feel confortable in that place or not…
Wow, so you are in another country too. Crazy! I was taking your comments to mean that you had problems approaching and getting to know women. If that were your problem, than being percieved as a player would be something you shouldn’t worry about.
But also, what other people say is always outside of your control. If I were in your situation I wouldn’t worry about people’s perceptions were as much as I would concern myself with the truth of the situation.
If you are behaving like a player other people will see it, but more importantly, you will feel it. One of the things David says oten is to be genuine. If it doesn’t feel right to date a lot of girls then maybe you should just spend time in groups with a lot of girls.
All the girls that you enjoy spending time with. And enjoy the time. You will learn about yourself and about women in general. Based on my personal experience I would tell people, as a general rule, not to date exclusively in high school or college.
It limits your opportunities to learn and grow too much. And, as I said before, as long as you aren’t leading the girls on or pursuing a lot of sexual relationships, I don’t think you will be considered a player.
However, it probably is a good idea to be dating exclusively if you are going to be having sex at your age. It’s physically and emotionally safer.
Thanks Jacob, that was my initial thought that he was flirting.
Jeff – No, I haven’t always dated multiple guys.. I’m more of a one-man women, and prefer long term relationships and would like to get married in the next few years. After my last relationship ended, I took a break to heal then decided to jump back in the game. I just think it’s important to put yourself out there if you’re single, either by going out and talking to people or through dating sites (the current 2 I’m dating are from such a site). I also feel I’d be missing out by getting to know just one guy and not giving others a chance. Honesty is essential for it to work. There are lots of people out there you can hit it off with, but it takes some effort and patience to find one that’s really a fit with you and where you feel your life is headed.
Crystal it’s weird.People who actualy get to know me think that I’m a player in a way. But the other ones don’t have that kind of impresion,On the contrary…Not to date exclusevly highschool or college girls? But at my age who should I date? I’ve dated once a 20 year old but that’s the max…
Like I told told you, I don’t have problems aproaching women where I’m confortable, but 99% of them look so serios,so unfriendly so thay cut me off, don’t know maybe I should force myself to try and try till I do it out of reflex. Be back later. C’ya
Hey David I just want to say that I freaking love you!! you have the coolest job in the world. I really hope I become rich BEFORE I get rid of my insecurities so I can hire you for private coaching
How about a download of the podcast? I lost the page while listening and would like to fast-forward.
QUESTION!! When you say ‘date’ does it involve kissing and stuff or just getting to know that person better?