How To Carry On An Amazing Conversation
How to Create an Unbelievable Presence and Awareness So You are Able to Carry on An Amazing Conversation By David Wygant
This is an actual excerpt from a recent coaching that i had with one of my clients.
In order to be charismatic, you need to be present in your situation. Most people think being charismatic is the funny things you say, or being loud or boisterous and whatever it is, but really, charisma is just a couple of simple things. One is listening intently to what someone is saying, showing enthusiasm to what they say, and reacting with enthusiasm to what somebody says. That’s charisma, in my book.
So how do you get really present when most of us are scattered with our thoughts all over the place?
Rent the movie Ocean’s 11. In that movie, pick one of the casino scenes. In these scenes, there are a lot of things going on. Watch about five minutes of the scene, and then turn it off and write down what you saw in that casino scene.
What do you write down? What were the characters saying to each other? What funny things did you see? What did you notice? What was going on in the background? Try to remember everything.
Then, after you write that down, watch that same scene again. What did you actually remember? What did you miss? Watch it again, and write it down again – what you remember, and what you missed the first time.
Watch that scene over and over again until you remember almost everything in that scene. This exercise forces you to concentrate – not only that, but life is like a scene from Ocean’s 11. If you think about it, you could be at a coffee shop, or at a restaurant, like we are right now.
By being in this restaurant right now, there are so many outside sources – there’s the guy with the tray, there’s a baby over there, there’s a guy sitting there and eating. Oh my god – there’s a beautiful blonde over there. There’s a woman on the phone, there’s the guy behind the counter. There are so many things going on.
What will happen is that you’ll start watching life like you’re in a movie. All of us watch movies. All of us actively can watch a movie.
Client: And what’s a movie really about anyway?
Client: That’s the thing about it, isn’t it – you pay good money to see something that every day is on your front doorstep! I never really thought of it like that.
David: Everyday, you’re living a movie. So, pay attention to everything that’s going on in the movie! Start quizzing yourself.
If you’re sitting in a restaurant, look around, and play a game with a friend. Look around, and then ask your friend to quiz you. We’ll do it right now. So take a look around, take everything in like you’re in a movie.
Now I’m going to ask you a question. The blond girl near the wall, is she on her cell phone or not on her cell phone?
Client: I don’t think she’s on her cell phone, no, but I didn’t really notice her.
David: Yes, she’s on her cell phone. The guy standing there waiting at the register, is he happy, or just kind of malcontent and bored?
Client: I think he’s pretty malcontent and bored.
David: You’ve got it. So now there’s two different emotions. Now let’s say that was a woman standing there being malcontent and bored. You could walk over there, and say what? What would you say? Think about it, you’ve seen me say it. If a woman was looking like that, what would you say to her?
Client: I would say, “how’s your day been?”
David: Yeah, “how’s your day been?” or “man, you look like you’re having just one of those days.” But “how’s your day been?” is pretty good, because if she’s been having a bad day, and you approach her with energy, she can be like, wow – no one has asked me that yet!
So now look around again. What do you see? Take a look, take it all in.
How many people sitting to the left of us are with that woman and the baby?
Client: Well, I only noticed the two women and the baby, but there’s quite a bit of people.
David: But do you see what I’m getting at? This exercise will teach you how to focus.
Client: I feel like I’m looking at things in the immediate, as opposed to looking at things far beyond me. I suppose that has to do with my impatience – I’ve been in bars before and quickly said, “it’s no good here, let’s just go.” As opposed to just having fun and chilling out, which is what I suppose I need to learn: how to just chill out.
David: This whole place is fun. Just look at that: there are four more women that just walked in. A little young, but still, they’re women. But this whole place is fun. You just have to take it all in.
There’s a terminology that I use which is called ‘ctn’: it stands for chasing the night. People will go to a bar, they look around, they make an immediate decision – nope, nothing here for me, let’s go.
And then they go to another bar, and another bar, and another one, and they’re just chasing the night all night long. At the end of the night, what happens? Nothing. You’ve chased the night away.
Instead of just going to a place and having a good time with a friend, and just taking in the environment and becoming a master of it, you’ve chased the night.
Client: That’s just so true!
Todays video is part 2 on becoming a natural with women. Enjoy and I hope everyone had an amazing memorial day weekend.
Here is the link to youtube so you can watch part one and two….you will need to see part one first.
Click here to watch the videos.