How Does This Make You Feel
June 11, 2008 
30 Comments
I am off to NYC in 2 days for a bootcamp and I was thinking.
Life is all about choices.
How does this quote make you feel?
“A good opener is not based on what you are thinking, but rather on connecting with her inner reality. Opening her based on her thoughts, energy and emotions. Living that life is the only way to become powerful”
What about this one?
“Picking up women is an action. Attraction is a state of mind that defines who you are. It is a state of being. Which one would you prefer to be?”
I want to hear your thoughts on this today.
Todays video is all about how to attract women with the power of your own personality. It is all about how to stop the routines and start using the power of you!
Enjoy and have a great Wednesday.
Like I wanna puke….
It feels like some people are trying to take everything a lot DEEPER than it needs to be… just to rehash something someone else said… or to sound profound…
Plus, a lot of people don’t think this way… or respond to this type of language… so you don’t “connect” with the person that you’re trying to give this advice to.
It also sounds COMPLICATED and HARD.
Amen! For those who are still undecided…ditch the routines already!
Those are my thoughts. Enough said.
Have a great time in NYC David!
How on Earth do you ‘open somebody based on [their] thoughts, feelings and emotions’ ??? By reading their mind?
Interesting comments so far!
Keep them coming and don’t hold back please:)
We need to hear from some of the women on this
It works for you as well!
FIRST QUOTE:
I think the content is true, but the wording is a little airy-fairy (my new favorite word, borrowed from a friend). Brad is right, the words get in the way of the meaning.
Opening a girl based on her emotions, energy and feelings is difficult — definitely one of the last things I learned. It means judging her emotional state based on her expression, body language, and what she’s doing, and then adjusting my approach to what she’s focused on.
Dunga, yes, when it works, it’s kind of like reading her mind. David can teach you how.
– Patrick
SECOND QUOTE:
Eh, I’m not too warm and fuzzy on this one. Attraction is not a state of being. That’s too broad and implies I’m doing it all the time.
Attraction is a skill, like salsa dancing or riding a motorcycle.
The process of learning that skill also changes parts of my personality to make me a more attractive, pleasant person all around, but I’m not constantly in a state of mind to attract everyone around me. I’m just me.
Maybe it sounds like I’m splitting hairs, but I actually I think this is CENTRAL to understanding what David teaches. This is what all the PUAs are missing. Attraction isn’t a way of life; it’s not even a destination. It’s a social skill.
Becoming a more interesting, evolved, complete person — that’s a destination and a way of life, and that’s not taught in a pickup manual.
The secret is that this interesting, evolved, and complete personality we’re seeking is already inside each of us, and every day we’re either getting closer to finding it, or we’re getting farther away.
Ask yourself: Which of the two are your pickup manuals are doing for you?
– Patrick
Patrick
Dunga needs about an hour with me and all of this will be really clear with him. I owe you a call been super busy getting the new site up.
Lets talk next week…….
The site looks great….cant wait for everyone to see it
David,
Sounds great. Next week is good.
– Patrick
Great video David. Just when I’ve begun to look again at the PUA community, I’m glad to have this challenge to routine-based pickup. I guess it seems easier to define the whole thing as simple as learning and delivering lines, rather than the slow process of becoming the attractive man. When you’ve had years of conditioning dictate that you are small and not good enough, any thought to being attractive is met by that other one – ‘yeah right!’
Not really sure how “the power of you” relates to any of this. By engaging women with shared experiences and emotional states, you’re building those deeper connections. But I interpret that quote as the unique personality of every guy, whereas you probably just mean confidence – conveying your attitude. How exactly do you use your own traits – beyond mere confidence – to distinguish yourself? Or is every single women simply attracted to plain confidence? That seems rather shallow. I think “the power of you” should mean something where confidence accentuates your own traits, passions, whatever. But randomly observing a woman’s surroundings and relating to some shared experience seems rather fake at times, i.e. lifting weights at the gym, a guy notices a woman he hasn’t seen before. So he uses his point persons to convey energy, perhaps intriguing her. ‘Oh how’s your workout going?’ Maybe he teases her about being distracted. That all seems like a bunch of small talk for trying to develop a memorable, emotional experience or engage in any real conversation at all. :/
David
Lets go deeper into this.
