His Other Excuse
January 19, 2010 
23 Comments
Remember when I talked to my friend Jeff about the situation with him and the woman at the bank? If you missed it, you can CLICK HERE to read part 1.
After he read that blog, we worked out together again today, and we talked more about this situation. Guess what? He had another excuse.
I am going to tell you his new excuse, and then I am going to walk you through it. After reading yesterday’s blog, Jeff told me that worrying about what others thought about him asking the woman out was not the main problem.
His new excuse about the “meet and greeter” at Wells Fargo was that if he asked her for her phone number at the bank that she might get into trouble with management. Yes, it was the ‘management excuse.’
Here is the thing. As far as I know, there is no such thing as a rule that workers cannot exchange numbers with customers.
Also, it is not like a manager is going to think, “You know, I saw Jeff come in today – account #12345678 – and I saw you exchange numbers with him.” About what do you think they are worried, that she is selling him an IRA on the side?
She can’t do that anyway. She is a meet and greeter and isn’t qualified to do that!
Do you think they are worried about what will happen to the bank if she dates him (or what will happen to the bank if she dates him and it doesn’t work out)? Trust me, they are not thinking “We are going to lose money if that happens. we don’t want to lose his money. We don’t have enough in the bank without it!”
Does this show you how silly this excuse is? It’s just another excuse.
You have to be able to look at your excuses and laugh at them. You have to be able to see your excusesfor what they are: self-perpetuating fears.
I knew that if I wasn’t writing this blog about Jeff and this particular situation, that I could be writing it about any number of other guys who would have any number of other excuses.
I understand how so many guys think about fears and excuses. For one, they often times don’t realize that what they are experiencing is a fear or an excuse. They see these things as real and valid reasons to not approach and not ask someone out in these situations.
I also know that even when I show guys that their reasons are really just excuses, that most of them will do exactly what Jeff did, i.e., come up with a new “reason” (which is just another fear and excuse). That’s why the exercise I’m going through in these blogs about Jeff is so important.
So use this exercise to get rid of your excuses. The only thing you need to do in this situation is to ask that person out.
If they don’t say yes, it doesn’t matter. In that situation, all you do is go back in the bank a couple of days later, make your deposit, and say “How are you today?” as if nothing ever happened.
So now you have no more excuses in this situation. Now there is no reason for any of you to hesitate to ask out a “meet and greeter,” Starbucks girl or anyone else in this type of situation.
I’ve eliminated all of your fears and excuses here. All that’s left for you to do, is go out there and do it!
I like how you been doing this past two blog because now we can see how the Jeff really feels like and how we can fix our own problems. I feel like so many of us have similar problems when it comes to closing the deal.
Jeff, go for it man. Dave is right about self-perpetuating fears. Our subconscious works in a very complex way.
hey Jeffrey, are you the guy that David has been talking about for the past couple blog? I am curious.
Sorry Howe I’m not the guy that David is talking about but I guess we have similar name:)
There is nothing more important that actually going out and applying the materials we learning here. It is a lot easier to come up with excuses than actually go out and meet people. I am guilty of that from time to time. Its a on going progress.
I’m curious to know what Jeff does next.
Jeff, I have met you in person. And I know you can do it, you’ve got nothing to lose!
Jeff- If you never ask her out, you will never know what could have happened. I hate the feeling when I really like a woman, and I try to ask her out when its too late.
I don’t know what to say to Jeff. I myself is so nervous to approach beautiful women. You know I’ve been following the stuff here, and I try to talk to them but sometimes I feel like I may not be good enough to get a hot woman. I may need to work more on myself before I can have a hot woman. I think this is something that is really blocking me to have great conversation with women. I am not giving up yet, I’m still trying guys.
Max- it looks like you got some big fears and excuses. I recommend read the last post if you haven’t.
That is so true David, its hard to see your own excuses sometimes and I really like what you had to say, and I quote “I understand how so many guys think about fears and excuses. For one, they often times don’t realize that what they are experiencing is a fear or an excuse. They see these things as real and valid reasons to not approach and not ask someone out in these situations.”
