Comments on: How Needy Are You Really?

By: Leo

Leo — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 05:41:20 +0000

Excellent thread on acting needy, I have learned so much. What a great forum and web page,so helpful.

By: Nick

Nick — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 04:44:53 +0000

I’m glad I found this podcast. I’m one of those people. I will not be needy in the unhealthy sense. Thank you David. I hope to hear more about this, I really want to stop this destructive behavior.

By: bobf

bobf — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 18:27:47 +0000

Hi y’all,

Nice podcast David. Have a beautiful Easter weekend. You are right; as a mentor of mine once said. “How can you love anyone else, if you don’t love yourself.” Healthy needs are one thing: recognition, acceptance, sensuality/sexuality, LOVING AND BEING LOVED, mutual and intellectual interests, other areas of compatibility and meeting of the mind, body and heart, etc.

Negative neediness occurs when one is in a state of denial (you know that river in Egypt), not loving oneself, not having healthy self esteem, feeling hurt, rejected, neglected, jealous and so on. We all might momentarily experience these emotions, but if we let them hook us, if we believe that is who we are, then we are lost and no one else can help us unless we help ourselves…

Ciao, ~BF

By: Elma

Elma — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 01:59:43 +0000

I don’t think neediness implies lack of self-esteem. People can be confident about themselves at the same time get carried away by interpersonal relationships. Neediness is innate and sometimes genetic, in my opinion. Those who are needy often feel anxious about the environment they live in and therefore seek sense of safety from others.

I agree with Queens of Relationships that it’s a reflection of insecurity. I have dated guys who clutched my hand on the airplane in the fear that it might crash, who still left his laundry with his mother who lived several miles away, and who called numerous times every day to report to me on the trivia. I like to be cared for, very much so, but not to the point of being stifled. After all, I’m an adventurer who enjoys personal space.

Neediness is rather comparative. One’s neediness might be on the same level with certain people while overwhelming or being overwhelmed by others. We often speak of “compatibility” so perhaps neediness should be taken into consideration.

Relaxed personality is such a charm to me.

By: Katie80

Katie80 — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 22:53:31 +0000

Just wondering- does it count as being needy when it’s been like a month and you haven’t seen the guy? He keeps saying he wants to get together; we’ll do it ‘next week,’ but nothing comes of it. I get a sense of hope, only to have it dashed. I don’t think it’s wrong to be frustrated, yet I feel like if I say something, it will be seen as neediness. At the same time, isn’t a relationship supposed to be about actually spending at least some time together? Maybe I just need to ask him what gives.

By: Juliet

Juliet — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 22:13:53 +0000

To avoid neediness, I think it is really important to maintain balance and be good at reading the other person. And I agree completely that even though traditionally women are called needy more than guys, there are a lot of needy guys out there! When I say maintaining balance, here is a great example: If you call someone and they don’t call you back, don’t keep calling and leaving messages. That reeks of desperation! If you email someone, wait for them to reply before you send them another message.

It is also good, especially early in a relationship, to mirror the other person somewhat. If they write you a short email, then don’t reply with a really long one. If they send a long reply, then send a long one if you feel inclined to do so. If you would like to send a longer reply, but don’t have time at the moment, say that. If you text someone, wait for them to reply before sending another text. If you are texting back and forth a lot, sometimes exceptions to this are fine as long as you don’t go overboard. Most of all, respect that the other person has a life and give them space to live it when you aren’t together. If you find yourself feeling like you are “waiting” for them a lot, then you might want to consider filling up your life a bit more! Not only will this occupy your time and keep you from waiting, it makes you a happier and more attractive human being!

By: Coach Yakub

Coach Yakub — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 21:56:45 +0000

Tony-

i know right, that call was a trip man! i didn’t who i was talking with….was the starbucks barista girl or the police:)

By: Queen of Relationships

Queen of Relationships — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 20:25:04 +0000

Neediness to me is spawned from a butt load of insecurities.

By: James

James — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 19:47:28 +0000

The reasons for displaying “needy-like” behavior can vary with different personality types. Using the DISC profile, for example, a high-”I” personality type needs to be liked and accepted. I’ve seen many a high-”I” personality type guy display needy behavior because of excessive worry over how an interaction or date went and whether or not the girl liked him. As a very high “D” type personality, I’ve caught myself appearing needy strictly out of impatience rather than worry over acceptance. High-”D” types don’t worry about being liked or accepted, but we DO want action (interaction) and we want it NOW. I’ve had to learn how to PACE my interactions in spite of my natural impatience. Studying the different personality types (including your own) can reap HUGE benefits in your male-female interactions and relationships, IF you accept and put to good use the new knowledge you obtain. A somewhat boring post, I realize, but a fascinating topic to those of us who really get into it. Also very useful in the retail sales arena!

By: Khiem (DW Coach)

Khiem (DW Coach) — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 19:20:08 +0000

Eddie,

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. It’s normal for you to be furious if she ignores you and you are with her. It’s about respect.

What is wrong is that she lied to you about going out.

If you have a healthy relationship, you should be able to let her have her girl’s night out without getting jealous or being fearful that she might stray away… but you both need to agree on honesty.