‘Oh how’s your workout going?’
Think about that statement.
How do you convey it?
By imagining she had a sexual fantasy about you last night. You’re conveying your interest in her: why did she do this? what’s she all about? etc. With that one question, you’re telling her a lot of other information: you’re saying “I’m comfortable with who I am,” “I notice my surroundings,” “I’d be able to listen,” “I’m here to have a good time with friends and others I meet.” (BTW this ‘going deep’ is such a bitch…women got it so easy as reporters, psychologists, hiring managers and any other jobs where you’re asking questions). But other than “energetic” and “confident” for how you’re conveying that question, I don’t know.
Aside from that minor example at the end, my main question/critique was “using the power of you” just seems to be “confidence.” And for most guys I can see that as the initial stepping stone. But they’re eventually going to need more – just in case women are surrounded by a Wygant army or something. Eventually there’s going to be trait/passion/interest differences.
David –
I absolutely LOVED this blog!!! The second quote about attraction gave me goose bumps! And what it says is SO true
Those two quotes to me perfectly shows the difference between what you teach and what others teach … which is that you teach something that not only is REAL but so much more powerful than what others do — hence why so many of us wish we could find men to date that YOU have coached (we know they will be amazing guys!!)
David, you are the man!!
Thanks for helping to teach men to become this kind of man!
Hey David … I was so blown away by this blog – and then so totally perplexed by some of the comments that were posted – that I simply had to chime in. Although I am a faithful reader of your blog (and am anxiously awaiting your soon to be starting women’s blog!), I do not usually post.
Dunga and Patrick – c’mon guys … I’ve read your comments before, and I know you get the whole concept of what David teaches — so don’t get all out of sorts because he got a little philosophical today
It sounds to me like what David was trying to say with these quotes was that attracting people is not just something you do – it’s a part of who your are (or it needs to be in order for you to attract people everyday and everywhere)
As for me personally, I 100% agree about the attraction quote. Attraction encompasses your whole being inside and out — very hot quote (and so true!!)
Loved this blog David!!!
wtf?? open her up?? she should open me!! haha.. btw im drunk haha
its 6:30 am and i just got home from a foo fighters concert, awsome..
great band.
btw david, stoppped by my usual place, ended up staying there really late, just me and the manager alone after he kicked every body else out, and gave me free food and beer haha.
a lot of other people buying me beer too. shows what you get when your really social and just cool.
David ?,
I like your “power of you” comments.
I see the “shallow” situational interest as a starting point for further digging/exploration with the intent of discovering those further interests. While at the same time happily enjoying the fact that I’m engaged in the conversation to begin with. (As an introvert learning new skills, even “failures” are welcome.) – though success is always preferred.
As I’m typing this I realized when and how I go about that “digging” depends on my level of interest in the person. Now that I think about it this may be the source of some of my stumbling points…
Regarding attraction and state of being:
When I’m feeling connected in/to life I can see the difference in all areas/aspects, not just dating/attraction. Everything goes more smoothly. I’ve also noticed it isn’t an on/off, yes/no, type thing; it’s completely variable, the degree of connection…
I’ve also noticed effects that aren’t easy to explain… The other month, out of curiosity, I put two pictures on http://www.hotornot.com. At some point, after the second picture was up for a while, I noticed that the rating was going up and down – tracking how I was feeling about myself!!! (I’ve since taken them down, but I was happy with the ratings while they were up.)
cool stuff but a bit corny like brad said if its for the public!
Ken. E-
Sounds like a big part of Wygant’s strategy is validating yourself, as opposed to seeking external verification. You can’t be confident with who you are if you need others’ approval. And although you know yourself better than anyone else, it seems weird giving yourself a pat on the back, and I have no clue whether there are actual strategies for doing so.
