Rats “are devoted to their families, particularly their children….sociable and gregarious”–comments sorta pertinant to discussion on relationships perhaps leading to marriage!

BTW, the negative traits repeated in some people’s posts above which traditional Western culture often assigns to rats, reminded me of how “Chinese” or Asian astrological system assign many positive traits to people born under sign of the Rat.

One source (appendix at end of kid’s novel ARCHER’S QUEST) describes “Rats” as “Charming, expressive, social. Efficient, organized. talented.” Book COMPLETE GUIDE TO FENG SHUI says “Rats are sociable and gregarious …quick-witted and passionate…capable of deep emotions despite their cool exteriors… will stand by their friends as long as they receive their support in return.”

Most people at parties, bars etc. may not longer use icebreaker “What’s your sign?” anymore, refering to Western astrology. But it might start interesting conversations to refer to Asian astrology (which is often used socially to figure out someone’s age, as it uses 12 year cycle of animal signs!

I read this David’s comments to get ideas on starting conversations with other people–not necessarily looking to start an intimate relationship.

It seems that generally when people talk of not coming from “neediness”, they’re saying one should come from “abundance”. It’s attractive when your life is overflowing; you can take it all for granted, and pick and choose not caring, because there’s plenty more.

An extrovert who has loads of friends and is always meeting more, has those friends because they NEED the interaction, yet they may not need any given friendship. (It’s the person with an abundance of food, not the one pennyless and starving, who can be fussy; yet they both require food.)

An introvert still needs friends, yet do to their different “nature” will probably have fewer; and may not have the skills to “replace” them as quickly.

I believe David is trying to teach those skills… (One person may network and keep a lot of potential jobs lined up, another confident in their ability may take for granted they’ll find work when it’s needed…)

It’s learning the skills to choose your quantity and type of friends; being un-needy is seeing abundant options and believing you have a choice.

-I was planning to be concise, but ended up rambling…

Ken E.
(For abundance to be attractive, does it need to be something the other person values…)

It give me a chance to see what everyone is about.

This is why i created the blog so everyone can express what they feel.

Keep it up and thanks!!!

I agree with you that we are inherently social beings, everybody loves to be loved and feel valued, but it can only really make you happy if you feel the same for the other person. If you feel as though you NEED to be in a relationship, and couldn’t survive without it, then you are deficient within yourself. As David teaches, you must be content within yourself before you can fully and healthily contribute to a relationship with another. When you are looking to complete yourself through the validation of others then you can never be happy. You are merely using the other person as a drug, a short term fix for your problem.

I think you are right that humans need relationships with others, and by that I mean relationships in the sense of general human interaction. But when you NEED a relationship in the sense of a partner, and it doesn’t really matter who it is, then that I think is a sign of deficiency within oneself, and needs to be corrected.

S. quote “..And i’m not talking about your emotions and feelings here, but about your survival!…”

Of course we’re not rats, sure i don’t have to waist my time being in a relationship that i don’t feel like being in!!! It’s no brainer. My point was to demonstrate the reason why we want to be in any kind of relationship. You don’t like the one you’re in, so you break it, but you ALWAYS looking forward to be in another one again, being in it as a couple, as a friend, as a fuckbuddy, doesn’t matter. The point is you want to be in one because on basic, instinct, survival level we’re social beings and we simply can’t survive being alone! I repeat, all this is from our biological, survival and basic human nature point of view.

It’s like talking about man’s need to eat. If we elaborate, one likes one thing and another one like another thing, but the basic point is that we all need to eat in order to survive. No brainer right!!

But not everyone understands that we also need to be in a relationship in order to survive!! Long one or short one, sex or friendship, good one or bad one, it doesn’t matter! the point is that we need one in order to survive!

As Dunga mentioned, we are not rats. Its easy to be cowardly and stay in a bad relationship, anyone can do that. It takes strength of character and courage to refuse to settle for anything less that what you desire. How many times have people been married, for all the wrong reasons (time, age, comfort zone, financial reasons etc…) only to find out years (or even months) down the track that it was all a big mistake and they had wasted a large portion of their lives? Not only their own life, but also the person they were married to, its not fair on them either. The people who realise they are good enough for what they want and actually go after it, chase it down, or work on themselves and attract it (as David says) are the ones who are being true to themselves and their prospective partners.

I mentioned the rat post to a friend and he brought up something I’ve heard before… With people:
Men in relationships statistically live longer than those who are not.
Women not in relationships statistically live longer than those who are.

I’m not sure if that carries true across different cultures, or if the quality of the relationship changes anything…

Ken E.