Another note about todays blog pic, it looks like the guy is checking out her butt, and she actually likes it:)
Howe,
I think you got it wrong… SHE’s the one checking out HIS butt.
Always remember, all women love you because you are a man! That’s MY mindset
Coach Khiem/Ken-
You are so right. I love your mindset, thats a great one, I will now say that to myself everyday:)
Coach Khiem,
A better mindset is thinking that “you are THE man”
ok guys…they are checking each other’s butt!!!! No matter what your sex is, we have to have the mindset of being confident and knowing what you want! Max—that is the key. Who cares if she’s pretty…if you want to talk with her… talk with her! As I’ve said before, the pretty ones often don’t get talked to because of what you are saying so they are usually flattered when someone does!
Okay, let’s say the management does have a rule about the girl giving out her number. If you’ve laid the groundwork the previous couple visits of being confident, making her laugh, and building rapport, she already likes you. If she says she can’t give you her number, just pull out a piece of paper (preferably not your account balance), write your number down, give it to her, smile, and say, “Alright then, here. Call me when you get off,” and walk away.
Not letting her initial rejection bother you shows a ton of confidence and control of the situation. For all you know, she could have been testing you and she’ll be impressed. Either way the ball is in her court then and you have nothing to lose.
Anyone wanna know what my biggest excuse was for the longest time? (yes, years) Here it goes…”Why should I bother? She probably already has a boyfriend” This past year I’ve discovered that hot women are the easy ones to approach cause no one seems to have the balls to approach.
Little story,I was in the mall sitting at a table next to Starbucks,This drop dead gorgeous women start going through her bags and I look at her feet but her jeans were covering up her shoes. I said…
“Nice shoes”
“Thank you” as she continues to look through her bags
“You can’t even see them!!!!! I said.
She busted out laughing,and walked away.
The better opener would have been for me to ask her What’s in the bag and can I see it.
But the point is that if she’s going to walk away,send her away with a smile
Coach Kim: That is eye opening for me b/c I thought hot women are tired of men approaching them. I feel now more motivated to walk up to them.
So thank you for the advice.
Just about every time I approach some woman with an opener,they always look at me and laugh…Wondering if it’s the whole “OMG! Someoen approached me!” thing goin on.
Max, i definitely agree with Kim. Even if she does have men approaching her all the time, maybe shell see something different in you than in those other guys. Unless she’s already with someone, maybe you’re what she’s been looking for.
Zandra-thanks for adding that comment. The more I hear this the more my negative belief is changing. This is why I really like this blog, everyone is so helpful and real!
I will be out this weekend meeting some people, and approaching women whom I never thought I would have a chance with.
i would like to thank all of you…ur advise helped me find a friend last weekend. I was out for a movie and the show was to start little late. I noticed a beautiful woman sitting at the corner of a waiting hall sipping coffee, i looked at her twice or thrice. I noticed her texting on phone every two three nminutes and thought she is waiting for someone. I also was alone for a movie. Many guys were hitting on her and the first question that rose in my mind ” am not handsome she will not talk to me”.
Second: she is possibly waiting someone.
So, I also took coffee and found a place at another corner bcoz was trying to avoid a direct contact but she was so beautiful that i could not stop my self and was looking at her every now an then.
Like Kevin said very few had the ball to approach no one did in 30 minutes of time when she was sitting alone.
Then i thought I spent 24 years of my life in the same fashion fearing beautiful ladies, its time to change. I rose to my feet and started walking to her looking into my coffee thinking how to start discussion. When i reached her I said Hi with a big smile and asked if i can join her and you know i never thought i would be able to talk to anyone like that. I said i actually was getting bored sitting alone would you mind if we can chat until movie starts.
the we sat for 1 hour and had a good conversation. I did not ask her for her number instead i said whenever you are free, alone or bored buzz me ..will see you around.
After the show i walked down with her to her home and when i said good night and bye ….she said “Anil am MARRIED” I was blank for the moment but said thats really nice…and said i dont have your number can I have it too….she gave me a buzz i kept it. because she is married and happy we are just friends…but i got to know how to make a start.
it ws a good experience i now know that i can talk to women.
many thanks to you people who are helping people like us …