I think these quotes will make more sense to those who have read some Tolle. Ultimately, any pick up routine or attraction advice only serves the purpose of getting you to believe in your own attractive ability, which is the “power of you”. Pick up routines are like card tricks. Their true purpose is to change your beliefs about your reality. Once you believe you are attracting people, the actual routine is irrelevant. The weakness of PUA routines is that a 40 year old man likely won’t go in to a club dressed in a costume and ask a girl to pull his finger and really believe that it’ll work. His belief is then compromised and he no longer attracts success. He attracts failure. From my perspective, the benefit of David’s teachings is that you’re less likely to outgrow them. They’re natural and can more easily become a part of who you are. So you’re less likely to compromise your belief in them. Therefore, the attraction continues. Everything that exists is energy. Your thoughts create your emotions and if you think them long enough, they become your beliefs. Anyone who has the ability to master their thoughts and their emotions will have the ability to master their life. That’s the difference between those who succeed and those who fail. Being able to live without fear or anxiety, an emotion created by a thought. Everything else is just details about how you get there and what it will take to change your beliefs about what’s possible.
That’s a philosophical perspective.
This was a great blog….we all stayed on topic and really dug deep into what was posted.
The quotes were mine for those of you that did not know.
I had lunch with my friend Adam Gilad and we were talking about living life on a higher level without the noise that clogs most peoples thoughts.
The monkey chatter!!
So this was really interesting to see who this resonated with.
I have been doing this a long time and life is really easy right now……once you learn the cycles and the patterns of people and dig deep into who you are you will no longer need any of the pickup stuff and realize that you pocess the power to meet and be with anyone.
David – I think your quotes would actually resonate not only with those who have ascended beyond the “monkey chatter” in their own head, but also with those of us still hearing that “monkey chatter” in our own heads but working to be like the people you describe …
So cut a little slack for those of us folk who want to become that kind of person … but just take a little longer to get there
Again, amazing blog and keep your eyes peeled for me to eventually join you in this great state of mind … I will be joining you soon
I like the first quote b/c if you really get it, it tells you to open people based on where they are at emotionally, based on the environment/context they find themselves in.
I guess that’s what some people in the PUA Community call situational relevance.
As far as the second quote, I agree best with “Attraction as a state of being”.
Attraction is not JUST a social skill.
You can learn to be social… but you can’t learn to be attractive until you change certain beliefs about yourself and the world around you…. until you learn to trust yourself on a deep level.
Great quotes David!! It takes deep understanding to get it. And it totally makes sense to me.
Right on John! Oh yes its deep and it takes understanding.
Not all quotes are meant to be understood in a second, you really have to think about it and experience it or feel it.
See ya in NYC:)
That second quote makes me want to throw things. That sounds like a womaneater or a constant hunter; someone who’s in it to hunt only, forget the rest of it. Bah.
Coby – I’m curious why you had that reaction. When I re-read the quote (“Picking up women is an action. Attraction is a state of mind that defines who you are. It is a state of being. Which one would you prefer to be?”) I had the same reaction that I did the first time I read it, ie, that it conveys the opposite mindset of men who “hunt” women. To me it made the distinction that attraction is created and felt inside you … Not something “you do.”
Kate – It shouldn’t have to be a ‘state of mind,’ and if it is, you’re working entirely too hard. It should roll out of you like four-letter words roll off of your tongue in heavy traffic. If you have to get your game face on, then that’s it, it’s just a game. Sure, there are fun parts of it. Certainly! But it’s not a game for points and glory.
Coby – I agree with your sentiment … but I just don’t hear the quote saying that
I think we’re on the same page … just not feeling this quote the same way
“A good opener is not based on what you are thinking, but rather on connecting with her inner reality…
I was going to write this anyway before I read that the quotes were yours David :
But I can get what you mean, this IS what you teach. Infact this is the OPPOSITE of these ‘canned openers’ which the more ‘The Game’ type community teach.
When you make an observation, and open a person based on that observation, you’re immidiately connecting with what SHE is thinking. Not you. When you open with “Hey I just saw this funny thing outside, I want your opinion”, you are taking her away from what she is thinking, and the odds of having an interesting, connecting conversation with her are a lot lower.
“Picking up women is an action. Attraction is a state of mind that defines who you are. It is a state of being. Which one would you prefer to be?”
Once again, seems very sort of ‘eastern philosophy’ when you put it that way, but its all very connected to what I believe David teaches. Its not about ‘OK its friday today, and I’m going to try my pick up thing tonight, I wonder how my new routine will go”, but more about just being the attractive person ALL THE TIME.