In order to meet somebody great, you need to create a great lifestyle for yourself. You need to do things you love.
The first thing (and one of the most important things) you need to do, is to evaluate your work environment. You need to be in a healthy work environment, one you love and one that has people in it with whom you enjoy spending time.
Of course there are going to be times at work you don’t enjoy. There’s going to be things you have to do that you don’t like. There are going to be people you need to interact with whom you don’t particularly like. In the grand scheme of things, though, you have to decide which compromises you’re willing to make with yourself.
You may be in a job that doesn’t stimulate you like it used to, but it pays you well enough to allow you to maintain the lifestyle you really enjoy. So you make an agreement with yourself that you’re going to stick with this job because it allows you to do the things you like to do outside of work.
If that job is something you just don’t like anymore then you could move to another company, except you’re afraid to move. If you can make a lateral move where you don’t lose money or seniority, then I suggest you spend some time and energy to do that. It will really improve your life overall.
Lifestyle is something a lot of people don’t fully understand. Lifestyle means doing the things that you love. If you do the things you love to do, you will always have something to talk about with people.
If you’re somebody who does not enjoy going to a bar, then you’re really not going to have things to talk about there. You’re just going to be standing there punching the time clock. You’re basically going to be walking in, handing your time card to the bartender to punch, spending a few hours there, paying your bill and then punching out before you leave. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it?
So, do things that you love. If you like exploring new neighborhoods, explore new neighborhoods. It doesn’t matter what it is, it’s only important that the “it” is something you love.
One of the reasons why creating a lifestyle like this is so important, is that creating a lifestyle makes you more open. You want to be open all the time.
Don’t go places and just “show up.” When you go to places, you want to show up and embrace everything.
You need to smile. You need to talk to people. You need to have random conversations with strangers all day long. That way, when you find someone to whom you are attracted you will have an open energy that will attract them (and get them to come over and approach you!).
The reason why a lot of women don’t get approached and a lot of men aren’t approachable, is because they’ve got a look on their face that says ‘don’t talk to me’ to people. People have that look on their face because they’re not really having fun.
They are not enjoying things. Everything you do, you should do with a child-like enthusiasm.
Go to the supermarket and act like you’ve never before been in there. Look through everything, have a good time and ask questions.
Ask questions of other people in the store. If you see someone getting a brand of yogurt you’ve never tried say, “I’m curious. I’ve never had that. Is it good?” Use those kind of approaches to talk to people everywhere.
Let’s say you’re in a brand new coffee shop and it’s your first time there. Don’t just order a cup of coffee. Ask the person standing in line next to you, “What do you recommend?” Even if you’re the only one in line, ask the guy behind the counter, “Hey, What’s good here?”
Get into a conversation, because people notice open energy. People notice people who are having fun. People notice people to whom other people are talking. It’s called attraction.
The law of attraction works. When you walk into a place and you start talking to a bunch of different people, other people will line up and want to talk to you.
I teach this at my Bootcamps all the time, and the guys see firsthand that it works every time. I remember one time at a Bootcamp we went into Neiman Marcus and started to talk to a woman.
All of a sudden, everyone was watching us and watching this interaction. Everyone was watching her smile. Everyone was watching us smile. When we went into another department, I had the guys do the exact same thing.
So when we came back through again for the second time, people literally started walking up to us and started conversations with us. One woman said, “Wow, you guys are so much fun!”
That is the kind of energy to which people are attracted. People are attracted to people having a good time. No one wants to hang out with a person who’s pouting, folding their arms and looking miserable.
So it’s about creating a lifestyle and being open. Do things that you love, and enjoy and embrace every moment.
By doing that, you will naturally start attracting people. You’ll be more open, so people will start talking to you. Being open will also get you to start talking to more people.
The key here is that when you are more open, people will notice you and will want to be around you. If they want to be around you, they’ll start talking to you.
So, why chase when you can attract?
I love it David. You just reaffirmed that I am aking the right lifestyle choices. I’ve been doing this an working on it for a while but I have also been using a book that has helped me focus on it more intently — “Calling in the One.” And it totally works. If I were in LA I would be begging you to coach me!
This is a good message.
I’ve taught music lessons for years, and though it pays well, I do not feel very fulfilled anymore.
A part-time coffee shop/service industry job may be in my future. I’d gladly take a hit in pay if it means socializing and connecting with others.
You can’t put a price on your mental (or physical, for that matter) well-being!
This is why I took down my dating site profiles and started joining Meetup groups. Some are lame, but I’ve found some really fun ones and am meeting a lot of people that like the same things I do. They aren’t just talking about going kayaking – they’re doing it.
I love it… brilliant. I hate all the pickup routines is so fake and un-natural.
I admit I haven’t been that open lately. I kinda have that serious look on my face David mentioned. Well, I’m trying to work on that. Last week, I changed the place where I work out, I’ve started going to a new gym which is more modern, interesting, has more things to do in the hopes of, first of all, stay healthy and meet, socialize with new people. I think I’m going to have to be patient, but I’m confident that with the right amount of effort and the appropriate attitude I’ll see good results.
Great blogg as usual. I think we should have a contest for the best caption for the photo. Here’s mine. The guy: “Not bad for the cookie aisle.”
Nice article……. If I may add one thing to this, having a lifestyle that attracts others is also about being congruent with yourself and your environment. It is not enough to have a goal or objective; rather your goals and everything you do must reflect and align with who you are as an individual. In doing this you just naturally have more fun…….you have more to share and are more curious…..you smile and laugh more. You just project confidence, awareness, humor, etc…… basically all the right things that attract.
This is true. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I experienced the law of a attraction at a career fair. Whenever I talked to the vendors, being comfortable around them, making them laugh and smile, people from the other booths would start looking in our direction.
this is laughable
David
Would it be more effective to meet women alone or to have a wingman(go out with your closests freinds hanging out)??
Marc and Demetris,
great points! all this stuff works in business too! I have read books about sales and marketing and the stuff I read here is the best. It is all about being positive, being open, being yourself, and connecting with others and not being distracted.
Cool
This laughable.
Cool quote from a guy who uses the name cool.
Is this too cool for you?
Expand why its laughable he of minimal words:)
Now I know why people always approach me. here are some of the comments they give me:
“you’re so loud”
“you’re funny”
“why are you so friendly?”
“you never seem down or sad”
I always turn my negative energy into positive. what keeps me moving is “living the life”. like David said, we need to wake up from our zombie mode. lol ahahahahahaha and I’m always waking people up from their zombie mode
relax david, cool means this article is way too cool for him. Even he disagree, who cares right? you proved your point already cos this works.
GREAT!
But David I have a question. I kinda do all this but some people say that I’m weird if I have this energy,just having a good time and so on.They think that it’s weird for someone to smile,have fun and don’t give a shit about what others will think of them. Are those guys the people who judge themselves?
Come to think of it some girls said that my behaviour is very ok but some ‘you’re too childish, you have to be more serious” and stuff like that.
So what should I do in my case?
Thanks.Mike
Mike,
Two points to consider:
1) I think we sometimes confuse genuinely having fun and not caring about other’s opinions with acting the part & disrespecting other’s opinions. I also think sometimes we use “I don’t care what people think” in an insincere context. If we respect everyone has an opinion and the right to express it, then by default there is an element of care. However, if we feel their opinions are off-base or unenlightened, then not letting it phase us by gracefully continuing what we were doing, it acknowledges their feedback but you just disagree with it and won’t entertain it further.
2) Just face the fact that no matter how you approach enjoying your life and pursuing goals, there will be those who will just ‘hate’ on you. Maybe they’re unhappy, jealous, or maybe have a point. Up to you to figure out which. But sometimes there is nothing you can do other than wish them the best and continue down your path. Remember it’s your lifestyle, not theirs.
It comes down to knowing you are doing what is best for you.
Hope that helps………
don’t listen to them. I get that a lot because that energy is like of a child. a child is untouched by the pressure of the world because he’s innocent and indifferent. as we get older, we gain more knowledge of the world. I think I’ve heard something like this “you are called crazy until your theory is proven, then you’re a genius.” of course people will say something concerning things that are different.
whenever I heard the “you’re weird”, “how come I can’t control you?”, “why are you always full of energy?”, “will I ever see you down?”, etc…I always say “I’m glad I’m weird because there’s only me on this earth.”
that’s what makes us unique. different is good, as long as you are not trying to be someone you’re not and trying too hard to impress. I impress myself.
Great natural energy is worth developing. Can you picture what America would be like if all ppl practice their lifestyle. We’ll bulid on another up for that encounter to make someone feel good about themselves, approaching or just plain ol socializing. Their never be a person in zombie mode. I remember I has great energy at work one day and me & my boss were playing off each others energy & she always have a great vibe. Then the zombie person came over & ask a question in a shy and quiet way. So I told he in a open and playful way ” you’re right next to me and I still can’t hear you. You gotta speak up for me girl.” My energy and playfulness got here to laugh and open up Lil bit & that feels good. Classic blog once again David.
Demetris it helped a lot.Well I don’t think I disrespect others opinions but some people have told me that sometimes I have that vibe around me that ‘nothing can touch me(nothing bad)’ . I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing.But I am trying to be the best I can be and I’m doing a really good job and I’m just 18. I really want to live up life cause I’ve had some problemes that I should have died.Don’t know if I said that corectly but anyway I want to live life the best way I can and do everything. Oh yea someone said I should break it down cause I use 110% of me and I overexagerate. Don’t know what to say there.
And I know some people will hate me.Don’t know why.I’m very charismatic. But you know what I’ve learned? Every people who I could really have a great conversation told me afterward that they admire me and the way I think. And there was never a guy/girl that ‘hated’ me once they had a conversation with me.Most of the haters I haven’t even talked to them.
Quentin take in to consideration that I do not live in the US but…as C-man said. Recently I don’t edit myself anymore.What I said is well said.And that’s the best way to live not with regrets.
Thanks guy for all the support you really help me A LOT!